§22Καὶ μὴν καὶ δειπνίζειν ἕκαστον ἄρτι μὲν τέσσαρας, ἄρτι δὲ πέντε τῶν πενήτων παραλαμβάνοντας, μὴ μέντοι ἐς τὸν νῦν τρόπον τῶν δείπνων, ἀλλ’ ἐς τὸ δημοτικώτερον, ὡς ἐπ’ ἴσης μετέχειν ἅπαντας καὶ μὴ τὸν μὲν ἐμφορεῖσθαι τῶν ὄψων καὶ τὸν οἰκέτην περιμένειν ἑστῶτα, ἔστ’ ἂν ἀπαγορεύσῃ ἐσθίων, ἐφ’ ἡμᾶς δὲ ἐλθόντα, ἔτι παρασκευαζομένων ὡς ἐπιβάλοιμεν τὴν χεῖρα, παραμείβεσθαι δείξαντα μόνον τὴν λοπάδα ἢ ὅσον ἐστὶ τοῦ πλακοῦντος τὸ λοιπόν· μηδὲ ἐσκομισθέντος ὑὸς διανέμοντα τῷ μὲν δεσπότῃ παρατιθέναι τὸ ἡμίτομον ὅλον σὺν τῇ κεφαλῇ, τοῖς δὲ ἄλλοις ὀστᾶ φέρειν ἐγκεκαλυμμένα.
Furthermore, that they should entertain each time some four or some five of the poor, taking them in, not however in the present manner of dinners, but in a more democratic way, so that all share equally and it does not happen that one man crams himself with delicacies while the servant stands waiting until he stops eating, but when he comes to us, while we are still preparing to stretch out our hand, he passes by, having shown only the dish or whatever is left of the cake; nor, when a pig is brought in, that the carver should set the whole half-side with the head before the master, while carrying bones covered with meat to the others.
προειπεῖν δὲ καὶ τοῖς οἰνοχόοις μὴ περιμένειν, ἔστ’ ἂν ἑπτάκις αἰτήσῃ πιεῖν ἡμῶν ἕκαστος, ἀλλὰ ἢν ἅπαξ κελεύσῃ, αὐτίκα ἐγχέαι καὶ ἀναδοῦναι μεγάλην κύλικα ἐμπλησαμένους ὥσπερ τῷ δεσπότῃ.
And also to tell the wine-pourers beforehand not to wait until each of us asks to drink seven times, but if one orders just once, immediately to pour and hand over a large cup, filling it just as for the master.
καὶ τὸν οἶνον δὲ αὐτὸν πᾶσι τοῖς συμπόταις ἕνα καὶ τὸν αὐτὸν εἶναι—ἢ ποῦ γὰρ γεγράφθαι τοῦτον τὸν νόμον, τὸν μὲν ἀνθοσμίου μεθύσκεσθαι, ἐμοὶ δὲ ὑπὸ τοῦ γλεύκους διαρρήγνυσθαι τὴν γαστέρα;
And the wine itself also must be one and the same for all the guests—for where is this law written, that one should get drunk on fragrant wine, while my belly is ready to burst from cheap new wine?
§23Ἤν ταῦτα ἐπανορθώσῃς καὶ μετακοσμήσῃς, ὦ Κρόνε, βίον μὲν τὸν βίον, ἑορτὴν δὲ τὴν ἑορτὴν ἔσῃ πεποιηκώς, εἰ δὲ μή, ἐκεῖνοι μὲν ἑορταζόντων, ἡμεῖς δὲ καθεδούμεθα εὐχόμενοι, ἐπειδὰν λουσάμενοι ἥκωσι, τὸν παῖδα μὲν αὐτοῖς ἀνατρέψαντα τὸν ἀμφορέα κατᾶξαι, τὸν μάγειρον δὲ τὸν ζωμὸν κνισῶσαι καὶ ἐπιλαθόμενον τὸ τάριχος μὲν ἐς τὴν φακῆν ἐμβαλεῖν· τὴν κύνα δὲ παρεισπεσοῦσαν τόν τε ἀλλᾶντα ὅλον καταφαγεῖν, περὶ τἆλλα τῶν ὀψοποιῶν ἐχόντων, καὶ τοῦ πλακοῦντος τὸ ἥμισυ· τὸν δὲ ὗν καὶ τὸν ἔλαφον καὶ τὰ δελφάκια μεταξὺ ὀπτώμενα τὸ ὅμοιον ποιεῖν, ὅπερ Ὅμηρος περὶ τῶν Ἡλίου βοῶν φησι—μᾶλλον δὲ μὴ ἕρπειν μόνον, ἀλλ’ ἀναπηδήσαντα φεύγειν εἰς τὸ ὄρος αὐτοῖς ὀβελοῖς· καὶ τὰς ὄρνεις δὲ τὰς παχείας, καίτοι ἀπτέρους ἤδη οὔσας καὶ ἐσκευασμένας, ἀναπταμένας οἴχεσθαι καὶ ταύτας, ὡς μὴ μόνοι ἀπολαύοιεν αὐτῶν.
If you correct and reform these things, O Cronus, you will have made life truly life, and the festival truly a festival; but if not, let them keep the festival, while we shall sit praying that, when they return from their bath, their servant may tip over the amphora and break it, and the cook may burn the broth and, forgetting, throw the salt-fish into the lentil-soup; and that the dog, slipping in, may devour the whole sausage while the cooks are busy with other things, and half of the cake; and that the pig, the deer, and the suckling pigs, while being roasted, should do the same as Homer says of the cattle of the Sun—or rather, not merely creep, but leap up and flee to the mountain, spits and all; and that the fat birds too, though already without wings and dressed, should fly away and begone, so that they may not enjoy them alone.
§24Ὃ δὲ δὴ μάλιστα ἂν αὐτοὺς ἀνιάσειε, τὸ μὲν χρυσίον μύρμηκάς τινας οἵους τοὺς Ἰνδικοὺς ἀνορύττοντας ἐκ τῶν θησαυρῶν ἐκφέρειν νύκτωρ ἐς τὸ δημόσιον· τὴν ἐσθῆτα δὲ ὀλιγωρίᾳ τῶν ἐπιμελητῶν κοσκινηδὸν διατετρυπῆσθαι ὑπὸ τῶν βελτίστων μυῶν, ὡς σαγήνης θυννευτικῆς μηδὲν διαφέρειν· παῖδας δὲ αὐτῶν τοὺς ὡραίους καὶ κομήτας, οὓς Ὑακίνθους ἢ Ἀχιλλέας ἢ Ναρκίσσους ὀνομάζουσι, μεταξὺ ὀρέγοντας σφίσι τὸ ἔκπωμα φαλακροὺς γίγνεσθαι ὑπορρεούσης τῆς κόμης καὶ πώγωνα φύειν ὀξύν, οἷοί εἰσιν ἐν ταῖς κωμῳδίαις οἱ σφηνοπώγωνες, καὶ τὸ παρὰ τοῖς κροτάφοις πάνυ λάσιον καὶ κάρτα ἐκκεντοῦν, τὸ μεταξὺ δὲ λεῖον καὶ γυμνὸν εἶναι.
And what would vex them most of all: that certain ants, such as the Indian ones, should dig up the gold from the treasuries and carry it out by night into the public place; and that their garments, through the neglect of the caretakers, should be bored through like a sieve by the excellent mice, so as to differ in no way from a tuna-fishing net; and that their beautiful and long-haired boys, whom they call Hyacinths or Achilleas or Narcissuses, while handing them the cup, should become bald as their hair flows away, and grow a sharp beard, such as the wedge-bearded men in the comedies, with the part near the temples being very hairy and extremely prickly, while the part between is smooth and bare.
ταῦτα καὶ πλείω τούτων εὐξαίμεθ’ ἄν, εἰ μὴ θέλωσι τὸ ἄγαν φίλαυτον τοῦτ’ ἀφέντες ἐς τὸ κοινὸν πλουτεῖν καὶ μεταδιδόναι ἡμῖν τῶν μετρίων.
These things and more than these we would pray for, if they are not willing to abandon this excessive selfishness, and to be rich for the common good and share some moderate things with us.
§252.
2.
ΚΡΟΝΟΣ ΕΜΟΙ ΤΩΙ ΤΙΜΙΩΤΑΤΩΙ ΧΑΙΡΕΙΝ
Τί ταῦτα ληρεῖς, ὦ οὗτος, ἐμοὶ περὶ τῶν παρόντων ἐπιστέλλων καὶ ἀναδασμὸν τῶν ἀγαθῶν ποιεῖν κελεύων;
CRONUS TO ME, THE MOST HONORED, GREETING Why do you talk such nonsense, you there, writing to me about the present state of things and commanding me to make a redistribution of goods?
τὸ δὲ ἑτέρου ἂν εἴη, τοῦ νῦν ἄρχοντος.
That would belong to another, the present ruler.
θαυμάζω γὰρ εἰ μόνος τῶν ἁπάντων ἀγνώσσεις ὡς ἐγὼ μὲν πάλαι βασιλεὺς ὢν πέπαυμαι τοῖς παισὶ διανείμας τὴν ἀρχήν, ὁ δὲ Ζεὺς μάλιστα τῶν τοιούτων ἐπιμελεῖται.
For I wonder if you alone of all are ignorant that I have long ceased to be king, having distributed the rule to my children, and that Zeus especially takes care of such matters.
τὰ δὲ ἡμέτερα ταῦτα μέχρι πεττῶν καὶ κρότου καὶ ᾠδῆς καὶ μέθης, καὶ τοῦτο οὐ πλέον ἡμερῶν ἑπτά.
But our affairs extend only to draughts, clapping, song, and drunkenness, and this for no more than seven days.
ὥστε περὶ τῶν μειζόνων ἃ φής—ἀφελεῖν τὸ ἄνισον καὶ ἐκ τῆς ὁμοίας ἢ πένεσθαι ἢ πλουτεῖν ἅπαντας—ὁ Ζεὺς ἂν χρηματίσειεν ὑμῖν.
Therefore, concerning the greater things you mention—to remove inequality and that all should either be poor or be rich on equal terms—Zeus would decide for you.
Εἰ δέ τι τῶν ἐκ τῆς ἑορτῆς ἀδικοῖτό τις ἢ πλεονεκτοῖτο, ἐμὸν ἂν εἴη δικάζειν.
But if anyone should be wronged or overreached in anything belonging to the festival, it would be my business to judge.
καὶ ἐπιστέλλω δὲ τοῖς πλουσίοις περὶ τῶν δείπνων καὶ τοῦ χοίνικος τοῦ χρυσίου καὶ τῶν ἐσθήτων, ὡς καὶ ὑμῖν πέμποιεν ἐς τὴν ἑορτήν.
And indeed I am writing to the rich concerning the dinners, the quart of gold, and the garments, that they may send them to you also for the festival.
δίκαια γὰρ ταῦτα καὶ ἄξια αὐτοὺς ποιεῖν, ὡς φατέ, εἰ μή τι εὔλογον ἐκεῖνοι πρὸς ταῦτα λέγειν ἔχωσιν.
For these things are just and worthy for them to do, as you say, unless they have some reasonable argument to say against them.