§813eas hérbas herbis aliis porro condiunt: §814indunt coriandrum, feniculum, alium, atrum holus, §815apponunt rumicem, brassicam, betam, blitum, §816eo láserpici libram pondo diluont, §817teritur sinapis scelera, quae illis qui terunt §818prius quám triverunt oculi ut extillent facit.
They season those herbs further with other herbs: they put in coriander, fennel, garlic, and wild celery, they serve sorrel, cabbage, beet, and orach, therein they dissolve a pound weight of laserpitium, and that rascally mustard is ground, which makes the eyes of those who grind it, even before they have finished grinding, drop tears.
§819ei homines cenas ubi coquont, cum condiunt, §820non condimentis condiunt, sed strigibus, §821vivis convivis intestina quae exedint.
When those men cook dinners, when they season them, they do not season with seasonings, but with screech-owls, which eat out the intestines of the living guests.
§822hoc hic quidem homines tam brevem vitam colunt, §823quom hasce herbas huius modi in suom alvom congerunt, §824formidulosas dictu, non essu modo.
For this reason indeed, the men here lead such a short life, when they heap into their bellies these herbs of this kind, dreadful to speak of, let alone to eat.
§825quas herbas pecudes non edunt, homines edunt.
Herbs which beasts do not eat, men eat.
§826Quid tu? divinis condimentis utere,
What about you?
Do you use divine seasonings, so that you can prolong the life of men, you who find fault with those seasonings?
§828bAudacter dicito; §829nam vel ducenos annos poterunt vivere §830meas qui éssitabunt escas quas condivero.
Speak out boldly; for they will even be able to live two hundred years who will eat my dishes which I have seasoned.
§831nam egó cocilendrum quando in patinas indidi §832aut cepolendrum aut maccidem aut secaptidem, §833eaepse sese fervefaciunt ilico.
For when I have put cocilendrum into the platters, or cepolendrum, or maccis, or secaptis, they heat themselves up on the spot.
§834haec ad Neptuni pecudes condimenta sunt: §835terrestris pecudes cicimalindro condio, §836hapalocopide aut cataractria.
These are seasonings for Neptune's beasts; the beasts of the land I season with cicimalindrum, with hapalocopis, or with cataractria.
§836bAt te Iuppiter §837dique omnes perdant cum condimentis tuis §838cumque tuis istis omnibus mendaciis.
But may Jupiter and all the gods destroy you with your seasonings, and with all those lies of yours.
§839Sine sis loqui me.
Permit me to speak, please.
§839bLoquere, atque i in malam crucem.
Speak, and go to the gallows.
When all the platters are boiling, I open them all: that odor flies into heaven with hands spread out.
§842Odos dimissis manibus?
Odor with hands spread out?
§842bPeccavi insciens.
I made a slip unawares.
§843Quidum?
How so?
I meant to say "with feet spread out." Jupiter dines on that odor every day.
§845Si nusquam is coctum, quidnam cenat Iuppiter?
If you go nowhere to cook, what on earth does Jupiter dine on?
§846It incenatus cubitum.
He goes to bed supperless.
§846bI in malam crucem.
Go to the gallows.
§847istacine causa tibi hodie nummum dabo?
Is it for that reason that I shall give you a coin today?
§848Fateór equidem esse me coquom carissumum; §849verum pro pretio facio ut opera appareat §850mea quo conductus venio.
I confess indeed that I am a very expensive cook; but for the price I make my labor appear, for which I come hired.
§850bAd furandum quidem.
For stealing, indeed.
Do you expect to find any cook except with milvine or aquiline claws?
Do you expect to go anywhere to have cooking done, without cooking the dinner there with claws clenched?
§855nunc adeo tu, qui meus es, iam edico tibi, §856ut nostra properes amoliri ómnia, §857tum ut huius oculos in oculis habeas tuis: §858quoquo hic spectabit, eo tu spectato simul; §859si quo hic gradietur, pariter progredimino; §860manum sí protollet, pariter proferto manum: §861suom sí quid sumet, id tu sinito sumere; §862si nostrum sumet, tu teneto altrinsecus.
Now therefore you, who are my slave, I already charge you to hasten to clear away all our things, and then to keep this fellow's eyes in your eyes: wherever he looks, look you there at the same time; if he walks anywhere, proceed equally; if he stretches out his hand, stretch out your hand equally: if he takes anything of his own, let him take it; if he takes ours, hold you on from the other side.
If he goes, go; if he stands, stand by him at the same time; if he crouches down there, crouch you down.
§865item his discipulis privos custodes dabo.
Likewise I will give individual guards to these disciples of his.
§866Habe módo bonum animum.
Only keep a good heart.
Please, teach me how I can keep a good heart, when I am leading you to my house?
§868Quia sorbitione faciam ego hodie te mea, §869item ut Medea Peliam concoxit senem, §870quem medicamento et suis venenis dicitur §871fecisse rursus ex sene adulescentulum, §872item ego te faciam.
Because today with my broth I will make you, just as Medea cooked old Pelias, who is said by her drug and poisons to have made him a young man again from an old one; in the same way I will make you.
§872bEho, an etiam es veneficus?
Eh, are you a poisoner as well?
§873Immo edepol vero hóminum servator.
Nay, by Pollux, indeed a savior of men.
Oh, for how much do you teach me that single thing about cooking?
§876Quid?
What?
§876bVt te servem, ne quid surripias mihi.
That I may protect myself against you, lest you steal anything of mine.
§877Si credis, nummo; si non, ne mina quidem.
If you believe me, for a coin; if not, not even for a mina.
But are you going to give the dinner today to your friends or to your enemies?
§879bPol ego amicis scilicet.
By Pollux, to my friends, of course.
§880Quin tuós inimicos potius quám amicos vocas?
Why don't you call your enemies rather than your friends?
§881nam ego ita convivis cenam conditam dabo §882hodie atque ita suavi suavitate condiam: §883ut quisque quicque conditum gustaverit, §884ipsus sibi faciam ut digitos praerodat suos.
For I shall give the guests a dinner seasoned in such a way today, and season it with such sweet sweetness: that as soon as each one tastes anything seasoned, I will make him bite off his own fingers.
§885Quaeso hercle, prius quam quoiquam convivae dabis, §886gustato tute prius et discipulis dato, §887ut praerodatis vostras furtificas manus.
By Hercules, please, before you give it to any guest, taste it yourself first and give it to your disciples, so that you may bite off your own thieving hands.
§888Fortasse haec tu nunc mihi non credis quae loquor.
Perhaps you do not believe these things I am speaking now.
§889Molestus ne sis, nimium tinnis; non taces?
Don't be troublesome, you chatter too much; won't you be silent?
§890em illíc ego habito.
Look, I live there.
íntro abi et cenam coque.
Go inside and cook the dinner.