who brought this trouble upon me; I promise my wife's assistance outside, as if to lick dishes.
flagitium hóminis, qui dixit mihi §553suam úxorem hanc arcessituram esse; éa se eam négat morarier.
The outrageousness of the man, who told me that his wife would summon her; she says she does not want her.
§554atque edepol mirum ni subolet iam hoc huic vicinae meae.
And by Pollux, it would be a wonder if this neighbor of mine hasn't already smelled this out.
§555verum autem altrovorsum quóm eam mecum rationem puto, §556si quid eius esset, esset mecum postulatio.
But on the other hand, when I reckon that account with myself, if there were anything to it, there would be a complaint against me.
I will go inside, to haul my ship back onto the dock.— Now this man has been nicely mocked.
miseri ut festinant senes.
How the wretched old men are in a hurry!
§559nunc ego illúm nihili decrepitum meum virum veniat velim, §560ut eum ludificem vicissim, postquam hunc delusi alterum.
Now I wish that worthless, decrepit husband of mine would come, so that I may mock him in turn, after I have deluded this other one.
§561nam ego aliquid contrahere cupio litigi inter eos duos.
For I desire to stir up some quarrel between those two.
§562sed eccum incedit.
But look, here he comes walking.
at, quom aspicias tristem, frugi censeas.
Yet, when you look at him looking sad, you would think him a worthy man.
§563Stultitia magna est, mea quidem sententia, §564hominem amatorem ullum ad forum procedere, §565in eum diem quoi quod amet in mundo siet; §566sicut ego feci stultus: contrivi diem, §567dum asto advocatus cuidam cognato meo; §568quem hercle ego litem adeo perdidisse gaudeo, §569ne me nequiquam sibi hodie advocaverit.
It is a great folly, indeed in my opinion, for any man in love to go to the forum, on that day for which what he loves is ready at hand; just as I, fool that I am, did: I wasted the day, while I stood as an advocate for a certain relative of mine; whom, by Hercules, I am so glad has lost his lawsuit, so that he may not have summoned me to himself in vain today.
§570nam meo quidem animo qui advocatos advocet §571rogitare oportet prius et percontarier, §572adsitne ei animus necne adsit, quem ádvocet: §573si neget adesse, exanimatum amittat domum.
For in my opinion, he who summons advocates ought first to ask and inquire, whether his mind is present or not, whom he summons: if he says it is not, he should send him home lifeless.
§574sed uxorem ante aedis eccam.
But look, there is my wife before the house.
ei misero mihi, §575metuo ne non sit surda atque haec audiverit.
Oh, wretched me, I fear she is not deaf and has heard these things.
§576Audivi ecastor cum malo magno tuo.
By Castor, I heard them, to your great misfortune.
§577Accedam propius.
I will approach closer.
quid agis, mea festivitas?
How are you, my delight?
§578Te ecastor praestolabar.
By Castor, I was waiting for you.
§578bIamne ornata res?
Is the matter already prepared?
have you already brought this neighbor of yours over here to us, who was to help you?
§580bArcessivi, ut iusseras.
I summoned her, as you had ordered.
§581verum hic sodalis tuos, amicus optumus, §582nescio quid se sufflavit uxori suae: §583negavit posse, quoniam arcesso, mittere.
But this companion of yours, your best friend, blew up at his wife for some reason or other: he denied he could send her, since I was summoning her.
§584Vitium tibi istuc maxumum est, blanda es parum.
That is your greatest fault, you are not flattering enough.
It is not the duty of matrons, but of courtesans, to flatter other men, my husband.
You go and summon her: I, inside, what is necessary to be done, want to take care of, my husband.
§588bPropera ergo.
Hurry, then.
§588cLicet.
Very well.
§589iam pol ego huic aliquem in pectus iniciam metum; §590miserrumum hodie ego hunc habebo amasium. — §591Viso huc, amator si a foro rediit domum, §592qui me atque uxorem ludificatust, larua.
Now, by Pollux, I will throw some fear into his heart; most miserable today I shall keep this lover.— I am looking out here, to see if the lover has returned home from the forum, who mocked me and my wife, that ghost.
§593sed eccum ante aedis.
But look, there he is before the house.
ad te hercle ibam commodum.
By Hercules, I was just going to you.
§594Et hercle ego ad te.
And by Hercules, I to you.
quid ais, vir minimi preti?
What do you say, you man of the least value?
§595quid tibi mandavi? quid tecum oravi?
What did I commission you? What did I beg of you?
§595bQuid est?
What is it?
How well you made your house empty for me, how you brought your wife over here to us!
§598satin propter te pereo ego atque occasio?
Is it not enough that because of you I am ruined, and the opportunity as well?
§599Quin tu suspendis te? nempe túte dixeras,
Why don't you hang yourself?
§600tuam arcessituram esse uxorem uxorem meam.
Surely you yourself had said, that your wife would summon my wife.
Therefore she says she summoned her, and that you said you would not send her.
On the contrary, she herself of her own accord to me denied she wanted her help.
§604Quin eapse me adlegavit, qui istam arcesserem.
On the contrary, she herself sent me to summon her.
§605Quin nihili facio.
On the contrary, I care nothing.
§605bQuin me perdis.
On the contrary, you are ruining me.
On the contrary, it is well, on the contrary, I shall delay you a long time, on the contrary, I desire for you— On the contrary— To do something to vex you.
§607cQuin faciam lubens.
On the contrary, I will do so with pleasure.
§608numquam tibi hodie
quin
erit plus quam mihi.
you will never have more "on the contrary" today than I.
§609Quin hercle di te perdant postremo quidem.
On the contrary, by Hercules, may the gods ruin you in the end indeed!
§610Quid nunc? missurusne es ad me uxorem tuam?
What now? Are you going to send your wife to me?
Take her, and go to the greatest bad cross with this one, with that one, and even with your mistress.
§613abi et aliud cura, ego iam per hortum iussero §614meam istúc transire uxorem ad uxorem tuam. — §615Nunc tu mi amicus es in germanum modum.
Go and mind something else, I will now through the garden order my wife to cross over there to your wife.— Now you are a friend to me in a brotherly way.
§616qua ego hunc amorem mi esse avi dicam datum §617aut quid ego umquam erga Venerem inique fecerim, §618cui sic tot amanti mi obviam eveniant morae?
By what bird shall I say this love has been given to me, or what have I ever done unjustly toward Venus, that so many delays come to meet me, who am so much in love?
Ah, what is that shouting, I beseech you, in our house?
§621Núlla sum, núlla sum, tóta, tota óccidi,
I am no more, I am no more, completely, completely ruined!