§744sed quid nomen esse dicam ego isti servo?
But what should I say is the name of that slave?
§744bSimiae.
Simia.
§745Scitne in re advorsa vorsari?
Does he know how to behave in adversity?
§745bTurbo non aeque citust.
A whirlwind is not as swift.
§746Ecquid argutust?
Is he at all sharp-witted?
§746bMalorum facinorum saepissime.
Most frequently for evil deeds.
§747Quid cum manifesto tenetur?
What when he is caught red-handed?
§747bAnguillast, elabitur.
He is an eel, he slips away.
§748Ecquid is homo scitust?
Is that man at all sophisticated?
§748bPlebi scitum non est scitius.
A decree of the plebs is not more decreed.
§749Probus homo est, ut praedicare te audio.
He is an excellent man, from what I hear you declare.
Nay, if you only knew, as soon as he looks at you, he will of his own accord tell you what you want of him.
§751sed quid es acturus?
But what are you going to do?
§751bDicam.
I will tell you.
úbi hominem exornavero, §752subditivom fieri ego illum militis servom volo; §753sumbolum hunc ferat lenoni cum quinque argenti minis, §754mulierem ab lenone abducat: em tibi omnem fabulam.
When I have dressed the man up, I want him to become the counterfeit slave of the soldier; let him carry this token to the pimp with five minae of silver, and lead the woman away from the pimp: there is the whole plot for you.
§755ceterum quo quicque pacto faciat, ipsi dixero.
As for the rest, in what manner he should do each thing, I will tell him myself.
§756Quid nunc igitur stamus?
Why then do we stand here now?
Dress the man up with all his equipment and bring him to me right away at the banker Aeschines'.
§758sed properate.
But make haste.
We shall be there before you.— Off with you then, quickly.
§759quidquid incerti mi in animo prius aut ambiguom fuit, §760nunc liquet, nunc defaecatumst cor mihi; nunc perviumst: §761omnes ordine sub signis ducam legiones meas, §762avi sinistra, auspicio liquido atque ex mea sententia; §763confidentia est inimicos meos me posse perdere.
Whatever was uncertain or ambiguous in my mind before, is now clear, now my heart is purified; now the path is open: I shall lead all my legions in order under the standards, with a favorable bird, a clear auspice, and according to my wish; I have confidence that I can destroy my enemies.
§764nunc ibo ad forum atque onerabo meis praeceptis Simiam, §765quid agat, ne quid titubet, docte ut hanc ferat fallaciam.
Now I shall go to the forum and load Simia with my instructions, what he should do, that he may not stumble in anything, and how cunningly he should carry out this trick.
§766iam égo hoc ipsum oppidum expugnatum faxo erit lenonium.
Soon I shall cause this very town of the pimp to be stormed.
§767Cui servitutem di danunt lenoniam §768puero, atque eidem si addunt turpitudinem, §769ne illi, quantum ego nunc corde conspicio meo, §770malam rem magnam multasque aerumnas danunt.
To whomsoever the gods grant slavery under a pimp, as a boy, and if they add dishonor to the same, truly they, as far as I now perceive in my heart, grant him a great misfortune and many troubles.
§771velut haec mi evenit servitus, ubi ego omnibus §772parvis magnisque miseriis praefulcior: §773neque ego amatorem mi invenire ullum queo, §774qui amet me, ut curer tandem nitidiuscule.
Just as this slavery has fallen to my lot, where I am supported by all miseries, small and great alike: nor am I able to find any lover for myself, who would love me so that at last I might be cared for a little more handsomely.
§775nunc huic lenoni hodie est natalis dies: §776interminatus est a minimo ad maximum, §777si quis non hodie munus misisset sibi, §778eum crás cruciatu maximo perbitere.
Now today is this pimp's birthday: he has threatened from the lowest to the highest, if anyone should not have sent him a gift today, that he would perish tomorrow in the greatest torture.
§779nunc nescio hercle rebus quid faciam meis; §780neque ego illud possum, quod illi qui possunt solent.
Now, by Hercules, I do not know what to do in my circumstances; nor can I do that which those who are able are accustomed to do.
Now, unless I send a gift to the pimp today, tomorrow I must drink the fuller's juice.
§783eheu, quam illae rei ego etiam nunc sum parvolus.
Alas, how very small I am even now for that business.
§784atque edepol, ut nunc male eúm metuo miser, §785si quispiam det qui manus gravior siet, §786quamquam illud aiunt magno gemitu fieri, §787comprimere dentes videor posse aliquo modo.
And by Pollux, as I now miserably fear him so badly, if someone should provide one whose hand is heavier, although they say that that is done with great groaning, I think I can grit my teeth somehow.
But I must suppress my voice and speech: look, my master is returning home and bringing a cook.
Those who call it the "cooks' forum" call it so foolishly, for it is not a cooks' forum, but truly a thieves' forum.
§792nam ego si iuratus peiorem hominem quaererem §793coquom, non potui, quam hunc quem duco, ducere, §794multiloquom gloriosum insulsum inutilem.
For if I, under oath, were to seek a worse man as a cook, I could not have brought a worse one than this one whom I am bringing, a talkative, boastful, witless, useless fellow.
§795quin ob eam rem Orcus recipere ad se hunc noluit, §796ut esset hic qui mortuis cenam coquat; §797nam hic solus illis coquere quod placeat potest.
Why, for that reason Orcus refused to receive him, so that there might be someone here to cook dinner for the dead; for he alone is able to cook what pleases them.
If you thought of me in that manner, as you declare, why did you hire me?
§799bInopia: alius non erat.
Lack of choice: there was no other.
But why were you sitting in the forum, if you were a cook, you alone, apart from the others?
I will tell you: by the fault of men I have been made a less reputable cook, not by my own nature.
§803bQua istuc ratione?
In what way is that?
§803cEloquar.
I will explain.
§804quia enim, cum extemplo veniunt conductum coquom, §805nemo illum quaerit qui optimus et carissimust: §806illum conducunt potius qui vilissimust.
For because, as soon as they come to hire a cook, no one seeks him who is the best and most expensive: rather they hire him who is the cheapest.
§807hoc ego fui hodie solus obsessor fori.
For this reason I was today the sole occupier of the forum.
Let those wretched fellows work for a drachma: no one can compel me to rise for less than a nummus.
§810non ego item cenam condio ut alii coqui, §811qui mihi condita prata in patinis proferunt, §812boves quí convivas faciunt herbasque oggerunt,
I do not season a dinner in the same way as other cooks, who bring out seasoned meadows to me on platters, who make the guests into oxen and heap herbs upon them,