§24ἐπεὶ δὲ Ἡρῴδης ὁ πάνυ ἐπένθει τὸν Πολυδεύκη πρὸ ὥρας ἀποθανόντα καὶ ἠξίου ὄχημα ζεύγνυσθαι αὐτῷ καὶ ἵππους παρίστασθαι ὡς ἀναβησομένῳ καὶ δεῖπνον παρασκευάζεσθαι, προσελθών, Παρὰ Πολυδεύκους, ἔφη, κομίζω σοί τινα ἐπιστολήν. ἡσθέντος δὲ ἐκείνου καὶ οἰηθέντος ὅτι κατὰ τὸ κοινὸν καὶ αὐτὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις συντρέχει τῷ πάθει αὐτοῦ, καὶ εἰπόντος, Τί οὖν, ὦ Δημῶναξ, Πολυδεύκης ἀξιοῖ; αἰτιᾶταί σε, ἔφη, ὅτι μὴ ἤδη πρὸς αὐτὸν ἄπει. §25ὁ δʼ αὐτὸς υἱὸν πενθοῦντι καὶ ἐν σκότῳ ἑαυτὸν καθείρξαντι προσελθὼν ἔλεγεν μάγος τε εἶναι καὶ δύνασθαι αὐτῷ ἀναγαγεῖν τοῦ παιδὸς τὸ εἴδωλον, εἰ μόνον αὐτῷ τρεῖς τινας ἀνθρώπους ὀνομάσειε μηδένα πώποτε πεπενθηκότας·
When the famous Herodes was mourning Polydeuces who had died before his time, and demanded that a carriage be harnessed for him and horses stand by as if he were about to mount, and that a dinner be prepared, Demonax came up and said, "I bring you a certain letter from Polydeuces." Herodes was pleased and thought that, in common with others, Demonax also shared in his grief, and said, "What then, Demonax, does Polydeuces demand?" "He blames you," he replied, "because you do not come to him at once." And when this same man came up to someone who was mourning his son and had shut himself up in the dark, he said that he was a magician and was able to bring up the phantom of his boy, if only the father could name three people who had never mourned anyone.
ἐπὶ πολὺ δὲ ἐκείνου ἐνδοιάσαντος καὶ ἀποροῦντος — οὐ γὰρ εἶχέν τινα, οἶμαι, εἰπεῖν τοιοῦτον — εἶτʼ, ἔφη, ὦ γελοῖε, μόνος ἀφόρητα πάσχειν νομίζεις μηδένα ὁρῶν πένθους ἄμοιρον; §26καὶ μὴν κἀκείνων καταγελᾶν ἠξίου τῶν ἐν ταῖς ὁμιλίαις πάνυ ἀρχαίοις καὶ ξένοις ὀνόμασι χρωμένων· ἑνὶ γοῦν ἐρωτηθέντι ὑπʼ αὐτοῦ λόγον τινὰ καὶ ὑπεραττικῶς ἀποκριθέντι, Ἐγὼ μέν σε, ἔφη, ὦ ἑταῖρε, νῦν ἠρώτησα, σὺ δέ μοι ὡς ἐπʼ Ἀγαμέμνονος ἀποκρίνῃ. §27εἰπόντος δέ τινος τῶν ἑταίρων, Ἀπίωμεν, Δημῶναξ, εἰς τὸ Ἀσκληπιεῖον καὶ προσευξώμεθα ὑπὲρ τοῦ υἱοῦ, Πάνυ, ἔφη, κωφὸν ἡγῇ τὸν Ἀσκληπιόν, εἰ μὴ δύναται κἀντεῦθεν ἡμῶν εὐχομένων ἀκούειν. §28ἰδὼν δέ ποτε δύο τινὰς φιλοσόφους κομιδῇ ἀπαιδεύτως ἐν ζητήσει ἐρίζοντας καὶ τὸν μὲν ἄτοπα ἐρωτῶντα, τὸν δὲ οὐδὲν πρὸς λόγον ἀποκρινόμενον, Οὐ δοκεῖ ὑμῖν, ἔφη, ὦ φίλοι, ὁ μὲν ἕτερος τούτων τράγον ἀμέλγειν, ὁ δὲ αὐτῷ κόσκινον ὑποτιθέναι; §29Ἀγαθοκλέους δὲ τοῦ Περιπατητικοῦ μέγα φρονοῦντος ὅτι μόνος αὐτός ἐστιν καὶ πρῶτος τῶν διαλεκτικῶν, ἔφη, Καὶ μήν, ὦ Ἀγαθόκλεις, εἰ μὲν πρῶτος, οὐ μόνος, εἰ δὲ μόνος, οὐ πρῶτος. §30Κεθήγου δὲ τοῦ ὑπατικοῦ, ὁπότε διὰ τῆς Ἑλλάδος εἰς τὴν Ἀσίαν ἀπῄει πρεσβεύσων τῷ πατρί, πολλὰ καταγέλαστα καὶ λέγοντος καὶ ποιοῦντος, ἐπειδὴ τῶν ἑταίρων τις ὁρῶν ταῦτα ἔλεγεν αὐτὸν μέγα κάθαρμα εἶναι, Μὰ τὸν Δίʼ, ἔφη ὁ Δημῶναξ, οὐδὲ μέγα. §31καὶ Ἀπολλώνιον δέ ποτε τὸν φιλόσοφον ἰδὼν μετὰ πολλῶν τῶν μαθητῶν ἐξελαύνοντα — ἤδη δὲ ἀπῄει μετάπεμπτος ὡς ἐπὶ παιδείᾳ τῷ βασιλεῖ συνεσόμενος — προσέρχεται, ἔφη, Ἀπολλώνιος καὶ οἱ Ἀργοναῦται αὐτοῦ. §32ἄλλου δέ ποτε ἐρομένου εἰ ἀθάνατος αὐτῷ ἡ ψυχὴ δοκεῖ εἶναι, Ἀθάνατος, ἔφη, ἀλλʼ ὡς πάντα. §33περὶ μέντοι Ἡρῴδου ἔλεγεν ἀληθεύειν τὸν Πλάτωνα φάμενον, οὐ μίαν ἡμᾶς ψυχὴν ἔχειν· οὐ γὰρ εἶναι τῆς αὐτῆς ψυχῆς Ῥήγιλλαν καὶ Πολυδεύκη ὡς ζῶντας ἑστιᾶν καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα μελετᾶν.
When that man hesitated for a long time and was at a loss—for, I suppose, he could not name any such person—Demonax said, "Then, you foolish man, do you think that you alone suffer unbearable things, when you see no one free from grief?" Moreover, he made a point of laughing at those who in their conversation used extremely ancient and strange words; at least, when someone whom he had asked a question replied in an excessively Atticized manner, he said, "My friend, I asked you a question just now, but you answer me as if in the days of Agamemnon." When one of his companions said, "Demonax, let us go to the Asclepieum and pray for my son," he said, "You must think Asclepius is very deaf if he cannot hear us praying from here." Once, seeing two philosophers disputing in an utterly uneducated way in an inquiry, one of them asking absurd questions and the other answering nothing to the purpose, he said, "Don't you think, my friends, that one of these is milking a he-goat, and the other is holding a sieve under it?" When Agathocles the Peripatetic was boasting that he was the only one and the first of the dialecticians, he said, "And yet, Agathocles, if you are the first, you are not the only one; and if you are the only one, you are not the first." When Cethegus the consular, while passing through Greece to Asia on an embassy for his father, said and did many ridiculous things, and one of his companions seeing this remarked that he was a great piece of trash, Demonax said, "By Zeus, not even a great one." And once, seeing Apollonius the philosopher setting out with many of his disciples—he was already departing, having been summoned to be with the emperor for his education—he said, "Here comes Apollonius and his Argonauts." When another person asked him if he thought the soul was immortal, he said, "Immortal, yes, but in the way that everything is." Concerning Herodes, however, he said that Plato spoke the truth when he asserted that we do not have only one soul; for it was not the work of the same soul to entertain Regilla and Polydeuces as if they were alive and to practice such things.
§34ἐτόλμησε δέ ποτε καὶ Ἀθηναίους ἐρωτῆσαι δημοσίᾳ τῆς προρρήσεως ἀκούσας, διὰ τίνα αἰτίαν ἀποκλείουσι τοὺς βαρβάρους, καὶ ταῦτα τοῦ τὴν τελετὴν αὐτοῖς καταστησαμένου Εὐμόλπου βαρβάρου καὶ Θρᾳκὸς ὄντος.
And once, after hearing the proclamation, he even dared to ask the Athenians publicly for what reason they excluded foreigners, and that too when Eumolpus, who had established the mysteries for them, was a foreigner and a Thracian.
§35ἐπεὶ δέ ποτε πλεῖν μέλλοντι αὐτῷ διὰ χειμῶνος ἔφη τις τῶν φίλων, Οὐ δέδοικας μὴ ἀνατραπέντος τοῦ σκάφους ὑπὸ ἰχθύων καταβρωθῇς; ἀγνώμων ἂν εἴην, ἔφη, ὀκνῶν ὑπὸ ἰχθύων κατεδεσθῆναι τοσούτους αὐτὸς ἰχθῦς καταφαγών. §36ῥήτορι δέ τινι κάκιστα μελετήσαντι συνεβούλευεν ἀσκεῖν καὶ γυμνάζεσθαι· τοῦ δὲ εἰπόντος, Ἀεὶ ἐπʼ ἐμαυτοῦ λέγω, Εἰκότως τοίνυν, ἔφη, τοιαῦτα λέγεις μωρῷ ἀκροατῇ χρώμενος. §37καὶ μάντιν δέ ποτε ἰδὼν δημοσίᾳ ἐπὶ μισθῷ μαντευόμενον, Οὐχ ὁρῶ, ἔφη, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ τὸν μισθὸν ἀπαιτεῖς· εἰ μὲν γὰρ ὡς ἀλλάξαι τι δυνάμενος τῶν ἐπικεκλωσμένων, ὀλίγον αἰτεῖς ὁπόσον ἂν αἰτῇς, εἰ δὲ ὡς δέδοκται τῷ θεῷ πάντα ἔσται, τί σου δύναται ἡ μαντική;
And once, when he was about to sail in a storm, one of his friends said, "Are you not afraid that if the boat capsizes you will be devoured by fish?" "I would be ungrateful," he replied, "to object to being eaten by fish, when I myself have eaten so many fish." He advised a certain rhetorician who had practiced extremely poorly to train and exercise; and when the man said, "I always practice by myself," Demonax replied, "Naturally, then, you speak in such a way, since you have a fool for an audience." And once, seeing a prophet divining publicly for pay, he said, "I do not see on what ground you demand pay; for if you ask it as one who is able to change anything of what has been spun by fate, you ask too little, whatever you may ask; but if everything is to happen as it has been decreed by God, what power does your divination have?"