§63.1Moleste fero decessisse Flaccum, amicum tuum, plus tamen aequo dolere te nolo.
I am sorry that your friend Flaccus has died, but I do not want you to grieve more than is fitting.
Illud, ut non doleas, vix audebo exigere; et esse melius scio.
I shall hardly dare to demand that—namely, that you should not grieve; and yet I know that it would be better.
Sed cui ista firmitas animi continget nisi iam multum supra fortunam elato? Illum quoque ista res vellicabit, sed tantum vellicabit Nobis autem ignosci potest prolapsis ad lacrimas, si non nimiae decucurrerunt, si ipsi illas repressimus.
But to whom will such firmness of mind belong, unless to one who has already risen far above Fortune? Even him such an occurrence will sting, but it will only sting. But we may be forgiven for having collapsed into tears, if they have not run down in excess, if we ourselves have repressed them.
Nec sicci sint oculi amisso amico nec fluant.
Let the eyes be neither dry when a friend is lost, nor let them overflow.
Lacrimandum est, non plorandum.
We must weep, but we must not wail.
§63.2Duram tibi legem videor ponere, cum poetarum Graecorum maximus ius flendi dederit in unum dumtaxat diem, cum dixerit etiam Niobam de cibo cogitasse? Quaeris, unde sint lamentationes, unde inmodici fletus? Per lacrimas argumenta desiderii quaerimus et dolorem non sequimur, sed ostendimus.
Do I seem to lay down a harsh rule for you, when the greatest of Greek poets has given the right of weeping for only a single day, when he has said that even Niobe thought of food? Do you ask whence come lamentations, whence immoderate weepings? Through tears we seek proofs of our longing, and we do not follow our grief, but display it.
Nemo tristis sibi est.
No one is sad for his own benefit.
O infelicem stultitiam! Est aliqua et doloris ambitio.
Oh, unhappy folly! There is even an ambition in grief.
§63.3"Quid ergo?" inquis, "Obliviscar amici?" Brevem illi apud te memoriam promittis, si cum dolore mansura est; iam istam frontem ad risum quaelibet fortuita res transferet.
"What then?" you say, "Shall I forget my friend?" You promise him but a short memory in your heart, if it is to remain only so long as your grief lasts; soon any chance occurrence will turn that brow of yours to laughter.
Non differo in longius tempus, quo desiderium omne mulcetur, quo etiam acerrimi luctus residunt.
I do not postpone this to a longer time, in which all longing is softened, in which even the sharpest griefs subside.
Cum primum te observare desieris, imago ista tristitiae discedet; nunc ipse custodis dolorem tuum.
As soon as you stop watching yourself, that image of sadness will depart; at present you are guarding your own grief.
Sed custodienti quoque elabitur eoque citius, quo est acrior, desinit.
But it slips away even from one who guards it, and the more acute it is, the more quickly it ceases.
§63.4Id agamus, ut iucunda nobis amissorum fiat recordatio.
Let us see to this, that the remembrance of those we have lost may become pleasant to us.
Nemo libenter ad id redit, quod non sine tormento cogitaturus est.
No one willingly returns to that which he is to think of only with torment.
Sic et illud fieri necesse est, ut cum aliquo nobis morsu amissorum, quos amavimus, nomen occurrat.
Thus it must also happen that the name of those lost ones whom we loved occurs to us with a certain sting.
Sed hic quoque morsus habet suam voluptatem.
But even this sting has its own pleasure.
§63.5Nam, ut dicere solebat Attalus noster, "sic amicorum defunctorum memoria iucunda est, quomodo poma quaedam sunt suaviter aspera, quomodo in vino nimis veteri ipsa nos amaritudo delectat; cum vero intervenit spatium, omne, quod angebat, extinguitur et pura ad nos voluptas venit. " §63.6Si illi credimus, "Amicos incolumes cogitare melle ac placenta frui est; eorum, qui fuerunt, retractatio non sine acerbitate quadam iuvat.
For, as our Attalus used to say, "the memory of deceased friends is pleasant in the same way that certain fruits are agreeably tart, or as in very old wine the bitterness itself delights us; but when an interval of time has intervened, all that caused pain is extinguished, and pure pleasure comes to us." If we believe him, "To think of friends who are safe and well is to enjoy honey and cake; the remembering of those who have been, pleases us not without a certain bitterness.
Quis autem negaverit haec aeria quoque et habentia austeritatis aliquid stomachum excitare?" §63.7Ego non idem sentio, mihi amicorum defunctorum cogitatio dulcis ac blanda est.
But who would deny that these tart things also, which have something of harshness, stimulate the stomach?" I do not feel the same way; to me the thought of deceased friends is sweet and soothing.
Habui enim illos tamquam amissurus, amisi tamquam habeam.
For I held them as if I were to lose them, and I have lost them as if I still hold them.
Fac ergo, mi Lucili, quod aequitatem tuam decet, desine beneficium fortunae male interpretari; abstulit, sed dedit.
Do, therefore, my Lucilius, what befits your fairness of mind; cease to misinterpret the benefit of Fortune; she has taken away, but she has given.
§63.8Ideo amicis avide fruamur, quia quamdiu contingere hoc possit, incertum est.
Therefore, let us eagerly enjoy our friends, because it is uncertain how long this may be permitted us.
Cogitemus, quam saepe illos reliquerimus in aliquam peregrinationem longinquam exituri, quam saepe eodem morantes loco non viderimus; intellegemus plus nos temporis in vivis perdidisse.
Let us reflect how often we have left them behind when about to set out on some distant journey, how often we have not seen them while staying in the same place; we shall realize that we have lost more of their time while they were alive.