§17Φιλοσοφία
ὄψει τοίνυν μετὰ μικρὸν οἷα ἔσται.
Philosophy: "You will see, then, in a little while what will happen.
οἱ γὰρ ἐκ τῶν ἐργαστηρίων ἅπαντες ἀναπηδήσαντες ἐρήμους τὰς τέχνας ἐάσουσιν ὅταν ὁρῶσι σφᾶς μέν, πονοῦντας καὶ κάμνοντας ἕωθεν ἐς ἑσπέραν ἐπικεκυφότας τοῖς ἔργοις, μόγις ἀποζῶντας ἐκ τῆς τοιαύτης μισθαρνίας, ἀργοὺς δὲ καὶ γόητας ἀνθρώπους ἐν ἅπασιν ἀφθόνοις βιοῦντας, αἰτοῦντας μὲν τυραννικῶς, λαμβάνοντας δὲ προχείρως, ἀγανακτοῦντας δέ, εἰ μὴ λάβοιεν, οὐκ ἐπαινοῦντας δέ, οὐδʼ εἰ λάβοιεν.
For everyone will leap up from the workshops and leave their crafts desolate when they see that while they themselves, bending over their works from morning to evening, laboring and toiling, scarcely make a living from such wages, idle and wizard-like men live in absolute abundance, demanding tyrannically, receiving readily, and being indignant if they do not receive, yet not praising even if they do receive.
ταῦτα ὁ ἐπὶ Κρόνου βίος δοκεῖ αὐτοῖς καὶ ἀτεχνῶς τὸ μέλι αὐτὸ ἐς τὰ στόματα ἐσρεῖν ἐκ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ.
This seems to them the life under Cronus, and literally that honey itself flows from heaven into their mouths.
§18Φιλοσοφία
καὶ ἧττον ἂν δεινὸν τὸ πρᾶγμα ἦν, εἰ τοιοῦτοι ὄντες μηδὲν εἰς ἡμᾶς ἄλλο ἐξύβριζον·
Philosophy: "And the matter would have been less terrible if, being such as they are, they did not commit any other outrages against us.
οἱ δέ, μάλα σεμνοὶ καὶ σκυθρωποὶ τὰ ἔξω καὶ τὰ δημόσια φαινόμενοι, ἢν παιδὸς ὡραίου ἢ γυναικὸς λάβωνται καλῆς ἢ ἐλπίσωσιν, σιωπᾶν ἄξιον οἷα ποιοῦσιν.
But they, appearing very solemn and gloomy in outward and public appearance, if they lay hold of a handsome boy or a beautiful woman, or hope to do so, what they do is worthy of silence.
ἔνιοι δὲ καὶ ξένων τῶν σφετέρων γυναῖκας ἀπάγουσι μοιχεύσοντες κατὰ τὸν Ἰλιέα ἐκεῖνον νεανίσκον, ὡς φιλοσοφοῖεν δὴ καὶ αὗται· εἶτα κοινὰς αὐτὰς ἅπασι τοῖς ξυνοῦσι προθέμενοι Πλάτωνός τι δόγμα οἴονται ποιεῖν, οὐκ εἰδότες ὅπως ὁ ἱερὸς ἐκεῖνος ἠξίου κοινὰς ἡγεῖσθαι τὰς γυναῖκας.
And some even carry away the wives of their hosts to commit adultery, like that Ilian youth, pretending that these women too are philosophizing; then, offering them in common to all their companions, they think they are practicing a certain doctrine of Plato, not knowing in what way that sacred man deemed it right to hold wives in common.
§19Φιλοσοφία
ἃ μὲν γὰρ ἐν τοῖς συμποσίοις δρῶσιν καὶ ἃ μεθύσκονται, μακρὸν ἂν εἴη λέγειν.
Philosophy: "For what they do at banquets and how they get drunk would be a long story to tell.
καὶ ταῦτα ποιοῦσι πῶς οἴει κατηγοροῦντες αὐτοὶ μέθης καὶ μοιχείας καὶ λαγνείας καὶ φιλαργυρίας·
And how do you think they do these things, while they themselves accuse drunkenness, adultery, lust, and greed?
οὐδὲν γοῦν οὕτως εὕροις ἂν ἄλλο ἄλλῳ ἐναντίον ὡς τοὺς λόγους αὐτῶν καὶ τὰ ἔργα.
Indeed, you could find nothing else so opposed to one another as their words and their deeds.
οἷον κολακείαν μισεῖν φασιν, κολακείας ἕνεκα τὸν Γναθωνίδην ἢ τὸν Στρουθίαν ὑπερβαλέσθαι δυνάμενοι.
For instance, they say they hate flattery, though for the sake of flattery they can surpass Gnathonides or Struthias.
ἀληθεύειν τοὺς ἄλλους προτρέποντες, οὐκ ἂν οὐδὲ κινῆσαι τὴν γλῶτταν μὴ μετὰ τοῦ καὶ ψεύσασθαι δύναιντο.
While exhorting others to speak the truth, they could not even move their tongue without lying.
ἡδονὴ πᾶσιν ἐχθρὸν τῷ λόγῳ καὶ ὁ Ἐπίκουρος πολέμιος, ἔργῳ δὲ διὰ ταύτην ἅπαντα πράττουσιν.
Pleasure is an enemy to all in their speech, and Epicurus is a foe, but in deed they do everything for its sake.
τὸ δʼ ὀξύχολον καὶ μικραίτιον καὶ πρὸς ὀργὴν ῥᾴδιον ὑπὲρ τὰ βρεφύλλια τὰ νεογνά· γέλωτα γοῦν οὐ μικρὸν παρέχουσι τοῖς θεωμένοις, ὁπόταν ὑπὸ τῆς τυχούσης αἰτίας ἐπιζέσῃ μὲν αὐτοῖς ἡ χολή, πελιδνοὶ δὲ τὴν χροιὰν βλέπωνται, ἰταμόν τι καὶ παράφορον δεδορκότες, καὶ ἀφροῦ, μᾶλλον δὲ ἰοῦ, μεστὸν αὐτοῖς ᾖ τὸ στόμα.
Their quickness to anger, pettiness in blaming, and readiness to wrath surpass newborn infants; indeed, they afford no small laughter to the spectators whenever, from any chance cause, their bile boils up, and they look pale in color, gazing with a wild and distracted look, and their mouth is full of foam, or rather, of venom.
§20μὴ σύ γε κεῖθι τύχοις, ὅτε ὁ μιαρὸς ἐκεῖνος ἐκχεῖται βόρβορος,
χρυσίον μὲν ἢ ἀργύριον, Ἡράκλεις, οὐδὲ κεκτῆσθαι ἀξιῶ· ὀβολὸς ἱκανός, ὡς θέρμους πριαίμην· ποτὸν γὰρ ἢ κρήνη ἢ ποταμὸς παρέξει. καὶ μετʼ ὀλίγον αἰτοῦσιν οὐκ ὀβολοὺς οὐδὲ δραχμὰς ὀλίγας, ἀλλὰ πλούτους ὅλους, ὥστε τίς ἔμπορος τοσοῦτον ἀπὸ τοῦ φόρτου ἐμπολήσειεν ἂν ὅσον τούτοις φιλοσοφία ἐς χρηματισμὸν συντελεῖ;
'May you never chance to be there when that filthy mud is poured out!' They say: 'By Heracles, I do not even deign to possess gold or silver; an obol is enough, that I may buy lupines; for a spring or a river will provide drink.' And a little later they ask not for obols or a few drachmas, but for whole fortunes, so that what merchant could make as much profit from his cargo as philosophy contributes to these men for money-making?
εἶτʼ ἐπειδὰν ἱκανῶς συλλέξωνται καὶ ἐπισιτίσωνται, ἀπορρίψαντες ἐκεῖνο τὸ δύστηνον τριβώνιον ἀγροὺς ἐνίοτε καὶ ἐσθῆτας τῶν μαλθακῶν ἐπρίαντο καὶ παῖδας κομήτας καὶ συνοικίας ὅλας, μακρὰ χαίρειν φράσαντες τῇ πήρᾳ τῇ Κράτητος καὶ τῷ τρίβωνι τῷ Ἀντισθένους καὶ τῷ πίθῳ τῷ Διογένους.
Then, when they have collected and provisioned themselves sufficiently, casting away that wretched coarse cloak, they sometimes buy fields and soft garments, and long-haired slave-boys, and entire tenement-houses, bidding a long farewell to the pouch of Crates, the cloak of Antisthenes, and the tub of Diogenes.
§21οἱ ἰδιῶται δὲ ταῦτα ὁρῶντες καταπτύουσιν ἤδη φιλοσοφίας καὶ ἅπαντας εἶναι τοιούτους οἴονται κἀμὲ τῆς διδασκαλίας αἰτιῶνται, ὥστε πολλοῦ ἤδη χρόνου ἀδύνατόν μοι γεγένηται κἂν ἕνα τινὰ προσαγαγέσθαι αὐτῶν, ἀλλὰ τὸ τῆς Πηνελόπης ἐκεῖνο πάσχω· ὁπόσον γὰρ δὴ ἐγὼ ἐξυφήνω, τοῦτο ἐν ἀκαρεῖ αὖθις ἀναλύεται.
The ordinary people, seeing these things, now spit upon philosophy, thinking that everyone is like this, and they blame my teaching, so that for a long time now it has become impossible for me to attract even a single one of them, but I suffer that experience of Penelope; for as much as I weave, this is in an instant unraveled again.
ἡ Ἀμαθία δὲ καὶ ἡ Ἀδικία ἐπιγελῶσιν, ὁρῶσαι ἀνεξέργαστον ἡμῖν τὸ ἔργον καὶ ἀνήνυτον τὸν πόνον.
And Ignorance and Injustice laugh at us, seeing our work unfinished and our labor fruitless.
§22Ζεύς
οἷα, ὦ θεοί, πέπονθεν ἡμῖν ἡ Φιλοσοφία πρὸς τῶν καταράτων ἐκείνων.
Zeus: 'O gods, what things Philosophy has suffered for us at the hands of those cursed men!
ὥστε ὥρα σκοπεῖν ὅ τι καὶ πρακτέον ἢ ὅπως αὐτοὺς μετελευστέον.
Therefore, it is time to consider what must be done, or how we must pursue them.
ὁ μὲν γὰρ κεραυνὸς ἀπάγει μιᾷ πληγῇ καὶ ὁ θάνατος ταχύς. Ἀπόλλων
ἐγώ σοι, ὦ πάτερ, ὑποθήσομαι·
For the thunderbolt takes them away with one blow, and death is too swift.' Apollo: 'I will make a suggestion to you, Father.
μισῶ γὰρ καὶ αὐτὸς ἤδη τοὺς ἀλαζόνας ἀμούσους ὄντας, ὑπὲρ τῶν Μουσῶν ἀγανακτῶν.
For I myself already hate these charlatans who are without culture, being indignant on behalf of the Muses.
κεραυνοῦ μὲν γὰρ ἢ τῆς σῆς δεξιᾶς οὐδαμῶς ἐκεῖνοι ἄξιοι, τὸν Ἑρμῆν δὲ αὐτοκράτορα, εἰ δοκεῖ, τῆς κολάσεως κατάπεμψον ἐπʼ αὐτούς, ὃς ἅτε δὴ περὶ λόγους ἔχων καὶ αὐτὸς τάχιστα εἴσεται τούς τε ὀρθῶς φιλοσοφοῦντας καὶ τοὺς μή.
Indeed, they are in no way worthy of the thunderbolt or of your right hand; but send Hermes down to them as sole commissioner of their punishment, if it seems good, who, since he is concerned with discourse, will himself most quickly know those who philosophize rightly and those who do not.
εἶτα τοὺς μὲν ἐπαινέσεται, ὡς τὸ εἰκός, οἱ δὲ κολασθήσονται ὅπως ἂν ἐκείνῳ παρὰ τὸν καιρὸν δοκῇ.
Then he will praise the former, as is fitting, and the latter will be punished in whatever way seems good to him at the time.'