§1.86gaudia discursus, nostri farrago libelli est.
joy, running to and fro—is the hotchpotch of our book.
§1.87et quando uberior vitiorum copia? quando
And when was there a more abundant crop of vices?
§1.88maior avaritiae patuit sinus? alea quando
When did a larger pocket of avarice lie open? When did the die rouse such spirits?
§1.89hos animos? neque enim loculis comitantibus itur §1.90ad casum tabulae, posita sed luditur arca.
For indeed they do not go with purses accompanying them to the hazard of the gaming table, but they play with the treasure-chest itself staked.
§1.91proelia quanta illic dispensatore videbis
How great are the battles you will see there, with the steward as armor-bearer!
Is it a simple madness to lose sestertia centum and not to give back a tunic to a shivering slave?
Who of our ancestors built so many villas, who dined on seven courses in secret?
§1.96limine parva sedet turbae rapienda togatae; §1.97ille tamen faciem prius inspicit et trepidat ne §1.98suppositus venias ac falso nomine poscas:
Now a small dole sits at the very threshold, to be snatched up by the toga-clad crowd; yet he first inspects the face and fears lest you come as a substitute and claim under a false name: recognized, you will receive it.
§1.99agnitus accipies, iubet a praecone vocari §1.100ipsos Troiugenas, nam vexant limen et ipsi §1.101nobiscum,
da praetori, da deinde tribuno. §1.102sed libertinus prior est.
He orders the herald to call the very sons of Troy, for they too trouble the threshold with us: "Give to the praetor, give then to the tribune." But a freedman is first.
prior
inquit ‘ego adsum.
"I am here first," he says.
§1.103cur timeam dubitemve locum defendere? quamvis
"Why should I fear or hesitate to defend my place?
§1.104natus ad Euphraten, molles quod in aure fenestrae §1.105arguerint, licet ipse negem, sed quinque tabernae
Although born near the Euphrates, which the soft windows in my ear would prove, though I myself should deny it, yet five taverns bring me four hundred thousand sesterces.
§1.106quadringenta parant, quid confert purpura maior §1.107optandum, si Laurenti custodit in agro §1.108conductas Corvinus oves, ego possideo plus §1.109Pallante et Licinis?’ expectent ergo tribuni, §1.110vincant divitiae, sacro ne cedat honori §1.111nuper in hanc urbem pedibus qui venerat albis, §1.112quandoquidem inter nos sanctissima divitiarum §1.113maiestas, etsi funesta pecunia templo §1.114nondum habitas, nullas nummorum ereximus aras, §1.115ut colitur Pax atque Fides Victoria Virtus §1.116quaeque salutate crepitat Concordia nido.
What does the greater purple bring to be wished for, if Corvinus guards hired sheep in the Laurentine territory, while I possess more than Pallas and the Licini?" Therefore let the tribunes wait, let riches win, lest he who came but recently with white feet into this city should yield to the sacred office, since among us the majesty of riches is most sacred, although, deadly money, in a temple you do not yet dwell, and we have erected no altars to coins, as Peace is worshipped, and Loyalty, Victory, Virtue, and Concord, which twitters when her nest is saluted.
§1.117Sed cum summus honor finito conputet anno, §1.118sportula quid referat, quantum rationibus addat, §1.119quid facient comites quibus hinc toga, calceus hinc est
But when the highest office computes at the end of the year what the dole brings in, how much it adds to his accounts, what will the clients do, who get from here their toga, from here their shoes, and their bread and fuel at home?
§1.120et panis fumusque domi? densissima centum §1.121quadrantes lectica petit, sequiturque maritum §1.122languida vel praegnas et circumducitur uxor.
A very dense crowd of litters seeks the hundred quadrantes, and the wife follows her husband, feeble or pregnant, and is driven round.
This one, already clever at the well-known art, claims for his absent wife, showing an empty and closed chair in place of his spouse: "It is my Galla," he says; "dismiss her quickly.
§1.125Galla mea est
inquit, ‘citius dimitte, moraris?
Are you delaying?
§1.126profer, Galla, caput, noli vexare, quiescit.
Galla, put out your head!
’ §1.127Ipse dies pulchro distinguitur ordine rerum: §1.128sportula, deinde forum iurisque peritus Apollo §1.129atque triumphales, inter quas ausus habere §1.130nescio quis titulos Aegyptius atque Arabarches, §1.131cuius ad effigiem non tantum meiere fas est.
Don't trouble her, she is asleep." The day itself is distinguished by a beautiful order of events: first the dole, then the forum, and Apollo learned in the law, and the triumphal statues, among which some Egyptian and Arabarches has dared to have his titles, at whose image it is permitted not only to piss.
§1.132vestibulis abeunt veteres lassique clientes §1.133votaque deponunt, quamquam longissima cenae §1.134spes homini; caulis miseris atque ignis emendus.
The old and weary clients leave the vestibules, and lay aside their wishes, although the hope of a dinner is the longest-lasting hope for a man; the poor wretches must buy cabbage and fire.
§1.135optima silvarum interea pelagique vorabit §1.136rex horum, vacuisque toris cantum ipse iacebit
Meanwhile their patron will devour the best things of the forests and the sea, and will lie alone on empty couches.
For from so many beautiful and broad and so ancient round tables, they consume patrimonies at a single table.
§1.139nullus iam parasitus erit.
Soon there will be no parasite left.
sed quis ferat istas
But who can bear those sordid luxuries?
§1.140luxuriae sordes? quanta est gula quae sibi totos §1.141ponit apros, animal propter convivia natum!
How great is the gullet which serves up for itself whole boars, an animal born for banquets!
§1.142poena tamen praesens, cum tu deponis amictus §1.143turgidus et crudum pavonem in balnea portas,
Yet the punishment is immediate, when you lay aside your clothes, bloated, and carry an undigested peacock into the baths.
§1.144hinc subitae mortes atque intestata senectus; §1.145it nova nec tristis per cunctas fabula cenas: §1.146ducitur iratis plaudendum funus amicis.
Hence sudden deaths and an intestate old age; a new and not mournful story goes through all the dinners: a funeral is conducted, to be applauded by angry friends.
§1.147Nil erit ulterius quod nostris moribus addat §1.148posteritas, eadem facient cupientque minores,
There will be nothing further that posterity can add to our manners; our descendants will do and desire the same things; every vice has stood on the brink.
§1.149omne in praecipiti vitium stetit, utere velis,
Spread your sails, open all their folds!
Perhaps here you may say: "Whence is there genius equal to the material?
§1.152scribendi quodcumque animo flagrante liberet
Whence that simplicity of the ancients, of writing whatever pleased them with a burning mind?
§1.153simplicitas? “cuius non audeo dicere nomen?
'Whose name do I not dare to speak?
§1.154quid refert, dictis ignoscat Mucius an non?”’ §1.155pone Tigellinum: taeda lucebis in illa §1.156qua stantes ardent qui fixo gutture fumant, §1.157et latum media sulcum deducis harena.
What does it matter whether Mucius pardons my words or not?'" Describe Tigellinus: you will shine in that torch in which they burn standing, who smoke with throat fixed, and you draw a broad furrow in the middle of the sand.
§1.158Qui dedit ergo tribus patruis aconita, vehatur §1.159pensilibus plumis atque illinc despiciat nos?
Shall he then who gave aconite to three uncles be carried on hanging feathers and look down upon us from there?
§1.160‘cum veniet contra, digito compesce labellum: §1.161accusator erit qui verbum dixerit
"hic est. " §1.162securus licet Aenean Rutulumque ferocem §1.163committas, nulli gravis est percussus Achilles §1.164aut multum quaesitus Hylas urnamque secutus:
"When he comes opposite, restrain your lip with your finger: he will be an accuser who has said the word, 'This is he.' You may safely set Aeneas and the fierce Rutulian together; wounded Achilles is troublesome to no one, or Hylas much sought-after and having followed his urn.
§1.165ense velut stricto quotiens Lucilius ardens §1.166infremuit, rubet auditor cui frigida mens est §1.167criminibus, tacita sudant praecordia culpa,
But as often as Lucilius, burning, has raged as if with drawn sword, the listener blushes whose mind is cold with crimes, and his heart sweats with secret guilt.
§1.168inde ira et lacrimae.
Hence anger and tears.
tecum prius ergo voluta §1.169haec animo ante tubas: galeatum sero duelli §1.170paenitet. ’ experiar quid concedatur in illos, §1.171quorum Flaminia tegitur cinis atque Latina.
Therefore turn these things over in your mind beforehand: it is too late for a helmeted man to repent of war." I will try what is allowed against those whose ashes are covered by the Flaminian and Latin ways.