§8Ἑρμῆς
ἐοίκασι δʼ οὖν, ὦ Ζεῦ, οἱ βαρβαρικοὶ προεδρεύσειν μόνοι· ὡς τούς γε Ἕλληνας ὁρᾷς ὁποῖοί εἰσι, χαρίεντες μὲν καὶ εὐπρόσωποι καὶ κατὰ τέχνην ἐσχηματισμένοι, λίθινοι δὲ ἢ χαλκοῖ ὅμως ἅπαντες ἢ οἵ γε πολυτελέστατοι αὐτῶν ἐλεφάντινοι ὀλίγον ὅσον τοῦ χρυσοῦ ἐπιστίλβον ἔχοντες, ὡς ἐπικεχράνθαι καὶ ἐπηυγάσθαι μόνον, τὰ δὲ ἔνδον ὑπόξυλοι καὶ οὗτοι, μυῶν ἀγέλας ὅλας ἐμπολιτευομένας σκέποντες· ἡ Βενδῖς δὲ αὕτη καὶ ὁ Ἄνουβις ἐκεινοσὶ καὶ παρʼ αὐτὸν ὁ Ἄττις καὶ ὁ Μίθρης καὶ ὁ Μὴν ὁλόχρυσοι καὶ βαρεῖς καὶ πολυτίμητοι ὡς ἀληθῶς.
Hermes: It seems then, Zeus, that the barbarian gods will occupy the front seats alone; for you see what the Greek gods are like—graceful indeed and fair of face and shaped according to art, yet they are all nevertheless of stone or bronze, or the most costly of them are of ivory with only a tiny bit of gold shining on them, so as to be merely gilded and brightened on the surface, while on the inside they too are wooden, sheltering whole colonies of mice that have set up citizenship within; whereas this Bendis here, and that Anubis over there, and next to him Attis, and Mithras, and Men, are solid gold, heavy and truly of great value.
§9Ποσειδῶν
καὶ ποῦ τοῦτο, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, δίκαιον, τὸν κυνοπρόσωπον τοῦτον προκαθίζειν μου τὸν Αἰγύπτιον, καὶ ταῦτα Ποσειδῶνος ὄντος;
Poseidon: And where is the justice in this, Hermes, that this dog-faced Egyptian should sit before me, and that too when I am Poseidon?
Ἑρμῆς
ναί, ἀλλὰ σὲ μέν, ὦ ἐννοσίγαιε, χαλκοῦν ὁ Λύσιππος καὶ πτωχὸν ἐποίησεν, οὐκ ἐχόντων τότε Κορινθίων χρυσόν· οὗτος δὲ ὅλοις μετάλλοις πλουσιώτερός ἐστιν.
Hermes: Yes, but Earth-shaker, Lysippus made you of bronze and poor, since the Corinthians had no gold at that time; but this one is richer by whole mines.
ἀνέχεσθαι οὖν χρὴ παρεωσμένον, καὶ μὴ ἀγανακτεῖν εἴ τις ῥῖνα τηλικαύτην χρυσῆν ἔχων προτετιμήσεταί σου.
Therefore you must endure being pushed aside, and not be indignant if someone with such a huge golden nose is preferred to you.
§10Ἀφροδίτη
οὐκοῦν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, κἀμὲ λαβὼν ἐν τοῖς προέδροις που κάθιζε·
Aphrodite: Therefore, Hermes, take me and seat me somewhere among the front row; for I am golden.
χρυσῆ γάρ εἰμι. Ἑρμῆς
οὐχ ὅσα γε, ὦ Ἀφροδίτη, κἀμὲ ὁρᾶν, ἀλλʼ εἰ μὴ πάνυ λημῶ, λίθου τοῦ λευκοῦ, Πεντέληθεν, οἶμαι, λιθοτομηθεῖσα, εἶτα δόξαν οὕτω Πραξιτέλει Ἀφροδίτη γενομένη Κνιδίοις παρεδόθης.
Hermes: Not as far as I can see, Aphrodite, but unless I am completely bleary-eyed, you are of white stone, quarried, I believe, from Pentelicus, and then, because Praxiteles so decided, you became Aphrodite and were delivered to the Cnidians.
Ἀφροδίτη
καὶ μὴν ἀξιόπιστόν σοι μάρτυρα τὸν Ὅμηρον παρέξομαι ἄνω καὶ κάτω τῶν ῥαψῳδιῶν χρυσῆν με τὴν Ἀφροδίτην εἶναι λέγοντα.
Aphrodite: And yet I will produce Homer to you as a trustworthy witness, who up and down his rhapsodies says that I am golden Aphrodite.
Ἑρμῆς
καὶ γὰρ τὸν Ἀπόλλω ὁ αὐτὸς πολύχρυσον εἶναι ἔφη καὶ πλούσιον· ἀλλὰ νῦν ὄψει κἀκεῖνον ἐν τοῖς ζευγίταις που καθήμενον, ἀπεστεφανωμένον τε ὑπὸ τῶν λῃστῶν καὶ τοὺς κόλλοπας τῆς κιθάρας περισεσυλημένον.
Hermes: Yes, for the same poet also said that Apollo was rich in gold and wealthy; but now you will see him too sitting somewhere among the middle class, with his crown taken away by thieves and the pegs of his lyre plundered.
ὥστε ἀγάπα καὶ σὺ μὴ πάνυ ἐν τῷ θητικῷ ἐκκλησιάζουσα.
So you too should be content that you are not holding assembly entirely among the poorest class.
§11Κολοσσός Ῥοδίων
ἐμοὶ δὲ τίς ἂν ἐρίσαι τολμήσειεν Ἡλίῳ τε ὄντι καὶ τηλικούτῳ τὸ μέγεθος;
Colossus of Rhodes: And who would dare to contend with me, who am both Helios and of such great size?
εἰ γοῦν μὴ ὑπερφυᾶ μηδὲ ὑπέρμετρον οἱ Ῥόδιοι κατασκευάσασθαί με ἠξίωσαν, ἀπὸ τοῦ ἴσου τελέσματος ἑκκαίδεκα χρυσοῦς θεοὺς ἐπεποίηντο ἄν· ὥστε ἀνάλογον πολυτελέστερος ἂν νομιζοίμην.
At least, if the Rhodians had not thought fit to construct me so monstrously and beyond measure, they could have made sixteen golden gods for the same cost; therefore, proportionally, I should be considered more valuable.
καὶ πρόσεστιν ἡ τέχνη καὶ τῆς ἐργασίας τὸ ἀκριβὲς ἐν μεγέθει τοσούτῳ.
Moreover, there is the art and the precision of the workmanship in so great a size.
Ἑρμῆς
τί, ὦ Ζεῦ, χρὴ ποιεῖν;
Hermes: What indeed, Zeus, must we do?
δύσκριτον γὰρ ἐμοὶ γοῦν τοῦτο· εἰ μὲν γὰρ ἐς τὴν ὕλην ἀποβλέποιμι, χαλκοῦς ἐστιν, εἰ δὲ λογιζοίμην ἀφʼ ὁπόσων ταλάντων κεχάλκευται, ὑπὲρ τοὺς πεντακοσιομεδίμνους ἂν εἴη.
For this is hard to judge, at least for me; for if I look at the material, he is of bronze, but if I calculate from how many talents he was cast, he would be above the five-hundred-bushel class.
Ζεύς
τί γὰρ ἔδει παρεῖναι καὶ τοῦτον ἐλέγξοντα τὴν τῶν ἄλλων μικρότητα καὶ ἐνοχλήσοντα τῇ καθέδρᾳ;
Zeus: Why indeed was it necessary for this one to be present too, to expose the smallness of the others and to trouble us with his seating?
πλὴν ἀλλʼ, ὦ Ῥοδίων ἄριστε, εἰ καὶ ὅτι μάλιστα προτιμητέος εἶ τῶν χρυσῶν, πῶς ἂν καὶ προεδρεύοις, εἰ μὴ δεήσει ἀναστῆναι πάντας ὡς μόνος καθέζοιο, τὴν Πνύκα ὅλην θατέρᾳ τῶν πυγῶν ἐπιλαβών;
But nevertheless, best of the Rhodians, even if you are to be preferred as much as possible to the golden ones, how indeed could you sit in the front row, unless everyone must stand up so that you might sit alone, occupying the whole Pnyx with one of your buttocks?
ὥστε ἄμεινον ποιήσεις ὀρθοστάδην ἐκκλησιάζων, ἐπικεκυφὼς τῷ συνεδρίῳ.
Therefore you will do better to attend the assembly standing upright, bending over the council.
§12Ἑρμῆς
ἰδοὺ πάλιν ἄλλο δύσλυτον καὶ τοῦτο· χαλκῶ μὲν γὰρ ἀμφοτέρω ἐστὸν καὶ τέχνης τῆς αὐτῆς, Λυσίππου ἑκάτερον τὸ ἔργον, καὶ τὸ μέγιστον, ὁμοτίμω τὰ ἐς γένος, ἅτε δὴ Διὸς παῖδε, ὁ Διόνυσος οὑτοσὶ καὶ Ἡρακλῆς.
Hermes: Behold, here again is another difficult question: for both are of bronze and of the same art, each being the work of Lysippus, and, most important of all, equal in rank as to birth, since indeed they are both sons of Zeus—this Dionysus here and Heracles.
πότερος οὖν αὐτῶν προκαθίζει;
Which of them, then, is to sit first?
φιλονεικοῦσι γάρ, ὡς ὁρᾷς.
For they are quarreling, as you see.
Ζεύς
διατρίβομεν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, πάλαι δέον ἐκκλησιάζειν·
Zeus: We are wasting time, Hermes, when we ought to have been holding assembly long ago.
ὥστε νῦν μὲν ἀναμὶξ καθιζόντων, ἔνθʼ ἂν ἕκαστος ἐθέλῃ, εἰσαῦθις δὲ ἀποδοθήσεται περὶ τούτων ἐκκλησία, κἀγὼ εἴσομαι τότε ἥντινα χρὴ ποιήσασθαι τὴν τάξιν ἐπʼ αὐτοῖς.
Therefore, for the present, let them sit mixed together, wherever each one wishes; and hereafter an assembly will be appointed concerning these matters, and I shall know then what order I ought to make for them.
§13Ἑρμῆς
ἀλλʼ, Ἡράκλεις, ὡς θορυβοῦσι τὰ κοινὰ καὶ τὰ καθʼ ἡμέραν ταῦτα βοῶντες,
διανομάς·
Hermes: But, Heracles, how they are clamoring, shouting these common and everyday complaints: "Distributions!
ποῦ τὸ νέκταρ;
Where is the nectar?
ἡ ἀμβροσία ἐπέλιπεν·
The ambrosia has run out!
ποῦ αἱ ἑκατόμβαι;
Where are the hecatombs?
κοινὰς τὰς θυσίας. Ζεύς
κατασιώπησον αὐτούς, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ὡς μάθωσιν ὅτου ἕνεκα συνελέγησαν τοὺς λήρους τούτους ἀφέντες.
Make the sacrifices common!" Zeus: Silence them, Hermes, so that they may learn for what reason they have assembled, leaving aside these silly complaints.
Ἑρμῆς
οὐχ ἅπαντες, ὦ Ζεῦ, τὴν Ἑλλήνων φωνὴν συνιᾶσιν· ἐγὼ δὲ οὐ πολύγλωττός εἰμι, ὥστε καὶ Σκύθαις καὶ Πέρσαις καὶ Θρᾳξὶν καὶ Κελτοῖς συνετὰ κηρύττειν.
Hermes: Not all of them, Zeus, understand the tongue of the Greeks; and I am not polyglot, so as to herald intelligibly to Scythians, Persians, Thracians, and Celts.
ἄμεινον οὖν, οἶμαι, τῇ χειρὶ σημαίνειν καὶ παρακελεύεσθαι σιωπᾶν.
It is better, therefore, I think, to sign with the hand and command them to keep silence.
Ζεύς
οὕτω ποίει.
Zeus: Do so.