§28ἢν μὲν γὰρ κατείπῃ σοῦ τις ψιθυρὸς οἰκέτης, ὡς μόνος οὐκ ἐπῄνεις τὸν τῆς δεσποίνης παιδίσκον ὀρχούμενον ἢ κιθαρίζοντα, κίνδυνος οὐ μικρὸς ἐκ τοῦ πράγματος.
For if some gossiping servant denounces you, saying that you alone did not praise the mistress's favorite boy dancing or playing the cithara, there is no small danger from the matter.
χρὴ οὖν χερσαίου βατράχου δίκην διψῶντα κεκραγέναι, ὡς ἐπίσημος ἔσῃ ἐν τοῖς ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ κορυφαῖος ἐπιμελούμενον· πολλάκις δὲ καὶ τῶν ἄλλων σιωπησάντων αὐτὸν ἐπειπεῖν ἐσκεμμένον τινὰ ἔπαινον πολλὴν τὴν κολακείαν ἐμφανιοῦντα.
Therefore, like a land frog, you must cry out even while being thirsty, taking care that you will be conspicuous and a leader among those who praise; and often, even when others are silent, you must add some prepared praise for him, which will display abundant flattery.
τὸ μὲν γὰρ λιμῷ συνόντα καὶ νὴ Δία γε διψῶντα μύρῳ χρίεσθαι καὶ στεφανοῦσθαι τὴν κεφαλήν, ἠρέμα καὶ γελοῖον· ἔοικας γὰρ τότε στήλῃ ἑώλου τινὸς νεκροῦ ἄγοντος ἐναγίσματα· καὶ γὰρ ἐκείνων καταχέαντες μύρον καὶ τὸν στέφανον ἐπιθέντες αὐτοὶ πίνουσι καὶ εὐωχοῦνται τὰ παρεσκευασμένα.
For to be anointed with myrrh and have one's head crowned with a wreath while being associated with hunger and, by Zeus, with thirst, is somewhat ridiculous; for you seem then to be the tombstone of some long-dead person receiving funeral offerings; for indeed, after pouring myrrh and placing the wreath upon those dead, they themselves drink and feast on what has been prepared.
§29ἢν μὲν γὰρ καὶ ζηλότυπός τις ᾖ καὶ παῖδες εὔμορφοι ὦσιν ἢ νέα γυνὴ καὶ σὺ μὴ παντελῶς πόρρω Ἀφροδίτης καὶ Χαρίτων ᾖς, οὐκ ἐν εἰρήνῃ τὸ πρᾶγμα οὐδὲ ὁ κίνδυνος εὐκαταφρόνητος.
For if he is also jealous, and there are beautiful boys or a young wife, and you are not altogether far from Aphrodite and the Graces, the matter is not in peace nor is the danger to be despised.
ὦτα γὰρ καὶ ὀφθαλμοὶ βασιλέως πολλοί, οὐ μόνον τἀληθῆ ὁρῶντες, ἀλλʼ ἀεί τι καὶ προσεπιμετροῦντες, ὡς μὴ νυστάζειν δοκοῖεν.
For the ears and eyes of the king are many, not only seeing the truth, but always adding something extra, so that they might not seem to be nodding.
δεῖ οὖν ὥσπερ ἐν τοῖς Περσικοῖς δείπνοις κάτω νεύοντα κατακεῖσθαι, δεδιότα μή τις εὐνοῦχός σε ἴδῃ προσβλέψαντα μιᾷ τῶν παλλακίδων, ἐπεὶ ἄλλος γε εὐνοῦχος ἐντεταμένον πάλαι τὸ τόξον ἔχων ἃ μὴ θέμις ὁρῶντα ἕτοιμος κολάσαι, διαπείρας τῷ οἰστῷ μεταξὺ πίνοντος τὴν γνάθον.
Therefore, you must recline looking downwards as in Persian banquets, fearing lest some eunuch should see you looking at one of the concubines; since another eunuch, having his bow bent long ago, is ready to punish the one who sees what is not lawful, piercing his jaw with an arrow while he is in the middle of drinking.
§30εἶτα ἀπελθὼν τοῦ δείπνου μικρόν τι κατέδαρθες· ὑπὸ δὲ ᾠδὴν ἀλεκτρυόνων ἀνεγρόμενος,
ὢ δείλαιος ἐγώ,
φής,
καὶ ἄθλιος, οἵας τὰς πάλαι διατριβὰς ἀπολιπὼν καὶ ἑταίρους καὶ βίον ἀπράγμονα καὶ ὕπνον μετρούμενον τῇ ἐπιθυμίᾳ καὶ περιπάτους ἐλευθερίους εἰς οἷον βάραθρον φέρων ἐμαυτὸν ἐνσέσεικα.
Then, having departed from the dinner, you slept for a little while; but being awakened at the song of the cocks, you say: "O wretched me and miserable, leaving behind what sort of pastimes of old, and companions, and a trouble-free life, and sleep measured by desire, and free walks, into what sort of abyss have I cast myself.
τίνος ἕνεκα, ὦ θεοί, ἢ τίς ὁ λαμπρὸς οὗτος μισθός ἐστιν;
For the sake of what, O gods, or what is this splendid reward?
οὐ γὰρ καὶ ἄλλως μοι πλείω τούτων ἐκπορίζειν δυνατὸν ἦν καὶ προσῆν τὸ ἐλεύθερον καὶ τὸ πάντα ἐπʼ ἐξουσίας;
For was it not possible for me otherwise to procure more than this, and was there not added freedom and doing everything of my own authority?
νῦν δὲ τὸ τοῦ λόγου, λέων κρόκῃ δεθείς, ἄνω καὶ κάτω περισύρομαι, τὸ πάντων οἴκτιστον, οὐκ εὐδοκιμεῖν εἰδὼς οὐδὲ κεχαρισμένος εἶναι δυνάμενος.
But now, as the saying goes, 'a lion bound by a thread,' I am dragged up and down, the most pitiable of all, not knowing how to be esteemed nor being able to be pleasing.
ἰδιώτης γὰρ ἔγωγε τῶν τοιούτων καὶ ἄτεχνος, καὶ μάλιστα παραβαλλόμενος ἀνδράσι τέχνην τὸ πρᾶγμα πεποιημένοις, ὥστε καὶ ἀχάριστός εἰμι καὶ ἥκιστα συμποτικός, οὐδʼ ὅσον γέλωτα ποιῆσαι δυνάμενος.
For I am an amateur in such things and unskilled, especially when compared with men who have made this matter a trade, so that I am both unpleasing and least companionable, not even being able to raise a laugh.
συνίημι δὲ ὡς καὶ ἐνοχλῶ πολλάκις βλεπόμενος, καὶ μάλισθʼ ὅταν ἡδίων αὐτὸς αὑτοῦ εἶναι θέλῃ· σκυθρωπὸς γὰρ αὐτῷ δοκῶ.
And I understand that I often annoy him when I am seen, especially when he wishes to be more pleasant than himself; for I seem gloomy to him.
καὶ ὅλως οὐκ ἔχω ὅπως ἁρμόσωμαι πρὸς αὐτόν.
And on the whole, I do not know how to adapt myself to him.
ἢν μὲν γὰρ ἐπὶ τοῦ σεμνοῦ φυλάττω ἐμαυτόν, ἀηδὴς ἔδοξα καὶ μονονουχὶ φευκτέος· ἢν δὲ μειδιάσω καὶ ῥυθμίσω τὸ πρόσωπον εἰς τὸ ἥδιστον, κατεφρόνησεν εὐθὺς καὶ διέπτυσεν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὅμοιον δοκεῖ ὥσπερ ἂν εἴ τις κωμῳδίαν ὑποκρίναιτο τραγικὸν προσωπεῖον περικείμενος.
For if I keep myself on the side of dignity, I seem disagreeable and almost to be avoided; but if I smile and adjust my face to the most pleasant, he immediately despises and spits upon me, and the matter seems similar to as if someone were to act in a comedy wearing a tragic mask.
τὸ δʼ ὅλον, τίνα ἄλλον ὁ μάταιος ἐμαυτῷ βιώσομαι βίον τὸν παρόντα τοῦτον ἄλλῳ βεβιωκώς; §31ἔτι σου ταῦτα διαλογιζομένου ὁ κώδων ἤχησεν, καὶ χρὴ τῶν ὁμοίων ἔχεσθαι καὶ περινοστεῖν καὶ ἑστάναι, ὑπαλείψαντά γε πρότερον τοὺς βουβῶνας καὶ τὰς ἰγνύας, εἰ θέλεις διαρκέσαι πρὸς τὸν ἆθλον.
On the whole, what other life shall I, foolish man, live for myself, having lived this present one for another?" While you are still revolving these things, the bell rings, and you must hold to the same duties, and go around, and stand, having first anointed your groins and knees, if you wish to hold out against the labor.
εἶτα δεῖπνον ὅμοιον καὶ εἰς τὴν αὐτὴν ὥραν περιηγμένον.
Then, a similar dinner, brought round at the same hour.
καί σοι τὰ τῆς διαίτης πρὸς τὸν πάλαι βίον ἀντίστροφα, καὶ ἡ ἀγρυπνία δὲ καὶ ὁ ἱδρὼς καὶ ὁ κάματος ἠρέμα ἤδη ὑπορύττουσιν, ἢ φθόην ἢ περιπνευμονίαν ἢ κώλου ἄλγημα ἢ τὴν καλὴν ποδάγραν ἀναπλάττοντες.
And the matters of your diet are opposite to your life of old, and sleeplessness, sweat, and fatigue already undermine you gently, fashioning consumption, or pneumonia, or colic, or the "beautiful" gout.
ἀντέχεις δὲ ὅμως, καὶ πολλάκις κατακεῖσθαι δέον, οὐδὲ τοῦτο συγκεχώρηται· σκῆψις γὰρ ἡ νόσος καὶ φυγὴ τῶν καθηκόντων ἔδοξεν.
But you hold out nevertheless, and though it is often necessary to lie down, not even this is permitted; for illness is thought to be a pretext and a flight from duties.
ὥστʼ ἐξ ἁπάντων ὠχρὸς ἀεὶ καὶ ὅσον οὐδέπω τεθνηξομένῳ ἔοικας.
So that from all these things you are always pale, and you seem like one who is all but dead.