§24ἢν ταῦτα, ὦ παῖ, καλῶς ἐκμάθῃς — δύνασαι δέ· οὐδὲν γὰρ ἐν αὐτοῖς βαρύ—θαρρῶν ἐπαγγέλλομαι οὐκ εἰς μακράν σε ἄριστον ῥήτορα καὶ ἡμῖν ὅμοιον ἀποτελεσθήσεσθαι.
If you learn these things well, my boy—and you can, for there is nothing difficult in them—I confidently promise that in no long time you will turn out to be the best orator and just like us.
τὸ μετὰ τοῦτο δὲ οὐκ ἐμὲ χρὴ λέγειν, ὅσα ἐν βραχεῖ παρέσται σοι τὰ ἀγαθὰ παρὰ τῆς Ῥητορικῆς.
After this, it is not for me to say how many good things will come to you from Rhetoric in a short time.
ὁρᾷς ἐμέ, ὃς πατρὸς μὲν ἀφανοῦς καὶ οὐδὲ καθαρῶς ἐλευθέρου ἐγενόμην ὑπὲρ Ξόϊν καὶ Θμοῦιν δεδουλευκότος, μητρὸς δὲ ἀκεστρίας ἐπʼ ἀμφοδίου τινός.
You see me, who was born of an obscure father, and not even clearly free, who had been a slave around Xois and Thmuis, and of a mother who was a seamstress in an alley.
αὐτὸς δὲ τὴν ὥραν οὐ παντάπασιν ἀδόκιμος εἶναι δόξας τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐπὶ ψιλῷ τῷ τρέφεσθαι συνῆν τινι κακοδαίμονι καὶ γλίσχρῳ ἐραστῇ.
I myself, since my youth was thought not altogether unacceptable, first lived with a certain ill-starred and stingy lover simply to be fed.
ἐπεὶ δὲ τὴν ὁδὸν ταύτην ῥᾴστην οὖσαν κατεῖδον καὶ διεκπαίσας ἐπὶ τῷ ἄκρῳ ἐγενόμην — ὑπῆρχε γάρ μοι, ὦ φίλη Ἀδράστεια, πάντα ἐκεῖνα ἃ προεῖπον ἐφόδια, τὸ θράσος, ἡ ἀμαθία, ἡ ἀναισχυντία — πρῶτον μὲν οὐκέτι Ποθεινὸς ὀνομάζομαι, ἀλλʼ ἤδη τοῖς Διὸς καὶ Λήδας παισὶν ὁμώνυμος γεγένημαι.
But when I saw this road, which was the easiest, and having broken through got to the top—for I had, O dear Adrasteia, all those traveling supplies which I mentioned before: boldness, ignorance, and shamelessness—first of all I am no longer called Potheinos, but already have become the namesake of the sons of Zeus and Leda.
ἔπειτα δὲ γραῒ συνοικήσας τὸ πρῶτον μὲν ἐγαστριζόμην πρὸς αὐτῆς ἐρᾶν προσποιούμενος γυναικὸς ἑβδομηκοντούτιδος τέτταρας ἔτι λοιποὺς ὀδόντας ἐχούσης, χρυσίῳ καὶ τούτους ἐνδεδεμένους.
Next, having lived with an old woman, at first I was fed by her, pretending to love a woman seventy years old who had only four teeth left, and even those bound with gold wire.
πλὴν ἀλλά γε διὰ τὴν πενίαν ὑφιστάμην τὸν ἆθλον καὶ τὰ ψυχρὰ ἐκεῖνα τὰ ἐκ τῆς σοροῦ φιλήματα ὑπερήδιστά μοι ἐποίει ὁ λιμός.
Nevertheless, because of poverty I underwent the trial, and hunger made those cold kisses from the grave most sweet to me.
εἶτα ὀλίγου δεῖν κληρονόμος ὧν εἶχεν ἁπάντων κατέστην, εἰ μὴ κατάρατός τις οἰκέτης ἐμήνυσεν ὡς φάρμακον εἴην ἐπʼ αὐτὴν ἐωνημένος.
Then I almost became the heir of all she possessed, if a cursed house-slave had not informed that I had bought poison for her.
§25ἐξωσθεὶς δὲ ἐπὶ κεφαλὴν ὅμως οὐδὲ τότε ἠπόρησα τῶν ἀναγκαίων, ἀλλὰ καὶ ῥήτωρ δοκῶ κἀν ταῖς δίκαις ἐξετάζομαι προδιδοὺς τὰ πολλὰ καὶ τοὺς δικαστὰς τοῖς ἀνοήτοις καθυπισχνούμενος, καὶ ἡττῶμαι μὲν τὰ πλεῖστα, οἱ φοίνικες δὲ ἐπὶ τῇ θύρᾳ χλωροὶ καὶ ἐστεφανωμένοι· τούτοις γὰρ ἐπὶ τοὺς δυστυχεῖς χρῶμαι τοῖς δελέασιν.
And though I was thrown out headlong, even then I did not lack the necessaries of life, but I am thought an orator and am approved in lawsuits, betraying most of them and promising the judges to the fools, and though I am defeated in most cases, the palms at my door are green and wreathed; for I use these as baits for the unfortunate.
ἀλλὰ καὶ τὸ μισεῖσθαι πρὸς ἁπάντων καὶ ἐπίσημον εἶναί με ἐπὶ τῇ μοχθηρίᾳ τοῦ τρόπου καὶ πολὺ πρότερον τῶν λόγων καὶ τὸ δείκνυσθαι τῷ δακτύλῳ τοῦτον ἐκεῖνον τὸν ἀκρότατον ἐν πάσῃ κακίᾳ λεγόμενον, οὐ μικρὸν εἶναι ἐμοί γε δοκεῖ.
But indeed, to be hated by everyone, and to be famous for the wickedness of my character, and that much sooner than for my speeches, and to be pointed at with the finger as 'that man there' who is said to be the supreme pinnacle of all vice—this seems to me to be no small thing.
Ταῦτά σοι παραινῶ, νὴ τὴν πάνδημον, πολὺ πρότερον ἐμαυτῷ παραινέσας καὶ χάριν ἐμαυτῷ οὐ μικρὰν ἐπιστάμενος.
These things I advise you, by Aphrodite Pandemos, having advised myself much sooner, and being not a little grateful to myself.
§26Εἶεν· ὁ μὲν γεννάδας εἰπὼν ταῦτα πεπαύσεται·
Very well; the noble fellow, having said this, will cease.
σὺ δὲ ἢν πεισθῇς τοῖς εἰρημένοις, καὶ δὴ παρεῖναι νόμιζε οἷπερ ἐξ ἀρχῆς ἐπόθεις ἐλθεῖν, καὶ οὐδέν σε κωλύσει ἑπόμενον τοῖς νόμοις ἔν τε τοῖς δικαστηρίοις κρατεῖν καὶ ἐν τοῖς πλήθεσιν εὐδοκιμεῖν καὶ ἐπέραστον εἶναι καὶ γαμεῖν οὐ γραῦν τινα τῶν κωμικῶν, καθάπερ ὁ νομοθέτης καὶ διδάσκαλος, ἀλλὰ καλλίστην γυναῖκα τὴν Ῥητορικήν, ὡς τὸ τοῦ Πλάτωνος ἐκεῖνο πτηνὸν ἅρμα ἐλαύνοντα φέρεσθαι σοὶ μᾶλλον πρέπειν περὶ σεαυτοῦ εἰπεῖν ἢ ἐκείνῳ περὶ τοῦ Διός·
But if you are persuaded by what has been said, consider yourself already to have arrived where you wished to go from the beginning, and nothing will prevent you, if you follow these laws, from conquering in the law courts, gaining reputation among the crowds, being beloved, and marrying not some old woman of the comic stage, like your legislator and teacher, but Rhetoric, the most beautiful woman, so that it is more fitting for you to say of yourself, as you drive that famous winged chariot of Plato, what he said of Zeus.
ἐγὼ δὲ — ἀγεννὴς γὰρ καὶ δειλός εἰμι — ἐκστήσομαι τῆς ὁδοῦ ὑμῖν καὶ παύσομαι τῇ Ῥητορικῇ ἐπιπολάζων, ἀσύμβολος ὢν πρὸς αὐτὴν τὰ ὑμέτερα· μᾶλλον δὲ ἤδη πέπαυμαι, ὥστε ἀκονιτὶ ἀνακηρύττεσθε καὶ θαυμάζεσθε, μόνον τοῦτο μεμνημένοι, ὅτι μὴ τῷ τάχει ἡμῶν κεκρατήκατε ὠκύτεροι φανέντες, ἀλλὰ τῷ ῥᾴστην καὶ πρανῆ τραπέσθαι τὴν ὁδόν.
As for me—for I am ignoble and cowardly—I will get out of the way for you and cease floating on the surface of Rhetoric, being one who contributes nothing to her compared to your achievements; or rather, I have already ceased, so that without a struggle you are proclaimed victors and admired, only remembering this: that you have not conquered us by speed, showing yourselves swifter, but by turning into the easiest and downward path.