§3Μένιππος
ὑπουργητέον καὶ ταῦτά σοι· τί γὰρ ἂν καὶ πάθοι τις, ὁπότε φίλος ἀνὴρ βιάζοιτο;
Menippus I must assist you in this as well; for what can one do when a friend constrains him?
καὶ δὴ πρῶτά σοι δίειμι τὰ περὶ τῆς γνώμης τῆς ἐμῆς, ὅθεν ὡρμήθην πρὸς τὴν κατάβασιν.
And indeed, I shall first relate to you my purpose, whence I was impelled to make the descent.
ἐγὼ γάρ, ἄχρι μὲν ἐν παισὶν ἦν, ἀκούων Ὁμήρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου πολέμους καὶ στάσεις διηγουμένων οὐ μόνον τῶν ἡμιθέων, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτῶν ἤδη τῶν θεῶν, ἔτι δὲ καὶ μοιχείας αὐτῶν καὶ βίας καὶ ἁρπαγὰς καὶ δίκας καὶ πατέρων ἐξελάσεις καὶ ἀδελφῶν γάμους, πάντα ταῦτα ἐνόμιζον εἶναι καλὰ καὶ οὐ παρέργως ἐκινούμην πρὸς αὐτά.
For as long as I was among children, hearing Homer and Hesiod narrating wars and factions, not only of the demigods but already of the gods themselves, and moreover their adulteries, violences, robberies, lawsuits, banishments of fathers, and marriages of brothers and sisters, I used to think all these things were honorable, and was moved toward them with no ordinary enthusiasm.
ἐπεὶ δὲ εἰς ἄνδρας τελεῖν ἠρξάμην, πάλιν αὖ ἐνταῦθα ἤκουον τῶν νόμων τἀναντία τοῖς ποιηταῖς κελευόντων, μήτε μοιχεύειν μήτε στασιάζειν μήτε ἁρπάζειν.
But when I began to be enrolled among men, there again I heard the laws commanding the opposite of what the poets said: neither to commit adultery, nor to stir up faction, nor to plunder.
ἐν μεγάλῃ οὖν καθειστήκειν ἀμφιβολίᾳ, οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅ τι χρησαίμην ἐμαυτῷ· οὔτε γὰρ ἄν ποτε τοὺς θεοὺς μοιχεῦσαι καὶ στασιάσαι πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἡγούμην εἰ μὴ ὡς περὶ καλῶν τούτων ἐγίγνωσκον, οὔτʼ ἂν τοὺς νομοθέτας τἀναντία παραινεῖν εἰ μὴ λυσιτελεῖν ὑπελάμβανον.
I was therefore established in a great perplexity, not knowing what to do with myself; for I did not think the gods would ever have committed adultery and fought among themselves unless they judged these things to be honorable, nor, on the other hand, that the legislators would recommend the opposite unless they assumed it to be profitable.
§4Μένιππος
ἐπεὶ δὲ διηπόρουν, ἔδοξέ μοι ἐλθόντα παρὰ τοὺς καλουμένους τούτους φιλοσόφους ἐγχειρίσαι τε ἐμαυτὸν καὶ δεηθῆναι αὐτῶν χρῆσθαί μοι ὅ τι βούλοιντο καί τινα ὁδὸν ἁπλῆν καὶ βέβαιον ὑποδεῖξαι τοῦ βίου.
Menippus Since I was utterly at a loss, it seemed best to me to go to these so-called philosophers, to commit myself to them and beg them to make of me whatever they wished, and to point out to me some simple and secure path of life.
ταῦτα μὲν δὴ φρονῶν προσῄειν αὐτοῖς, ἐλελήθειν δʼ ἐμαυτὸν εἰς αὐτό, φασί, τὸ πῦρ ἐκ τοῦ καπνοῦ βιαζόμενος.
With these thoughts, indeed, I approached them, but I did not realize that I was forcing myself, as they say, from the smoke into the very fire.
παρὰ γὰρ δὴ τούτοις μάλιστα εὕρισκον ἐπισκοπῶν τὴν ἄγνοιαν καὶ τὴν ἀπορίαν πλείονα, ὥστε μοι τάχιστα χρυσοῦν ἀπέδειξαν οὗτοι τὸν τῶν ἰδιωτῶν τοῦτον βίον.
For it was among these men, in my investigation, that I found ignorance and perplexity to be greatest, so that they very quickly showed me that this life of ordinary men is golden.
ἀμέλει ὁ μὲν αὐτῶν παρῄνει τὸ πᾶν ἥδεσθαι καὶ μόνον τοῦτο ἐκ παντὸς μετιέναι· τοῦτο γὰρ εἶναι τὸ εὔδαιμον.
For instance, one of them would advise enjoying everything and pursuing this alone out of all things; for this, he said, was happiness.
ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν, πονεῖν τὰ πάντα καὶ μοχθεῖν καὶ τὸ σῶμα καταναγκάζειν ῥυπῶντα καὶ αὐχμῶντα καὶ πᾶσι δυσαρεστοῦντα καὶ λοιδορούμενον, συνεχὲς ἐπιρραψῳδῶν τὰ πάνδημα ἐκεῖνα τοῦ Ἡσιόδου περὶ τῆς ἀρετῆς ἔπη καὶ τὸν ἱδρῶτα καὶ τὴν ἐπὶ τὸ ἄκρον ἀνάβασιν.
But another, on the contrary, advised laboring at all things, toiling, and constraining the body, being dirty, squalid, disagreeable to all, and abused, constantly reciting those famous verses of Hesiod about virtue, and the sweat, and the climb to the summit.
ἄλλος καταφρονεῖν χρημάτων παρεκελεύετο καὶ ἀδιάφορον οἴεσθαι τὴν κτῆσιν αὐτῶν· ὁ δέ τις ἔμπαλιν ἀγαθὸν εἶναι καὶ τὸν πλοῦτον ἀπεφαίνετο.
Another urged despising money and thinking its possession indifferent; while another, on the contrary, declared wealth also to be a good.
περὶ μὲν γὰρ τοῦ κόσμου τί χρὴ καὶ λέγειν;
Indeed, what need is there even to speak of the universe?
ὅς γε ἰδέας καὶ ἀσώματα καὶ ἀτόμους καὶ κενὰ καὶ τοιοῦτόν τινα ὄχλον ὀνομάτων ὁσημέραι παρʼ αὐτῶν ἀκούων ἐναυτίων.
For I was nauseated by hearing daily from them of ideas, incorporeal things, atoms, voids, and such a crowd of names.
καὶ τὸ πάντων ἀτοπώτατον, ὅτι περὶ τῶν ἐναντιωτάτων ἕκαστος αὐτῶν λέγων σφόδρα νικῶντας καὶ πιθανοὺς λόγους ἐπορίζετο, ὥστε μήτε τῷ θερμὸν τὸ αὐτὸ πρᾶγμα λέγοντι μήτε τῷ ψυχρὸν ἀντιλέγειν ἔχειν, καὶ ταῦτʼ εἰδότα σαφῶς ὡς οὐκ ἄν ποτε θερμὸν εἴη τι καὶ ψυχρὸν ἐν ταὐτῷ χρόνῳ.
And the strangest thing of all was that, though each of them spoke of the most opposite things, they provided extremely powerful and persuasive arguments, so that I was able to contradict neither him who called the same thing hot nor him who called it cold, even though I knew clearly that a thing could never be both hot and cold at the same time.
ἀτεχνῶς οὖν ἔπασχον τοῖς νυστάζουσι τούτοις ὅμοιον, ἄρτι μὲν ἐπινεύων, ἄρτι δὲ ἀνανεύων ἔμπαλιν.
Quite simply, then, I was experiencing something like those who nod in sleep, now nodding assent, and now again shaking my head in denial.
§5Μένιππος
πολλῷ δὲ τούτων ἐκεῖνο ἀλογώτερον· τοὺς γὰρ αὐτοὺς τούτους εὕρισκον ἐπιτηρῶν ἐναντιώτατα τοῖς αὑτῶν λόγοις ἐπιτηδεύοντας.
Menippus But far more irrational than these things was that: for I found, upon observing them, that these very same men practiced things most opposite to their own teachings.
τοὺς γοῦν καταφρονεῖν παραινοῦντας χρημάτων ἑώρων ἀπρὶξ ἐχομένους αὐτῶν καὶ περὶ τόκων διαφερομένους καὶ ἐπὶ μισθῷ παιδεύοντας καὶ πάντα ἕνεκα τούτων ὑπομένοντας, τούς τε τὴν δόξαν ἀποβαλλομένους αὐτῆς ταύτης χάριν τὰ πάντα καὶ πράττοντας καὶ λέγοντας, ἡδονῆς τε αὖ σχεδὸν ἅπαντας κατηγοροῦντας, ἰδίᾳ δὲ μόνῃ ταύτῃ προσηρτημένους.
At any rate, those who advised despising money I saw clinging to it tooth and nail, disputing about interest, teaching for pay, and enduring everything for the sake of it; and those who rejected glory doing and saying everything for the sake of this very glory; and again, almost all of them denouncing pleasure, but in private clinging to this alone.