§63.9Feras autem hos, qui neglegentissime amicos habent, miserrime lugent, nec amant quemquam, nisi perdiderunt? Ideoque tunc effusius maerent, quia verentur, ne dubium sit, an amaverint; sera indicia adfectus sui quaerunt.
But can you tolerate these people who treat their friends most neglectfully, yet mourn them most wretchedly, and love no one unless they have lost them? And they grieve more effusively then for this reason, because they fear lest it be doubtful whether they loved them; they seek late-coming proofs of their affection.
§63.10Si habemus alios amicos, male de iis et meremur et existimamus, qui parum valent in unius elati solacium; si non habemus, maiorem iniuriam ipsi nobis fecimus quam a fortuna accepimus; illa unum abstulit, nos, quemcumque non fecimus.
If we have other friends, we both deserve badly of them and think poorly of them, in judging that they have too little power to comfort us for one buried friend; if we do not have them, we have done a greater injury to ourselves than we have received from Fortune; she took away one, but we have lost all those whom we did not make our friends.
§63.11Deinde ne unum quidem nimis amavit, qui plus quam unum amare non potuit.
Furthermore, he did not love even one enough, who could not love more than one.
Si quis despoliatus amissa unica tunica conplorare se malit quam circumspicere, quomodo frigus effugiat et aliquid inveniat, quo tegat scapulas, nonne tibi videatur stultissimus?
Quem amabas, extulisti; quaere, quem ames.
If someone who was despoiled and lost his only tunic should prefer to wail rather than to look around for how he might escape the cold and find something to cover his shoulders, would he not seem to you most foolish? You have buried the one you loved; seek someone to love.
§63.12Satius est amicum reparare quam flere.
It is better to replace a friend than to weep.
Scio pertritum iam hoc esse, quod adiecturus sum, non ideo tamen praetermittam, quia ab omnibus dictum est: finem dolendi etiam qui consilio non fecerat, tempore invenit.
I know that what I am about to add is already well-worn, yet I shall not omit it just because it has been said by everyone: even the one who did not end his grieving by deliberate decision finds an end to it through time.
Turpissimum autem est in homine prudente remedium maeroris lassitudo maerendi.
But for a wise man, the most shameful remedy for grief is weariness of grieving.
Malo relinquas dolorem quam ab illo relinquam, et quam primum id facere desiste, quod etiam si voles, diu facere non poteris.
I prefer that you leave your grief rather than be left by it, and cease as soon as possible to do that which, even if you wish, you will not be able to do for long.
§63.13Annum feminis ad lugendum constituere maiores, non ut tam diu lugerent, sed ne diutius; viris nullum legitimum tempus est, quia nullum honestum.
Our ancestors established a year of mourning for women, not so that they should mourn for so long, but that they should not mourn longer; for men there is no legal period, because none is honorable.
Quam tamen mihi ex illis mulierculis dabis vix retractis a rogo, vix a cadavere revulsis, cui lacrimae in totum mensem duraverint? Nulla res citius in odium venit quam dolor, qui recens consolatorem invenit et aliquos ad se adducit, inveteratus vero deridetur, nec inmerito.
Yet, which of those women, barely dragged back from the pyre, barely torn away from the corpse, will you point out to me whose tears lasted for a whole month? Nothing comes more quickly into hatred than grief, which when fresh finds a comforter and brings some people to its side, but when long-standing is derided, and not undeservedly.
Aut enim simulatus aut stultus est.
For it is either feigned or foolish.
§63.14Haec tibi scribo is, qui Annaeum Serenum, carissimum mihi, tam inmodice flevi, ut, quod minime velim, inter exempla sim eorum, quos dolor vicit.
I write this to you as one who wept for Annaeus Serenus, my dearest friend, so immoderately that, though I least desire it, I am among the examples of those whom grief conquered.
Hodie autem factum meum damno et intellego maximam mihi causam sic lugendi fuisse, quod numquam cogitaveram mori eum ante me posse.
Today, however, I condemn my action, and I realize that the greatest cause for my mourning in such a way was that I had never reflected that he could die before me.
Hoc unum mihi occurrebat, minorem esse et multo minorem, tamquam ordinem fata servarent.
Only this occurred to me, that he was younger, and much younger, as if the Fates preserved order.
§63.15Itaque adsidue cogitemus tam de nostra quam omnium, quos diligimus, mortalitate.
Therefore, let us constantly reflect on our own mortality as well as that of all those whom we love.
Tunc ego debui dicere: "Minor est Serenus meus;
At that time I ought to have said: "My Serenus is younger; what does it matter?
quid ad rem pertinet? Post me mori debet, sed ante me potest. "Quia non feci, inparatum subito fortuna percussit.
He ought to die after me, but he can die before me." Because I did not do this, Fortune struck me suddenly when I was unprepared.
Nunc cogita omnia et mortalia esse et incerta lege mortalia.
Now reflect that all things are mortal, and mortal by an uncertain law.
Hodie fieri potest, quicquid umquam potest.
Whatever can happen at any time can happen today.
§63.16Cogitemus ergo, Lucili carissime, cito nos eo perventuros, quo illum pervenisse maeremus.
Let us reflect, therefore, my dearest Lucilius, that we shall soon arrive at that place where we grieve that he has arrived.
Et fortasse, si modo vera sapientium fama est recipitque nos locus aliquis, quem putamus perisse, praemissus est.
And perhaps, if only the report of wise men is true and some place which we think has perished receives us, he has been sent ahead.
VALE.
FAREWELL.