§11.9.1ego vero et incaute, ut scribis, et celerius quam oportuit feci nec in ulla sum spe quippe qui exceptionibus edictorum retinear.
But I have indeed acted both incautiously, as you write, and more hastily than I ought to have done, and I am not in any hope, since indeed I am detained by the exceptions of the edicts.
quae si non essent sedulitate effectae et †benivolentie va†, liceret mihi abire in solitudines aliquas.
Which, if they had not been effected by diligence and goodwill, I would have been allowed to depart into some wilderness.
nunc ne id quidem licet.
Now not even that is allowed.
quid autem me iuvat quod ante initum tribunatum veni, si ipsum quod veni nihil iuvat? iam quid sperem ab eo qui mihi amicus numquam fuit, cum iam lege etiam sim confectus et oppressus? cotidie iam Balbi ad me litterae languidiores multaeque multorum ad illum fortasse contra me.
But what does it help me that I came before the tribunate was entered upon, if the very fact that I came helps nothing? Now what should I hope from him who was never a friend to me, when I am now also worn out and oppressed by law? Now daily Balbus's letters to me are fainter, and many letters of many people to him are perhaps against me.
meo vitio pereo; nihil mihi mali casus attulit, omnia culpa contracta sunt.
I perish by my own fault; fortune has brought no evil upon me, all things have been contracted by my own blame.
ego enim cum genus belli viderem, imparata et infirma omnia contra paratissimos, statueram quid facerem ceperamque consilium non tam forte quam mihi praeter ceteros concedendum.
For when I saw the nature of the war, everything unprepared and weak against those who were most prepared, I had determined what to do and had taken a counsel not so much brave as one that had to be conceded to me above others.
§11.9.2cessi meis vel potius parui.
I yielded to my people, or rather I obeyed them.
ex quibus unus qua mente fuerit, is quem tu mihi commendas, cognosces ex ipsius litteris quae ad te et ad alios misit.
Of whom, what mind one of them had—the one whom you recommend to me—you will learn from his own letters which he sent to you and to others.
quas ego numquam aperuissem, nisi res acta sic esset.
Which I would never have opened, unless the matter had been handled thus.
delatus est ad me fasciculus.
A packet of letters was delivered to me.
solvi, si quid ad me esset litterarum.
I untied it, to see if there was any letter for me.
nihil erat, epistula Vatinio et Ligurio altera.
There was nothing; there was one letter for Vatinius and another for Ligurius.
iussi ad eos deferri.
I ordered them to be delivered to them.
illi ad me statim ardentes dolore venerunt scelus hominis clamantes; epistulas mihi legerunt plenas omnium in me probrorum.
They immediately came to me, burning with pain, crying out at the wickedness of the man; they read to me the letters full of all kinds of abuse against me.
hic Ligurius furere, se enim scire summo illum in odio fuisse Caesari.
Here Ligurius raged, saying that he knew that he had been in the greatest hatred to Caesar.
illum tamen non modo favisse sed etiam tantam illi pecuniam dedisse honoris mei causa.
Yet he (Caesar) had not only favored him but had also given him so much money for the sake of my honor.
hoc ego dolore accepto volui scire quid scripsisset ad ceteros; ipsi enim illi putavi perniciosum fore, si eius hoc tantum scelus percrebruisset.
Having received this pain, I wished to know what he had written to the others; for I thought it would be ruinous to him himself if this so great wickedness of his should become commonly known.
cognovi eiusdem generis.
I found them to be of the same kind.
ad te misi.
I have sent them to you.
quas si putabis illi ipsi utile esse reddi, reddes.
If you think it will be useful for him himself that they be delivered, you may deliver them.
nil me laedet.
It will not hurt me at all.
nam quod resignatae sunt, habet, opinor, eius signum Pomponia.
For as to their being unsealed, Pomponia, I think, has his seal.
hac ille acerbitate initio navigationis cum usus esset, tanto me dolore adfecit ut postea iacuerim, neque nunc tam pro se quam contra me laborare dicitur.
Since he had used this bitterness at the beginning of his voyage, he affected me with so much pain that afterwards I lay sick, and now he is said to be laboring not so much for himself as against me.
§11.9.3ita omnibus rebus urgeor; quas sustinere vix possum vel plane nullo modo possum.
Thus I am pressed by all things; which I can scarcely bear, or rather clearly in no way can I bear.
quibus in miseriis una est pro omnibus quod istam miseram patrimonio, fortuna omni spoliatam relinquam.
In which miseries, one is in place of all, that I shall leave that miserable girl despoiled of her patrimony and of all fortune.
qua re te, ut polliceris, videre plane velim.
Therefore I would clearly like to see you, as you promise.
alium enim cui illam commendem habeo neminem, quoniam matri quoque eadem intellexi esse parata quae mihi.
For I have no one else to whom I may commend her, since I have understood that the same things are prepared for her mother as for me.
sed si me non offendes, satis tamen habeto commendatam patruumque in ea quantum poteris mitigato.
But if you do not find me, nevertheless hold her sufficiently commended and mitigate her uncle towards her as much as you can.
haec ad te die natali meo scripsi.
I wrote these things to you on my birthday.
quo utinam susceptus non essem aut ne quid ex eadem matre postea natum esset! plura scribere fletu prohibeor.
On which day would that I had not been taken up, or that nothing had been born afterwards from the same mother! I am prevented from writing more by weeping.