§1Πάμφιλος
πόθεν, ὦ Λυκῖνε, καὶ τί γελῶν ἡμῖν ἀφῖξαι;
Pamphilus Where have you come from, Lycinus, and why are you laughing as you approach us?
ἀεὶ μὲν γὰρ φαιδρὸς ὢν τυγχάνεις, τουτὶ δὲ πλέον τοῦ συνήθους εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ μηδὲ κατέχειν δυνατὸς εἶ τὸν γέλωτα.
For you are always cheerful, but this seems to me to be more than usual, seeing that you cannot even hold back your laughter.
Λυκῖνος
ἐξ ἀγορᾶς μὲν ἥκω σοι, ὦ Πάμφιλε· τοῦ γέλωτος δὲ αὐτίκα κοινωνὸν ποιήσομαί σε, ἢν ἀκούσῃς οἵᾳ δίκῃ δικαζομένῃ παρεγενόμην, φιλοσόφων πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἐριζόντων.
Lycinus I have come to you from the agora, Pamphilus; and I will make you a partner in my laughter immediately, if you hear what kind of lawsuit being tried I have just witnessed, where philosophers were contending against one another.
Πάμφιλος
καὶ τοῦτο μὲν ὡς ἀληθῶς γελοῖον λέγεις, τὸ φιλοσοφοῦντας δικάζεσθαι πρὸς ἀλλήλους, δέον, εἰ καί τι μέγα εἴη, κατʼ εἰρήνην ἐν σφίσι διαλύεσθαι τὰ ἐγκλήματα.
Pamphilus Indeed, what you say is truly ridiculous, that those who practice philosophy should go to law against one another, when they ought, even if there were some great matter, to settle their disputes peacefully among themselves.
§2Λυκῖνος
πόθεν, ὦ μακάριε, κατʼ εἰρήνην ἐκεῖνοι, οἵ γε ξυμπεσόντες ὅλας ἁμάξας βλασφημιῶν κατεσκέδασαν ἀλλήλων, κεκραγότες καὶ ὑπερδιατεινόμενοι;
Lycinus How, my good friend, could they do it peacefully? For they clashed and poured whole wagonloads of abuse upon one another, shouting and straining themselves to the utmost.
Πάμφιλος
ἦ που, ὦ Λυκῖνε, περὶ τῶν λόγων διεφέροντο τὰ συνήθη ταῦτα, ἑτερόδοξοι τυγχάνοντες;
Pamphilus Surely, Lycinus, they were disputing about doctrines, those usual things, because they happened to hold different opinions?
Λυκῖνος
οὐδαμῶς, ἀλλʼ ἑτεροῖόν τι τοῦτο ἦν· ὁμόδοξοι γὰρ ἄμφω καὶ ἀπὸ τῶν αὐτῶν λόγων.
Lycinus Not at all, but this was something quite different; for both held the same opinions and belonged to the same school of thought.
δίκη δὲ ὅμως συνειστήκει καὶ δικασταὶ ψηφοφοροῦντες ἦσαν οἱ ἄριστοι καὶ πρεσβύτατοι καὶ σοφώτατοι τῶν ἐν τῇ πόλει καὶ ἐφʼ ὧν ἄν τις ᾐδέσθη παρὰ μέλος τι φθεγξάμενος, οὐχ ὅπως ἐς τοσαύτην ἀναισχυντίαν τραπόμενος.
Nevertheless, a trial was set up and the judges who were to vote were the best, eldest, and wisest men in the city, in whose presence anyone would have been ashamed to utter even a discordant note, to say nothing of turning to such great shamelessness.
Πάμφιλος
οὐκοῦν λέγοις ἂν ἤδη τὸ κεφάλαιον τῆς δίκης, ὡς καὶ αὐτὸς εἰδείην ὅ τι σοὶ τὸ κεκινηκὸς εἴη τὸν τοσοῦτον γέλωτα.
Pamphilus Then won't you tell me now the chief point of the lawsuit, so that I too may know what it is that has stirred up such great laughter in you?
§3Λυκῖνος
συντέτακται μέν, ὦ Πάμφιλε, ὡς οἶσθα, ἐκ βασιλέως μισθοφορά τις οὐ φαύλη κατὰ γένη τοῖς φιλοσόφοις, Στωϊκοῖς λέγω καὶ Πλατωνικοῖς καὶ Ἐπικουρείοις, ἔτι δὲ καὶ τοῖς ἐκ τοῦ Περιπάτου, τὰ ἴσα τούτοις ἅπασιν.
Lycinus Pamphilus, as you know, a pension of no small amount has been established by the emperor for the philosophers according to their schools—I mean the Stoics, Platonists, and Epicureans, and also those of the Peripatetic school, equal shares to all of these.
ἔδει δὲ ἀποθανόντος αὐτῶν τινος ἄλλον ἀντικαθίστασθαι δοκιμασθέντα ψήφῳ τῶν ἀρίστων.
When one of them died, another had to be appointed in his place after being approved by the vote of the best men.
καὶ τὰ ἆθλα οὐ βοείη τις ἦν, κατὰ τὸν ποιητήν, οὐδὲ ἱερεῖον, ἀλλὰ μύριαι κατὰ τὸν ἐνιαυτόν, ἐφʼ ὅτῳ συνεῖναι τοῖς νέοις.
And the prize was not, as the poet says, 'a bull's hide or a sacrificial beast,' but ten thousand drachmae a year, on condition of teaching the youth.
Πάμφιλος
οἶδα ταῦτα· καί τινά φασιν αὐτῶν ἔναγχος ἀποθανεῖν, τῶν Περιπατητικῶν οἶμαι τὸν ἕτερον.
Pamphilus I know that; and they say one of them died recently, one of the two Peripatetics, I believe.
Λυκῖνος
αὕτη, ὦ Πάμφιλε, ἡ Ἑλένη ὑπὲρ ἧς ἐμονομάχουν πρὸς ἀλλήλους.
Lycinus This, Pamphilus, is the Helen for whom they were fighting in single combat against each other.
καὶ ἄχρι γε τούτου γελοῖον οὐδὲν πλὴν ἐκεῖνο ἴσως, τὸ φιλοσόφους εἶναι φάσκοντας καὶ χρημάτων καταφρονεῖν ἔπειτα ὑπὲρ τούτων ὡς ὑπὲρ πατρίδος κινδυνευούσης καὶ ἱερῶν πατρῴων καὶ τάφων προγονικῶν ἀγωνίζεσθαι.
And up to this point there was nothing ridiculous, except perhaps this: that those who claim to be philosophers and to despise money, should then contend for it as if for a country in danger, or ancestral shrines, and ancestral graves.
Πάμφιλος
καὶ μὴν καὶ τὸ δόγμα τοῦτό γέ ἐστιν τοῖς Περιπατητικοῖς, τὸ μὴ σφόδρα καταφρονεῖν χρημάτων, ἀλλὰ τρίτον τι ἀγαθὸν καὶ τοῦτο οἴεσθαι.
Pamphilus But surely this is indeed the doctrine of the Peripatetics, not to despise money too much, but to regard this too as a third kind of good.
Λυκῖνος
ὀρθῶς λέγεις.
Lycinus You are right.
φασὶ γὰρ οὖν ταῦτα, καὶ κατὰ τὰ πάτρια ἐγίγνετο αὐτοῖς ὁ πόλεμος.
For that is indeed what they say, and so their war was being waged in accordance with ancestral traditions.
§4Λυκῖνος
τὰ μετὰ ταῦτα δὲ ἤδη ἄκουε.
Lycinus Now hear what followed.
πολλοὶ μὲν γὰρ καὶ ἄλλοι τὸν ἐπιτάφιον τοῦ ἀποθανόντος ἐκείνου ἠγωνίζοντο· δύο δὲ μάλιστα ἦσαν οἱ ἀμφήριστοι αὐτῶν, Διοκλῆς τε ὁ πρεσβύτης — οἶσθα ὃν λέγω, τὸν ἐριστικόν — καὶ Βαγώας ὁ εὐνοῦχος εἶναι δοκῶν.
For many others were contending for the funeral oration of that deceased man; but there were two who were the principal rivals among them: Diocles the elder—you know whom I mean, the disputatious one—and Bagoas, who was reputed to be a eunuch.
τὰ μὲν οὖν τῶν λόγων προηγώνιστο αὐτοῖς καὶ τὴν ἐμπειρίαν ἑκάτερος τῶν δογμάτων ἐπεδέδεικτο καὶ ὅτι τοῦ Ἀριστοτέλους καὶ τῶν ἐκείνῳ δοκούντων εἴχετο· καὶ μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὐδέτερος αὐτῶν ἀμείνων ἦν.
Now, the battle of words had already been fought by them beforehand, and each had demonstrated his mastery of the doctrines and that he held to Aristotle and his opinions; and, by Zeus, neither of them was better than the other.