§1.9.10haec cum ad me frater pertulisset et cum tamen Pompeius ad me cum mandatis Vibullium misisset, ut integrum mihi de causa Campana ad suum reditum reservarem, conlegi ipse me et cum ipsa quasi re publica conlocutus sum, ut mihi tam multa pro se perpesso atque perfuncto concederet, ut officium meum memoremque in bene meritos animum fidemque fratris mei praestarem, eumque, quem bonum civem semper habuisset, bonum virum esse pateretur.
When my brother had reported these things to me, and when Pompey had nevertheless sent Vibullius to me with instructions that I should keep my decision open on the Campanian land question until his return, I collected myself and spoke, as it were, with the Republic itself, to ask that, having endured and performed so many things for her, she would grant me to perform my duty and show a grateful mind to those who had deserved well of me, and to fulfill my brother's promise, and that she would allow me to be a good man, whom she had always regarded as a good citizen.
in illis autem meis actionibus sententiisque omnibus, quae Pompeium videbantur offendere, certorum hominum, quos iam debes suspicari, sermones referebantur ad me, qui cum illa sentirent in re publica, quae ego agebam, semperque sensissent, me tamen non satis facere Pompeio Caesaremque inimicissimum mihi futurum gaudere se aiebant.
But in all those actions and opinions of mine which seemed to offend Pompey, the conversations of certain men, whom you must by now suspect, were reported to me, who, although they felt and had always felt the same way in public affairs as I was acting, yet said they rejoiced that I was not satisfying Pompey and that Caesar would be most hostile to me.
erat hoc mihi dolendum, sed multo illud magis, quod inimicum meum (meum autem? immo vero legum, iudiciorum, oti, patriae, bonorum omnium) sic amplexabantur, sic in manibus habebant, sic fovebant, sic me praesente osculabantur, non illi quidem ut mihi stomachum facerent, quem ego funditus perdidi, sed certe ut facere se arbitrarentur.
This was a cause of pain to me, but much more was the fact that they so embraced my enemy (my enemy, did I say? nay, rather the enemy of the laws, of the courts, of peace, of our country, and of all good men), held him in their hands, cherished him, and kissed him in my presence, not indeed to make me angry, for I have entirely lost all capacity for that, but at least thinking that they were doing so.
hic ego, quantum humano consilio efficere potui, circumspectis rebus meis omnibus rationibusque subductis summam feci cogitationum mearum omnium; quam tibi, si potero, breviter exponam.
Here I, as far as I could achieve by human wisdom, having surveyed all my affairs and cast up my accounts, made a sum total of all my thoughts; which I will explain to you briefly, if I can.
§1.9.11ego si ab improbis et perditis civibus rem publicam teneri viderem, sicut et Cinneis temporibus scimus et non nullis aliis accidisse, non modo praemiis, quae apud me minimum valent, sed ne periculis quidem compulsus ullis, quibus tamen moventur etiam fortissimi viri, ad eorum causam me adiungerem, ne si summa quidem eorum in me merita constarent.
If I saw that the Republic was held by wicked and ruined citizens, as we know happened both in the times of Cinna and in some others, I would not join myself to their cause, compelled not only by rewards, which weigh least with me, but not even by any dangers, by which nevertheless even the bravest men are moved, even if their greatest services to me were established.
Cum autem in re publica Cn.
But since Cn.
Pompeius princeps esset vir, is qui hanc potentiam et gloriam maximis in rem publicam meritis praestantissimisque rebus gestis esset consecutus, cuiusque ego dignitatis ab adulescentia fautor, in praetura autem et in consulatu adiutor etiam exstitissem, cumque idem auctoritate et sententia per se, consiliis et studiis tecum me adiuvisset meumque inimicum unum in civitate haberet inimicum, non putavi famam inconstantiae mihi pertimescendam, si quibusdam in sententiis paulum me inmutassem meamque voluntatem ad summi viri de meque optime meriti dignitatem adgregassem.
Pompey was the leading man in the state, he who had attained this power and glory by the greatest services to the republic and by most outstanding achievements, and of whose dignity I had been a supporter from my youth, and even an assistant in my praetorship and consulship, and since the same man had helped me by his authority and opinion on his own account, and with you by his advice and devotion, and held my sole enemy in the state as his own enemy, I did not think that I ought to dread the reputation of inconstancy, if in certain opinions I changed myself a little and aligned my will with the dignity of a supreme man who had deserved excellently of me.
§1.9.12in hac sententia complectendus erat mihi Caesar, ut vides, in coniuncta et causa et dignitate.
In this opinion Caesar had to be included by me, as you see, since both his cause and dignity were connected with Pompey's.
hic multum valuit cum vetus amicitia, quam tu non ignoras mihi et Quinto fratri cum Caesare fuisse, tum humanitas eius ac liberalitas brevi tempore et litteris et officiis perspecta nobis et cognita.
Here both our old friendship, which you are not ignorant that I and my brother Quintus had with Caesar, and his humanity and liberality, perceived and known by us in a short time through both letters and services, had great weight.
vehementer etiam res ipsa publica me movit, quae mihi videbatur contentionem, praesertim maximis rebus a Caesare gestis, cum illis viris nolle fieri et, ne fieret, vehementer recusare.
The state itself also moved me vehemently, which seemed to me to be unwilling that a conflict should arise with those men, especially after the greatest things had been achieved by Caesar, and to refuse vehemently that it should happen.
gravissime autem me in hac mente impulit et Pompei fides, quam de me Caesari dederat, et fratris mei, quam Pompeio.
But what impelled me most heavily to this mind was both the guarantee of Pompey, which he had given to Caesar concerning me, and that of my brother, which he had given to Pompey.
erant praeterea haec animadvertenda in civitate, quae sunt apud Platonem nostrum scripta divinitus, quales in re publica principes essent, talis reliquos solere esse civis.
Moreover, these things were to be observed in the state, which are divinely written in our Plato, that such as the leading men are in a republic, such the remaining citizens are accustomed to be.
tenebam memoria nobis consulibus ea fundamenta iacta iam ex K. Ianuariis confirmandi senatus, ut neminem mireari oporteret Nonis Decembri tantum vel animi fuisse in illo ordine vel auctoritatis, idemque memineram nobis privatis usque ad Caesarem et Bibulum consules, cum sententiae nostrae magnum in senatu pondus haberent, unum fere e sensum fuisse bonorum omnium.
I remembered that in our consulship those foundations of strengthening the senate had been laid from the Kalends of January, so that no one ought to have wondered that on the Nones of December there was so much spirit or authority in that order, and I also remembered that when we were private citizens, up to the consulship of Caesar and Bibulus, when our opinions had great weight in the senate, the feeling of all good men was almost one.