§11.27.1nondum satis constitui molestiaene plus an voluptatis attulerit mihi Trebatius noster, homo cum plenus offici tum utriusque nostrum amantissimus.
I have not yet quite decided whether our friend Trebatius, a man both full of dutifulness and most affectionate toward both of us, has brought me more trouble or pleasure.
nam cum in Tusculanum vesperi venissem, postridie ille ad me, nondum satis firmo corpore cum esset, mane venit.
For when I had come to my Tusculan villa in the evening, he came to me early the next morning, although he was not yet of quite robust health.
quem cum obiurgarem quod parum valetudini parceret, tum ille nihil sibi longius fuisse quam ut me videret.
When I chided him for sparing his health too little, he replied that nothing had been more of a delay for him than to see me.
num quidnam inquam 'novi?' detulit ad me querelam tuam.
"Is there any news?" I said. He brought me your complaint.
de qua prius quam respondeo pauca proponam.
Concerning which, before I reply, I will set forth a few points.
§11.27.2quantum memoria repetere praeterita possum, nemo est mihi te amicus antiquior.
As far as I can recall the past with my memory, there is no friend older to me than you.
sed vetustas habet aliquid commune cum multis, amor non habet.
But long-standing association has something in common with many, while love does not.
dilexi te quo die cognovi meque a te diligi iudicavi.
I loved you from the day I knew you, and I judged that I was loved by you.
tuus deinde discessus isque diuturnus ambitio nostra et vitae dissimilitudo non est passa voluntates nostras consuetudine conglutinari; tuum tamen erga me animum agnovi multis annis ante bellum civile, cum Caesar esset in Gallia.
Then your departure, and that a long one, our political ambition, and the difference of our lives did not allow our goodwill to be cemented by daily association; yet I recognized your goodwill toward me many years before the civil war, when Caesar was in Gaul.
quod enim vehementer mihi utile esse putabas nec inutile ipsi Caesari perfecisti, ut ille me diligeret, coleret, haberet in suis.
For what you thought would be highly useful to me and not useless to Caesar himself, you brought about—namely, that he should love me, respect me, and hold me among his friends.
multa praetereo quae temporibus illis inter nos familiarissime dicta, scripta, communicata sunt; graviora enim consecuta sunt.
I pass over many things which in those times were said, written, and communicated between us in the most friendly manner; for more serious matters followed.
§11.27.3et initio belli civilis cum Brundisium versus ires ad Caesarem, venisti ad me in Formianum.
And at the beginning of the civil war, when you were going toward Brundisium to Caesar, you came to me at my Formian estate.
primum hoc ipsum quanti, praesertim temporibus illis! deinde oblitum me putas consili, sermonis, humanitatis tuae? quibus rebus interesse memini Trebatium.
First of all, how valuable was this very thing, especially in those times! Next, do you think I have forgotten your advice, your conversation, your kindness? At which things I remember that Trebatius was present.
nec vero sum oblitus litterarum tuarum quas ad me misisti, cum Caesari obviam venisses in agro, ut arbitror, Trebulano.
Nor indeed have I forgotten your letter which you sent to me when you had gone to meet Caesar in, as I think, the Trebula district.
§11.27.4secutum illud tempus est, cum me ad Pompeium proficisci sive pudor meus coegit sive officium sive fortuna.
That time followed when either my sense of shame, or duty, or fortune compelled me to set out to Pompey.
quod officium tuum, quod studium vel in absentem me vel in praesentis meos defuit? quem porro omnes mei et mihi et sibi te amiciorem iudicaverunt? veni Brundisium.
What duty of yours, what zeal was lacking either toward me in my absence, or toward my family who were present? Whom, furthermore, did all my people judge to be a better friend both to me and to themselves than you? I came to Brundisium.
oblitumne me putas qua celeritate, ut primum audieris, ad me Tarento advolaris, quae tua fuerit adsessio, oratio, confirmatio animi mei fracti communium miseriarum metu?
Do you think I have forgotten with what speed, as soon as you heard, you flew to me from Tarentum, what was your sitting by my side, your speech, your strengthening of my spirit, shattered by the fear of our common miseries?
§11.27.5tandem aliquando Romae esse coepimus.
At last, finally, we began to be in Rome.
quid defuit nostrae familiaritati? in maximis rebus quonam modo gererem me adversus Caesarem usus tuo consilio sum, in reliquis officio.
What was lacking in our intimacy? In the most important matters, as to how I should conduct myself toward Caesar, I used your advice; in other things, your kind services.
cui tu tribuisti excepto Caesare praeter me ut domum ventitares horasque multas saepe suavissimo sermone consumeres, tum cum etiam, si meministi, ut haec filosofou/mena scriberem tu me impulisti? post Caesaris reditum quid tibi maiori curae fuit quam ut essem ego illi quam familiarissimus? quod effeceras.
To whom, Caesar excepted, did you grant, other than to me, that you should frequently come to my house and often spend many hours in sweetest conversation—even at that time when, if you remember, you urged me to write these philosophical works? After Caesar's return, what was of greater concern to you than that I should be as intimate as possible with him? Which you had accomplished.
§11.27.6quorsum igitur haec oratio longior quam putaram? quia sum admiratus te, qui haec nosse deberes, quicquam a me commissum, quod esset alienum nostra amicitia, credidisse.
Whither then is this speech, longer than I had thought it would be? Because I wondered that you, who ought to know these things, believed that anything had been committed by me which was foreign to our friendship.
nam praeter haec quae commemoravi, quae testata sunt et inlustria, habeo multa occultiora, quae vix verbis exsequi possum.
For besides these things which I have mentioned, which are well-attested and conspicuous, I have many more hidden things, which I can scarcely express in words.
omnia me tua delectant sed maxime maxima cum fides in amicitia, consilium, gravitas, constantia tum lepos, humanitas, litterae.
All your qualities delight me, but especially, alongside your greatest loyalty in friendship, your advice, weight, constancy, also your charm, refinement, and learning.
§11.27.7quapropter (redeo nunc ad querelam) ego te suffragium tulisse in illa lege primum non credidi; deinde, si credidissem, numquam id sine aliqua iusta causa existimarem te fecisse.
Therefore (I return now to the complaint), first, I did not believe that you voted for that law; secondly, if I had believed it, I would never think that you had done it without some just cause.
dignitas tua facit ut animadvertatur quicquid facias, malevolentia autem hominum ut non nulla durius quam a te facta sint proferantur.
Your high standing causes whatever you do to be noticed, while the ill-will of men causes some things to be reported more harshly than they were actually done by you.
ea tu si non audis, quid dicam nescio; equidem, si quando audio, tam defendo quam me scio a te contra iniquos meos solere defendi.
If you do not hear these things, I do not know what to say; for my part, if ever I hear them, I defend you as much as I know I am accustomed to be defended by you against my detractors.
defensio autem est duplex; alia sunt quae liquido negare soleam, ut de isto ipso suffragio, alia quae defendam a te pie fieri et humane, ut de curatione ludorum.
But the defense is twofold: there are some things which I am accustomed to deny flatly, as concerning that very vote, and other things which I defend as being done by you dutifully and humanely, as concerning the management of the games.
§11.27.8sed te, hominem doctissimum, non fugit, si Caesar rex fuerit (quod mihi quidem videtur), in utramque partem de tuo officio disputari posse, vel in eam qua ego soleo uti, laudandam esse fidem et humanitatem tuam, qui amicum etiam mortuum diligas, vel in eam qua non nulli utuntur, libertatem patriae vitae amici anteponendam.
But it does not escape you, a most learned man, that if Caesar was a king (which indeed seems so to me), your duty can be argued on both sides: either on that side which I am accustomed to use, that your loyalty and humanity should be praised, since you love a friend even when dead, or on that side which some use, that the freedom of the fatherland must be preferred to the life of a friend.
ex his sermonibus utinam essent delatae ad te disputationes meae! illa vero duo, quae maxima sunt laudum tuarum, quis aut libentius is quam ego commemorat aut saepius, te et non suscipiendi belli civilis gravissimum auctorem fuisse et moderandae victoriae? in quo qui mihi non adsentiretur inveni neminem.
Would that my discussions from these conversations had been reported to you! But who mentions those two things, which are the greatest of your praises, either more gladly than I or more often: namely, that you were a most weighty adviser both of not undertaking the civil war and of moderating the victory? In which matter I have found no one who does not agree with me.
qua re habeo gratiam Trebatio, familiari nostro, qui mihi dedit causam harum litterarum; quibus nisi credideris, me omnis offici et humanitatis expertem iudicaris; quo nec mihi gravius quicquam potest esse nec te alienius.
Therefore I am grateful to Trebatius, our intimate friend, who gave me the occasion for this letter; and if you do not believe it, you will have judged me devoid of all duty and kindness; than which nothing can be more painful to me, nor more foreign to you.