§10Hic fortasse quis dicat: unde ipsa peccata et omnino unde malum? si ab homine, unde homo? si ab angelo. unde angelus? quos ex deo esse cum dicitur.
Here perhaps someone might say: whence are sins themselves, and altogether whence is evil? If from man, whence is man? If from an angel, whence is the angel?
quamuis recte uereque dicantur, uidentur tamen inperitis et minus ualentibus acriter res abditas intueri quasi per quandam catenam ad deum mala et peccata conecti.
When it is said that they are from God, although they may be spoken of rightly and truly, yet they seem to the inexperienced and to those less able to look sharply into hidden things to be connected, as if by a certain chain, to God.
hac in quaestione illi regnare se putant, quasi uero interrogare sit scire.
In this question they think they reign, as if indeed to ask were to know.
utinam id esset: nemo me scientior reperiretur.
Would that it were so: no one would be found more knowing than I.
sed nescio quomodo saepe in altercando magnae quaestionis propositor personam magni doctoris ostentat plerumque ipse ipso. quem tenet, in eo, de quo terret, indoctior.
But I know not how, often in disputing, the proposer of a great question displays the persona of a great teacher, while for the most part he is more ignorant than the very one he holds, in that very matter concerning which he terrifies.
itaque isti multitudini se praeferendos arbitrantur, quia priores interrogant. quod cum multitudine ignorant.
And so they judge that they are to be preferred to the multitude, because they are the first to ask what they, together with the multitude, are ignorant of.
sed si eo tempore, quo cum eis me, non sicut iam diu ago, egisse nunc paenitet, mihi has rationes depromenti hoc obiecissent, dicerem: quaeso. interim mecum cognoscite, quod facillimum est, si nihil potest fulgere sine deo, multo minus posse aliquid uiuere sine deo, ne in tantis monstris opinionum remaneamus, ut nescio quas animas uitam non ex deo habere praedicemus.
But if at that time, when it now repents me to have engaged with them (not as I have now been doing for a long time), they had objected this to me as I was bringing forth these reasons, I would say: I pray you, in the meantime learn with me what is very easy: if nothing can shine without God, much less can anything live without God, lest we remain in such monstrous opinions as to declare that some souls do not have life from God.
sic enim fortasse continget, ut id quod mecum ignoratis, id est unde sit malum, uel simul uel quolibet ordine aliquando discamus.
For thus perhaps it will happen, that what you are ignorant of with me, namely, whence evil is, we may at some time learn, either together or in whatever order.
quid? si enim cognitio summi mali sine summi boni cognitione contingere homini non potest? non enim nossemus tenebras, si in tenebris semper essemus; sed lucis notitia contrarium suum non siuit incognitum.
What? For what if the knowledge of the supreme evil cannot happen to a man without the knowledge of the supreme good? For we would not know darkness, if we were always in darkness; but the knowledge of light did not allow its contrary to remain unknown.
summum autem bonum id est, quo superius esse nihil potest; deus autem bonum et deo superius nihil est: deus igitur summum bonum.
Now the supreme good is that than which nothing higher can exist; and God is good, and nothing is higher than God: God, therefore, is the supreme good.
cognoscamus ergo deum atque ita nos illud, quod praepropere quaerimus, non latebit.
Let us therefore know God, and so that which we seek too hastily will not be hidden from us.
mediocrisne tandem negotii uel meriti cognitionem dei esse arbitramini? quod enim nobis aliud praemium quam uita aeterna promittitur, quae dei cognitio est? ait enim magister deus: haec est autem uita aeterna, ut cognoscant te solum et uerum deum et quem misisti Iesum Christum. etenim anima quamuis sit inmortalis, tamen quia mors eius rite dicitur a dei cognitione auersio, cum se conuertit ad deum. meritum est aeternae uitae consequendae, ut sit aeterna uita, sicut dictum est, ipsa cognitio.
Do you think, pray, that the knowledge of God is a matter of moderate business or merit? For what other reward is promised to us than eternal life, which is the knowledge of God? For the teacher God says: "And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only and true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." For indeed, although the soul is immortal, yet because its death is rightly called a turning away from the knowledge of God, when it turns itself to God, it is a merit of obtaining eternal life, so that eternal life, as it has been said, is the knowledge itself.
conuerti autem ad deum nemo, nisi ab hoc mundo se auerterit, potest.
But no one can turn to God unless he turns away from this world.
hoc ego mihi arduum et difficillimum sentio; uobis si facile est, ille ipse deus uiderit.
This I feel to be arduous and very difficult for me; if it is easy for you, let that very God see to it.
ego uellem credere, nisi me moueret, quod cum iste mundus, a quo nos auertere iubemur, uisibilis sit dixeritque apostolus: ea quae uidentur, temporalia sunt; quae autem non uidentur, aeterna sunt, uos plus istorum oculorum quam mentis iudicio tribuitis, apud quos nullam esse fulgentem pennam, quae non ex deo fulgeat, et esse uiuentem animam, quae non ex deo uiuat, praedicatur et creditur.
I would wish to believe it, except that it moves me that, since this world from which we are commanded to turn away is visible, and the apostle said: "those things which are seen are temporal; but those which are not seen are eternal," you attribute more to the judgment of these eyes than of the mind, among whom it is preached and believed that there is no shining feather which does not shine from God, and no living soul which does not live from God.
haec et similia uel illis etiam dicerem uel mecum ipse reputarem.
These and similar things I would either say to them or repute within myself.
possem namque deum omnibus, ut dicitur, uisceribus deprecans et scripturis, quantum licebat, intentus etiam tunc fortasse talia uel dicere uel, quod saluti sat erat, cogitare.
For even then, praying to God with all my bowels, as the saying is, and intent upon the Scriptures as much as was allowed, I could perhaps either say such things or think what was sufficient for salvation.
§11Sed me duo quaedam maxime, quae incautam illam aetatem facile capiunt, per admirabiles adtriuere circuitus: quorum est unum familiaritas nescio quomodo repens quadam imagine bonitatis tamquam sinuosum aliquod uinculum multipliciter collo inuolutum, alterum, quod quaedam noxia uictoria paene mihi semper in disputationibus proueniebat disserenti cum inperitis, sed tamen fidem suam certatim, ut quisque posset, defendere molientibus christianis.
But two things especially, which easily capture that incautious age, wore me down through wonderful circuits: of which one is a familiarity creeping in, I know not how, under a certain image of goodness, like some winding bond wrapped many times around the neck; the other is that a certain harmful victory almost always came to me in disputations when I discussed with the inexperienced, yet Christians who were striving eagerly to defend their faith, each as best he could.
quo successu creberrimo gliscebat adulescentis animositas et inpetus suos in peruicaciae magnum malum inprudenter urgebat.
By which very frequent success the youth's animosity grew, and imprudently urged its impulses into the great evil of stubbornness.
quod altercandi genus quia post eorum auditionem adgressus eram, quicquid in eo uel qualicumque ingenio uel aliis lectionibus poteram, solis illis libentissime tribuebam.
Because I had entered upon this kind of disputation after hearing them, whatever I was able to do in it, whether by any natural talent or other readings, I most willingly attributed to them alone.
ita ex illorum sermonibus ardor in certamina, ex certaminum prouentu amor in illos cotidie nouabatur.
Thus from their discourses ardour for contests was renewed daily, and from the outcome of contests, love for them.
ex quo accidebat, ut quicquid dicerent, miris quibusdam modis, non quia sciebam, sed quia optabam uerum esse, pro uero adprobarem.
From which it happened that whatever they said, in some wonderful ways, not because I knew it, but because I wished it to be true, I approved as true.
ita factum est, ut quamuis pedetemtim atque caute, tamen diu sequerer homines nitidam stipulam uiuenti animae praeferentes.
Thus it happened that, although step by step and cautiously, yet for a long time I followed men who preferred a shining straw to a living soul.