§1.3.1Cum subit illius tristissima noctis imago, §1.3.2qua mihi supremum tempus in urbe fuit, §1.3.3cum repeto noctem, qua tot mihi cara reliqui, §1.3.4labitur ex oculis nunc quoque gutta meis.
When the most sad image of that night comes to my mind, on which I had my last time in the city, when I recall the night on which I left behind so many things dear to me, even now a tear slips from my eyes.
§1.3.5iam prope lux aderat, qua me discedere Caesar §1.3.6finibus extremae iusserat Ausoniae, §1.3.7nec spatium nec mens fuerat satis apta parandi: §1.3.8torpuerant longa pectora nostra mora.
Already the day was near, on which Caesar had ordered me to depart from the borders of furthest Ausonia, there had been neither time nor a mind suitable enough for preparing: my breast had grown numb with the long delay.
I had no care for selecting slaves, no care for companions, no clothing or resources suitable for an exile.
I was no less stunned than one who, struck by the fires of Jupiter, lives and is himself unconscious of his own life.
§1.3.13ut tamen hanc animi nubem dolor ipse removit, §1.3.14et tandem sensus convaluere mei, §1.3.15adloquor extremum maestos abiturus amicos, §1.3.16qui modo de multis unus et alter erant,
Yet when grief itself removed this cloud of the mind, and at last my senses recovered, about to depart, I address for the last time my sad friends, who just now, out of many, were only one or two.
§1.3.17uxor amans flentem flens acrius ipsa tenebat, §1.3.18imbre per indignas usque cadente genas, §1.3.19nata procul Libycis aberat diversa sub oris, §1.3.20nec poterat fati certior esse mei.
My loving wife, weeping even more bitterly herself, held me as I wept, while a shower of tears fell continuously down her undeserving cheeks, My daughter was far away, separated under Libyan shores, nor could she be informed of my fate.
§1.3.21quocumque aspiceres, luctus gemitusque sonabant, §1.3.22formaque non taciti funeris intus erat.
Wherever you looked, mourning and groans resounded, and within was the appearance of a far from silent funeral.
§1.3.23femina virque meo, pueri quoque funere maerent, §1.3.24inque domo lacrimas angulus omnis habet.
Woman and man, and children too, grieve at my funeral, and every corner in the house has tears.
If it is permitted to use great examples in small matters, this was the face of Troy when it was captured.
And now the voices of both men and dogs were growing quiet, and the high Moon was guiding her nocturnal horses.
§1.3.29hanc ego suspiciens et ad hanc Capitolia cernens, §1.3.30quae nostro frustra iuncta fuere Lari, §1.3.31numina vicinis habitantia sedibus,
inquam, §1.3.32‘iamque oculis numquam templa videnda meis, §1.3.33dique relinquendi, quos urbs habet alta Quirini, §1.3.34este salutati tempus in omne mihi.
Looking up at her, and by her light discerning the Capitoline, which in vain was joined to our household god, O divinities dwelling in the neighboring shrines, I said, and temples never more to be seen by my eyes, and gods to be left behind, whom the high city of Quirinus holds, be greeted by me for all time.
§1.3.35et quamquam sero clipeum post vulnera sumo, §1.3.36attamen hanc odiis exonerate fugam, §1.3.37caelestique viro, quis me deceperit error, §1.3.38dicite, pro culpa ne scelus esse putet, §1.3.39ut quod vos scitis, poenae quoque sentiat auctor.
And although too late I take up the shield after receiving wounds, yet nevertheless, free this flight from hatred, and tell that heavenly man what error deceived me, lest he think it a crime instead of a fault, so that what you know, the author of my punishment also may perceive.
§1.3.40placato possum non miser esse deo. ’
With the god appeased, I can cease to be wretched.
§1.3.41hac prece adoravi superos ego, pluribus uxor, §1.3.42singultu medios impediente sonos, §1.3.43illa etiam ante Lares passis adstrata capillis §1.3.44contigit extinctos ore tremente focos, §1.3.45multaque in adversos effudit verba Penates §1.3.46pro deplorato non valitura viro.
With this prayer I adored the gods above; my wife with more, while sobbing interrupted her voice in mid-speech, She even prostrated herself before the Lares with disheveled hair, and touched with trembling lips the extinguished hearth, and poured out many words to the opposing Penates, destined to be of no avail for her lamented husband.
§1.3.47iamque morae spatium nox praecipitata negabat, §1.3.48versaque ab axe suo Parrhasis Arctos erat.
And now the rushing night denied any space for delay, and the Parrhasian Bear had turned away from her pole.
§1.3.49quid facerem? blando patriae retinebar amore,
What was I to do?
§1.3.50ultima sed iussae nox erat illa fugae.
I was held back by the sweet love of my country, but that was the last night of my commanded flight.
§1.3.51a! quotiens aliquo dixi properante quid urgues?
Ah! how often did I say to someone hurrying: Why do you push?
§1.3.52vel quo festinas ire, vel unde, vide.
Look either at where you are hastening to go, or from where.
Ah! how often did I falsely claim that I had a fixed hour, which would be suitable for the proposed journey.
Thrice I touched the threshold, thrice I was called back, and my very foot, yielding to my mind, was slow.
Often having said farewell, I spoke many things again, and as if departing, I gave the last kisses.
Often I gave the same instructions, and deceived myself, looking back with my eyes at the dear pledges of my love.
§1.3.61denique
quid propero? Scythia est, quo mittimur,
inquam,
Finally I said, Why do I hasten?
§1.3.62‘Roma relinquenda est.
It is Scythia to which we are sent, Rome is to be left behind.
utraque iusta mora est.
Either is a just cause for delay.
§1.3.63uxor in aeternum vivo mihi viva negatur, §1.3.64et domus et fidae dulcia membra domus, §1.3.65quosque ego dilexi fraterno more sodales, §1.3.66o mihi Thesea pectora iuncta fide!
A living wife is denied to me, living, for eternity, and my house, and the sweet members of my faithful home, and the companions whom I loved in a brotherly fashion, O hearts joined to me with the loyalty of Theseus!
§1.3.67dum licet, amplectar: numquam fortasse licebit §1.3.68amplius, in lucro est quae datur hora mihi. ’
While it is permitted, let me embrace them: perhaps it will never be permitted further; the hour which is given to me is a gain.
And without delay, I leave the words of my speech unfinished, embracing everything dearest to my heart.
§1.3.71dum loquor et flemus, caelo nitidissimus alto, §1.3.72stella gravis nobis. Lucifer ortus erat.
While I speak and we weep, most bright in the high heaven, a star heavy to us, Lucifer had risen.
§1.3.73dividor haud aliter, quam si mea membra relinquam, §1.3.74et pars abrumpi corpore visa suo est.
I am torn away no differently than if I were leaving my own limbs, and a part seemed to be torn from its own body.
Thus did Mettus grieve at that time when he had horses, turned in opposite directions, as punishers of his treason.
Then indeed arises the clamor and groaning of my people, and sad hands beat bare breasts.
§1.3.79tum vero coniunx umeris abeuntis inhaerens §1.3.80miscuit haec lacrimis tristia verba meis; §1.3.81non potes avelli.
Then indeed my wife, clinging to the shoulders of me as I departed, mixed these sad words with my tears: You cannot be torn away.
simul hinc, simul ibimus,
inquit,
Together from here, together we will go, she said.
§1.3.82‘te sequar et coniunx exulis exul ero.
I will follow you and, as the wife of an exile, I will be an exile.
§1.3.83et mihi facta via est, et me capit ultima tellus: §1.3.84accedam profugae sarcina parva rati.
For me too a path is made, and the furthest land receives me: I will join as a small burden to the fleeing ship.
Caesar's wrath orders you to depart from your country, devotion orders me; this devotion will be my Caesar.
She was attempting such things, just as she had attempted before, and with difficulty yielded, conquered by what was expedient.
I depart—or rather, that was to be carried out without a funeral— squalid, with neglected hair over my rough face.
§1.3.91illa dolore amens tenebris narratur obortis §1.3.92semianimis media procubuisse domo, §1.3.93utque resurrexit foedatis pulvere turpi §1.3.94crinibus et gelida membra levavit humo, §1.3.95se modo, desertos modo complorasse Penates, §1.3.96nomen et erepti saepe vocasse viri, §1.3.97nec gemuisse minus, quam si nataeque meumque §1.3.98vidisset structas corpus habere rogos, §1.3.99et voluisse mori, monendo ponere sensus, §1.3.100respectuque tamen non periisse mei.
She, frantic with grief, is said to have fallen half-dead in the middle of the house as darkness rose over her eyes, and when she rose again, with her hair defiled by ugly dust, and lifted her limbs from the cold ground, she lamented now herself, now the deserted Penates, and often called the name of her snatched-away husband, and groaned no less than if she had seen her daughter's or my body on the constructed pyre, and wished to die, to lay aside her senses by dying, and yet did not perish out of regard for me.
§1.3.101vivat, et absentem, quoniam sic fata tulerunt, vivat ut auxilio sublevet usque suo.
May she live, and, since the fates have so brought it, live so that she may continually support me, though absent, with her help.