§6.pr.10una post haec Quintiliani mei spe ac voluptate nitebar, et poterat sufficere solacio.
After this, I rested on the single hope and pleasure of my Quintilian, and he could have sufficed for a consolation.
non enim flosculos, sicut prior, sed iam decimum aetatis ingressus annum, certos ac deformatos fructus ostenderat.
For he had shown, not mere blossoms like the former, but, having already entered his tenth year, certain and well-formed fruits.
iuro per mala mea, per infelicem conscientiam, per illos manes, numina mei doloris, eas me in illo vidisse virtutes ingenii, non modo ad percipiendas disciplinas, quo nihil praestantius cognovi plurima expertus, studiique iam tum non coacti (sciunt praeceptores), sed probitatis, pietatis, humanitatis, liberalitatis, ut prorsus posset hinc esse tanti fulminis metus, quod observatum fere est celerius occidere festinatam maturitatem et esse nescio quam, quae spes tantas decerpat, invidiam, ne videlicet ultra quam homini datum est nostra provehantur.
I swear by my misfortunes, by my unhappy conscience, by those departed spirits, the deities of my grief, that I saw in him such virtues of mind—not only for grasping disciplines (than which I have known nothing more excellent, having experienced many things) and a zeal for study even then unforced (as his instructors know), but also of probity, piety, humanity, and liberality—that indeed from this very source the fear of so great a thunderbolt might arise, since it has been generally observed that a premature maturity perishes more quickly, and that there is some envy that crops such great hopes, lest clearly our achievements should be advanced beyond what is granted to man.
§6.pr.11etiam illa fortuita aderant omnia, vocis iucunditas claritasque, oris suavitas et in utracunque lingua, tanquam ad eam demum natus esset, expressa proprietas omnium litterarum.
All those fortuitous gifts were also present: the sweetness and clarity of his voice, the grace of his mouth, and in either language, as if he had been born for that one alone, the distinct pronunciation of every letter.
sed hae spes adhuc; illa maiora, constantia, gravitas, contra dolores etiam ac metus robur.
But these were still only hopes; those greater things were his constancy, gravity, and strength even against pain and fear.
nam quo ille animo, qua medicorum admiratione mensium octo valetudinem tulit! ut me in supremis consolatus est! quam etiam deficiens iamque non noster ipsum ilium alienatae mentis errorem circa scholas ac litteras habuit!
For with what a mind, and to what admiration of the physicians, did he bear an illness of eight months! How he consoled me in his last moments! How, even as he failed and was now no longer ours, his very wandering of an alienated mind was concerned with his schools and studies!
§6.pr.12tuosne ego, o meae spes inanes, labentes oculos, tuum fugientem spiritum vidi? tuum corpus frigidum exsangue complexus animam recipere auramque communem haurire amplius potui, dignus his cruciatibus, quos fero,
Did I see your failing eyes, O my vain hopes, and your fleeting breath? Embracing your cold, lifeless body, was I able to draw breath again and drink in the common air any longer, worthy as I am of these torments which I bear, worthy of these thoughts?
§6.pr.13dignus his cogitationibus? tene consulari nuper adoptione ad omnium spes honorum prius admotum, te avunculo praetori generum destinatum, te avitae eloquentiae candidatum, superstes parens tantum ad poenas, amisi? Et si non cupido lucis, certe patientia vindicet te reliqua mea aetate.
Have I, a surviving parent only for punishments, lost you, who was lately introduced by a consular adoption to the hope of all honors, destined as a son-in-law to your praetor uncle, and candidate for your grandfather's eloquence? And if not a desire for life, at least endurance shall vindicate you in the remainder of my days.
nam frustra mala omnia ad crimen fortunate relegamus.
For in vain do we relegate all our evils to the charge of fortune.
§6.pr.14nemo nisi sua culpa diu dolet.
No one grieves long except by his own fault.
sed vivimus, et aliqua vivendi ratio quaerenda est, credendumque doctissimis hominibus, qui unicum adversorum solacium litteras putaverunt.
But we live, and some way of living must be sought, and we must believe the most learned men, who thought that literature is the only consolation in adversity.
si quando tamen ita resederit praesens impetus, ut aliqua tot luctibus alia cogitatio inseri possit, non iniuste petierim morae veniam.
If, however, the present onset of grief should at some time so subside that some other thought can be inserted among so many sorrows, I might not unjustly ask pardon for my delay.
quis enim dilata studia miretur, quae potius non abrupta esse mirandum est? tum, si qua fuerint minus effecta iis,
For who would wonder at studies deferred, when it is rather a wonder that they have not been broken off altogether?
§6.pr.15quae levius adhuc adflicti coeperamus, imperitanti fortunae remittantur, quae, si quid mediocrium alioqui in nostro ingenio virium fuit, ut non exstinxerit, debilitavit tamen.
Then, if some things should have been less fully accomplished among those which we had begun when as yet more lightly afflicted, let them be remitted to commanding fortune, which, if there was any moderate strength in our talent otherwise, has weakened it, even if she did not extinguish it.
sed vel propter hoc nos contumacius erigamus, quod illam ut perferre nobis difficile est, ita facile contemnere.
But even on this account let us raise ourselves more stubbornly, because, as it is difficult for us to endure her, so it is easy to despise her.
nihil enim sibi adversus me reliquit et infelicem quidem, sed certissimam tamen attulit mihi ex his malis securitatem.
For she has left nothing for herself against me, and has brought me from these evils a security which is indeed unhappy, but yet most certain.
§6.pr.16boni autem consulere nostrum laborem vel propter hoc aequum est, quod in nullum iam proprium usum perseveramus, sed omnis haec cura alienas utilitates (si modo quid utile scribimus) spectat.
Moreover, it is fair to view our labor with favor even on this account, that we are no longer persevering for any personal use of our own, but all this care looks to the utility of others (if only we write anything of utility).
nos miseri sicut facultates patrimonii nostri, ita hoc opus aliis praeparabamus, aliis relinquemus.
We, miserable as we are, were preparing this work for others, just like the resources of our patrimony, and to others we shall leave it.