§11Σίμων
ὅ γε μὴν Ἐπίκουρος σφόδρα ἀναισχύντως ὑφελόμενος τὸ τῆς παρασιτικῆς τέλος τῆς καθʼ αὑτὸν εὐδαιμονίας τέλος αὐτὸ ποιεῖ.
Simon But Epicurus, very shamelessly filching the end of the art of being a parasite, makes it the end of his own happiness.
καὶ ὅτι κλοπὴ τὸ πρᾶγμά ἐστιν καὶ οὐδὲν Ἐπικούρῳ μέλει τὸ ἡδύ, ἀλλὰ τῷ παρασίτῳ, οὕτω μάθοις ἄν.
And that this thing is a theft and that Epicurus does not care for pleasure, but the parasite does, you may learn in this way.
ἔγωγε ἡγοῦμαι τὸ ἡδὺ πρῶτον μὲν τὸ τῆς σαρκὸς ἀόχλητον, ἔπειτα τὸ μὴ θορύβου καὶ ταραχῆς τὴν ψυχὴν ἐμπεπλῆσθαι.
I indeed hold that pleasure is, first, that the flesh be undisturbed, and next, that the soul be not filled with tumult and confusion.
τούτων τοίνυν ὁ μὲν παράσιτος ἑκατέρων τυγχάνει, ὁ δὲ Ἐπίκουρος οὐδὲ θατέρου· ὁ γὰρ ζητῶν περὶ σχήματος γῆς καὶ κόσμων ἀπειρίας καὶ μεγέθους ἡλίου καὶ ἀποστημάτων καὶ πρώτων στοιχείων καὶ περὶ θεῶν, εἴτε εἰσὶν εἴτε οὐκ εἰσί, καὶ περὶ αὐτοῦ τοῦ τέλους ἀεὶ πολεμῶν καὶ διαφερόμενος πρός τινας οὐ μόνον ἐν ἀνθρωπίναις, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἐν κοσμικαῖς ἐστιν ὀχλήσεσιν.
Now the parasite obtains both of these, but Epicurus not even one of them; for he who inquires about the shape of the earth, the infinity of worlds, the size of the sun, distances, primary elements, and about the gods, whether they exist or do not exist, and who is always fighting and disputing with some people about the end itself, is not only in human but also in cosmic troubles.
ὁ δὲ παράσιτος πάντα καλῶς ἔχειν οἰόμενος καὶ πεπιστευκὼς μὴ ἄλλως ταῦτα ἔχειν ἄμεινον ἢ ἔχει, μετὰ πολλῆς ἀδείας καὶ γαλήνης, οὐδενὸς αὐτῷ τοιούτου παρενοχλοῦντος, ἐσθίει καὶ κοιμᾶται ὕπτιος ἀφεικὼς τοὺς πόδας καὶ τὰς χεῖρας ὥσπερ Ὀδυσσεὺς τῆς Σχερίας ἀποπλέων οἴκαδε.
But the parasite, thinking that all is well and believing that these things cannot be better otherwise than they are, with much security and tranquility, with no such thing disturbing him, eats and sleeps on his back, having let go of his feet and hands like Odysseus sailing home from Scheria.
§12Σίμων
καὶ μὴν οὐχὶ κατὰ ταῦτα μόνον οὐδὲν προσήκει τὸ ἡδὺ τῷ Ἐπικούρῳ, ἀλλὰ καὶ κατʼ ἐκεῖνα·
Simon And indeed, not only in these respects does pleasure not belong to Epicurus, but also in those.
ὁ γὰρ Ἐπίκουρος οὗτος, ὅστις ποτέ ἐστιν ὁ σοφός, ἤτοι φαγεῖν ἔχει ἢ οὔ·
For this Epicurus, whoever this wise man of theirs is, either has food to eat or he does not.
εἰ μὲν οὐκ ἔχει, οὐχ ὅπως ἡδέως ζήσεται, ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ ζήσεται·
If indeed he does not have it, far from living pleasantly, he will not even live.
εἰ δὲ ἔχει, εἴτε παρʼ ἑαυτοῦ εἴτε παρʼ ἄλλου·
But if he has it, it is either from himself or from another.
εἰ μὲν οὖν παρʼ ἄλλου τὸ φαγεῖν ἔχοι, παράσιτός ἐστι καὶ οὐχ ὃς λέγει·
If indeed, therefore, he should have food from another, he is a parasite, and not who he says he is.
εἰ δὲ παρʼ ἑαυτοῦ, οὐχ ἡδέως ζήσεται.
But if it is from himself, he will not live pleasantly.
Τυχιάδης
πῶς οὐχ ἡδέως;
Tychiades How not pleasantly?
Σίμων
εἰ γὰρ ἔχοι τὸ φαγεῖν παρʼ ἑαυτοῦ, πολλά τοι, ὦ Τυχιάδη, τὰ ἀηδέα τῷ τοιούτῳ βίῳ παρακολουθεῖν ἀνάγκη· καὶ ἄθρει πόσα.
Simon For if he should have food from himself, indeed many unpleasant things, Tychiades, must of necessity follow such a life; and see how many.
δεῖ τὸν μέλλοντα βιώσεσθαι καθʼ ἡδονὴν τὰς ἐγγιγνομένας ὀρέξεις ἁπάσας ἀναπληροῦν.
He who is going to live according to pleasure must satisfy all the desires that arise.
ἢ τί φής;
Or what do you say?
Τυχιάδης
κἀμοὶ δοκεῖ.
Tychiades It seems so to me too.
Σίμων
οὐκοῦν τῷ μὲν συχνὰ κεκτημένῳ ἴσως τοῦτο παρέχει, τῷ δὲ ὀλίγα καὶ μηδὲν οὐκέτι· ὥστε πένης οὐκ ἂν σοφὸς γένοιτο οὐδὲ ἐφίκοιτο τοῦ τέλους, λέγω δὴ τοῦ ἡδέος.
Simon Therefore, to one who possesses much, this perhaps is provided, but to one who possesses little or nothing, no longer; so that a poor man could not become wise, nor reach the end, I mean indeed of pleasure.
ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ μὴν ὁ πλούσιος, ὁ παρὰ τῆς οὐσίας ἀφθόνως ταῖς ἐπιθυμίαις χορηγῶν, δυνήσεται τοῦδε ἐφικέσθαι.
But indeed, not even the rich man, who from his wealth abundantly supplies his desires, will be able to reach this.
τί δή ποτε;
Why on earth?
ὅτι πᾶσα ἀνάγκη τὸν ἀναλίσκοντα τὰ ἑαυτοῦ πολλαῖς περιπίπτειν ἀηδίαις, τοῦτο μὲν τῷ μαγείρῳ κακῶς σκευάσαντι τὸ ὄψον μαχόμενον ἢ εἰ μὴ μάχοιτο φαῦλα παρὰ τοῦτο ἐσθίοντα τὰ ὄψα καὶ τοῦ ἡδέος ὑστεροῦντα, τοῦτο δὲ τῷ οἰκονομοῦντι τὰ κατὰ τὴν οἰκίαν, εἰ μὴ καλῶς οἰκονομοίη, μαχόμενον.
Because of the absolute necessity that one who spends his own goods falls into many unpleasantnesses: on the one hand, quarreling with the cook who has poorly prepared the dish, or if he does not quarrel, eating poor dishes because of this and falling short of pleasure; on the other hand, quarreling with the steward of the household if he does not manage well.
ἢ οὐχ οὕτως;
Or is it not so?
Τυχιάδης
νὴ Δία, κἀμοὶ δοκεῖ.
Tychiades By Zeus, it seems so to me too.
Σίμων
τῷ μὲν οὖν Ἐπικούρῳ πάντα συμβαίνειν εἰκός, ὥστε οὐδέποτε τεύξεται τοῦ τέλους· τῷ δὲ παρασίτῳ οὔτε μάγειρός ἐστιν ᾧ χαλεπήναι, οὔτε ἀγρὸς οὔτε οἶκος οὔτε ἀργύρια, ὑπὲρ ὧν ἀπολλυμένων ἀχθεσθείη, ὥστε καὶ φάγοι καὶ πίοι μόνος οὗτος ὑπὸ μηδενός, ὧν ἐκείνους ἀνάγκη, ἐνοχλούμενος.
Simon To Epicurus, therefore, it is natural that all these things happen, so that he will never attain the end; but to the parasite, there is neither a cook to be angry with, nor a field nor a house nor money, for the loss of which he would be grieved, so that he alone may eat and drink, disturbed by none of those things which the others must of necessity be.
§13Σίμων
ἀλλʼ ὅτι μὲν τέχνη ἐστὶν ἡ παρασιτική, κἀκ τούτων καὶ τῶν ἄλλων ἱκανῶς δέδεικται.
Simon But that the art of being a parasite is an art has been sufficiently shown both from these and from other things.
λοιπὸν ὅτι καὶ ἀρίστη δεικτέον, καὶ τοῦτο οὐχ ἁπλῶς, ἀλλὰ πρῶτον μέν, ὅτι κοινῇ πασῶν διαφέρει τῶν τεχνῶν, εἶτα ὅτι καὶ ἰδίᾳ ἑκάστης. κοινῇ μὲν οὖν ἁπασῶν οὕτω διαφέρει·
It remains to show that it is also the best, and this not simply, but first, because it differs in common from all arts, and next, because it differs individually from each.
πάσης γὰρ τέχνης ἀνάγκη προάγειν μάθησιν πόνον φόβον πληγάς, ἅπερ οὐκ ἔστιν ὅστις οὐκ ἂν ἀπεύξαιτο·
In common, therefore, it differs from all as follows: for of every art, it is necessary that labor, fear, and blows precede learning, things which there is no one who would not pray to avoid.
ταύτην δὲ τὴν τέχνην, ὡς ἔοικεν, μόνην ἔξεστι μαθεῖν ἄνευ πόνου.
But this art alone, as it seems, is possible to learn without labor.
τίς γὰρ ἀπὸ δείπνου ποτὲ ἀπῆλθεν κλαίων, ὥσπερ τινὰς ἐκ τῶν διδασκάλων ὁρῶμεν, τίς δʼ ἐπὶ δεῖπνον ἀπιὼν ὤφθη σκυθρωπός, ὥσπερ οἱ εἰς διδασκαλεῖα φοιτῶντες;
For who ever went away from a dinner crying, as we see some doing from their teachers? And who, going away to a dinner, was seen to be gloomy, like those who attend schools?
καὶ μὴν ὁ μὲν παράσιτος ἑκὼν αὐτὸς ἐπὶ δεῖπνον ἔρχεται μάλα ἐπιθυμῶν τῆς τέχνης, οἱ δὲ τὰς ἄλλας τέχνας μανθάνοντες μισοῦσιν αὐτάς, ὥστε ἔνιοι διʼ αὐτὰς ἀποδιδράσκουσι.
And indeed, the parasite comes to dinner of his own accord, greatly desiring the art, while those who learn other arts hate them, so that some run away because of them.
τί δέ, οὐ κἀκεῖνο ἐννοῆσαί σε δεῖ, ὅτι καὶ τοὺς ἐν ἐκείναις ταῖς τέχναις προκόπτοντας οἱ πατέρες καὶ μητέρες τούτοις τιμῶσι μάλιστα, οἷς καθʼ ἡμέραν καὶ τὸν παράσιτον,
καλῶς νὴ Δία ἔγραψεν ὁ παῖς,
λέγοντες,
δότε αὐτῷ φαγεῖν
οὐκ ἔγραψεν ὀρθῶς, μὴ δότε;
And what? Must you not also consider this, that even those who make progress in those arts, their fathers and mothers honor them most with these very things with which the parasite is honored every day, saying: "By Zeus, the boy wrote beautifully," and, "Give him something to eat"? Do they say, "He did not write correctly, do not give him"?
οὕτω τὸ πρᾶγμα καὶ ἔντιμον καὶ ἐν τιμωρίᾳ μέγα φαίνεται.
Thus the matter appears both honorable and of great importance in punishment.