§35τοιαῦτα ἐντρυφῶσι, μᾶλλον δὲ ἐνυβρίζουσι τοῖς συνοῦσι, κατὰ μικρὸν αὐτοὺς χειροήθεις τῇ ὕβρει παρασκευάζοντες.
In such ways they dally with, or rather insult, their companions, gradually rendering them submissive to their insolence.
οἶδα δʼ ἐγὼ καὶ ῥήτορα τῶν καρχάρων ἐπὶ τῷ δείπνῳ κελευσθέντα μελετήσαντα μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὐκ ἀπαιδεύτως, ἀλλὰ πάνυ τορῶς καὶ συγκεκροτημένως· ἐπῃνεῖτο γοῦν μεταξὺ πινόντων οὐ πρὸς ὕδωρ μεμετρημένον, ἀλλὰ πρὸς οἴνου ἀμφορέας λέγων, καὶ τοῦτο ὑποστῆναι τὸ τόλμημα ἐπὶ διακοσίαις δραχμαῖς ἐλέγετο.
And I know also of a certain sharp-toothed orator, who was ordered at a dinner to deliver a declamation, and by Zeus, not unlearnedly, but very clearly and powerfully; at any rate, he was praised among those drinking, speaking not by the measured water, but by the amphorae of wine, and he was said to have undertaken this bold deed for two hundred drachmas.
ταῦτα μὲν οὖν ἴσως μέτρια.
These things indeed are perhaps moderate.
ἢν δὲ ποιητικὸς αὐτὸς ἢ συγγραφικὸς ὁ πλούσιος ᾖ, παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον τὰ αὑτοῦ ῥαψῳδῶν, τότε καὶ μάλιστα διαρραγῆναι χρὴ ἐπαινοῦντα καὶ κολακεύοντα καὶ τρόπους ἐπαίνων καινοτέρους ἐπινοοῦντα.
But if the rich man himself should be poetic or historical, reciting his own works during dinner, then indeed it is necessary to burst oneself with praising and flattering, and devising newer ways of praise.
εἰσὶ δʼ οἳ καὶ ἐπὶ κάλλει θαυμάζεσθαι ἐθέλουσιν, καὶ δεῖ Ἀδώνιδας αὐτοὺς καὶ Ὑακίνθους ἀκούειν, πήχεως ἐνίοτε τὴν ῥῖνα ἔχοντας.
And there are some who even wish to be admired for beauty, and must hear themselves called Adonises and Hyacinthes, sometimes having a nose a cubit long.
σὺ δʼ οὖν ἂν μὴ ἐπαινῇς, εἰς τὰς λιθοτομίας τὰς Διονυσίου εὐθὺς ἀφίξῃ ὡς καὶ φθονῶν καὶ ἐπιβουλεύων αὐτῷ.
If you indeed do not praise them, you will immediately arrive at the stone-quarries of Dionysius, as both envying and plotting against him.
χρὴ δὲ καὶ σοφοὺς καὶ ῥήτορας εἶναι αὐτούς, κἂν εἴ τι σολοικίσαντες τύχωσιν, αὐτὸ τοῦτο τῆς Ἀττικῆς καὶ τοῦ Ὑμηττοῦ μεστοὺς δοκεῖν τοὺς λόγους καὶ νόμον εἶναι τὸ λοιπὸν οὕτω λέγειν.
And they must also be wise and eloquent, and even if they happen to make a grammatical slip, this very thing must seem to make their discourse full of Atticism and of Hymettus, and it must be the rule hereafter to speak thus.
§36καίτοι φορητὰ ἴσως τὰ τῶν ἀνδρῶν.
And yet the matters of men are perhaps bearable.
αἱ δὲ οὖν γυναῖκες — καὶ γὰρ αὖ καὶ τόδε ὑπὸ τῶν γυναικῶν σπουδάζεται, τὸ εἶναί τινας αὐταῖς πεπαιδευμένους μισθοῦ ὑποτελεῖς συνόντας καὶ τῷ φορείῳ ἑπομένους· ἓν γάρ τι καὶ τοῦτο τῶν ἄλλων καλλωπισμάτων αὐταῖς δοκεῖ, ἢν λέγηται ὡς πεπαιδευμέναι τέ εἰσιν καὶ φιλόσοφοι καὶ ποιοῦσιν ᾄσματα οὐ πολὺ τῆς Σαπφοῦς ἀποδέοντα — διὰ δὴ ταῦτα μισθωτοὺς καὶ αὗται περιάγονται ῥήτορας καὶ γραμματικοὺς καὶ φιλοσόφους, ἀκροῶνται δʼ αὐτῶν — πηνίκα; γελοῖον γὰρ καὶ τοῦτο — ἤτοι μεταξὺ κομμούμεναι καὶ τὰς κόμας παραπλεκόμεναι ἢ παρὰ τὸ δεῖπνον·
But the women indeed—for this too is eagerly sought after by women, that they should have some educated men associated with them for pay and following their litter; for this also seems to them one of the other ornaments, if it is said that they are educated and philosophical, and compose songs not far behind Sappho—for this reason they also carry about hired orators, grammarians, and philosophers, and listen to them—when? for this too is ridiculous—either while being made up and having their hair braided, or during dinner; for at other times they have no leisure.
ἄλλοτε γὰρ οὐκ ἄγουσι σχολήν. πολλάκις δὲ καὶ μεταξὺ τοῦ φιλοσόφου τι διεξιόντος ἡ ἅβρα προσελθοῦσα ὤρεξε παρὰ τοῦ μοιχοῦ γραμμάτιον, οἱ δὲ περὶ σωφροσύνης ἐκεῖνοι λόγοι ἑστᾶσι περιμένοντες, ἔστʼ ἂν ἐκείνη ἀντιγράψασα τῷ μοιχῷ ἐπαναδράμῃ πρὸς τὴν ἀκρόασιν.
And often indeed, while the philosopher is explaining something, the maid-servant approaching holds out a letter from the lover, and those discourses on temperance stand waiting, until she, having written back to the lover, runs back to the listening.
§37ἐπειδὰν δέ ποτε διὰ μακροῦ τοῦ χρόνου Κρονίων ἢ Παναθηναίων ἐπιστάντων πέμπηταί τί σοι ἐφεστρίδιον ἄθλιον ἢ χιτώνιον ὑπόσαθρον, ἐνταῦθα μάλιστα πολλὴν δεῖ καὶ μεγάλην γενέσθαι τὴν πομπήν.
And when at last, after a long time, at the arrival of the Cronia or the Panathenaea, some miserable little cloak or a somewhat rotten tunic is sent to you, on that occasion especially there must be a great and grand procession.
καὶ ὁ μὲν πρῶτος εὐθὺς ἔτι σκεπτομένου παρακούσας τοῦ δεσπότου προδραμὼν καὶ προμηνύσας ἀπέρχεται μισθὸν οὐκ ὀλίγον τῆς ἀγγελίας προλαβών.
And the first one who immediately overheard the master still deliberating, runs ahead and, having pre-announced it, departs after receiving beforehand a not small reward for the message.
ἕωθεν δὲ τρισκαίδεκα ἥκουσιν κομίζοντες, ἕκαστος ὡς πολλὰ εἶπε καὶ ὡς ὑπέμνησε καὶ ὡς ἐπιτραπεὶς τὸ κάλλιον ἐπελέξατο διεξιών.
And at dawn thirteen of them arrive bringing it, each one detailing how much he said and how he reminded the master, and how being entrusted with it, he selected the most beautiful one.
ἅπαντες δʼ οὖν ἀπαλλάττονται λαβόντες, ἔτι καὶ βρενθυόμενοι ὅτι μὴ πλείω ἔδωκας.
At any rate, they all depart having received, even grumbling because you did not give more.
§38ὁ μὲν γὰρ μισθὸς αὐτὸς κατὰ δῠ ὀβολοὺς ἢ τέτταρας, καὶ βαρὺς αἰτῶν σὺ καὶ ὀχληρὸς δοκεῖς.
For the salary itself is paid out by two or four obols, and you, asking for it, seem heavy and troublesome.
ἵνα δʼ οὖν λάβῃς, κολακευτέος μὲν αὐτὸς καὶ ἱκετευτέος, θεραπευτέος δὲ καὶ ὁ οἰκονόμος, οὗτος μὲν κατʼ ἄλλον θεραπείας τρόπον· οὐκ ἀμελητέος δὲ οὐδὲ ὁ σύμβουλος καὶ φίλος.
But in order that you may receive it, he himself must be flattered and entreated, and the steward also must be courted, the latter indeed in another way of courting; and neither must the adviser and friend be neglected.
καὶ τὸ ληφθὲν ἤδη προωφείλετο ἱματιοκαπήλῳ ἢ ἰατρῷ ἢ σκυτοτόμῳ τινί.
And the money received was already owed beforehand to a clothes-dealer, or a physician, or some shoemaker.
ἄδωρα οὖν σοι τὰ δῶρα καὶ ἀνόνητα.
Giftless therefore are your gifts and unprofitable.
§39πολὺς δὲ ὁ φθόνος, καί που καὶ διαβολή τις ἠρέμα ὑπεξανίσταται πρὸς ἄνδρα ἤδη τοὺς κατὰ σοῦ λόγους ἡδέως ἐνδεχόμενον· ὁρᾷ γὰρ ἤδη σὲ μὲν ὑπὸ τῶν συνεχῶν πόνων ἐκτετρυχωμένον καὶ πρὸς τὴν θεραπείαν σκάζοντα καὶ ἀπηυδηκότα, τὴν ποδάγραν δὲ ὑπανιοῦσαν.
And great is the envy, and somewhere too some slander quietly rises up against a man who now gladly receives the words against you; for he already sees you worn out by continuous labors, and limping with respect to your service, and exhausted, and gout quietly creeping in.
ὅλως γὰρ ὅπερ ἦν νοστιμώτατον ἐν σοὶ ἀπανθισάμενος καὶ τὸ ἐγκαρπότατον τῆς ἡλικίας καὶ τὸ ἀκμαιότατον τοῦ σώματος ἐπιτρίψας καὶ ῥάκος σε πολυσχιδὲς ἐργασάμενος ἤδη περιβλέπει, σὲ μὲν οἷ τῆς κόπρου ἀπορρίψει φέρων, ἄλλον δὲ ὅπως τῶν δυναμένων τοὺς πόνους καρτερεῖν προσλήψεται.
For in short, having plucked the very sweetest part of you, and having consumed the most fruitful part of your age and the most vigorous part of your body, and having made you a torn rag, he now looks around: you indeed to throw out to some dung-heap, and another, how he may take on of those able to endure the labors.
καὶ ἤτοι μειράκιον αὐτοῦ ὅτι ἐπείρασάς ποτε ἢ τῆς γυναικὸς ἅβραν παρθένον γέρων ἀνὴρ διαφθείρεις ἢ ἄλλο τι τοιοῦτον ἐπικληθείς, νύκτωρ ἐγκεκαλυμμένος ἐπὶ τράχηλον ὠσθεὶς ἐξελήλυθας, ἔρημος ἁπάντων καὶ ἄπορος, τὴν βελτίστην ποδάγραν αὐτῷ γήρᾳ παραλαβών, καὶ ἃ μὲν τέως ᾔδεις ἀπομαθὼν ἐν τοσούτῳ χρόνῳ, θυλάκου δὲ μείζω τὴν γαστέρα ἐργασάμενος, ἀπλήρωτόν τι καὶ ἀπαραίτητον κακόν.
And either accused because you once made an attempt on his young favorite, or that you, an old man, are corrupting his wife's virgin maid, or some other such thing being charged, you are thrust out headlong in the night, muffled up, destitute of all things and helpless, having received the most excellent gout along with old age, and having unlearned in so much time what you previously knew, having made your belly larger than a sack, an insatiable and inexorable evil.
καὶ γὰρ ὁ λαιμὸς ἀπαιτεῖ τὰ ἐκ τοῦ ἔθους καὶ ἀπομανθάνων αὐτὰ ἀγανακτεῖ.
For the throat indeed demands what has become custom, and is angry at unlearning them.