§22καὶ σὺ δὴ ᾧτινι μὲν τῶν τοῖς ὀρχησταῖς συνόντων κιναίδων ἔοικας οὐκ ἂν εἴποιμι, ὅτι δὲ μανίαν ἐρρωμένην ἔτι καὶ νῦν μαίνεσθαι δοκεῖς ἅπασιν ἐπʼ ἐκείνῃ τῇ εἰκόνι, πάνυ σαφῶς οἶδα.
And you indeed, to which of those pathics associated with dancers you are like, I would not say; but that you seem to all to rage even now with a strong madness on account of that portrait, I know very well.
οὔκουν θαυμαστόν, εἰ ἀπίθανος οὕτως ζωγράφος ὢν καὶ τοῖς πεπαιδευμένοις ἐξομοιοῦσθαι ἐθέλεις, πιστεύων τοῖς τὰ τοιαῦτά σε ἐπαινοῦσι.
Therefore it is no wonder, if, being so unconvincing a painter, you wish to assimilate yourself to the educated, believing those who praise you for such things.
καίτοι τί ταῦτα ληρῶ;
And yet, why do I talk this nonsense?
πρόδηλος γὰρ ἡ αἰτία τῆς περὶ τὰ βιβλία σπουδῆς, εἰ καὶ ὑπὸ νωθείας ἐγὼ μὴ πάλαι κατεῖδον· σοφὸν γάρ, ὡς γοῦν οἴει, τοῦτʼ ἐπινενόηκας καὶ ἐλπίδας οὐ μικρὰς ἔχεις περὶ τοῦ πράγματος, εἰ βασιλεὺς μάθοι ταῦτα σοφὸς ἀνὴρ καὶ παιδείαν μάλιστα τιμῶν· εἰ δὲ ταῦτα ὑπὲρ σοῦ ἐκεῖνος ἀκούσειεν, ὡς ὠνῇ βιβλία καὶ συνάγεις πολλά, πάντα ἐν βραχεῖ παρʼ αὐτοῦ ἔσεσθαί σοι νομίζεις.
For the cause of your zeal about books is clear, even if through sluggishness I did not perceive it long ago; for you have devised this clever thing, as you think at least, and you have no small hopes concerning the matter, if the king, a wise man and one who especially honors education, should learn these things; and if he should hear these things about you, that you buy books and collect many of them, you think that everything will be yours from him in a short time.
§23ἀλλʼ, ὦ κατάπυγον, οἴει τοσοῦτον μανδραγόραν κατακεχύσθαι αὐτοῦ ὡς ταῦτα μὲν ἀκούειν, ἐκεῖνα δὲ μὴ εἰδέναι, οἷος μέν σου ὁ μεθʼ ἡμέραν βίος, οἷοι δέ σοι πότοι, ὁποῖαι δὲ νύκτες καὶ οἵοις καὶ ἡλίκοις συγκαθεύδεις;
But, you catamite, do you think so much mandragora has been poured over him as to hear these things, but not know those others, what sort of life yours is by day, what sort of drinking parties you have, what sort of nights, and with what kind of people and of what size you sleep?
οὐκ οἶσθα ὡς ὦτα καὶ ὀφθαλμοὶ πολλοὶ βασιλέως;
Do you not know that a king has many ears and eyes?
τὰ δὲ σὰ οὕτω περιφανῆ ἐστιν ὡς καὶ τυφλοῖς εἶναι καὶ κωφοῖς γνώριμα· εἰ γὰρ καὶ φθέγξαιο μόνον, εἰ γὰρ καὶ λουόμενος ἀποδύσαιο, μᾶλλον δὲ μὴ ἀποδύσῃ, εἰ δοκεῖ, οἱ δʼ οἰκέται μόνον ἢν ἀποδύσωνταί σου, τί οἴει;
And your affairs are so notorious that they are known even to the blind and deaf; for if you should only utter a sound, or if you should strip yourself to bathe—or rather, do not strip, if you please, but if your servants only should strip you, what do you think?
μὴ αὐτίκα ἔσεσθαι πάντα σου πρόδηλα τὰ τῆς νυκτὸς ἀπόρρητα;
Will not all your nightly secrets be immediately manifest?
εἰπὲ γοῦν μοι καὶ τόδε, εἰ Βάσσος ὁ ὑμέτερος ἐκεῖνος σοφιστὴς ἢ Βάταλος ὁ αὐλητὴς ἢ ὁ κίναιδος Ἡμιθέων ὁ Συβαρίτης, ὃς τοὺς θαυμαστοὺς ὑμῖν νόμους συνέγραψεν, ὡς χρὴ λεαίνεσθαι καὶ παρατίλλεσθαι καὶ πάσχειν καὶ ποιεῖν ἐκεῖνα, — εἰ τούτων τις νυνὶ λεοντῆν περιβαλόμενος καὶ ῥόπαλον ἔχων βαδίζοι, τί οἴει φανεῖσθαι τοῖς ὁρῶσιν;
Tell me at least this too, if that sophist of yours Bassus, or Batalus the flute-player, or the catamite Hemitheon of Sybaris, who wrote those wonderful laws for you all, how one must be smoothed and plucked and suffer and do those things,—if one of these should now walk about having thrown a lion's skin around himself and holding a club, what do you think he would appear to those who see him?
Ἡρακλέα εἶναι αὐτόν;
To be Heracles?
οὔκ, εἴ γε μὴ χύτραις λημῶντες τυγχάνοιεν.
No, unless they should happen to have their eyes full of rheum.
μυρία γάρ ἐστι τὰ ἀντιμαρτυροῦντα τῷ σχήματι, βάδισμα καὶ βλέμμα καὶ φωνὴ καὶ τράχηλος ἐπικεκλασμένος καὶ ψιμύθιον καὶ μαστίχη καὶ φῦκος, οἷς ὑμεῖς κοσμεῖσθε, καὶ ὅλως κατὰ τὴν παροιμίαν, θᾶττον ἂν πέντε ἐλέφαντας ὑπὸ μάλης κρύψειας ἢ ἕνα κίναιδον.
For there are ten thousand things bearing witness against the costume: gait, look, voice, bent neck, white lead, mastic-gum, and rouge, with which you adorn yourselves, and in short, according to the proverb, you would sooner hide five elephants under your armpit than one pathic.
εἶτα ἡ λεοντῆ μὲν τὸν τοιοῦτον οὐκ ἂν ἔκρυψεν, σὺ δʼ οἴει λήσειν σκεπόμενος βιβλίῳ;
Then, while a lion's skin would not hide such a man, do you think you will escape notice sheltering behind a book?
ἀλλʼ οὐ δυνατόν· προδώσει γάρ σε καὶ ἀποκαλύψει τὰ ἄλλα ὑμῶν γνωρίσματα.
But it is impossible; for your other characteristics will betray you and unmask you.
§24τὸ δʼ ὅλον ἀγνοεῖν μοι δοκεῖς ὅτι τὰς ἀγαθὰς ἐλπίδας οὐ παρὰ τῶν βιβλιοκαπήλων δεῖ ζητεῖν, ἀλλὰ παρʼ αὑτοῦ καὶ τοῦ καθʼ ἡμέραν βίου λαμβάνειν.
In short, you seem to me to be ignorant that one must not seek good hopes from booksellers, but derive them from oneself and one's daily life.
σὺ δʼ οἴει συνήγορον κοινὸν καὶ μάρτυρα ἔσεσθαί σοι τὸν Ἀττικὸν καὶ Καλλῖνον τοὺς βιβλιογράφους;
But do you think Atticus and Callinus, the copyists, will be your common advocates and witnesses?
οὔκ, ἀλλʼ ὠμούς τινας ἀνθρώπους ἐπιτρίψοντάς σε, ἢν οἱ θεοὶ ἐθέλωσι, καὶ πρὸς ἔσχατον πενίας συνελάσοντας· δέον ἔτι νῦν σωφρονήσαντα ἀποδόσθαι μέν τινι τῶν πεπαιδευμένων τὰ βιβλία ταῦτα καὶ σὺν αὐτοῖς τὴν νεόκτιστον ταύτην οἰκίαν, ἀποδοῦναι δὲ τοῖς ἀνδραποδοκαπήλοις μέρος γοῦν ἀπὸ πολλῶν τῶν ὀφειλομένων.
No, but cruel men who will ruin you, if the gods will, and drive you to the extreme of poverty; whereas you ought, even now coming to your senses, to sell these books to some educated person, and with them this newly-built house, and to pay to the slave-dealers at least a part of the many things owed.
§25καὶ γὰρ κἀκεῖνα· περὶ δύο ταῦτα δεινῶς ἐσπούδακας, βιβλίων τε τῶν πολυτελῶν κτῆσιν καὶ μειρακίων τῶν ἐξώρων καὶ ἤδη καρτερῶν ὠνήν, καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμά σοι πάνυ σπουδάζεται καὶ θηρεύεται.
For indeed there is this too: you are terribly zealous about these two things, the acquisition of expensive books and the purchase of past-their-prime and already robust youths, and this business is eagerly pursued and hunted by you.
ἀδύνατον δὲ πένητα ὄντα πρὸς ἄμφω διαρκεῖν.
But it is impossible, being poor, to suffice for both.
σκόπει τοίνυν ὡς ἱερὸν χρῆμα συμβουλή.
Consider, then, that advice is a sacred thing.
ἀξιῶ γάρ σε ἀφέμενον τῶν μηδὲν προσηκόντων τὴν ἑτέραν νόσον θεραπεύειν καὶ τοὺς ὑπηρέτας ἐκείνους ὠνεῖσθαι, ὅπως μὴ ἐπιλειπόντων σε τῶν οἴκοθεν μεταστέλλοιό τινας τῶν ἐλευθέρων, οἷς ἀκίνδυνον ἀπελθοῦσιν, ἢν μὴ λάβωσιν ἅπαντα, ἐξαγορεῦσαι τὰ πραχθέντα ὑμῖν μετὰ τὸν πότον, οἷα καὶ πρῴην αἴσχιστα περὶ σοῦ διηγεῖτο ἐξελθὼν ὁ πόρνος, ἔτι καὶ δήγματα ἐπιδεικνύς.
For I advise you, letting go of what is not appropriate to you, to cure the other disease and to buy those assistants, so that, when your own household resources fail you, you might not summon some of the free men, for whom it is safe, having departed if they do not receive everything, to blab what was done by you after the drinking bout, just as lately that male prostitute, having gone out, told most shameful things about you, even showing bites.
ἀλλʼ ἔγωγε καὶ μάρτυρας ἂν παρασχοίμην τοὺς τότε παρόντας ὡς ἠγανάκτησα καὶ ὀλίγου πληγὰς ἐνέτριψα αὐτῷ χαλεπαίνων ὑπὲρ σοῦ, καὶ μάλισθʼ ὅτε καὶ ἄλλον ἐπεκαλέσατο μάρτυρα τῶν ὁμοίων καὶ ἄλλον ταὐτὰ καὶ λόγοις διηγουμένους.
But I, indeed, would even produce as witnesses those who were present then, how I was indignant and almost inflicted blows upon him, being angry on your behalf, especially when he even called another witness of similar things, and another, who recounted the same things in words.
πρὸς δὴ ταῦτα, ὦγαθέ, ταμιεύου τἀργύριον καὶ φύλαττε, ὡς οἴκοι καὶ κατὰ πολλὴν ἀσφάλειαν ταῦτα ποιεῖν καὶ πάσχειν ἔχῃς.
Therefore, my good man, husband your money and guard it, so that you may have it to do and suffer these things at home and with great safety.
ὥστε μὲν γὰρ μηκέτι ἐργάζεσθαι τίς ἂν μεταπείσειέ σε;
For as to not doing it any longer, who could persuade you?
οὐδὲ γὰρ κύων ἅπαξ παύσαιτʼ ἂν σκυτοτραγεῖν μαθοῦσα.
For not even a dog, once having learned, would stop chewing leather.