§11.28.1magnam voluptatem ex tuis litteris cepi, quod quam speraram atque optaram habere te de me opinionem cognovi; de qua etsi non dubitabam, tamen, quia maximi aestimabam ut incorrupta maneret laborabam.
I received great pleasure from your letter, because I learned what opinion you hold of me, which was just as I had hoped and prayed for; and although I had no doubt about it, yet, because I valued it most highly that it should remain unimpaired, I was anxious.
conscius autem mihi eram nihil a me commissum esse quod boni cuiusquam offenderet animum.
For I was conscious to myself that nothing had been committed by me which would offend the mind of any good man.
eo minus credebam plurimis atque optimis artibus ornato tibi temere quicquam persuaderi potuisse, praesertim in quem mea propensa et perpetua fuisset atque esset benevolentia.
Therefore, I believed all the less that anything could easily have been persuaded to you, who are adorned with so many and excellent accomplishments, especially towards one in whom my goodwill had been and is inclined and perpetual.
quod quoniam ut volui scio esse, respondebo criminibus, quibus tu pro me, ut par erat tua singulari bonitate et amicitia nostra, saepe restitisti. §11.28.2nota enim mihi sunt quae in me post Caesaris mortem contulerint.
Since I know this to be as I wished, I will reply to the accusations which you, in accordance with your singular goodness and our friendship, have often resisted on my behalf. For those things which they have heaped upon me since Caesar's death are well known to me.
vitio mihi dant quod mortem hominis necessari graviter fero atque eum quem dilexi perisse indignor; aiunt enim patriam amicitiae praeponendam esse, proinde ac si iam vicerint obitum eius rei p. fuisse utilem.
They make it a fault in me that I bear heavily the death of a close friend, and that I am indignant that he whom I loved has perished; for they say that the fatherland must be preferred to friendship, just as if they have already proved that his death was useful to the republic.
sed non agam astute; fateor me ad istum gradum sapientiae non pervenisse; neque enim Caesarem in dissensione civili sum secutus sed amicum; quamquam re offendebar, tamen non deserui, neque bellum umquam civile aut etiam causam dissensionis probavi, quam etiam nascentem exstingui summe studui.
But I will not act slyly; I confess that I have not arrived at that level of wisdom; for I did not follow Caesar in the civil dissension, but a friend; and although I was offended by the circumstance, yet I did not desert him, nor did I ever approve of the civil war or even the cause of dissension, which indeed I earnestly desired to be extinguished in its very birth.
itaque in victoria hominis necessari neque honoris neque pecuniae dulcedine sum captus, quibus praemiis reliqui, minus apud eum quam ego cum possent, immoderate sunt abusi.
Therefore, in the victory of a close friend, I was captured neither by the sweetness of honor nor of money, which rewards the rest, though they could do less with him than I, have immoderately abused.
atque etiam res familiaris mea lege Caesaris de minuta est, cuius beneficio plerique, qui Caesaris morte laetantur remanserunt, in civitate.
And even my family property was diminished by Caesar's law, by whose benefit most of those who now rejoice at Caesar's death have remained in the state.
civibus victis ut parceretur aeque ac pro mea salute laboravi. §11.28.3possum igitur qui omnis voluerim incolumis eum a quo id impetratum est perisse non indignari? cum praesertim idem homines illi et invidiae et exitio fuerint.
I labored just as much that the defeated citizens might be spared as for my own safety. Can I, therefore, who wished everyone to be unharmed, not be indignant that he from whom this was obtained has perished? Especially since those same men were the cause both of hatred and destruction to him.
'plecteris ergo' inquiunt 'quoniam factum nostrum improbare audes. ' O superbiam inauditam alios in facinore gloriari, aliis ne dolore quidem impunite licere! at haec etiam servis semper libera fuerunt, ut timerent, gauderent, dolerent suo potius quam alterius arbitrio; quae nunc, ut quidem isti dictitant, 'libertatis auctores' metu nobis extorquere conantur. §11.28.4sed nihil agunt; nullius umquam periculi terroribus ab officio aut ab humanitate desciscam; numquam enim honestam mortem fugiendam, saepe etiam oppetendam putavi.
'You shall be punished, then,' they say, 'since you dare to disapprove of our deed.' O unheard-of arrogance, that some should glory in a crime, while others are not even allowed to grieve with impunity! But this has always been free even to slaves, to fear, rejoice, and grieve by their own rather than another's will; which things now, as those men repeatedly say, the 'authors of liberty' endeavor to extort from us by fear. But they accomplish nothing; I will never swerve from my duty or from humanity through the terrors of any danger; for I have never thought that an honorable death should be avoided, but often even met.
sed quid mihi suscensent, si id opto ut paeniteat eos sui facti? cupio enim Caesaris mortem omnibus esse acerbam.
But why are they angry with me, if I wish that they should repent of their deed? For I desire Caesar's death to be bitter to everyone.
'at debeo pro civili parte rem p. velle salvam. ' id quidem me cupere, nisi et ante acta vita et reliqua mea spes tacente me probat, dicendo vincere non postulo. §11.28.5qua re maiorem in modum te rogo ut rem potiorem oratione ducas mihique, si sentis expedire recte fieri, credas nullam communionem cum improbis esse posse.
'But as a citizen, I ought to wish the republic to be safe.' That indeed I desire, unless both my past life and my remaining hope prove it even while I am silent, I do not demand to establish by speaking. Therefore, I ask you more earnestly to consider the fact more important than speech, and to believe me, if you feel that it is expedient for right to be done, that there can be no fellowship between me and wicked men.
an quod adulescens praestiti, cum etiam errare cum excusatione possem, id nunc aetate praecipitata commutem ac me ipse retexam? non faciam neque quod displiceat committam, praeterquam quod hominis mihi coniunctissimi ac viri amplissimi doleo gravem casum.
Or should I, who performed my duty as a youth, when I might even have erred with excuse, now change this in my declining years and undo myself? I will not do so, nor will I commit anything that would displease, except that I grieve for the heavy fall of a man most closely joined to me and of a most distinguished character.
quod si aliter essem animatus, numquam quod facerem negarem, ne et in peccando improbus et in dissimulando timidus ac vanus existimarer. §11.28.6'at ludos quos Caesaris victoriae Caesar adulescens fecit curavi. ' at id ad privatum officium, non ad statum rei p. pertinet; quod tamen munus et hominis amicissimi memoriae atque honoribus praestare etiam mortui debui et optimae spei adulescenti ac dignissimo Caesare petenti negare non potui. §11.28.7veni etiam consulis Antoni domum saepe salutandi causa; ad quem qui me parum patriae amantem esse existimant rogandi quidem aliquid aut auferendi causa frequentis ventitare reperies.
If I were otherwise minded, I would never deny what I did, lest I should be judged both wicked in sinning and timid and false in dissembling. 'But I managed the games which the young Caesar celebrated for the victory of Caesar.' But that pertains to private duty, not to the state of the republic; which service, however, I owed both to the memory and honors of a most friendly man, even though dead, and could not refuse to a young man of excellent promise and most worthy of Caesar who requested it. I also went frequently to the house of the consul Antony for the sake of greeting him; at whose house you will find those very men, who judge me to love the fatherland too little, frequently coming for the sake of asking or carrying off something.
sed quae haec est adrogantia, quod Caesar numquam interpellavit quin quibus vellem atque etiam quos ipse non diligebat tamen iis uterer, eos qui mihi amicum eripuerunt carpendo me efficere conari ne quos velim diligam? §11.28.8sed non vereor ne aut meae vitae modestia parum valitura sit in posterum contra falsos rumores aut ne etiam ii, qui me non amant propter meam in Caesarem constantiam, non malint mei quam. sui similis amicos habere.
But what arrogance is this, that while Caesar never prevented me from associating with whom I wished, even those whom he himself did not like, those who have snatched my friend from me should endeavor, by slandering me, to prevent me from loving whom I wish? But I do not fear either that the modesty of my life will be of too little weight in the future against false rumors, or that even those who do not love me because of my constancy toward Caesar would not prefer to have friends like me rather than like themselves.
mihi quidem si optata contingent, quod reliquum est vitae in otio Rhodi degam; sin casus aliquis interpellarit, ita ero Romae ut recte fieri semper cupiam.
For my part, if my wishes happen to be realized, I will spend what is left of my life in leisure at Rhodes; but if some chance interrupts, I will be in Rome in such a way that I will always desire right to be done.
Trebatio nostro magnas ago gratias, quod tuum erga me animum simplicem atque amicum aperuit et quod eum, quem semper libenter dilexi, quo magis iure colere atque observare deberem fecit.
I give great thanks to our Trebatius, because he has revealed your sincere and friendly mind toward me, and because he has made me more rightly bound to respect and observe you, whom I have always gladly loved.
bene vale et me dilige.
Farewell, and love me.