§533An vero non iusta causa est, quor curratur celeriter §534ubi bibas, edas de alieno quantum velis usque ad fatim, §535quod tu invitus numquam reddas domino, de quoio ederis? §536sed tamen cum eo cum quiqui, quamquam sumus pauperculi, §537est domi quod edimus, ne nos tam contemptim conteras. §538quidquid est pauxillulum illuc, nostrum id omne, non tuomst, §539neque nos quemquam flagitamus neque nos quisquam flagitat. §540tua causa nemo nostrorumst suos rupturus ramites. §541Nimis iracundi estis: equidem haec vobis dixi per iocum. §542Per iocum itidem dictum habeto quae nos tibi respondimus. §547Scitis rem, narravi vobis quod vestra opera mi opus siet, §548de lenone hoc, qui me amantem ludificatur tam diu, §549ei paratae ut sint insidiae de auro et de servo meo. §550Omnia istaec scimus iam nos, si hi spectatores sciant; §551horunc hic nunc causa haec agitur spectatorum fabula: §552hos te satius est docere, ut, quando agas, quid agas sciant. §553nos tu ne curassis: scimus rem omnem, quippe omnes simul §554didicimus tecum una, ut respondere possemus tibi. §555Ita profecto est.
Indeed, is there not a just cause why one should run swiftly, where you may drink and eat from another's property as much as you wish until you are full, which you, being unwilling, would never return to the master from whom you eat? But nevertheless, with whatever we have, although we are poor, we have something to eat at home, so do not crush us so contemptuously. Whatever very little thing is there, it is all ours, not yours, and we do not dun anyone, nor does anyone dun us. For your sake, none of us is going to rupture his own vessels. You are too angry: indeed I said these things to you in jest. Consider what we answered you as said in jest in the same way. You know the matter, I told you why I need your help, about this pimp, who has been mocking me, a lover, for so long, so that a trap may be prepared for him by means of my gold and my slave. We already know all those things, if only these spectators knew them; for the sake of these spectators this play is now being performed here: it is better for you to teach them, so that, when you act, they may know what you are acting. Do not worry about us: we know the whole matter, since we all together learned it along with you, so that we might be able to answer you. Indeed it is so.
sed agite igitur, ut sciam vos scire rem, §556expedite mihi quae vobis dudum dixi dicite. §557Itane? temptas an sciamus? non meminisse nos ratu's, §558quo modo trecentos Philippos Collybisco vilico §559dederis, quos deferret huc ad lenonem inimicum tuom, §560sé ut assimularet peregrinum esse aliunde ex alio oppido? §561ubi is detulerit, tu eo quaesitum servom advenies tuom §562cum pecunia. §562bMeministis memoriter, servastis me. §563Ille negabit: Milphionem quaeri censebit tuom; §564id duplicabit omne furtum.
But come then, so that I may know that you know the matter, explain to me quickly and say what I told you just now. Is it so? Are you testing whether we know? Did you think we did not remember, how you gave three hundred Philippi to Collybiscus the bailiff, which he was to carry here to your enemy the pimp, so that he might pretend to be a stranger from somewhere else, from another town? When he has carried it there, you will come there to seek your slave with the money. You remember it perfectly, you have saved me. He will deny it: he will think that your Milphio is being sought; that will double the whole theft.
leno addicetur tibi. §565ad eam rem nos esse testis vis tibi. §565bTenetis rem. §566Vix quidem hercle, íta pauxilla est, digitulis primoribus. §574bCallemus probe: §576euge, opportune egrediuntur Milphio una et vilicus. §577basilice exornatus incedit et fabre ad fallaciam. §578Iam tenes praecepta in corde? §578bPulchre. §578cVide sis calleas. §579Quid opust verbis? callum aprugnum callere aeque non sinam. §580Fac modo ut condocta tibi sint dicta ad hanc fallaciam. §581Quin edepol condoctior sum, quam tragoedi aut comici. §582Probus homost. §582bAdeamus propius. §582cAdsunt testes? §582dTot quidem. §583Non potuisti adducere homines magis ad hanc rem idoneos. §584nam istorum nullus nefastust: comitiales sunt meri; §585ibi habitant, ibi eos conspicias quam praetorem saepius. §586hodie iuris coctiores non sunt qui lites creant, §587quam hi sunt, qui si nihil est quicum litigent, lites emunt. §588Di te perdant. §588bVos quidem hercle—cum eo cum quiqui tamen §589et bene et benigne facitis, quóm ero amanti operam datis.
The pimp will be adjudged to you. For that matter you want us to be witnesses for you. You grasp the matter. Barely indeed, by Hercules, it is so very small, with the tips of our fingers. We understand it thoroughly: Excellent, Milphio and the bailiff are coming out together opportunely. He walks along regally adorned and skillfully prepared for the deception. Do you already hold the instructions in your heart? Beautifully. See to it, please, that you are thick-skinned. What need of words? I will not allow wild boar's hide to be as tough as I. Just make sure that your words are well-rehearsed for this deception. Why, by Pollux, I am better rehearsed than tragedy or comedy actors. He is an honest fellow. Let us go closer. Are the witnesses present? Yes, so many. You could not have brought men more fit for this business. For none of them is absent on court-days: they are pure forum-goers; they live there, where you may see them more often than the praetor. Today, those who create lawsuits are not more well-versed in law than these are, who, if there is no one to litigate with, buy lawsuits. May the gods destroy you. For you indeed, by Hercules—and yet, whatever you are, you do both well and kindly, since you give help to a loving master.