§33οἱ πλούσιοι καὶ οἱ βασιλεῖς τιμῶντες τοὺς φιλοσόφους αὑτούς τε, κοσμοῦσι κἀκείνους, οἱ δὲ φιλόσοφοι τοὺς πλουσίους θεραπεύοντες οὐκ ἐκείνους ποιοῦσιν ἐνδόξους ἀλλʼ αὑτοὺς ἀδοξοτέρους.
Rich men and kings, by honoring philosophers, adorn both themselves and them; but the philosophers, by paying court to the rich, do not make them illustrious, but make themselves more disreputable.
τοῦτο συμβαίνει καὶ περὶ τὰς γυναῖκας.
This also happens in the case of wives.
ὑποτάττουσαι μὲν γὰρ ἑαυτὰς τοῖς ἀνδράσιν ἐπαινοῦνται, κρατεῖν δὲ βουλόμεναι μᾶλλον τῶν κρατουμένων ἀσχημονοῦσι.
For by subjecting themselves to their husbands they are praised, but when they wish to rule, they make a worse figure than those who are ruled.
κρατεῖν δὲ τὸν ἄνδρα τῆς γυναικὸς οὐχ ὡς δεσπότην κτήματος ἀλλʼ ὡς ψυχὴν σώματος, συμπαθοῦντα καὶ συμπεφυκότα τῇ εὐνοίᾳ δίκαιόν ἐστιν.
And it is right that the husband should rule the wife, not as a master does a possession, but as the soul rules the body, sympathizing with her and being knit together with her by goodwill.
ὥσπερ οὖν σώματος ἔστι κήδεσθαι μὴ δουλεύοντα ταῖς ἡδοναῖς αὐτοῦ καὶ ταῖς ἐπιθυμίαις, οὕτω γυναικὸς ἄρχειν εὐφραίνοντα καὶ χαριζόμενον.
Just as, therefore, it is possible to care for the body without being a slave to its pleasures and desires, so it is possible to rule a wife while gladdening and gratifying her.
§34τῶν σωμάτων οἱ φιλόσοφοι τὰ μὲν ἐκ διεστώτων λέγουσιν εἶναι καθάπερ στόλον καὶ στρατόπεδον, τὰ δʼ ἐκ συναπτομένων ὡς οἰκίαν καὶ ναῦν, τὰ δʼ ἡνωμένα καὶ συμφυᾶ καθάπερ ἐστὶ τῶν ζῴων ἕκαστον.
Philosophers say that of bodies, some consist of separate parts, like a fleet or an army; others of joined parts, like a house or a ship; and others are unified and of one growth, as is each of living creatures.
σχεδὸν οὖν καὶ γάμος ὁ μὲν τῶν ἐρώντων ἡνωμένος καὶ συμφυής ἐστιν, ὁ δὲ τῶν διὰ προῖκας ἢ τέκνα γαμούντων ἐκ συναπτομένων, ὁ δὲ τῶν οὐ συγκαθευδόντων ἐκ διεστώτων, οὓς συνοικεῖν ἄν τις ἀλλήλοις οὐ συμβιοῦν νομίσειε.
In like manner, almost, marriage also: that of those who love each other is unified and of one growth; that of those who marry for dowry or children consists of joined parts; and that of those who do not sleep together consists of separate parts, who might be thought to cohabit with each other but not to live together.
δεῖ δέ, ὥσπερ οἱ φυσικοὶ τῶν ὑγρῶν λέγουσι διʼ ὅλων γενέσθαι τὴν κρᾶσιν, οὕτω τῶν γαμούντων καὶ σώματα καὶ χρήματα καὶ φίλους καὶ οἰκείους ἀναμιχθῆναι διʼ ἀλλήλων.
But it is necessary, just as natural philosophers say of liquids that their blending takes place through and through, so for those who marry, their bodies, property, friends, and relations should be mixed with one another.
καὶ γὰρ ὁ Ῥωμαῖος νομοθέτης ἐκώλυσε δῶρα διδόναι καὶ λαμβάνειν παρʼ ἀλλήλων τοὺς γεγαμηκότας, οὐχ ἵνα μηδενὸς μεταλαμβάνωσιν, ἀλλʼ ἵνα πάντα κοινὰ νομίζωσιν,
Indeed, the Roman lawgiver also forbade those who are married to give and receive gifts from one another, not that they should share nothing, but that they should consider everything common.
§35ἐν Λέπτει τῆς Λιβύης πόλει πάτριόν ἐστι τῇ μετὰ τὸν γάμον ἡμέρᾳ τὴν νύμφην πρὸς τὴν τοῦ νυμφίου μητέρα πέμψασαν αἰτεῖσθαι χύτραν· ἡ δʼ οὐ δίδωσιν οὐδέ φησιν ἔχειν, ὅπως ἀπʼ ἀρχῆς ἐπισταμένη τὸ τῆς ἑκυρᾶς μητρυιῶδες, ἂν ὕστερόν τι συμβαίνῃ τραχύτερον, μὴ ἀγανακτῇ μηδὲ δυσκολαίνῃ.
In Leptis, a city of Libya, it is an ancestral custom on the day after the wedding for the bride to send to the bridegroom's mother to ask for a pot; and she does not give it, nor does she say she has one, so that the bride, knowing from the beginning the stepmother-like disposition of her mother-in-law, if something harsher should happen later, may not be vexed or lose her temper.
τοῦτο δεῖ γιγνώσκουσαν τὴν γυναῖκα θεραπεύειν τὴν πρόφασιν· ἔστι δὲ ζηλοτυπία τῆς μητρὸς ὑπὲρ εὐνοίας πρὸς αὐτήν.
The wife, knowing this, ought to treat the cause; and this is the mother's jealousy regarding goodwill toward herself.
θεραπεία δὲ μία τοῦ πάθους ἰδίᾳ μὲν εὔνοιαν τῷ ἀνδρὶ ποιεῖν πρὸς ἑαυτήν, τὴν δὲ τῆς μητρὸς μὴ περισπᾶν μηδʼ ἐλαττοῦν.
And there is one treatment for this passion: privately to make her husband have goodwill toward herself, and not to draw away or diminish his goodwill toward his mother.
§36τοὺς υἱοὺς δοκοῦσι μᾶλλον ἀγαπᾶν αἱ μητέρες ὡς δυναμένους αὐταῖς βοηθεῖν, οἱ δὲ πατέρες τὰς θυγατέρας ὡς δεομένας αὐτῶν βοηθούντων ἴσως δὲ καὶ τιμῇ τῇ πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὁ ἕτερος τὸ μᾶλλον οἰκεῖον τῷ ἑτέρῳ βούλεται μᾶλλον ἀσπαζόμενος καὶ ἀγαπῶν φανερὸς εἶναι.
Mothers seem to love their sons more as being able to help them, and fathers their daughters as needing their help; or perhaps, out of respect for one another, each wishes to show that he embraces and loves more what is more closely related to the other.
καὶ τοῦτο μὲν ἴσως ἀδιάφορόν ἐστιν, ἐκεῖνο δʼ ἀστεῖον, ἂν ἡ γυνὴ μᾶλλον ἀποκλίνασα τῇ τιμῇ πρὸς τοὺς γονεῖς τοῦ ἀνδρὸς ἢ τοὺς ἑαυτῆς βλέπηται, κἄν τι λυπῆται, πρὸς ἐκείνους ἀναφέρουσα, τοὺς δʼ ἑαυτῆς λανθάνουσα.
And this indeed is perhaps indifferent, but that is elegant, if the wife is seen to incline with respect more toward the parents of her husband than her own, and if she is grieved by anything, referring it to them, and concealing it from her own parents.
ποιεῖ γὰρ τὸ πιστεύειν δοκεῖν πιστεύεσθαι, καὶ τὸ φιλεῖν φιλεῖσθαι.
For appearing to trust makes oneself trusted, and loving makes oneself loved.
§37τοῖς περὶ τὸν Κῦρον Ἕλλησι παρήγγειλαν οἱ στρατηγοὶ τοὺς πολεμίους, ἂν μὲν βοῶντες ἐπίωσι, δέχεσθαι μετὰ σιωπῆς, ἂν δʼ ἐκεῖνοι σιωπῶσιν αὐτοὺς μετὰ βοῆς ἀντεξελαύνειν.
To the Greeks around Cyrus, the generals gave command that if the enemy should advance with shouting, they should receive them in silence, but if they should be silent, they themselves should charge against them with a shout.
αἱ δὲ νοῦν ἔχουσαι γυναῖκες ἐν ταῖς ὀργαῖς τῶν ἀνδρῶν κεκραγότων μὲν ἡσυχάζουσι, σιωπῶντας δὲ προσλαλοῦσαι καὶ παραμυθούμεναι καταπραΰνουσιν.
So sensible wives, in the angers of their husbands, if they cry out, keep quiet, but if they are silent, they speak to them and comfort them, and soothe them.
§38ὀρθῶς ὁ Εὐριπίδης αἰτιᾶται τοὺς τῇ λύρᾳ χρωμένους παρʼ οἶνον· ἔδει γὰρ ἐπὶ τὰς ὀργὰς καὶ τὰ πένθη μᾶλλον τὴν μουσικὴν παρακαλεῖν ἢ προσεκλύειν τοὺς ἐν ταῖς ἡδοναῖς ὄντας.
Rightly does Euripides find fault with those who use the lyre over wine; for they ought rather to call upon music for angers and griefs, instead of further relaxing those who are already in pleasures.
νομίζετε οὖν ὑμεῖς ἁμαρτάνειν τοὺς ἡδονῆς ἕνεκα συγκαθεύδοντας ἀλλήλοις ὅταν δʼ ἐν ὀργῇ τινι γένωνται καὶ διαφορᾷ, χωρὶς ἀναπαυομένους καὶ μὴ τότε μάλιστα τὴν Ἀφροδίτην παρακαλοῦντας, ἰατρὸν οὖσαν τῶν τοιούτων ἀρίστην.
Consider, therefore, that you also commit an error, you who sleep together for the sake of pleasure, but when you fall into some anger and dispute, rest apart, and do not then most of all call upon Aphrodite, who is the best physician for such things.
ὥς που καὶ ὁ ποιητὴς διδάσκει, τὴν Ἥραν ποιῶν λέγουσαν
"
καὶ σφʼ ἄκριτα νείκεα λύσω
εἰς εὐνὴν ἀνέσασα ὁμωθῆναι φιλότητι
" §39ἀεὶ μὲν δεῖ καὶ πανταχοῦ φεύγειν τὸ προσκρούειν τῷ ἀνδρὶ τὴν γυναῖκα καὶ τῇ γυναικὶ τὸν ἄνδρα, μάλιστα δὲ φυλάττεσθαι τοῦτο ποιεῖν ἐν τῷ συναναπαύεσθαι καὶ συγκαθεύδειν.
Just as indeed the poet also teaches, making Hera say: "And I will loose their endless strife, sending them to the marriage-bed to be joined in love "Always and everywhere indeed a wife must avoid clashing with her husband, and a husband with his wife, but they must especially guard against doing this in resting and sleeping together.
ἡ μὲν γὰρ ὠδίνουσα καὶ δυσφοροῦσα πρὸς τοὺς κατακλίνοντας αὐτὴν ἔλεγε
πῶς δʼ ἂν ἡ κλίνη ταῦτα θεραπεύσειεν οἷς ἐπὶ τῆς κλίνης περιέπεσον; ἃς δʼ ἡ κλίνη γεννᾷ διαφορὰς καὶ λοιδορίας καὶ ὀργάς, οὐ ῥᾴδιόν ἐστιν ἐν ἄλλῳ τόπῳ καὶ χρόνῳ διαλυθῆναι.
For she who was in labor and suffering said to those who were laying her down: "How could the bed cure those pains which I fell into upon the bed?" But the disputes, revilings, and angers which the bed itself generates are not easily dissolved in any other place and time.