§3.15.5quod te cum Culleone scribis de privilegio locutum, est aliquid sed multo est melius abrogari.
As to what you write that you have spoken with Culleo about the privilege, it is something, but it is much better that it be repealed.
si enim nemo impediet, sic est firmius; sin erit qui ferri non sinat, idem senatus consulto intercedet.
For if no one hinders, it is more secure in this way; but if there should be someone who does not allow it to be passed, the same person will veto the decree of the Senate.
nec quicquam aliud opus est abrogari; nam prior lex nos nihil laedebat.
Nor is there any need for anything else to be repealed; for the previous law did not harm us at all.
quam si ut est promulgata laudare voluissemus aut ut erat neglegenda neglegere, nocere omnino nobis non potuisset.
If we had wished to praise it as it was proposed, or to neglect it as it was to be neglected, it could not have harmed us at all.
hic mihi primum meum consilium defuit sed etiam obfuit.
Here my own counsel first failed me, but also got in my way.
caeci, caeci inquam fuimus in vestitu mutando, in populo rogando, quod nisi nominatim mecum agi coeptum esset fieri perniciosum fuit.
Blind, blind, I say, we were in changing our clothing, in entreating the people, which, unless it had begun to be done against me by name, was a ruinous thing to do.
sed pergo praeterita verum tamen ob hanc causam ut, si quid agetur, legem illam in qua popularia multa sunt ne tangatis.
But I proceed with past things, yet for this reason, so that if anything is done, you may not touch that law in which there are many popular elements.
§3.15.6verum est stultum me praecipere quid agatis aut quo modo.
But it is foolish for me to instruct you what to do or in what way.
utinam modo agatur aliquid! in quo ipso multa occultant tuae litterae, credo, ne vehementius desperatione perturber.
If only something might be done! In which very matter your letters hide many things, I believe, lest I be more violently disturbed by despair.
quid enim vides agi posse aut quo modo? per senatumne? at tute scripsisti ad me quoddam caput legis Clodium in curiae poste fixisse, ne referri neve dici liceret.
For what do you see can be done, or in what way? Through the Senate? But you yourself wrote to me that Clodius had fixed a certain head of the law on the doorpost of the Senate House, so that it was not permitted to be referred or spoken of.
quo modo igitur Domitius se dixit relaturum? quo modo autem iis quos tu scribis et de re dicentibus et ut referretur postulantibus Clodius tacuit? ac si per populum, poteritne nisi de omnium tribunorum pl. sententia? quid de bonis? quid de domo? poteritne restitui? aut si non poterit, egomet quo modo potero? haec nisi vides expediri, quam in spem me vocas? sin autem spei nihil est, quae est mihi vita? itaque exspecto Thessalonicae acta Kal. Sext. , ex quibus statuam in tuosne agros confugiam, ut neque videam homines quos nolim et te, ut scribis, videam et propius sim si quid agatur, idque intellexi cum tibi tum Quinto fratri placere, an abeam Cyzicum.
How then did Domitius say he would refer it? And how was Clodius silent toward those whom you write were both speaking of the matter and demanding that it be referred? And if through the people, will it be possible except by the opinion of all the tribunes of the plebs? What of the property? What of the house? Will it be able to be restored? Or if it cannot, how shall I myself be able to be? Unless you see these things resolved, to what hope do you call me? But if there is no hope, what life is there for me? Therefore I await the proceedings of the Kalends of August at Thessalonica, from which I shall determine whether to flee to your estates (so that I may neither see the men I would not wish to, and may see you, as you write, and be nearer if anything is done, and I have understood that this is pleasing both to you and to my brother Quintus), or whether I should go to Cyzicus.
§3.15.7nunc, Pomponi, quoniam nihil impertisti tuae prudentiae ad salutem meam, quod aut in me ipso satis esse consili decreras aut te nihil plus mihi debere quam ut praesto esses, quoniamque ego proditus, inductus, coniectus in fraudem omnia mea praesidia neglexi, totam Italiam iam erectam ad me defendendum destitui et reliqui, me, meos meis tradidi inimicis inspectante et tacente te qui, si non plus ingenio valebas quam ego, certe timebas minus, si potes, erige adflictos et in eo nos iuva; sin omnia sunt obstructa, id ipsum fac ut sciamus et nos aliquando aut obiurgare aut communiter consolari desine.
Now, Pomponius, since you imparted nothing of your wisdom to my safety, because you had determined either that counsel was sufficient in myself or that you owed me nothing more than to be at hand, and since I, betrayed, led on, and cast into a snare, neglected all my protections, abandoned and left all Italy already raised to defend me, and delivered myself and my people to my enemies while you looked on and were silent—you who, if you did not excel in intellect more than I, surely feared less—if you can, raise up those who are afflicted and help us in this; but if all things are obstructed, bring it about that we know this very thing, and at last cease either to chide us or to console us in a commonplace way.
ego si tuam fidem accusarem, non me potissimum tuis tectis crederem; meam amentiam accuso quod me a te tantum amari quantum ego vellem putavi.
If I were accusing your fidelity, I would not entrust myself especially to your roof; I accuse my own madness in that I thought I was loved by you as much as I could wish.
quod si fuisset, fidem eandem, curam maiorem adhibuisses, me certe ad exitium praecipitantem retinuisses, istos labores quos nunc in naufragiis nostris suscipis non subisses.
If this had been so, you would have employed the same fidelity and greater care, you would surely have held me back when rushing headlong to ruin, and you would not have undergone those labors which you now undertake in our shipwreck.
§3.15.8qua re fac ut omnia ad me perspecta et explorata perscribas meque, ut facis, velis esse aliquem, quoniam qui fui et qui esse potui iam esse non possum, et ut his litteris non te sed me ipsum a me esse accusatum putes.
Therefore, bring it about that you write to me fully of all things observed and explored, and wish me, as you do, to be someone, since I can no longer be who I was and who I could have been, and that you think that by this letter not you, but I myself have been accused by me.
si qui erunt quibus putes opus esse meo nomine litteras dari, velim conscribas curesque dandas.
If there are any to whom you think letters ought to be given in my name, I wish you would draft them and see to their delivery.
data xiiii Kal. Sept.
Given on the 14th day before the Kalends of September.