§3Τυχιάδης
ἀλλὰ σὺ μὲν ὅπως χαίρεις καλούμενος, οὐδὲν ἢ μικρόν μοι μέλει· σκοπεῖν δὲ δεῖ καὶ τὴν ἄλλην ἀτοπίαν.
Tychiades: But how you enjoy being called is of little or no concern to me; we must also consider the other absurdity.
Σίμων
τίνα μήν;
Simon: What is that?
Τυχιάδης
εἰ καὶ ταύτην ταῖς ἄλλαις τέχναις ἐγκαταλέξομεν, ὥστε ἐπειδὰν πυνθάνηταί τις, ὁποία τις αὕτη τέχνη ἐστί, λέγειν, οἷον γραμματικὴ ἢ ἰατρική, παρασιτική. Σίμων
ἐγὼ μέν, ὦ Τυχιάδη, πολὺ μᾶλλον ταύτην ἤ τινα ἑτέραν τέχνην φαίην ἄν.
Tychiades: Whether we shall enlist this also among the other arts, so that whenever someone asks what kind of art this is, we should say "the art of being a parasite," just as we say "grammar" or "medicine." Simon: I, Tychiades, would say this much more than any other art.
εἰ δέ σοι φίλον ἀκούειν, καὶ ὅπως οἴομαι λέγοιμι ἄν, καίπερ οὐ παντάπασιν ὤν, ὡς ἔφθην εἰπών, ἐπὶ τοῦτο παρεσκευασμένος.
And if you wish to hear, I would tell you how I think, although I am not, as I just said, entirely prepared for this.
Τυχιάδης
οὐθέν, εἰ καὶ σμικρὰ λέγοις, ἀληθῆ δέ, διοίσει.
Tychiades: It will make no difference even if you speak briefly, as long as you speak the truth.
Σίμων
ἴθι δὴ πρῶτον, εἴ σοι δοκεῖ, περὶ τῆς τέχνης, ἥτις ποτὲ οὖσα τυγχάνει τῷ γένει, σκοπῶμεν· οὑτωσὶ γὰρ ἐπακολουθήσαιμεν ἂν καὶ ταῖς κατʼ εἶδος τέχναις, εἴπερ ἄρα ὀρθῶς μετέχοιεν αὐτῆς.
Simon: Come then, first, if it seems good to you, let us consider what the art actually is in its genus; for in this way we might also follow the arts according to their species, to see if they indeed rightly participate in it.
Τυχιάδης
τί ποτʼ οὖν ἐστιν ἡ τέχνη;
Tychiades: What on earth then is the art?
πάντως ἐπίστασαι.
You certainly know.
Σίμων
πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
Simon: Of course I do.
Τυχιάδης
μὴ τοίνυν ὄκνει λέγειν αὐτήν, εἴπερ οἶσθα.
Tychiades: Do not hesitate to speak of it, then, if indeed you know.
§4Σίμων
τέχνη ἐστίν, ὡς ἐγὼ διαμνημονεύω σοφοῦ τινος ἀκούσας, σύστημα ἐκ καταλήψεων συγγεγυμνασμένων πρός τι τέλος εὔχρηστον τῷ βίῳ.
Simon: An art is, as I recall hearing from a certain wise man, a system of perceptions trained together toward some end useful to life.
Τυχιάδης
ὀρθῶς ἐκεῖνός γε εἰπὼν σύ τε ἀπομνημονεύσας.
Tychiades: He spoke correctly indeed, and you remembered it well.
Σίμων
εἰ δὲ μετέχοι τούτων ἁπάντων ἡ παρασιτική, τί ἂν ἄλλο ἢ καὶ αὐτὴ τέχνη εἴη;
Simon: And if the art of being a parasite participates in all of these, what else could it be but itself an art?
Τυχιάδης
τέχνη γάρ, εἴπερ οὕτως ἔχοι.
Tychiades: An art indeed, if this is so.
Σίμων
φέρε δὴ καθʼ ἕκαστον τοῖς τῆς τέχνης εἴδεσιν ἐφαρμόζοντες τὴν παρασιτικήν, εἰ συνᾴδει σκοπῶμεν ἢ ὁ περὶ αὐτῆς λόγος, καθάπερ αἱ πονηραὶ χύτραι διακρουόμεναι, σαθρὸν ἀποφθέγγεται.
Simon: Come then, let us apply the art of being a parasite to each of the characteristics of an art to see if it agrees, or if the argument about it, like bad jars when struck, rings hollow.
δεῖ τοίνυν πᾶσαν τέχνην σύστημα ἐκ καταλήψεων πρῶτον μὲν τὸ δοκιμάζειν καὶ διακρίνειν ὅστις ἂν ἐπιτήδειος γένοιτο τρέφειν αὐτόν, καὶ ὅτῳ παρασιτεῖν ἀρξάμενος οὐκ ἂν μεταγνοίη.
Therefore, every art must be a system of perceptions; first, indeed, to examine and discern who would be suitable to feed him, and whom he would not regret having begun to parasite upon.
ἢ τὸν μὲν ἀργυρογνώμονα τέχνην τινὰ φήσομεν ἔχειν, εἴπερ ἐπίσταται διαγιγνώσκειν τά τε κίβδηλα τῶν νομισμάτων καὶ τὰ μή, τοῦτον δὲ ἄνευ τέχνης διακρίνειν τούς τε κιβδήλους τῶν ἀνθρώπων καὶ τοὺς ἀγαθούς, καὶ ταῦτα οὐχ ὥσπερ τῶν νομισμάτων καὶ τῶν ἀνθρώπων φανερῶν εὐθὺς ὄντων;
Or shall we say that the money-changer has a certain art, if indeed he knows how to distinguish counterfeit coins from genuine ones, but this man without art distinguishes counterfeit men from the good, and that too when coins and men are not immediately obvious?
αὐτὰ μέντοι ταῦτα καὶ ὁ σοφὸς Εὐριπίδης καταμέμφεται λέγων· "
ἀνδρῶν δʼ ὅτῳ χρὴ τὸν κακὸν διειδέναι,
οὐδεὶς χαρακτὴρ ἐμπέφυκε σώματι. "
ᾧ δὴ καὶ μείζων ἡ τοῦ παρασίτου τέχνη, ἥ γε καὶ τὰ οὕτως ἄδηλα καὶ ἀφανῆ μᾶλλον τῆς μαντικῆς γνωρίζει τε καὶ οἶδεν.
Indeed, the wise Euripides complains of this very thing, saying: "No mark is natural to the body by which one can distinguish the bad among men." In this indeed the art of the parasite is even greater, which recognizes and knows things so unclear and invisible even more than the art of divination.
§5τὸ δέ γε ἐπίστασθαι λόγους λέγειν ἐπιτηδείους καὶ πράγματα πράττειν διʼ ὧν οἰκειώσεται καὶ εὐνούστατον ἑαυτὸν τῷ τρέφοντι ἀποδείξει, ἆρʼ οὐ συνέσεως καὶ καταλήψεως ἐρρωμένης εἶναί σοι δοκεῖ;
Simon: And as for knowing how to speak appropriate words and do things by which he will make himself intimate and show himself most well-disposed to the one who feeds him, does it not seem to you to belong to a strong intelligence and perception?
Τυχιάδης
καὶ μάλα.
Tychiades: Very much so.
Σίμων
τὸ δέ γε ἐν ταῖς ἑστιάσεσιν αὐταῖς ὅπως παντὸς ἀπέλθοι πλέον ἔχων καὶ παρευδοκιμῶν τοὺς μὴ τὴν αὐτὴν αὐτῷ κεκτημένους τέχνην, ἄνευ τινὸς λόγου καὶ σοφίας πράττεσθαι οἴει;
Simon: And as for how, in the banquets themselves, he might depart having more than everyone else and outshining those who do not possess the same art as himself, do you think this is done without some reason and wisdom?
Τυχιάδης
οὐδαμῶς.
Tychiades: By no means.
Σίμων
τί δέ, τὸ ἐπίστασθαι τὰς ἀρετὰς καὶ κακίας τῶν σιτίων καὶ τῶν ὄψων πολυπραγμοσύνην ἀτέχνου τινὸς εἶναί σοι δοκεῖ, καὶ ταῦτα τοῦ γενναιοτάτου Πλάτωνος οὑτωσὶ λέγοντος,
τοῦ μέλλοντος ἑστιάσεσθαι μὴ μαγειρικοῦ ὄντος, σκευαζομένης θοίνης ἀκυροτέρα ἡ κρίσις;
Simon: And what about knowing the virtues and vices of foods and dishes? Does it seem to you to be the meddlesomeness of an unskilled person, especially since the noble Plato speaks thus: "When the one who is going to feast is not a cook, while the banquet is being prepared, his judgment is less authoritative"?
§6Σίμων
ὅτι γε μὴν οὐκ ἐκ καταλήψεως μόνον, ἀλλὰ συγγεγυμνασμένης ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτική, μάθοις ἂν ἐνθένδε ῥᾳδίως· αἱ μὲν γὰρ τῶν ἄλλων τεχνῶν καταλήψεις καὶ ἡμέρας καὶ νύκτας καὶ μῆνας καὶ ἐνιαυτοὺς πολλάκις ἀσυγγύμναστοι μένουσιν, καὶ ὅμως οὐκ ἀπόλλυνται παρὰ τοῖς κεκτημένοις αἱ τέχναι, ἡ δὲ τοῦ παρασίτου κατάληψις εἰ μὴ καθʼ ἡμέραν εἴη ἐν γυμνασίᾳ, ἀπόλλυσιν οὐ μόνον, οἶμαι, τὴν τέχνην, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτὸν τὸν τεχνίτην.
Simon: And indeed, that the art of being a parasite is not only of perception, but of one that has been trained, you may easily learn from this: for the perceptions of other arts often remain untrained for days, nights, months, and years, and yet the arts are not lost to those who possess them; but the perception of the parasite, if it is not in training every day, destroys, I think, not only the art, but also the artisan himself.
§7Σίμων
τό γε μὴν
πρός τι τέλος εὔχρηστον τῷ βίῳ
μὴ καὶ μανίας ᾖ ζητεῖν.
Simon: And as for "toward some end useful to life," perhaps it would be madness even to seek it.
ἐγὼ γὰρ τοῦ φαγεῖν καὶ τοῦ πιεῖν οὐδὲν εὐχρηστότερον εὑρίσκω ἐν τῷ βίῳ, ὧν οὐδὲ ζῆν γε ἄνευ ἔστιν.
For I find nothing more useful in life than eating and drinking, without which indeed it is not even possible to live.
Τυχιάδης
πάνυ μὲν οὖν.
Tychiades: Quite so.