§27ἐν Συρίᾳ μὲν Ῥοδοδάφνη κληθείς, ἐφʼ ᾧ δέ, νὴ τὴν Ἀθηνᾶν, αἰσχύνομαι διηγεῖσθαι, ὥστε τό γε ἐπʼ ἐμοὶ ἀσαφὲς ἔτι ἔστω·
In Syria, you were called 'Rhododaphne'—for what reason, by Athena, I am ashamed to relate, so let that at least remain obscure as far as I am concerned.
ἐν Παλαιστίνῃ δὲ Φραγμός, ἐς τὰς ἀκάνθας τοῦ πώγωνος, οἶμαι, ὅτι ἔνυττε μεταξύ· ἔτι γὰρ ἔξυρες αὐτόν·
In Palestine, you were called 'Phragmos', because, I suppose, the thorns of your beard pricked in the midst of it; for you were still shaving it.
ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ δὲ Συνάγχη, πρόδηλον τοῦτο·
In Egypt, you were called 'Synanche'; this is obvious.
μικροῦ γοῦν φασιν ἀποπνιγῆναί σε ναύτῃ τινὶ τῶν τριαρμένων ἐντυχόντα, ὃς ἐμπεσὼν ἀπέφραξέ σοι τὸ στόμα.
For they say you almost choked to death when you met one of the trireme sailors, who fell upon you and blocked your mouth.
Ἀθηναῖοι μὲν γὰρ βέλτιστοι αἰνιγματῶδες οὐδέν, ἀλλὰ γράμματος ἑνὸς προσθήκῃ τιμήσαντές σε Ἀτίμαρχον ὠνόμαζον· ἔδει γὰρ κἀκείνου τι περιττότερον προσεῖναί σοι.
The Athenians, being most kind, used nothing riddling, but honoring you with the addition of a single letter, named you 'Atimarchos'; for you had to have something even more excessive than that man.
ἐν Ἰταλίᾳ δέ, βαβαί, ἡρωϊκὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπεκλήθης, ὁ Κύκλωψ, ἐπειδή ποτε καὶ πρὸς ἀρχαίαν διασκευὴν παρʼ αὐτὰ τὰ τοῦ Ὁμήρου ῥαψῳδῆσαι καὶ σὺ τὴν αἰσχρουργίαν ἐπεθύμησας.
In Italy—good heavens!— you were given that heroic nickname, 'the Cyclops', since you once desired, in accordance with an ancient production, to recite your obscenity in imitation of the very verses of Homer.
καὶ αὐτὸς μὲν ἔκεισο μεθύων ἤδη, κισσύβιον ἔχων ἐν τῇ χειρί, βινητιῶν Πολύφημος, νεανίας δὲ ὑπόμισθος ὀρθὸν ἔχων τὸν μοχλὸν εὖ μάλα ἠκονημένον ἐπὶ σὲ Ὀδυσσεύς τις ἐπῄει ὡς ἐκκόψων τὸν ὀφθαλμόν· "
κἀκείνου μὲν ἅμαρτε, παραὶ δέ οἱ ἐτράπετʼ ἔγχος,
αἰχμὴ δʼ ἐξεσύθη παρὰ νείατον ἀνθερεῶνα. "
(καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲν ἄτοπον ὑπὲρ σοῦ λέγοντα ψυχρολογεῖν. ) σὺ δὲ ὁ Κύκλωψ, ἀναπετάσας τὸ στόμα καὶ ὡς ἔνι πλατύτατον κεχηνώς, ἠνείχου τυφλούμενος ὑπʼ αὐτοῦ τὴν γνάθον, μᾶλλον δὲ ὥσπερ ἡ Χάρυβδις αὐτοῖς ναύταις καὶ πηδαλίοις καὶ ἱστίοις ὅλον ζητῶν καταπιεῖν τὸν Οὖτιν.
You yourself lay there already drunk, with a wooden cup in your hand, a lustful Polyphemus, while a hired youth, holding an upright pole well sharpened, approached you like some Odysseus to gouge out your eye: "And he missed him, and the spear turned aside past him, and the point rushed out past the lowest part of the chin." (For indeed it is not at all strange that one speaking on your behalf should use cold phrasing.) But you, the Cyclops, opening your mouth wide and gaping as broadly as possible, endured being blinded by him in the jaw, or rather, like Charybdis, seeking to swallow Outis whole, with his sailors, rudders, and sails.
καὶ ταῦτα ἑώρων καὶ ἄλλοι παρόντες.
And other people present saw these things.
εἶτά σοι ἐς τὴν ὑστεραίαν μία ἦν ἀπολογία ἡ μέθη καὶ ἐς τὸν ἄκρατον ἀνέφευγες.
Then on the next day, your single defense was drunkenness, and you fled to unmixed wine.
§28τοιούτοις δὴ καὶ τοσούτοις ὀνόμασι πλουτῶν αἰσχύνῃ τὴν ἀποφράδα;
Rich as you are in such and so many names, are you ashamed of 'apophras'?
πρὸς θεῶν εἰπέ μοι, τί πάσχεις ἐπειδὰν κἀκεῖνα λέγωσιν οἱ πολλοί, λεσβιάζειν σε καὶ φοινικίζειν;
Tell me, by the gods, what do you feel when the crowd says those other things of you, that you perform the Lesbian act and the Phoenician act?
ἆρα καὶ ταῦτα ὥσπερ τὴν ἀποφράδα ἀγνοεῖς καὶ οἴει τάχα που ἐπαινεῖσθαι πρὸς αὐτῶν;
Do you also ignore these, just as you did 'apophras', and think perhaps that you are being praised by them?
ἢ ταῦτα μὲν διὰ τὸ σύντροφον οἶσθα, τὴν ἀποφράδα δὲ ὡς ἀγνῶτα μόνην ἀτιμάζεις καὶ ἀποκλείεις τοῦ καταλόγου τῶν ὀνομάτων;
Or do you know these because they are familiar to you, while you despise 'apophras' alone as unknown and exclude it from your list of names?
τοιγαροῦν οὐ μεμπτὰς ἡμῖν τίνεις τὰς δίκας, ἀλλὰ μέχρι καὶ τῆς γυναικωνίτιδος περιβόητος εἶ.
Therefore, the penalties you pay to us are not to be complained of, but even as far as the women's quarters your reputation is notorious.
πρῴην γοῦν ἐπειδή τινα γάμον ἐν Κυζίκῳ μνᾶσθαι ἐτόλμησας, εὖ μάλα ἐκπεπυσμένη πάντα ἡ βελτίστη ἐκείνη γυνή,
οὐκ ἂν προσείμην,
ἔφη,
ἄνδρα καὶ αὐτὸν ἀνδρὸς δεόμενον. §29εἶτα ἐν τοιούτοις ὄντι σοι ὀνομάτων μέλει καὶ γελᾷς καὶ τῶν ἄλλων καταπτύεις, εἰκότως·
Recently, at any rate, when you dared to seek a marriage in Cyzicus, that excellent woman, having inquired well into everything, said: "I would not accept a husband who himself stands in need of a husband." Then, being in such a state, do you care about words, and laugh, and spit at others?
οὐ γὰρ ἂν ἅπαντες ὅμοιά σοι λέγειν δυναίμεθα.
Naturally; for we could not all speak like you.
πόθεν;
How could we?
τίς οὕτως ἐν λόγοις μεγαλότολμος, ὡς ἐπὶ μὲν τοὺς τρεῖς μοιχοὺς ἀντὶ ξίφους τρίαιναν αἰτεῖν;
Who is so bold in words as to demand a trident instead of a sword against the three adulterers?
τὸν δὲ Θεόπομπον ἐπὶ τῷ Τρικαράνῳ κρίνοντα φάναι τριγλώχινι λόγῳ καθῃρηκέναι αὐτὸν τὰς προὐχούσας πόλεις;
Or to say, when judging Theopompus in his 'Tricaranus', that he overthrew the prominent cities with a three-pronged speech?
καὶ πάλιν, ἐκτριαινῶσαι αὐτὸν τὴν Ἑλλάδα καὶ εἶναι Κέρβερον ἐν τοῖς λόγοις;
And again, that he 'tri-tridented' Greece and was a Cerberus in speeches?
πρῴην γὰρ καὶ λύχνον ἅψας ἐζήτεις ἀδελφόν τινα, οἶμαι, ἀπολωλότα· καὶ ἄλλα μυρία, ὧν οὐδὲ μεμνῆσθαι ἄξιον, ἢ μόνου ἐκείνου, ὅπερ οἱ ἀκούσαντες ἀπεμνημόνευον.
For recently, having lit a lamp, you were looking for some brother, I suppose, who was lost; and ten thousand other things, which are not even worthy of mention, except for that one which those who heard it remembered.
πλούσιός τις, οἶμαι, καὶ δύο πένητες ἦσαν ἐχθροί· εἶτα μεταξὺ περὶ τοῦ πλουσίου λέγων,
ἀπέκτεινεν,
ἔφης,
θάτερον τῶν πενήτων. γελασάντων δέ, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, τῶν παρόντων, ἐπανορθούμενος δὴ σὺ καὶ ἀνατιθέμενος τὸ διημαρτημένον,
οὐ μὲν οὖν,
ἔφης,
ἀλλὰ ἅτερον αὐτῶν ἀπέκτεινεν. ἐῶ τὰ ἀρχαῖα, τὸ τριῶν μηνοῖν καὶ τὸ ἀνηνεμία καὶ τὸ πέταμαι καὶ ἐκχύνειν καὶ ὅσα ἄλλα καλὰ τοῖς σοῖς λόγοις ἐπανθεῖ.
A certain rich man, I believe, and two poor men were enemies; then in the midst of speaking about the rich man, you said: "He killed the other of the poor men." When those present laughed, as was natural, you, correcting yourself and taking back your mistake, said: "No indeed, but he killed one of them." I omit the ancient expressions, the 'trioion meinon', and 'anēnemia', and 'petamai', and 'ekchynein', and all the other fine terms that bloom upon your speeches.