§30Σίμων
ἡ μέντοι παρασιτικὴ οὐχ οὕτως ἔχει, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἐν Ἕλλησι καὶ βαρβάροις μία ἐστὶν καὶ κατὰ ταὐτὰ καὶ ὡσαύτως, καὶ οὐκ ἂν εἴποι τις ἄλλως μὲν τούσδε, ἑτέρως δὲ τούσδε παρασιτεῖν, οὐδέ εἰσιν ὡς ἔοικεν ἐν παρασίτοις τινες οἷον Στωϊκοὶ ἢ Ἐπικούρειοι δόγματα ἔχοντες διάφορα, ἀλλὰ πᾶσι πρὸς ἅπαντας ὁμολογία τίς ἐστιν καὶ συμφωνία τῶν ἔργων καὶ τοῦ τέλους.
Simon However, the art of being a parasite is not like that, but is one and the same, and identical, both among Greeks and barbarians. One could not say that some parasite in this way and others in that way, nor, as it seems, are there any among parasites like the Stoics or Epicureans who hold different dogmas, but there is a certain agreement and harmony of actions and of the end for all of them towards all.
ὥστε ἔμοιγε δοκεῖ ἡ παρασιτικὴ κινδυνεύειν κατά γε τοῦτο καὶ σοφία εἶναι.
So that to me at least, the art of being a parasite seems to run the risk of being wisdom itself, at least in this respect.
§31Τυχιάδης
πάνυ μοι δοκεῖς ἱκανῶς ταῦτα εἰρηκέναι.
Tychiades You seem to me to have spoken these things quite adequately.
ὡς δὲ καὶ τὰ ἄλλα χείρων ἐστὶν ἡ φιλοσοφία τῆς σῆς τέχνης, πῶς ἀποδεικνύεις;
But as to how also in other respects philosophy is worse than your art, how do you show it?
Σίμων
οὐκοῦν ἀνάγκη πρῶτον εἰπεῖν ὅτι φιλοσοφίας μὲν οὐδέποτε ἠράσθη παράσιτος, παρασιτικῆς δὲ πάμπολλοι ἐπιθυμήσαντες μνημονεύονται φιλόσοφοι, καὶ μέχρι γε νῦν ἐρῶσιν.
Simon Is it not necessary first to say that a parasite has never been in love with philosophy, but very many philosophers are remembered to have desired the art of being a parasite, and even up to now they are in love with it?
Τυχιάδης
καὶ τίνας ἂν ἔχοις εἰπεῖν φιλοσόφους παρασιτεῖν σπουδάσαντας;
Tychiades And whom could you mention as philosophers who were eager to be parasites?
Σίμων
οὕστινας μέντοι, ὦ Τυχιάδη;
Simon Whom indeed, Tychiades?
οὓς καὶ σὺ γιγνώσκων ὑποκρίνῃ ἀγνοεῖν κἀμὲ κατασοφίζῃ ὥς τινος αὐτοῖς αἰσχύνης ἐντεῦθεν γιγνομένης, οὐχὶ τιμῆς.
Whom you also know, but pretend to be ignorant of, and try to outwit me as if some shame would come to them from this, rather than honor.
Τυχιάδης
οὐ μὰ τὸν Δία, ὦ Σίμων, ἀλλὰ καὶ σφόδρα ἀπορῶ οὕστινας καὶ εὕροις εἰπεῖν.
Tychiades No, by Zeus, Simon, but I am indeed quite at a loss as to whom you could even find to mention.
Σίμων
ὦ γενναῖε, σύ μοι δοκεῖς ἀνήκοος εἶναι καὶ τῶν ἀναγραψάντων τοὺς ἐκείνων βίους, ἐπεὶ πάντως ἂν καὶ ἐπιγνῶναι οὕστινας λέγω δύναιο.
Simon My noble friend, you seem to me to have never heard even of those who recorded their lives, since you would certainly be able to recognize whom I mean.
Τυχιάδης
καὶ μέντοι νὴ τὸν Ἡρακλέα ποθῶ δὴ ἀκούειν τίνες εἰσίν.
Tychiades And indeed, by Heracles, I long to hear who they are.
§32Σίμων
ἐγώ σοι καταλέξω αὐτοὺς ὄντας οὐχὶ τοὺς φαύλους, ἀλλʼ ὡς ἐγὼ δοκῶ, τοὺς ἀρίστους καὶ οὓς ἥκιστα σὺ οἴει.
Simon I will list them for you, they being not the worthless ones, but as I think, the best, and those whom you least expect.
Αἰσχίνης μέντοι ὁ Σωκρατικός, οὗτος ὁ τοὺς μακροὺς καὶ ἀστείους διαλόγους γράψας, ἧκέν ποτε εἰς Σικελίαν κομίζων αὐτούς, εἴ πως δύναιτο διʼ αὐτῶν γνωσθῆναι Διονυσίῳ τῷ τυράννῳ, καὶ τὸν Μιλτιάδην ἀναγνοὺς καὶ δόξας εὐδοκιμηκέναι λοιπὸν ἐκάθητο ἐν Σικελίᾳ παρασιτῶν Διονυσίῳ καὶ ταῖς Σωκράτους διατριβαῖς ἐρρῶσθαι φράσας.
Aeschines the Socratic, the one who wrote the long and elegant dialogues, once came to Sicily bringing them, if by any chance he might be made known through them to the tyrant Dionysius; and having read his Miltiades and seeming to have won favor, he sat in Sicily for the rest of his time, being a parasite to Dionysius and saying farewell to the schools of Socrates.
§33Σίμων
τί δέ, καὶ Ἀρίστιππος ὁ Κυρηναῖος οὐχὶ τῶν δοκίμων φαίνεταί σοι φιλοσόφων;
Simon And what of Aristippus of Cyrene? Does he not seem to you to be among the reputable philosophers?
Τυχιάδης
καὶ πάνυ.
Tychiades Very much so.
Σίμων
καὶ οὗτος μέντοι κατὰ τὸν αὐτὸν χρόνον διέτριβεν ἐν Συρακούσαις παρασιτῶν Διονυσίῳ.
Simon And yet he also spent his time during the same period in Syracuse, being a parasite to Dionysius.
πάντων γοῦν ἀμέλει τῶν παρασίτων αὐτὸς ηὐδοκίμει παρʼ αὐτῷ· καὶ γὰρ ἦν πλέον τι τῶν ἄλλων πρὸς τὴν τέχνην εὐφυής, ὥστε τοὺς ὀψοποιοὺς ὁσημέραι ἔπεμπεν παρὰ τοῦτον ὁ Διονύσιος ὥς τι παρʼ αὐτοῦ μαθησομένους.
At all events, indeed, he himself won the highest favor with him among all the parasites; for he was more naturally gifted than the others in respect to the art, so that Dionysius sent his chefs to him every day as if to learn something from him.
οὗτος μέντοι δοκεῖ καὶ κοσμῆσαι τὴν τέχνην ἀξίως.
This man indeed seems to have adorned the art worthily.
§34Σίμων
ὁ δὲ Πλάτων ὑμῶν ὁ γενναιότατος καὶ αὐτὸς μὲν ἧκεν εἰς Σικελίαν ἐπὶ τούτῳ, καὶ ὀλίγας παρασιτήσας ἡμέρας τῷ τυράννῳ τοῦ παρασιτεῖν ὑπὸ ἀφυίας ἐξέπεσε, καὶ πάλιν Ἀθήναζε ἀφικόμενος καὶ φιλοπονῄσας καὶ παρασκευάσας ἑαυτὸν αὖθις δευτέρῳ στόλῳ ἐπέπλευσε τῇ Σικελίᾳ καὶ δειπνήσας πάλιν ὀλίγας ἡμέρας ὑπὸ ἀμαθίας ἐξέπεσε· καὶ αὕτη ἡ συμφορὰ Πλάτωνι περὶ Σικελίαν ὁμοία δοκεῖ γενέσθαι τῇ Νικίου.
Simon And your most noble Plato himself also came to Sicily for this purpose, and having been a parasite to the tyrant for a few days, he was cast out from being a parasite because of his lack of natural ability; and having returned again to Athens and worked hard and prepared himself, he sailed again to Sicily with a second expedition, and having dined again for a few days, he was cast out because of his ignorance; and this disaster for Plato concerning Sicily seems to have been similar to that of Nicias.
Τυχιάδης
καὶ τίς, ὦ Σίμων, περὶ τούτου λέγει;
Tychiades And who, Simon, says this about him?
§35Σίμων
πολλοὶ μὲν καὶ ἄλλοι, Ἀριστόξενος δὲ ὁ μουσικός, πολλοῦ λόγου ἄξιος.
Simon Many others indeed, and Aristoxenus the musician, who is worthy of great credit.
Εὐριπίδης μὲν γὰρ ὅτι Ἀρχελάῳ μέχρι μὲν τοῦ θανάτου παρεσίτει καὶ Ἀνάξαρχος Ἀλεξάνδρῳ πάντως ἐπίστασαι.
For that Euripides was a parasite to Archelaus until his death, and Anaxarchus to Alexander, you certainly know well.
§36Σίμων
καὶ Ἀριστοτέλης δὲ τῆς παρασιτικῆς ἤρξατο μόνον ὥσπερ καὶ τῶν ἄλλων τεχνῶν.
Simon And Aristotle also made a beginning of the art of being a parasite, just as he did of the other arts.
§37Σίμων
φιλοσόφους μὲν οὖν, ὥσπερ ἦν, παρασιτεῖν σπουδάσαντας ἔδειξα· παράσιτον δὲ οὐδεὶς ἔχει φράσαι φιλοσοφεῖν ἐθελήσαντα.
Simon So I have shown that philosophers, as indeed was the case, were eager to be parasites; but no one can mention a parasite who wished to practice philosophy.
§38Σίμων
καὶ μέντοι εἰ ἔστιν εὔδαιμον τὸ μὴ πεινῆν μηδὲ διψῆν μηδὲ ῥιγοῦν, ταῦτα οὐδενὶ ἄλλῳ ὑπάρχει ἢ παρασίτῳ.
Simon And indeed, if it is a happy thing not to hunger nor to thirst nor to shiver, these things belong to no other than to a parasite.
ὥστε φιλοσόφους μὲν ἄν τις πολλοὺς καὶ ῥιγοῦντας καὶ πεινῶντας εὕροι, παράσιτον δὲ οὔ· ἢ οὐκ ἂν εἴη παράσιτος, ἀλλὰ δυστυχής τις καὶ πτωχὸς ἄνθρωπος καὶ φιλοσόφῳ ὅμοιος.
So that one might find many philosophers both shivering and hungering, but not a parasite; otherwise, he would not be a parasite, but some unfortunate and poor man, and similar to a philosopher.