§29Ἑρμῆς
τίς δʼ οὗτος ἄλλος ὁ προσιών ἐστιν, ὦ Ἡράκλεις, ὁ καλός, ὁ τὴν κιθάραν; Ἡρακλῆς
Ὀρφεύς ἐστιν, σύμπλους ἐπὶ τῆς Ἀργοῦς ἐμός, ἥδιστος κελευστῶν ἁπάντων· πρὸς γοῦν τὴν ᾠδὴν αὐτοῦ ἥκιστα ἐκάμνομεν ἐρέττοντες.
Hermes: "Who is this other beautiful man approaching, Heracles, the one with the lyre?" Heracles: "It is Orpheus, my fellow voyager on the Argo, the most pleasant of all the boatswains; at least, we never felt tired rowing to his song.
χαῖρε, ὦ ἄριστε καὶ μουσικώτατε Ὀρφεῦ· οὐκ ἐπιλέλησαι γάρ που Ἡρακλέους. Ὀρφεύς
νὴ καὶ ὑμεῖς γε, ὦ Φιλοσοφία καὶ Ἡράκλεις καὶ Ἑρμῆ.
Greetings, O best and most musical Orpheus; for surely you have not forgotten Heracles." Orpheus: "And greetings to you as well, Philosophy, Heracles, and Hermes.
ἀλλὰ καιρὸς ἀποδιδόναι τὰ μήνυτρα, ὡς ἔγωγε πάνυ σαφῶς ὃν ζητεῖτε οἶδα. Ἑρμῆς
οὐκοῦν δεῖξον, ὦ παῖ Καλλιόπης, ἔνθα ἐστίν· χρυσίου γὰρ οὐδέν, οἶμαι, δέῃ σοφὸς ὤν. Ὀρφεύς
εὖ φής.
But it is time to pay the reward, as I know very clearly where the one you are seeking is." Hermes: "Then show us, O son of Calliope, where he is; for you, being wise, have no need of gold, I suppose." Orpheus: "You speak well.
ἐγὼ δὲ τὴν μὲν οἰκίαν δείξαιμʼ ἂν ὑμῖν ἔνθα οἰκεῖ, αὐτὸν δὲ οὐκ ἄν, ὡς μὴ κακῶς ἀκούοιμι πρὸς αὐτοῦ· μιαρὸς γὰρ εἰς ὑπερβολὴν καὶ μόνον τοῦτο ἐκμεμελέτηκεν. Ἑρμῆς
δεῖξον μόνον. Ὀρφεύς
αὕτη πλησίον.
I can show you the house where he lives, but not him himself, so that I may not be spoken ill of by him; for he is filthy to excess and has practiced nothing but this." Hermes: "Just show us." Orpheus: "It is right here nearby.
ἐγὼ δὲ ἄπειμι ὑμῖν ἐκποδών, ὡς μηδʼ ἴδοιμι αὐτόν. §30Φιλοσοφία
ἐπίσχες.
I will get out of your way, so that I do not even see him." Philosophy: "Wait.
οὐ γυναικός ἐστι φωνὴ ῥαψῳδούσης τι τῶν Ὁμήρου; Ἑρμῆς
νὴ Δία·
Is that not the voice of a woman reciting some of Homer's verses?" Hermes: "By Zeus, it is!
ἀλλʼ ἀκούσωμεν ὅ τι καὶ λέγει. Γυνή
"
ἐχθρὸς γάρ μοι κεῖνος ὁμῶς Ἀΐδαο πύλῃσιν,
ὃς χρυσὸν φιλέει μὲν ἐνὶ φρεσίν, ἄλλο δὲ εἴπῃ. "
Ἑρμῆς
οὐκοῦν τὸν Κάνθαρόν σοι μισητέον. Γυνή
"ξεινοδόκον κακὰ ῥέξεν, ὅ κεν φιλότητα παράσχῃ. "
Ἀνήρ
περὶ ἐμοῦ τοῦτο τὸ ἔπος, οὗ τὴν γυναῖκα ᾤχετο ἀπάγων διότι αὐτὸν ὑπεδεξάμην. Γυνή
"
οἰνοβαρές, κυνὸς ὄμματʼ ἔχων, κραδίην δʼ ἐλάφοιο,
οὔτε ποτʼ ἐν πολέμῳ ἐναρίθμιος οὔτʼ ἐνὶ βουλῇ,
Θερσίτʼ ἀκριτόμυθε, κακῶν πανάριστε κολοιῶν
μάψ, ἀτὰρ οὐ κατὰ κόσμον, ἐριζέμεναι βασιλεῦσιν. "
Δεσπότης
α Εἰκότως τῷ καταράτῳ τὰ ἔπη. Γυνή
"
Πρόσθε κύων, ὄπιθεν δὲ λέων, μέσση δὲ χίμαιρα
δεινὸν ἀποπνείουσα τρίτου κυνὸς ἄγριον ὁρμήν. "
Let us listen to what she is saying." Woman: "For that man is as hateful to me as the gates of Hades, who loves gold in his heart but says another thing." Hermes: "Then you must hate Cantharus." Woman: "He did evil to his host who offered him friendship." Man: "This verse is about me, whose wife he went off carrying away because I had welcomed him." Woman: "You wine-sack, with the eyes of a dog and the heart of a deer, never of any account either in war or in council, Thersites of reckless speech, best of the evil jackdaws, vainly and in a disorderly way striving with kings." First Master: "Appropriate verses indeed for that cursed wretch." Woman: "A dog in front, a lion behind, and in the middle a chimera, breathing out terribly the wild impulse of a third dog." Man: "Alas, my wife, how much you have suffered from so many dogs!
§31Ἀνήρ
οἴμοι, γύναι, ὅσα πέπονθας ὑπὸ κυνῶν τοσούτων. φασὶ δʼ αὐτὴν καὶ κυεῖν ἀπʼ αὐτῶν. Ἑρμῆς
θάρρει, Κέρβερόν τινα τέξεταί σοι ἢ Γηρυόνην, ὡς ἔχοι ὁ Ἡρακλῆς οὗτος αὖθις πόνον.
And they say she is even pregnant by them." Hermes: "Be of good cheer, she will bear you some Cerberus or Geryon, so that this Heracles here may have labor again.
ἀλλὰ καὶ προΐασιν, ὥστε οὐδὲν δεῖ κόπτειν τὴν θύραν. Δεσπότης α
ἔχω σε, ὦ Κάνθαρε.
But look, they are coming out, so there is no need to knock on the door." First Master: "I have you, Cantharus!
νῦν σιωπᾷς;
Are you silent now?
φέρʼ ἴδωμεν ἅτινά σοι ἡ πήρα ἔχει, θέρμους ἴσως ἢ ἄρτου τρύφος.
Let us see what your pouch has; perhaps lupines or a piece of bread.
οὐ μὰ Δίʼ, ἀλλὰ ζώνην χρυσίου. Ἡρακλῆς
μὴ θαυμάσῃς· κυνικὸς γὰρ ἔφασκεν εἶναι τὸ πρόσθεν ἐπὶ τῆς Ἑλλάδος, ἐνταῦθα δὲ Χρυσίππειος ἀκριβῶς ἐστιν.
No, by Zeus, but a belt of gold!" Heracles: "Do not be surprised; for he used to claim to be a Cynic back in Greece, but here he is precisely a Chrysippean.
τοιγαροῦν Κλεάνθην οὐκ εἰς μακρὰν αὐτὸν ὄψει· κρεμήσεται γὰρ ἀπὸ τοῦ πώγωνος οὕτω μιαρὸς ὤν. Δεσπότης β §32σὺ δέ, ὦ κακέ, οὐ Ληκυθίων οὑμὸς δραπέτης τυγχάνεις;
Therefore, you will see him as a Cleanthes before long; for he will hang by his beard, filthy as he is." First Master: "And you, you scoundrel, are you not my runaway slave Lekythion?
οὐ μὲν οὖν ἄλλος.
No other indeed.
ὢ τοῦ γέλωτος.
What a joke!
εἶτα τί οὐκ ἂν γένοιτο;
What will happen next?
καὶ Ληκυθίων φιλοσοφεῖ. Ἑρμῆς
ὁ τρίτος δὲ οὗτος ἀδέσποτος ὑμῖν ἐστιν; Δεσπότης γ
Οὐδαμῶς, ἀλλʼ ὁ δεσπότης ἐγὼ ἑκὼν ἀφίημι αὐτὸν ἀπολωλέναι. Ἑρμῆς
ὅτι τί; Δεσπότης γ
ὅτι δεινῶς τῶν ὑποσάθρων ἐστίν. τὸ δʼ ὄνομα Μυρόπνουν αὐτὸν ἐκαλοῦμεν.
Even Lekythion is philosophizing!" Hermes: "And is this third one without a master among you?" Third Master: "Not at all, but I, his master, willingly let him go to ruin." Hermes: "For what reason?" Third Master: "Because he is dreadfully rotten.
Ἑρμῆς
Ἡράκλεις ἀλεξίκακε, ἀκούεις; ἔπειτα πήρα καὶ βάκτρον.
We used to call him by the name Myropnous." Hermes: "Heracles the Averter of Evil, do you hear?
— καὶ αὐτὸς ἀπόλαβε τὴν γυναῖκα σύ. Ἀνήρ
μηδαμῶς.
And yet he has a pouch and a staff. — And you, take back your wife." Man: "By no means.
οὐκ ἂν ἀπολάβοιμι βιβλίον μοι τῶν παλαιῶν κυοῦσαν. Ἑρμῆς
πῶς βιβλίον; Ἀνήρ
ἔστιν τι, ὦ ἀγαθέ, Τρικάρανος βιβλίον. Ἑρμῆς
Οὐδὲν ἄτοπον, ἐπεὶ καὶ Τριφάλης. §33Φιλοσοφία
σόν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, δικάζειν τὸ μετὰ τοῦτο. Ἑρμῆς
οὕτω μοι δοκεῖ, ταύτην μέν, ἵνα μηδὲν τέρας μηδὲ πολυκέφαλον τέκῃ, οἴχεσθαι παρὰ τὸν ἄνδρα ὀπίσω ἐς τὴν Ἑλλάδα, τὼ δύο δὲ τούτω δραπετίσκω παραδοθέντε τοῖν δεσπόταιν μανθάνειν ἃ πρὸ τοῦ, τὸν μὲν ἀποπλύνειν τὰς ῥυπώσας τῶν ὀθονῶν, τὸν Ληκυθίωνα, τὸν Μυρόπνουν δὲ αὖθις ἀκεῖσθαι τῶν ἱματίων τὰ διερρωγότα, μαλάχῃ γε πρότερον μαστιγωθέντε.
I would not take back a woman pregnant with an old book for me." Hermes: "How a book?" Man: "There is a certain book, my good sir, called 'Trikaranos'." Hermes: "Nothing strange, since there is also 'Triphales'." Philosophy: "It is your job, Hermes, to judge what follows." Hermes: "So it seems to me: this woman, so that she may not give birth to any monster or multi-headed creature, shall go back to her husband in Greece; and these two runaway slaves, being handed over to their masters, shall learn what they did before: one shall wash dirty linens, Lekythion, and Myropnous shall again mend torn garments, after being flogged first with mallow.
ἔπειτα καὶ τοῦτον παραδοθῆναι τοῖς πιττωταῖς, ὡς ἀπόλοιτο παρατιλλόμενος τὰ πρῶτα, ῥυπώσῃ προσέτι καὶ γυναικείᾳ τῇ πίττῃ, εἶτα ἐς τὸν Αἷμον ἀναχθέντα γυμνὸν ἐπὶ τῆς χιόνος μένειν συμπεποδισμένον τὼ πόδε.
Then also this man shall be handed over to the pitch-spreaders, so that he may perish by having his hair plucked out first, with filthy and moreover woman's pitch, and then, being taken up to Haemus, he shall remain naked on the snow with both his feet bound." Cantharus: "Alas for my misfortunes!
Κάνθαρος
φεῦ τῶν κακῶν, ὀτοτοῖ, παππαπαιάξ.
Oh, oh!
Δεσπότης α
τί τοῦτο παρεντίθης τῶν τραγικῶν σου διαλόγων;
Ah, ah!" First Master: "Why do you insert these lines from your tragic dialogues?
ἀλλʼ ἀκολούθει παρὰ τοὺς πιττωτὰς ἤδη, ἀποδυσάμενός γε πρότερον τὴν λεοντῆν, ὡς γνωσθῇς ὄνος ὤν.
Come along to the pitch-spreaders now, having first stripped off your lion's skin, so that you may be known to be an ass."