§1.1Semper ego auditor tantum? numquamne reponam
Shall I always be a listener only?
§1.2vexatus totiens rauci Theseide Cordi?
Shall I never retaliate, vexed so many times by the Theseis of hoarse Cordus?
Shall that man then have recited to me comedies of Roman life, and this man elegies, with impunity?
Shall huge Telephus have consumed my day with impunity, or an Orestes written even on the back when the margin of the top of the book is already full, and not yet finished?
§1.7nota magis nulli domus est sua quam mihi lucus §1.8Martis et Aeoliis vicinum rupibus antrum §1.9Vulcani.
No one's own house is more known to him than to me the grove of Mars and the cave of Vulcan neighboring the Aeolian rocks.
Quid agant venti, quas torqueat umbras §1.10Aeacus, unde alius furtivae devehat aurum §1.11pelliculae, quantas iaculetur Monychus ornos, §1.12Frontonis platani convulsaque marmora clamant §1.13semper et adsiduo ruptae lectore columnae: §1.14expectes eadem a summo minimoque poeta,
What the winds are doing, what shades Aeacus is torturing, from where another brings back the gold of the stolen little fleece, how great are the wild ashes Monychus hurls, the plane trees of Fronto and the convulsed marbles always cry out, and the columns shattered by the continuous reader: you may expect the same things from the greatest and the least poet.
§1.15et nos ergo manum ferulae subduximus, et nos §1.16consilium dedimus Sullae, privatus ut altum §1.17dormiret; stulta est clementia, cum tot ubique §1.18vatibus occurras, periturae parcere chartae.
We too therefore have withdrawn our hand from the cane, we too gave advice to Sulla, so that as a private citizen he might sleep deeply; it is a foolish clemency, when you meet everywhere so many poets, to spare paper that is doomed to perish.
§1.19cur tamen hoc potius libeat decurrere campo §1.20per quem magnus equos Auruncae flexit alumnus, §1.21si vacat ac placidi rationem admittitis, edam.
But why it should please me to run rather in this field, through which the great foster-child of Aurunca turned his horses, if you have leisure and calmly admit my reason, I will declare.
§1.22Cum tener uxorem ducat spado, Mevia Tuscum §1.23figat aprum et nuda teneat venabula mamma, §1.24patricios omnis opibus cum provocet unus §1.25quo tondente gravis iuveni mihi barba sonabat, §1.26cum pars Niliacae plebis, cum verna Canopi §1.27Crispinus Tyrias umero revocante lacernas §1.28ventilet aestivum digitis sudantibus aurum, §1.29nec sufferre queat maioris pondera gemmae,
When a soft eunuch marries a wife, when Mevia transfixes a Tuscan boar and holds hunting spears with bare breast, when a single man challenges all the patricians with his wealth, under whose razor my heavy beard used to sound when I was a youth, when a part of the Nile rabble, when a slave born at Canopus, Crispinus, with his shoulder shifting his Tyrian cloak, vents his summer gold ring on his sweating fingers, and cannot bear the weight of a larger gem, it is difficult not to write satire.
§1.30difficile est saturam non scribere, nam quis iniquae §1.31tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se, §1.32causidici nova cum veniat lectica Mathonis §1.33plena ipso, post hunc magni delator amici §1.34et cito rapturus de nobilitate comesa §1.35quod superest, quem Massa timet, quem munere palpat §1.36Carus et a trepido Thymele summissa Latino?
For who is so patient of this unjust city, who is so iron-hearted, that he can contain himself, when the new litter of the lawyer Matho comes by, filled with his own bulk, and after him the informer of a great friend, and one soon to snatch what is left of the devoured nobility, whom Massa dreads, whom Carus caresses with a gift, and Thymele sent by a trembling Latinus?
§1.37cum te summoveant qui testamenta merentur §1.38noctibus, in caelum quos evenit optima summi §1.39nunc via processus, vetulae vesica beatae?
When you are pushed aside by men who earn wills by night, who are raised to heaven by what is now the best way to the highest advancement, the bladder of a rich old woman?
§1.40unciolam Proculeius habet, sed Gillo deuncem, §1.41partes quisque suas ad mensuram inguinis heres,
Proculeius gets a tiny twelfth, but Gillo gets eleven-twelfths, each inheriting his share to the measure of his groin.
§1.42accipiat sane mercedem sanguinis, et sic §1.43palleat ut nudis pressit qui calcibus anguem §1.44aut Lugudunensem rhetor dicturus ad aram.
Let him indeed receive the reward of his blood, and be as pale as one who has pressed a snake with bare heels, or an orator about to speak at the altar of Lugudunum.
§1.45Quid referam quanta siccum iecur ardeat ira, §1.46cum populum gregibus comitum premit hic spoliator §1.47pupilli prostantis et hic damnatus inani
Why should I relate with what great anger my dry liver burns when this plunderer of a ward reduced to prostitution presses the crowd with flocks of companions, and this man, condemned by an empty judgment?
§1.48iudicio? quid enim salvis infamia nummis?
For what is infamy when money is safe?
The exiled Marius drinks from the eighth hour and enjoys the gods though they are angry, but you, victorious province, weep.
§1.51Haec ego non credam Venusina digna lucerna?
Shall I not believe these things worthy of the Venusian lamp?
§1.52haec ego non agitem? sed quid magis Heracleas
Shall I not attack these things?
§1.53aut Diomedeas aut mugitum labyrinthi §1.54et mare percussum puero fabrumque volantem, §1.55cum leno accipiat moechi bona, si capiendi §1.56ius nullum uxori, doctus spectare lacunar, §1.57doctus et ad calicem vigilanti stertere naso?
But why rather sing of Heracles' exploits, or Diomedes' deeds, or the bellowing of the labyrinth, and the sea struck by the boy and the flying builder, when a pander receives the adulterer's goods, if the right of taking is none for his wife, trained to look at the ceiling, trained also to snore at his cup with a watchful nose?
§1.58cum fas esse putet curam sperare cohortis §1.59qui bona donavit praesepibus et caret omni §1.60maiorum censu, dum pervolat axe citato §1.61Flaminiam puer Automedon? nam lora tenebat
When he thinks it is lawful to hope for the command of a cohort, who has given his wealth to stables and lacks all his ancestors' estate, while he flies along with swift axle the Flaminian Way, like a young Automedon?
§1.62ipse, lacernatae cum se iactaret amicae.
For he held the reins himself, when he showed himself off to his cloaked mistress.
§1.63Nonne libet medio ceras inplere capaces §1.64quadrivio, cum iam sexta cervice feratur §1.65hinc atque inde patens ac nuda paene cathedra §1.66et multum referens de Maecenate supino §1.67signator falsi, qui se lautum atque beatum §1.68exiguis tabulis et gemma fecerit uda?
Does it not please one to fill capacious wax tablets in the middle of the crossroads, when now on six necks there is carried, open on this side and that and with almost bare chair, and recalling much of the supine Maecenas, a forger of wills, who made himself refined and wealthy with brief tablets and a wet gem?
§1.69Occurrit matrona potens, quae molle Calenum §1.70porrectura viro miscet sitiente rubetam §1.71instituitque rudes melior Lucusta propinquas §1.72per famam et populum nigros efferre maritos,
A powerful matron meets us, who, about to offer soft Calenian wine to her thirsty husband, mixes in a toad's poison, and, a better Locusta, trains her simple kinswomen to carry out their blackened husbands through rumor and the crowd.
§1.73aude aliquid brevibus Gyaris et carcere dignum, §1.74si vis esse aliquid; probitas laudatur et alget.
Dare something worthy of small Gyara and the prison, if you wish to be something; honesty is praised and freezes.
§1.75criminibus debent hortos praetoria mensas, §1.76argentum vetus et stantem extra pocula caprum, §1.77quem patitur dormire nurus corruptor avarae, §1.78quem sponsae turpes et praetextatus adulter?
To crimes they owe their gardens, palaces, tables, old silver, and the goat standing out from the cups, whom the corruptor of a greedy daughter-in-law allows to sleep, whom disgraceful brides and the adulterer in a pretexta allow?
If nature denies, indignation makes verses, such as it can, such as I or Cluvienus can write.
§1.81Ex quo Deucalion nimbis tollentibus aequor §1.82navigio montem ascendit sortesque poposcit, §1.83paulatimque anima caluerunt mollia saxa §1.84et maribus nudas ostendit Pyrrha puellas, §1.85quidquid agunt homines, votum timor ira voluptas
From the time when Deucalion, with clouds raising the sea, ascended the mountain in his ship and asked for lots, and gradually the soft stones grew warm with life, and Pyrrha showed naked girls to the males, whatever men do—their prayer, fear, anger, pleasure—is the hotchpotch of our book.