§8Σίμων
καὶ μὴν οὐδὲ τοιοῦτόν τί ἐστιν ἡ παρασιτικὴ ὁποῖον τὸ κάλλος καὶ ἡ ἰσχύς, ὥστε τέχνην μὲν μὴ δοκεῖν αὐτήν, δύναμιν δέ τινα τοιαύτην.
Simon And indeed, the art of being a parasite is not like beauty and strength, so that it does not seem to be an art, but some such power.
Τυχιάδης
ἀληθῆ λέγεις.
Tychiades You speak the truth.
Σίμων
ἀλλὰ μέντοι οὐδὲ ἀτεχνία ἐστίν· ἡ γὰρ ἀτεχνία οὐδέποτε οὐδὲν κατορθοῖ τῷ κεκτημένῳ.
Simon But indeed it is not a lack of art either; for a lack of art never accomplishes anything for its possessor.
φέρε γάρ, εἰ ἐπιτρέψειας σὺ σεαυτῷ ναῦν ἐν θαλάττῃ καὶ χειμῶνι μὴ ἐπιστάμενος κυβερνᾶν, σωθείης ἄν; <Τυχιάδης>
<οὐδαμῶς. >
<Σίμων>
<τί δʼ, εἰ ἵππους ἐπιτραφθείη τις μὴ ἐπιστάμενος ἠνιοχεῖν; >
Τυχιάδης
οὐδʼ οὗτος.
Tell me, if you entrusted yourself to a ship in the sea and in a storm without knowing how to steer, would you be saved? <Tychiades> <By no means.> <Simon> <And what if someone were entrusted with horses without knowing how to drive a chariot?> Tychiades Neither would he.
Σίμων
τί δή ποτε, ἢ τῷ μὴ ἔχειν τέχνην, διʼ ἧς δυνήσεται σώζειν ἑαυτόν;
Simon Why on earth, except by not having the art through which he will be able to save himself?
Τυχιάδης
καὶ μάλα.
Tychiades Quite so.
Σίμων
οὐκοῦν καὶ παράσιτος ὑπὸ τῆς παρασιτικῆς, εἴπερ ἦν ἀτεχνία, οὐκ ἂν ἐσώζετο;
Simon Therefore, would not a parasite also, if the art of being a parasite were a lack of art, not be saved by it?
Τυχιάδης
ναί.
Tychiades Yes.
Σίμων
οὐκοῦν τέχνῃ σώζεται, ἀτεχνίᾳ δὲ οὔ;
Simon Therefore, is he saved by art, and not by a lack of art?
Τυχιάδης
πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
Tychiades Quite so.
Σίμων
τέχνη ἄρα ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτική.
Simon The art of being a parasite is therefore an art.
Τυχιάδης
τέχνη, ὡς ἔοικεν.
Tychiades An art, as it seems.
Σίμων
καὶ μὴν κυβερνήτας μὲν ἀγαθοὺς ναυαγίᾳ περιπεσόντας καὶ ἡνιόχους τεχνίτας ἐκπεσόντας τῶν δίφρων οἶδα ἐγὼ πολλάκις, καὶ τοὺς μὲν συντριβέντας, τοὺς δὲ καὶ πάμπαν διαφθαρέντας, παρασίτου δὲ ναυάγιον οὐδὲ εἷς ἔχοι τοιοῦτον εἰπεῖν.
Simon And indeed, I often know of good helmsmen falling into shipwreck and skilled charioteers falling from their chariots, some of whom are crushed and others entirely destroyed, but no one could speak of such a shipwreck of a parasite.
οὐκοῦν εἰ μήτε ἀτεχνία ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτικὴ μήτε δύναμις, σύστημα δέ τι ἐκ καταλήψεων γεγυμνασμένων, τέχνη δῆλον ὅτι διωμολόγηται ἡμῖν σήμερον.
Therefore, if the art of being a parasite is neither a lack of art nor a power, but a certain system of trained perceptions, it is clear that it has been agreed by us today to be an art.
§9Τυχιάδης
ὅσον ἐκ τούτου εἰκάζω·
Tychiades So far as I can estimate from this.
ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο, ὅπως καὶ ὅρον ἡμῖν τινα γενναῖον ἀποδῷς τῆς παρασιτικῆς.
But as for that, see that you also give us some noble definition of the art of being a parasite.
Σίμων
ὀρθῶς σύ γε λέγων.
Simon You speak correctly indeed.
δοκεῖ γὰρ δή μοι οὕτως ἂν μάλιστα ὡρίσθαι· παρασιτική ἐστιν τέχνη ποτέων καὶ βρωτέων καὶ τῶν διὰ ταῦτα λεκτέων καὶ πρακτέων, τέλος δὲ αὐτῆς τὸ ἡδύ.
For it seems to me that it would be best defined thus: the art of being a parasite is an art of things to be drunk and things to be eaten, and of things to be said and things to be done for the sake of these, and its end is pleasure.
Τυχιάδης
ὑπέρευγέ μοι δοκεῖς ὁρίσασθαι τὴν σεαυτοῦ τέχνην· ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο σκόπει, μὴ πρὸς ἐνίους τῶν φιλοσόφων μάχη σοι περὶ τοῦ τέλους ᾖ.
Tychiades You seem to have defined your own art exceedingly well; but consider this, lest there be a fight for you with some of the philosophers concerning the end.
Σίμων
καὶ μὴν ἀπόχρη γε εἴπερ ἔσται τὸ αὐτὸ τέλος εὐδαιμονίας καὶ παρασιτικῆς.
Simon And indeed, it is sufficient if indeed the end of happiness and that of the art of being a parasite shall be the same.
§10Σίμων
φανεῖται δὲ οὕτως·
Simon And it will appear so.
ὁ γὰρ σοφὸς Ὅμηρος τὸν τοῦ παρασίτου βίον θαυμάζων ὡς ἄρα μακάριος καὶ ζηλωτὸς εἴη μόνος, οὕτω φησίν· "
οὐ γὰρ ἔγωγέ τί φημι τέλος χαριέστερον εἶναι,
ἢ ὅτʼ ἂν εὐφροσύνη μὲν ἔχῃ κάτα δῆμον ἅπαντα,
δαιτυμόνες δʼ ἀνὰ δώματʼ ἀκουάζωνται ἀοιδοῦ
ἥμενοι ἑξείης, παρὰ δὲ πλήθωσι τράπεζαι
σίτου καὶ κρειῶν, μέθυ δʼ ἐκ κρητῆρος ἀφύσσων
οἰνοχόος φορέῃσι καὶ ἐγχείῃ δεπάεσσι. "
καὶ ὡς οὐχ ἱκανῶς ταῦτα θαυμάζων μᾶλλον τὴν αὑτοῦ γνώμην ποιεῖ φανερωτέραν εὖ λέγων· "τοῦτό τί μοι κάλλιστον ἐνὶ φρεσὶν εἴδεται εἶναι,"
οὐχ ἕτερόν τι, ἐξ ὧν φησιν, ἢ τὸ παρασιτεῖν εὔδαιμον νομίζων.
For the wise Homer, admiring the life of the parasite as indeed being alone happy and enviable, speaks thus: "For I indeed say that there is no end more graceful, than when joy possesses all the people, and the guests in the halls listen to a singer, sitting in order, and beside them tables are full of bread and meat, and the cupbearer drawing wine from the mixing-bowl carries it and pours it into the cups." And as if not sufficiently admiring these, he makes his own opinion even more manifest, saying well: "This seems to me in my mind to be the most beautiful thing," deeming none other than being a parasite to be happy, as is clear from what he says.
καὶ μὴν οὐδὲ τῷ τυχόντι ἀνδρὶ περιτέθεικε τούτους τοὺς λόγους, ἀλλὰ τῷ σοφωτάτῳ τῶν ὅλων.
And indeed, he did not attribute these words to any ordinary man, but to the wisest of all.
καίτοι γε εἴπερ ἐβούλετο Ὀδυσσεὺς τὸ κατὰ τοὺς Στωϊκοὺς ἐπαινεῖν τέλος, ἐδύνατο ταυτὶ λέγειν ὅτε τὸν Φιλοκτήτην ἀνήγαγεν ἐκ τῆς Λήμνου, ὅτε τὸ Ἴλιον ἐξεπόρθησεν, ὅτε τοὺς Ἕλληνας φεύγοντας κατέσχεν, ὅτε εἰς Τροίαν εἰσῆλθεν ἑαυτὸν μαστιγώσας καὶ κακὰ καὶ Στωϊκὰ ῥάκη ἐνδύς·
And yet indeed, if Odysseus wished to praise the end according to the Stoics, he could have said these things when he brought Philoctetes up from Lemnos, when he sacked Ilium, when he held back the fleeing Greeks, when he entered Troy having whipped himself and wearing bad and Stoic-like rags.
ἀλλὰ τότε οὐκ εἶπε τοῦτο τέλος χαριέστερον.
But at that time he did not say this was a more graceful end.
ἀλλὰ μὴν καὶ ἐν τῷ τῶν Ἐπικουρείων βίῳ γενόμενος αὖθις παρὰ τῇ Καλυψοῖ, ὅτε αὐτῷ ὑπῆρχεν ἐν ἀργίᾳ τε βιοτεύειν καὶ τρυφᾶν καὶ βινεῖν τὴν Ἄτλαντος θυγατέρα καὶ κινεῖν πάσας τὰς λείας κινήσεις, οὐδὲ τότε εἶπε τοῦτο τὸ τέλος χαριέστερον, ἀλλὰ τὸν τῶν παρασίτων βίον.
And indeed, also when he was in the life of the Epicureans again with Calypso, when it was possible for him to live in idleness and to indulge in luxury and to sleep with the daughter of Atlas, and to initiate all smooth movements, not even then did he say this was a more graceful end, but rather the life of parasites.
ἐκαλοῦντο δὲ δαιτυμόνες οἱ παράσιτοι τότε.
And the parasites were called guests at that time.
πῶς οὖν λέγει;
How then does he say?
πάλιν γὰρ ἄξιον ἀναμνησθῆναι τῶν ἐπῶν· οὐδὲν γὰρ οἷον ἀκούειν αὐτῶν πολλάκις λεγομένων· δαιτυμόνες καθήμενοι ἑξείης· καί· "
παρὰ δὲ πλήθωσι τράπεζαι
σίτου καὶ κρειῶν. "
For it is worth remembering the verses again; for there is nothing like hearing them said often: "guests sitting in order," and, "beside them tables are full of bread and meat."