§9εὐθὺς οὖν σοι πρόσεισι καρτερός τις ἀνήρ, ὑπόσκληρος, ἀνδρώδης τὸ βάδισμα, πολὺν τὸν ἥλιον ἐπὶ τῷ σώματι δεικνύων, ἀρρενωπὸς τὸ βλέμμα, ἐγρηγορώς, τῆς τραχείας ὁδοῦ ἐκείνης ἡγεμών, λήρους τινὰς ὁ μάταιος διεξιὼν πρὸς σέ.
Immediately, then, there will approach you a certain sturdy man, rather hard, masculine in his gait, showing much sun upon his body, virile in his look, awake, the leader of that rough path, babbling some nonsense to you, foolish as he is.
ἕπεσθαι γάρ οἱ παρακελευόμενος, ὑποδεικνὺς τὰ Δημοσθένους ἴχνη καὶ Πλάτωνος καὶ ἄλλων τινῶν, μεγάλα μὲν καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς νῦν, ἀμαυρὰ δὲ ἤδη καὶ ἀσαφῆ τὰ πολλὰ ὑπὸ τοῦ χρόνου, φήσει εὐδαίμονά σε ἔσεσθαι καὶ νόμῳ γαμήσειν τὴν Ῥητορικήν, εἰ κατὰ τούτων ὁδεύσειας ὥσπερ οἱ ἐπὶ τῶν κάλων βαίνοντες·
For, exhorting you to follow him, pointing out the tracks of Demosthenes and Plato and some others—great indeed and beyond those of today, but already dim and for the most part indistinct through time—he will say that you will be happy and will marry Rhetoric lawfully if you travel along these tracks like those who walk on tightropes.
εἰ δὲ κἂν μικρόν τι παραβαίης ἢ ἔξω πατήσειας ἢ ἐπὶ θάτερα μᾶλλον κλιθείης τῇ ῥοπῇ, ἐκπεσεῖσθαί σε τῆς ὀρθῆς ὁδοῦ καὶ ἀγούσης ἐπὶ τὸν γάμον.
But if you should transgress even a little, or tread outside, or lean more to one side in balance, you will fall away from the straight path that leads to the marriage.
εἶτά σε κελεύσει ζηλοῦν ἐκείνους τοὺς ἀρχαίους ἄνδρας ἕωλα παραδείγματα παρατιθεὶς τῶν λόγων οὐ ῥᾴδια μιμεῖσθαι, οἷα τὰ τῆς παλαιᾶς ἐργασίας ἐστίν, Ἡγησίου καὶ τῶν ἀμφὶ Κριτίον καὶ Νησιώτην, ἀπεσφιγμένα καὶ νευρώδη καὶ σκληρὰ καὶ ἀκριβῶς ἀποτεταμένα ταῖς γραμμαῖς.
Then he will order you to emulate those ancient men, putting before you stale examples of speeches not easy to imitate, such as are of the antique workmanship of Hegesias and those around Critius and Nesiotes, tight, sinewy, hard, and precisely drawn in their lines.
πόνον δὲ καὶ ἀγρυπνίαν καὶ ὑδατοποσίαν καὶ τὸ ἀλιπαρὲς ἀναγκαῖα ταῦτα καὶ ἀπαραίτητα φήσει· ἀδύνατον γὰρ εἶναι ἄνευ τούτων διανύσαι τὴν ὁδόν.
And toil, sleeplessness, water-drinking, and being unanointed, he will say are necessary and unavoidable; for he will say it is impossible without these to complete the journey.
ὃ δὲ πάντων ἀνιαρότατον, ὅτι σοι καὶ τὸν χρόνον πάμπολυν ὑπογράψει τῆς ὁδοιπορίας, ἔτη πολλά, οὐ κατὰ ἡμέρας καὶ τριακάδας, ἀλλὰ κατὰ ὀλυμπιάδας ὅλας ἀριθμῶν, ὡς καὶ προαποκαμεῖν ἀκούοντα καὶ ἀπαγορεῦσαι, πολλὰ χαίρειν φράσαντα τῇ ἐλπιζομένῃ ἐκείνῃ εὐδαιμονίᾳ.
But what is most annoying of all is that he will prescribe for you an immense length of time for the journey, reckoning many years, not by days and thirty-day months, but by whole Olympiads, so that you would even tire beforehand upon hearing it and give up, bidding a long farewell to that expected happiness.
πρὸς δὲ τούτοις οὐδὲ μισθοὺς ὀλίγους ἀπαιτεῖ τῶν τοσούτων κακῶν, ἀλλὰ οὐκ ἂν ἡγήσαιτό σοι, εἰ μὴ μεγάλα πρότερον λάβοι.
In addition to these things, he demands no small fees for such great evils, and he would not guide you unless he should first receive a large sum.
§10ὁ μὲν ταῦτα φήσει, ἀλαζὼν καὶ ἀρχαῖος ὡς ἀληθῶς καὶ Κρονικὸς ἄνθρωπος, νεκροὺς εἰς μίμησιν παλαιοὺς προτιθεὶς καὶ ἀνορύττειν ἀξιῶν λόγους πάλαι κατορωρυγμένους ὥς τι μέγιστον ἀγαθόν, μαχαιροποιοῦ υἱὸν καὶ ἄλλον Ἀτρομήτου τινὸς γραμματιστοῦ ζηλοῦν ἀξιῶν, καὶ ταῦτα ἐν εἰρήνῃ μήτε Φιλίππου ἐπιόντος μήτε Ἀλεξάνδρου ἐπιτάττοντος, ὅπου τὰ ἐκείνων ἴσως ἐδόκει χρήσιμα, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὁποία νῦν κεκαινοτόμηται ταχεῖα καὶ ἀπράγμων καὶ εἰς τὸ εὐθὺ τῆς ῥητορικῆς ὁδός.
He will say these things, an impostor and truly ancient and old-fashioned fellow, putting forward dead men of old for imitation, and deeming it right to dig up speeches buried long ago as if they were some greatest good, demanding that you emulate the son of a sword-maker and another son of Atrometus, a certain schoolmaster; and that too in peace, with neither Philip invading nor Alexander commanding, where their style perhaps seemed useful, not knowing what kind of quick, effortless, and straight path to rhetoric has now been newly opened.
σὺ δὲ μήτε πείθεσθαι μήτε προσέχειν αὐτῷ, μή σε ἐκτραχηλίσῃ που παραλαβὼν ἢ τὸ τελευταῖον προγηρᾶσαι τοῖς πόνοις παρασκευάσῃ.
But do not you either believe him or attend to him, lest he throw you headlong somewhere after taking you in, or finally make you grow prematurely old through toils.
ἀλλὰ εἰ πάντως ἐρᾷς καὶ τάχιστα ἐθέλεις τῇ ῥητορικῇ συνεῖναι ἀκμάζων ἔτι, ὡς καὶ σπουδάζοιο πρὸς αὐτῆς, ἴθι, τῷ μὲν δασεῖ τούτῳ καὶ πέρα τοῦ μετρίου ἀνδρικῷ μακρὰ χαίρειν λέγε, ἀναβαίνειν αὐτὸν καὶ ἄλλους ὁπόσους ἂν ἐξαπατᾶν δύνηται ἀνάγειν καταλιπὼν ἀσθμαίνοντα καὶ ἱδρῶτι πολλῷ συνόντα.
But if you are in love by all means and wish to live with Rhetoric as quickly as possible while still in your prime, so that you may also be wooed by her, go, bid a long farewell to this hairy and excessively masculine man, leaving him to ascend with as many others as he can deceive, panting and covered in much sweat.
§11πρὸς δὲ τὴν ἑτέραν ἐλθὼν εὑρήσεις πολλοὺς καὶ ἄλλους, ἐν τούτοις δὲ καὶ πάνσοφόν τινα καὶ πάγκαλον ἄνδρα, διασεσαλευμένον τὸ βάδισμα, ἐπικεκλασμένον τὸν αὐχένα, γυναικεῖον τὸ βλέμμα, μελιχρὸν τὸ φώνημα, μύρων ἀποπνέοντα, τῷ δακτύλῳ ἄκρῳ τὴν κεφαλὴν κνώμενον, ὀλίγας μὲν ἔτι, οὔλας δὲ καὶ ὑακινθίνας τὰς τρίχας εὐθετίζοντα, πάναβρόν τινα Σαρδανάπαλλον ἢ Κινύραν ἢ αὐτὸν Ἀγάθωνα, τὸν τῆς τραγῳδίας ἐπέραστον ἐκεῖνον ποιητήν.
And coming to the other path, you will find many others, and among them a certain all-wise and all-beautiful man, with a swaying gait, a bent neck, a feminine look, a honeyed voice, breathing of perfumes, scratching his head with the tip of his finger, arranging his few remaining but curly and hyacinthine locks, a most delicate Sardanapalus or Cinyras, or Agathon himself, that lovely poet of tragedy.
λέγω δὲ ὡς ἀπὸ τούτων γνωρίζοις αὐτόν, μηδέ σε οὕτω θεσπέσιον χρῆμα καὶ φίλον Ἀφροδίτῃ καὶ Χάρισι διαλάθοι.
I speak so that you may recognize him by these tokens, and let not so divine a creature and one dear to Aphrodite and the Graces escape your notice.
καίτοι τί φημί;
And yet, what am I saying?
κἂν εἰ μύοντι γάρ σοι προσελθὼν εἴποι τι, τὸ Ὑμήττιον ἐκεῖνο ἀνοίξας στόμα, καὶ τὴν συνήθη φωνὴν ἀφείη, μάθοις ἂν ὡς οὐχὶ τῶν καθʼ ἡμᾶς ἐστιν, οἳ ἀρούρης καρπὸν ἔδομεν, ἀλλά τι ξένον φάσμα δρόσῳ ἢ ἀμβροσίᾳ τρεφόμενον.
For even if you had your eyes closed and he came up to speak to you, opening that Hymettian mouth of his, and let loose his accustomed voice, you would learn that he is not of those of our day who eat the fruit of the field, but some foreign phantom nourished on dew or ambrosia.
τούτῳ τοίνυν προσελθὼν καὶ παραδοὺς σεαυτὸν αὐτίκα μάλα ῥήτωρ καὶ περίβλεπτος καί, ὡς ὀνομάζει αὐτός, βασιλεὺς ἐν τοῖς λόγοις ἀπονητὶ καταστήσῃ τὰ τέθριππα ἐλαύνων τοῦ λόγου.
If you approach him, then, and hand yourself over, immediately indeed and without toil you will be established as an orator and admired by all, and, as he himself calls it, a king in speeches, driving the four-horse chariot of discourse.
διδάξεται γάρ σε παραλαβὼν τὰ πρῶτα μὲν ἐκεῖνα — μᾶλλον δὲ αὐτὸς εἰπάτω πρὸς σέ·
For he will take you in and teach you those first things—or rather, let him speak to you himself: