§14Ἑρμῆς
εὖ γε, ἀφωνότεροι γεγένηνταί σοι τῶν σοφιστῶν.
Hermes: Well done! Indeed, they have become more silent than the sophists.
ὥστε ὥρα δημηγορεῖν.
So it is time to harangue them.
ὁρᾷς;
Do you see?
πάλαι πρὸς σὲ ἀποβλέπουσι περιμένοντες ὅ τι καὶ ἐρεῖς.
They have been looking towards you for a long time, waiting to see what you will say.
Ζεύς
ἀλλʼ ὅ γε πέπονθα, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, οὐκ ἂν ὀκνήσαιμι πρὸς σὲ εἰπεῖν υἱὸν ὄντα.
Zeus: But what I have experienced, Hermes, I would not hesitate to tell you, who are my son.
οἶσθα ὅπως θαρραλέος ἀεὶ καὶ μεγαληγόρος ἐν ταῖς ἐκκλησίαις ἦν.
You know how bold and loud-spoken I always was in the assemblies.
Ἑρμῆς
οἶδα καὶ ἐδεδίειν γε ἀκούων σου δημηγοροῦντος, καὶ μάλιστα ὁπότε ἠπείλεις ἀνασπάσειν ἐκ βάθρων τὴν γῆν καὶ τὴν θάλασσαν αὐτοῖς θεοῖς τὴν σειρὰν ἐκείνην τὴν χρυσῆν καθείς.
Hermes: I know, and indeed I used to fear when hearing you harangue, and especially whenever you threatened to drag up from its foundations the earth and the sea, gods and all, letting down that golden chain of yours.
Ζεύς
ἀλλὰ νῦν, ὦ τέκνον, οὐκ οἶδα εἴτε ὑπὸ τοῦ μεγέθους τῶν ἐφεστώτων δεινῶν εἴτε καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πλήθους τῶν παρόντων — πολυθεωτάτη γάρ, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ἡ ἐκκλησία — διατετάραγμαι τὴν γνώμην καὶ ὑπότρομός εἰμι καὶ ἡ γλῶττά μοι πεπεδημένη ἔοικε·
Zeus: But now, my child, I know not whether by the magnitude of the impending dangers or by the multitude of those present—for the assembly is, as you see, very full of gods—I am disturbed in mind and trembling, and my tongue seems fettered.
τὸ δὲ ἀτοπώτατον ἁπάντων, ἐπιλέλησμαι τὸ προοίμιον τῶν ὅλων, ὃ παρεσκευασάμην ὡς εὐπροσωποτάτη μοι ἡ ἀρχὴ γένοιτο πρὸς αὐτούς.
And what is strangest of all, I have forgotten the opening of the whole speech, which I had prepared so that my beginning to them might be as fair-faced as possible.
Ἑρμῆς
ἀπολώλεκας, ὦ Ζεῦ, ἅπαντα· οἱ δὲ ὑποπτεύουσι τὴν σιωπὴν καί τι ὑπέρμεγα κακὸν ἀκούσεσθαι προσδοκῶσιν, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ σὺ διαμέλλεις.
Hermes: You have ruined everything, Zeus; and they suspect your silence and expect to hear of some exceeding great evil, while you are delaying.
Ζεύς
βούλει οὖν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο προοίμιον ἀναρραψῳδήσω πρὸς αὐτούς;
Zeus: Do you wish then, Hermes, that I should recite that Homeric prelude to them?
Ἑρμῆς
τὸ ποῖον;
Hermes: Which one?
Ζεύς
κέκλυτέ μευ πάντες τε θεοὶ πᾶσαί τε θέαιναι. Ἑρμῆς
ἄπαγε, ἱκανῶς καὶ πρὸς ἡμᾶς πεπαρῴδηταί σοι τὰ πρῶτα.
Zeus: "Hear me, all ye gods and all ye goddesses." Hermes: Away with it! We have had enough of your parodies of those opening words.
πλὴν εἰ δοκεῖ, τὸ μὲν φορτικὸν τῶν μέτρων ἄφες, σὺ δὲ τῶν Δημοσθένους δημηγοριῶν τῶν κατὰ Φιλίππου ἥντινα ἂν ἐθέλῃς σύνειρε, ὀλίγα ἐναλλάττων·
But if you like, leave out the tiresome metre, and string together whichever you please of Demosthenes' speeches against Philip, changing a few things; at any rate, that is how most public speakers do nowadays.
οὕτω γοῦν οἱ πολλοὶ νῦν ῥητορεύουσιν.
Zeus: Well said!
Ζεύς
εὖ λέγεις ἐπίτομόν τινα ῥητορείαν καὶ ῥᾳδιουργίαν ταύτην εὔκαιρον τοῖς ἀπορουμένοις.
This is a shortcut to rhetoric and a handy trick for those in difficulties.
§15Ἑρμῆς
ἄρξαι δʼ οὖν ποτε.
Hermes: Begin then at last.
Ζεύς
ἀντὶ πολλῶν ἄν, ὦ ἄνδρες θεοί, χρημάτων ὑμᾶς ἑλέσθαι νομίζω, εἰ φανερὸν γένοιτο ὑμῖν ὅ τι δή ποτε ἄρα τοῦτό ἐστιν ἐφʼ ὅτῳ νῦν συνελέγητε.
Zeus: At the price of much money, O ye gods, I think you would choose to have it made clear to you what on earth this is for which you have now assembled.
ὅτε τοίνυν τοῦτο οὕτως ἔχει, προσήκει προθύμως ἀκροᾶσθαί μου λέγοντος.
Since therefore this is so, it is fitting to listen eagerly to me speaking.
ὁ μὲν οὖν παρὼν καιρός, ὦ θεοί, μονονουχὶ λέγει φωνὴν ἀφιεὶς ὅτι τῶν παρόντων ἐρρωμένως ἀντιληπτέον ἡμῖν ἐστιν, ἡμεῖς δὲ πάνυ ὀλιγώρως ἔχειν δοκοῦμεν πρὸς αὐτά.
The present crisis, O gods, all but speaks, lifting up its voice, to say that we must take a firm hold of the present situation, but we seem to care very little about it.
βούλομαι δὲ ἤδη — καὶ γὰρ ἐπιλείπει ὁ Δημοσθένης — αὐτὰ ὑμῖν δηλῶσαι σαφῶς, ἐφʼ οἷς διαταραχθεὶς συνήγαγον τὴν ἐκκλησίαν.
But I wish now—for Demosthenes is failing me—to show you clearly those things because of which I, being disturbed, have called the assembly.
χθὲς γάρ, ὡς ἴστε, Μνησιθέου τοῦ ναυκλήρου θύσαντος τὰ σωτήρια ἐπὶ τῇ νηῒ ὀλίγου δεῖν ἀπολομένῃ περὶ τὸν Καφηρέα, εἱστιώμεθα ἐν Πειραιεῖ, ὁπόσους ἡμῶν ὁ Μνησίθεος ἐπὶ τὴν θυσίαν ἐκάλεσεν· εἶτα μετὰ τὰς σπονδὰς ὑμεῖς μὲν ἄλλος ἄλλην ἐτράπεσθε, ὡς ἑκάστῳ ἔδοξεν, ἐγὼ δὲ — οὐδέπω γὰρ πάνυ ὀψὲ ἦν — ἀνῆλθον ἐς τὸ ἄστυ ὡς περιπατήσαιμι τὸ δειλινὸν ἐν Κεραμεικῷ, ἐννοῶν ἅμα τοῦ Μνησιθέου τὴν μικρολογίαν, ὃς ἑκκαίδεκα θεοὺς ἑστιῶν ἀλεκτρυόνα μόνον κατέθυσε, γέροντα κἀκεῖνον ἤδη καὶ κορυζῶντα, καὶ λιβανωτοῦ χόνδρους τέτταρας εὖ μάλα εὐρωτιῶντας, ὡς αὐτίκα ἐπισβεσθῆναι τῷ ἄνθρακι, μηδὲ ὅσον ἄκρᾳ τῇ ῥινὶ ὀσφραίνεσθαι τοῦ καπνοῦ παρασχόντας, καὶ ταῦτα ἑκατόμβας ὅλας ὑποσχόμενος ὁπότε ἡ ναῦς ἤδη προσεφέρετο τῷ σκοπέλῳ καὶ ἐντὸς ἦν τῶν ἑρμάτων.
For yesterday, as you know, since Mnesitheus the ship-owner offered sacrifices of thanksgiving for his ship which was within a little of being lost near Caphareus, we were feasted in Piraeus, as many of us as Mnesitheus invited to the sacrifice; then after the libations, you indeed went one way and another, as it pleased each, but I—for it was not yet very late—went up into the city so that I might take an evening walk in Ceramicus, thinking at the same time of the stinginess of Mnesitheus, who, though feasting sixteen gods, sacrificed only a single cock, and that too already old and running at the nose, and four grains of frankincense extremely moldy, so that they were immediately extinguished on the charcoal, not even yielding enough smoke for the tip of the nose to smell, and that too although he had promised whole hecatombs when the ship was already being carried toward the cliff and was inside the reefs.
§16Ζεύς
ἐπεὶ δὲ ταῦτα ἐννοῶν γίγνομαι κατὰ τὴν Ποικίλην, ὁρῶ πλῆθος ἀνθρώπων πάμπολυ συνεστηκός, ἐνίους μὲν ἔνδον ἐν αὐτῇ τῇ στοᾷ, πολλοὺς δὲ καὶ ἐν τῷ ὑπαίθρῳ, καί τινας βοῶντας καὶ διατεινομένους ἐπὶ τῶν θάκων καθημένους.
Zeus: But when, thinking of these things, I came near the Poecile, I saw a very great multitude of people assembled, some inside the portico itself, and many in the open air, and some shouting and straining as they sat on the benches.
εἰκάσας οὖν ὅπερ ἦν, φιλοσόφους εἶναι τῶν ἐριστικῶν τούτων, ἐβουλήθην ἐπιστὰς ἀκοῦσαι αὐτῶν ὅ τι καὶ λέγουσι· καὶ — ἔτυχον γὰρ νεφέλην τῶν παχειῶν περιβεβλημένος — σχηματίσας ἐμαυτὸν εἰς τὸν ἐκείνων τρόπον καὶ τὸν πώγωνα ἐπισπασάμενος εὖ μάλα ἐῴκειν φιλοσόφῳ· καὶ δὴ παραγκωνισάμενος τοὺς πολλοὺς εἰσέρχομαι ἀγνοούμενος ὅστις εἴην.
Having guessed, therefore, what was indeed the case, that they were philosophers of those disputatious kinds, I wished to stand by and listen to what they were saying; and—for I happened to be wrapped in a thick cloud—having fashioned myself into their manner and pulled down my beard, I looked very much like a philosopher; and so, having elbowed my way through the crowd, I entered without being known who I was.
εὑρίσκω τε τὸν Ἐπικούρειον Δᾶμιν, τὸν ἐπίτριπτον, καὶ Τιμοκλέα τὸν Στωϊκόν, ἀνδρῶν βέλτιστον, ἐκθύμως πάνυ ἐρίζοντας· ὁ γοῦν Τιμοκλῆς καὶ ἵδρου καὶ τὴν φωνὴν ἤδη ἐξεκέκοπτο ὑπὸ τῆς βοῆς, ὁ Δᾶμις δὲ τὸ σαρδάνιον ἐπιγελῶν ἔτι μᾶλλον παρώξυνε τὸν Τιμοκλέα.
And I found Damis the Epicurean, that scoundrel, and Timocles the Stoic, the best of men, disputing very passionately; Timocles indeed was sweating and had already grown hoarse with shouting, while Damis, laughing with a sarcastic grin, provoked Timocles all the more.