§6.pr.1haec, Marcelle Victori, ex tua voluntate maxime ingressus, tum si qua ex nobis ad iuvenes bonos pervenire posset utilitas, novissime paene etiam necessitate quadam officii delegati mihi sedulo laborabam; respiciens tamen illam curam meae voluptatis, quod filio, cuius eminens ingenium sollicitam quoque parentis diligentiam merebatur, hanc optimam partem relicturus hereditatis videbar ut, si me, quod aequum et optabile fuit, fata intercepissent, praeceptore tamen patre uteretur.
Having entered upon these tasks, Marcellus Victor, chiefly in accordance with your desire, and also in the hope that some utility might come from us to good young men, I was lately laboring with diligence almost from a certain necessity of a duty delegated to me; looking back, however, to that care of my own pleasure, because I seemed about to leave this best part of my inheritance to my son, whose eminent genius deserved also the anxious diligence of a parent, so that, if the fates should intercept me (which was fair and desirable), he might nevertheless use his father as his instructor.
§6.pr.2at me fortuna id agentem diebus ac noctibus festinantemque metu meae mortalitatis ita subito prostravit, ut laboris mei fructus ad neminem minus quam ad me pertineret.
But fortune, while I was doing this day and night and hastening from fear of my mortality, so suddenly prostrated me that the fruit of my labor belonged to no one less than to myself.
illum enim, de quo summa conceperam et in quo spem unicam senectutis reponebam, repetito vulnere orbitatis amisi.
For I lost him, of whom I had conceived the highest hopes and in whom I placed the sole hope of my old age, by a repeated blow of bereavement.
§6.pr.3quid nunc agam? aut quem ultra esse usum mei, diis repugnantibus, credam? nam ita forte accidit, ut eum quoque librum, quem de causis corruptae eloquentiae emisi, iam scribere aggressus ictu simili ferirer.
What shall I do now? Or what further use of myself shall I believe there is, when the gods oppose me? For it happened by chance that, when I had already set about writing that book too, which I published on the causes of corrupted eloquence, I was struck by a similar blow.
nonne igitur optimum fuit, infaustum opus et quidquid hoc est in me infelicium litterarum super immaturum funus consumpturis viscera mea flammis iniicere neque hanc impiam vivacitatem novis insuper curis fatigare?
Was it not then best to cast this ill-omened work, and whatever there is of unhappy literature in me, upon the flames that were to consume my very bowels over his premature grave, and not to weary this unnatural survival further with new anxieties?
§6.pr.4quis enim mihi bonus parens ignoscat, si studere amplius possum, ac non oderit hanc animi mei firmitatem, si quis in me alius usus vocis, quam ut incusem deos superstes omnium meorum, nullam in terras despicere providentiam tester, si non meo casu, cui tamen nihil obiici, nisi quod vivam, potest, at illorum certe, quos utique immeritos mors acerba damnavit, erepta prius mihi matre eorundem, quae nondum expleto aetatis undevicesimo anno duos enixa filios, quamvis acerbissimis rapta fatis, non infelix decessit?
For what good parent would forgive me if I am able to study any longer, and would not hate this firmness of my mind, if there is any other use of my voice in me than to accuse the gods for surviving all my loved ones, and to witness that no providence looks down upon the earth—if not by my own misfortune (to which, however, nothing can be objected except that I live), yet certainly by theirs, whom bitter death condemned, altogether guiltless as they were, their mother having been snatched from me first, who, before completing her nineteenth year, having given birth to two sons, though snatched away by the most bitter fates, did not depart unhappy?
§6.pr.5ego vel hoc uno malo sic eram adflictus, ut me iam nulla fortuna posset efficere felicem.
I was so afflicted by this single misfortune alone that no fortune could now make me happy.
nam cum omni virtute, quae in feminas cadit, functa insanabilem attulit marito dolorem, tum aetate tam puellari, praesertim meae comparata, potest et ipsa numerari inter vulnera orbitatis.
For while she brought incurable grief to her husband, having fulfilled every virtue that falls to women, so also her very youthful age, especially when compared with mine, can itself be numbered among the wounds of bereavement.
§6.pr.6liberis tamen superstitibus et, quod nefas erat, sed optabat ipsa, me salvo maximos cruciatus praecipiti via effugit.
Yet, with her children surviving her and, though it was against nature, but she herself wished it, with me safe, she escaped the greatest torments by a rapid path.
mihi filius minor quintum egressus annum prior alterum ex duobus eruit lumen.
For me, my younger son, having passed his fifth year, first snatched away one of my two lights.
§6.pr.7non sum ambitiosus in malis nec augere lacrimarum causas volo, utinamque esset ratio minuendi.
I am not ostentatious in my misfortunes, nor do I wish to increase the causes of my tears; and would that there were a means of diminishing them.
sed dissimulare qui possum, quid ille gratiae in vultu, quid iucunditatis in sermone, quos ingenii igniculos, quam substantiam placidae et (quod scio vix posse credi) iam tum altae mentis ostenderit; qualis amorem quicunque alienus infans mereretur.
But how can I conceal what grace he showed in his countenance, what sweetness in his speech, what sparks of genius, what substance of a calm and (which I know can hardly be believed) already at that time lofty mind; such as would deserve the love of anyone, even if he were a stranger's child?
§6.pr.8illud vero insidiantis, quo me validius cruciaret, fortunae fuit, ut ille mihi blandissimus me suis nutricibus, me aviae educanti, me omnibus, qui sollicitare illas aetates solent, anteferret.
It was indeed the plot of an insidious fortune, that she might torture me the more violently, that he, most affectionate to me, preferred me to his nurses, to his grandmother who was bringing him up, and to all who are accustomed to win the favor of children of that age.
§6.pr.9quapropter illi dolori, quem ex matre optima atque omnem laudem supergressa paucos ante menses ceperam, gratulor.
Therefore I congratulate myself on that grief which I had received a few months before from the death of his excellent mother, who surpassed all praise.
minus enim est, quod flendum meo nomine quam quod illius gaudendum est.
For there is less reason to weep on my own account than to rejoice on hers.