§686ubi ea possit inveniri;
where such a woman can be found.
verum egone eam ducam domum, §687quae mihi numquam hoc dicat “eme, mi vir, lanam, unde tibi pallium §688malacum et calidum conficiatur tunicaeque hibernae bonae, §689ne algeas hac hieme” (hoc numquam verbum ex uxore audias), §690verum prius quam galli cantent quae me e somno suscitet, §691dicat “da, mi vir, kalendis meam qui matrem munerem, §692da qui faciam † condiat, dá quod dem quinquatribus §693praecantrici, coniectrici, hariolae atque haruspicae; §694flagitiumst, si nil mittetur quae supercilio spicit; §695tum plicatricem clementer non potest quin munerem; §696iam pridem, quia nihil abstulerit, suscenset ceriaria; §697tum opstetrix expostulavit mecum, parum missum sibi; §698quid? nutrici non missurus esmissuru's quicquam, quae vernas alit?” §699haec atque horum similia alia damna multa mulierum §700me uxore prohibent, mihi quae huius similes sermones serat.
But should I marry her and bring her home, who would never say this to me: "Buy, my husband, some wool, so that for you a mantle, soft and warm, may be made, and good winter tunics, so that you do not freeze this winter" (never would you hear this word from a wife), but rather, before the cocks crow, she would rouse me from sleep, and say: "Give me, my husband, some money with which to present a gift to my mother on the Kalends; give me money to make a paste; give me something to give on the Quinquatria to the sorceress, the dream-interpreter, the prophetess, and the gut-gazer; it is a disgrace if nothing is sent to the woman who reads fortunes from eyebrows; then I cannot but kindly tip the folder of garments; for a long time now, because she received nothing, the candle-woman has been angry; and then the midwife has expostulated with me, saying too little was sent to her; what? Are you not going to send anything to the nurse who feeds the house-born slaves?" These and many other similar losses caused by women prevent me from taking a wife who would sow such speeches for me.
§701Di tibi propitii sunt, nam hercle si istam semel amiseris §702libertatem, haud facile in eundem rusum restitues locum.
The gods are propitious to you, for by Hercules, if you once lose that freedom of yours, you will not easily restore it back to the same state.
§703At illa laus est, magno in genere et in divitiis maxumis §704liberos hominem educare, generi monumentum et sibi.
But it is a matter of praise, in a noble family and amidst the greatest riches, for a man to rear children, as a monument for his race and for himself.
§705Quando habeo multos cognatos, quid opus est mihi liberis?
Since I have many relatives, what need have I of children?
§706nunc bene vivo et fortunate atque ut volo atque animo ut lubet.
Now I live well and fortunately, and just as I wish, and as it pleases my mind.
§707mea bona in morté cognatis didam, inter eos partiam.
My goods, at my death, I shall bequeath to my relatives, and divide among them.
§709prius quam lucet adsunt, rogitant noctu ut somnum ceperim.
Before it is light they are here, asking how I slept during the night.
§711sacrificant: dant inde partem mihi maiorem quam sibi, §712abducunt ad exta; me ad se ad prandium, ad cenam vocant; §713ille misérrumum se retur, minimum qui misit mihi.
They sacrifice, and give me a larger portion of it than to themselves; they lead me to the sacrificial entrails; they invite me to their houses for lunch and dinner; he thinks himself most wretched who has sent the least to me.
§714illi inter se certant donis, egomet mecum mussito: §715bona mea inhiant, me certatim nutricant et munerant. §716Nimis bona ratione nimiumque ad te te et tuam vitam habes: §717et tibi sunt gemini et trigemini, si te bene habes, filii.
They compete with each other in gifts, and I whisper to myself: "They are gaping for my property, eagerly feeding and gifting me in rivalry." With very good reason and very well indeed do you manage yourself and your life; and you have twins and triplets as sons, if you keep yourself well.
§718Pol si habuissem, satis cepissem miseriarum e liberis: §719_720continuo excruciarer animi: si ei forte fuisset febris, §721censerem emori; cecidissetve ebrius aut de equo uspiam, §722metuerem ne ibi diffregisset crura aut cervices sibi.
By Pollux, if I had had them, I would have received enough misery from children; immediately I would be tormented in my mind: if by chance he had a fever, I would think him dying; or if he fell somewhere, drunk or from a horse, I would fear lest he had broken his legs or neck.
§723Huic homini dignum est divitias esse et diu vitam dari, §724qui et rem servat et se bene habet suisque amicis usui est.
For this man it is fitting to have riches and to be granted a long life, who both preserves his property, keeps himself well, and is of use to his friends.
§725O lepidum caput.
Oh, delightful person!
ita me di deaeque ament, aequom fuit §726deos paravisse, uno exemplo ne omnes vitam viverent; §727sicut merci pretium statuit qui est probus agoranomus: §728quae probast mers, pretium ei statuit, pro virtute ut veneat, §729quae improbast, pro mercis vitio dominum pretio pauperat, §730itidem divos dispertisse vitam humanam aequom fuit: §731qui lepide ingeniatus esset, vitam ei longinquam darent, §732qui improbi essent et scelesti, is adimerent animam cito.
So may the gods and goddesses love me, it would have been fair for the gods to have arranged that not all should live life by the same standard; just as an honest market-inspector sets the price on merchandise: what is good merchandise, he sets its price so that it sells according to its merit; what is bad, according to the fault of the merchandise, he impoverishes the owner in price; likewise it would have been fair for the gods to distribute human life: to him who was delightfully natured, they would grant a long life; those who were wicked and criminal, they would deprive of life quickly.
§733si hoc paravissent, et homines essent minus multi mali §734et minus audacter scelesta facerent facta, et postea, §735quí homines probi essent, esset is annona vilior.
If they had arranged this, there would be fewer bad men, and they would perform criminal deeds less boldly, and moreover, for those who are honest men, the cost of living would be cheaper.
He who would blame the designs of the gods would be foolish and ignorant, and he who would censure them.
nunc istis rebus desisti decet.
Now it is proper to cease from those matters.
§738nunc volo opsonare, ut, hospes, tua te ex virtute et mea §739meae domi accipiam benigne, lepide et lepidis victibus.
Now I wish to go marketing, so that, guest, according to your merit and mine, I may receive you kindly, delightfully, and with delightful food at my house.
§740Nihil me paenitet iam quanto sumptui fuerim tibi; §741nam hospes nullus tám in amici hospitium devorti potest, §742quin, ubi triduom continuom fuerit, iam odiosus siet;
I do not regret at all now how much expense I have been to you; for no guest can turn aside into a friend's hospitality so deeply without becoming, when he has been there for three continuous days, already offensive;