§32καὶ τὰ μὲν ἐν τῇ πόλει ταῦτα.
And these things indeed in the city.
ἢν δέ που καὶ ἀποδημῆσαι δέῃ, τὰ μὲν ἄλλα ἐῶ· ὕοντος δὲ πολλάκις ὕστατος ἐλθὼν — τοιοῦτο γάρ σοι ἀποκεκλήρωται καὶ τὸ ζεῦγος — περιμένεις ἔστʼ ἂν οὐκέτʼ οὔσης καταγωγῆς τῷ μαγείρῳ σε ἢ τῷ τῆς δεσποίνης κομμωτῇ συμπαραβύσωσιν, οὐδὲ τῶν φρυγάνων δαψιλῶς ὑποβαλόντες.
But if somewhere it is also necessary to travel, I omit other things; but often, while it is raining, arriving last—for such a carriage has been allotted to you too—you wait until, there being no longer any lodging, they squeeze you in with the cook or the mistress's hair-dresser, not even having thrown in firewood abundantly.
§33οὐκ ὀκνῶ δέ σοι καὶ διηγήσασθαι ὅ μοι Θεσμόπολις οὗτος ὁ Στωϊκὸς διηγήσατο συμβὰν αὐτῷ πάνυ γελοῖον καὶ νὴ Δίʼ οὐκ ἀνέλπιστον ὡς ἂν καὶ ἄλλῳ ταὐτὸν συμβαίη.
And I do not hesitate to relate to you what this Thesmopolis the Stoic related to me as having happened to him, which was very ridiculous, and by Zeus, not unexpected, as the same thing might happen to another as well.
συνῆν μὲν γὰρ πλουσίᾳ τινὶ καὶ τρυφώσῃ γυναικὶ τῶν ἐπιφανῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει.
For he was associated with a certain wealthy and luxurious woman of the illustrious people in the city.
δεῆσαν δὲ καὶ ἀποδημῆσαί ποτε, τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐκεῖνο παθεῖν ἔφη γελοιότατον, συγκαθέζεσθαι γὰρ αὐτῷ παραδεδόσθαι φιλοσόφῳ ὄντι κίναιδόν τινα τῶν πεπιττωμένων τὰ σκέλη καὶ τὸν πώγωνα περιεξυρημένων· διὰ τιμῆς δʼ αὐτὸν ἐκείνη, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, ἦγεν.
And it being necessary also to travel once, he said that he suffered that first thing which was most ridiculous; for there was delivered to him, being a philosopher, to sit together with a certain cinaedus of those who have had their legs depilated with pitch and their beards completely shaved off; and she, as is natural, held him in honor.
καὶ τοὔνομα δὲ τοῦ κιναίδου ἀπεμνημόνευεν· Χελιδόνιον γὰρ καλεῖσθαι.
And he remembered the name of the cinaedus; for he was called Chelidonion.
τοῦτο τοίνυν πρῶτον ἡλίκον, σκυθρωπῷ καὶ γέροντι ἀνδρὶ καὶ πολιῷ τὸ γένειον — οἶσθα δὲ ὡς βαθὺν πώγωνα καὶ σεμνὸν ὁ Θεσμόπολις εἶχεν — παρακαθίζεσθαι φῦκος ἐντετριμμένον καὶ ὑπογεγραμμένον τοὺς ὀφθαλμοὺς καὶ διασεσαλευμένον τὸ βλέμμα καὶ τὸν τράχηλον ἐπικεκλασμένον, οὐ χελιδόνα μὰ Δίʼ, ἀλλὰ γῦπά τινα περιτετιλμένον τὰ πτερά· καὶ εἴ γε μὴ πολλὰ δεηθῆναι αὐτοῦ, καὶ τὸν κεκρύφαλον ἔχοντα ἐπὶ τῇ κεφαλῇ ἂν συγκαθίζεσθαι.
This then, first, how great a thing, for a gloomy and old man, and white as to his beard—and you know how deep and dignified a beard Thesmopolis had—to have seated beside him one smeared with rouge, and having his eyes painted underneath, and his look unsteady, and his neck bent, not a swallow, by Zeus, but some vulture plucked of its feathers; and if he had not entreated him much, he would have sat together even having a hair-net on his head.
τὰ δʼ οὖν ἄλλα παρʼ ὅλην τὴν ὁδὸν μυρίας τὰς ἀηδίας ἀνασχέσθαι ὑπᾴδοντος καὶ τερετίζοντος, εἰ δὲ μὴ ἐπεῖχεν αὐτός, ἴσως ἂν καὶ ὀρχουμένου ἐπὶ τῆς ἀπήνης.
At any rate, as for other things, during the whole way he endured ten thousand annoyances from him singing under his breath and chirping, and if he himself had not checked him, perhaps he would have even danced upon the carriage.
§34ἕτερον δʼ οὖν τι καὶ τοιοῦτον αὐτῷ προσταχθῆναι.
At any rate, another such thing was also commanded of him.
καλέσασα γὰρ αὐτὸν ἡ γυνή,
Θεσμόπολι,
φησίν,
οὕτως ὄναιο, χάριν οὐ μικρὰν αἰτούσῃ δὸς μηδὲν ἀντειπὼν μηδὲ ὅπως ἐπὶ πλεῖόν σου δεήσομαι περιμείνας. τοῦ δέ, ὅπερ εἰκὸς ἦν, ὑποσχομένου πάντα πράξειν,
δέομαί σου τοῦτο,
ἔφη,
χρηστὸν ὁρῶσά σε καὶ ἐπιμελῆ καὶ φιλόστοργον, τὴν κύνα ἣν οἶσθα τὴν Μυρρίνην ἀναλαβὼν εἰς τὸ ὄχημα φύλαττέ μοι καὶ ἐπιμελοῦ ὅπως μηδενὸς ἐνδεὴς ἔσται· βαρύνεται γὰρ ἡ ἀθλία τὴν γαστέρα καὶ σχεδὸν ὡς ἐπίτεξ ἐστίν· οἱ δὲ κατάρατοι οὗτοι καὶ ἀπειθεῖς οἰκέται οὐχ ὅπως ἐκείνης, ἀλλʼ οὐδʼ ἐμοῦ αὐτῆς πολὺν ποιοῦνται λόγον ἐν ταῖς ὁδοῖς.
For the woman having called him, said: "Thesmopolis, so may you prosper, grant a not small favor to me asking, without saying anything against it, nor waiting until I shall entreat you further." And he, as was natural, having promised to do everything, she said: "I entreat you this, seeing you are excellent, and careful, and affectionate: take the dog Myrrhine, whom you know, into the carriage, guard her for me, and take care that she will be in want of nothing; for the miserable creature is heavy in her womb, and is almost about to bring forth; but these accursed and disobedient servants make much account neither of her, nor indeed of me myself on the roads.
μὴ τοίνυν τι σμικρὸν οἰηθῇς εὖ ποιήσειν με τὸ περισπούδαστόν μοι καὶ ἥδιστον κυνίδιον διαφυλάξας. ὑπέσχετο ὁ Θεσμόπολις πολλὰ ἱκετευούσης καὶ μονονουχὶ καὶ δακρυούσης.
Do not therefore think you will do me some small kindness in preserving my much-esteemed and sweetest little dog." Thesmopolis promised, as she was entreating much and all but weeping.
τὸ δὲ πρᾶγμα παγγέλοιον ἦν, κυνίδιον ἐκ τοῦ ἱματίου προκῦπτον μικρὸν ὑπὸ τὸν πώγωνα καὶ κατουρῆσαν πολλάκις, εἰ καὶ μὴ ταῦτα ὁ Θεσμόπολις προσετίθει, καὶ βαΰζον λεπτῇ τῇ φωνῇ — τοιαῦτα γὰρ τὰ Μελιταῖα — καὶ τὸ γένειον τοῦ φιλοσόφου περιλιχμώμενον, καὶ μάλιστα εἴ τι τοῦ χθιζοῦ αὐτῷ ζωμοῦ ἐγκατεμέμικτο.
And the matter was altogether ridiculous: a little dog peeping out of his cloak, just under his beard, and urinating often (even if Thesmopolis did not add these things), and barking with a thin voice—for such are the Melitean dogs—and licking the philosopher's beard, especially if any of yesterday's broth had been mixed in it.
καὶ ὅ γε κίναιδος, ὁ σύνεδρος, οὐκ ἀμούσως ποτὲ καὶ εἰς τοὺς ἄλλους τοὺς παρόντας ἐν τῷ συμποσίῳ ἀποσκώπτων, ἐπειδή ποτε καὶ ἐπὶ τὸν Θεσμόπολιν καθῆκε τὸ σκῶμμα,
περὶ δὲ Θεσμοπόλιδος,
ἔφη,
τοῦτο μόνον εἰπεῖν ἔχω, ὅτι ἀντὶ Στωϊκοῦ ἤδη Κυνικὸς ἡμῖν γεγένηται. τὸ δʼ οὖν κυνίδιον καὶ τετοκέναι ἐν τῷ τρίβωνι τῷ τοῦ Θεσμοπόλιδος ἐπυθόμην.
And indeed the cinaedus, his companion, scoffing not unpleasantly sometimes at the others present in the banquet, when he once directed his scoff even at Thesmopolis, said: "About Thesmopolis, I have only this to say: that instead of a Stoic, he has now become a Cynic for us." At any rate, I heard that the little dog even brought forth in the cloak of Thesmopolis.