§15σὺ δʼ ὥσπερ εἰς τοῦ Διὸς τὸν οἶκον παρελθὼν πάντα τεθαύμακας καὶ ἐφʼ ἑκάστῳ τῶν πραττομένων μετέωρος εἶ· ξένα γάρ σοι καὶ ἄγνωστα πάντα·
And you, as if you had entered the house of Zeus, marvel at everything, and are in suspense at each of the things that are done; for everything is strange and unknown to you.
καὶ ἥ τε οἰκετεία εἰς σὲ ἀποβλέπει καὶ τῶν παρόντων ἕκαστος ὅ τι πράξεις ἐπιτηροῦσιν, οὐδὲ αὐτῷ δὲ ἀμελὲς τῷ πλουσίῳ τοῦτο, ἀλλὰ καὶ προεῖπέ τισι τῶν οἰκετῶν ἐπισκοπεῖν εἴ πως εἰς τοὺς παῖδας ἢ εἰς τὴν γυναῖκα πολλάκις ἐκ περιωπῆς ἀποβλέψεις.
And the servants look towards you, and each of those present watches to see what you will do; nor indeed is this a matter of indifference to the rich man himself, but he has even charged some of the servants to watch whether you might look repeatedly, as if from a watchtower, at the boys or at his wife.
οἱ μὲν γὰρ τῶν συνδείπνων ἀκόλουθοι ὁρῶντες ἐκπεπληγμένον εἰς τὴν ἀπειρίαν τῶν δρωμένων ἀποσκώπτουσι, τεκμήριον τοῦ μὴ παρʼ ἄλλῳ πρότερόν σε δεδειπνηκέναι τὸ καινὸν εἶναί σοι τὸ χειρόμακτρον τιθέμενοι.
For the attendants of your fellow-diners, seeing you dumbfounded, mock you for your inexperience in what is being done, taking the fact that the napkin is a novelty to you as proof that you have never dined at another's house before.
ὥσπερ οὖν εἰκός, ἰδίειν τε ἀνάγκη ὑπʼ ἀπορίας καὶ μήτε διψῶντα πιεῖν αἰτεῖν τολμᾶν, μὴ δόξῃς οἰνόφλυξ τις εἶναι, μήτε τῶν ὄψων παρατεθέντων ποικίλων καὶ πρός τινα τάξιν ἐσκευασμένων εἰδέναι ἐφʼ ὅ τι πρῶτον ἢ δεύτερον τὴν χεῖρα ἐνέγκῃς· ὑποβλέπειν οὖν εἰς τὸν πλησίον δεήσει κἀκεῖνον ζηλοῦν καὶ μανθάνειν τοῦ δείπνου τὴν ἀκολουθίαν.
Consequently, as is natural, you must sweat from embarrassment, and dare not ask for a drink even though thirsty, lest you should seem to be a wine-bibber, nor, when the various dishes, prepared in a certain order, are served, do you know to which you should stretch out your hand first or second; so you will have to squint at your neighbor and imitate him, and learn the etiquette of the dinner.
§16τὰ δʼ ἄλλα ποικίλος εἶ καὶ θορύβου πλέως τὴν ψυχήν, πρὸς ἕκαστα τῶν πραττομένων ἐκπεπληγμένος, καὶ ἄρτι μὲν εὐδαιμονίζεις τὸν πλούσιον τοῦ χρυσοῦ καὶ τοῦ ἐλέφαντος καὶ τῆς τοσαύτης τρυφῆς, ἄρτι δὲ οἰκτείρεις σεαυτόν, ὡς τὸ μηδὲν ὢν εἶτα ζῆν ὑπολαμβάνεις.
In other respects, you are distracted and your soul is full of confusion, being amazed at everything that goes on, and at one moment you deem the rich man happy because of the gold, the ivory, and such great luxury, and at another moment you pity yourself, considering that you are a mere nobody and yet live.
ἐνίοτε δὲ κἀκεῖνο εἰσέρχεταί σε, ὡς ζηλωτόν τινα βιώσῃ τὸν βίον ἅπασιν ἐκείνοις ἐντρυφήσων καὶ μεθέξων αὐτῶν ἐξ ἰσοτιμίας· οἴει γὰρ εἰσαεὶ Διονύσια ἑορτάσειν.
And sometimes this thought also enters your mind, that you will live an enviable life, enjoying all these things and sharing in them on equal terms; for you think you will keep the festival of Dionysus forever.
καί που καὶ μειράκια ὡραῖα διακονούμενα καὶ ἠρέμα προσμειδιῶντα γλαφυρωτέραν ὑπογράφει σοι τὴν μέλλουσαν διατριβήν, ὥστε συνεχῶς τὸ Ὁμηρικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπιφθέγγεσθαι,
"οὐ νέμεσις Τρῶας καὶ ἐϋκνήμιδας Ἀχαιούς"
πολλὰ πονεῖν καὶ ὑπομένειν ὑπὲρ τῆς τοσαύτης εὐδαιμονίας.
And perhaps the beautiful youths who serve and smile gently also sketch out for you a more elegant future life, so that you constantly repeat that Homeric line, 'Small blame that Trojans and well-greaved Achaeans' should suffer many hardships and endure them for the sake of such great happiness.
Φιλοτησίαι τὸ ἐπὶ τούτῳ, καὶ σκύφον εὐμεγέθη τινὰ αἰτήσας προὔπιέν σοι τῷ διδασκάλῳ, ἢ ὁτιδήποτε προσειπών· σὺ δὲ λαβών, ὅτι μέν τί σε καὶ αὐτὸν ὑπειπεῖν ἔδει ἠγνόησας ὑπʼ ἀπειρίας, καὶ ἀγροικίας δόξαν ὦφλες.
After this come the healths, and having asked for a sizable cup, he drank to you, calling you 'teacher' or whatever it might be; but you, receiving it, did not know because of your inexperience that you too ought to say something in reply, and so you incurred a reputation for rusticity.
§17ἐπίφθονος δʼ οὖν ἀπὸ τῆς προπόσεως ἐκείνης πολλοῖς τῶν παλαιῶν φίλων γεγένησαι, καὶ πρότερον ἐπὶ τῇ κατακλίσει λυπήσας τινὰς αὐτῶν, ὅτι τήμερον ἥκων προὐκρίθης ἀνδρῶν πολυετῆ δουλείαν ἠντληκότων.
At all events, as a result of that toast you have become an object of envy to many of the old friends, having already vexed some of them by your seating, because you, who had arrived only today, were preferred to men who had endured years of servitude.
εὐθὺς οὖν καὶ τοιοῦτός τις ἐν αὐτοῖς περὶ σοῦ λόγος· τοῦτο ἡμῖν πρὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις δεινοῖς ἐλείπετο, καὶ τῶν ἄρτι εἰσεληλυθότων εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν δευτέρους εἶναι, καὶ μόνοις τοῖς Ἕλλησι τούτοις ἀνέῳκται ἡ Ῥωμαίων πόλις·
Straightway, then, some such talk as this about you goes on among them: 'This was all that was lacking to our other miseries, to be second to those who have only just entered the house! And is the city of the Romans open to none but these Greeks?
καίτοι τί ἐστιν ἐφʼ ὅτῳ προτιμῶνται ἡμῶν;
And yet, what is it for which they are preferred to us?
οὐ ῥημάτια δύστηνα λέγοντες οἴονταί τι παμμέγεθες ὠφελεῖν; ἄλλος δέ,
οὐ γὰρ εἶδες ὅσα μὲν ἔπιεν, ὅπως δὲ τὰ παρατεθέντα συλλαβὼν κατέφαγεν;
Do they not think they render some immense service by uttering miserable words?' And another: 'Did you not see how much he drank, and how he snatched up and devoured the dishes that were served?
ἀπειρόκαλος ἄνθρωπος καὶ λιμοῦ πλέως, οὐδʼ ὄναρ λευκοῦ ποτε ἄρτου ἐμφορηθείς, οὔτι γε Νομαδικοῦ ἢ Φασιανοῦ ὄρνιθος, ὧν μόλις τὰ ὀστᾶ ἡμῖν καταλέλοιπεν. τρίτος ἄλλος,
ὦ μάταιοι,
φησίν,
πέντε οὐδʼ ὅλων ἡμερῶν ὄψεσθε αὐτὸν ἐνταῦθά που ἐν ἡμῖν τὰ ὅμοια ποτνιώμενον·
An ill-bred fellow and full of hunger, who has never even in a dream sated himself with white bread, let alone a Numidian or a Phasian bird, of which he has left us barely the bones.' A third says: 'You fools,' says he, 'in less than five whole days you will see him somewhere here among us, lamenting just like us.
νῦν μὲν γὰρ ὥσπερ τὰ καινὰ τῶν ὑποδημάτων ἐν τιμῇ τινι καὶ ἐπιμελείᾳ ἐστίν, ἐπειδὰν δὲ πατηθῇ πολλάκις καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πηλοῦ ἀναπλασθῇ, ὑπὸ τῇ κλίνῃ ἀθλίως ἐρρίψεται κόρεων ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς ἀνάπλεως. Ἐκεῖνοι μὲν οὖν τοιαῦτα πολλὰ περὶ σοῦ στρέφουσι, καί που ἤδη καὶ πρὸς διαβολάς τινες αὐτῶν παρασκευάζονται.
For now, indeed, like new shoes, he is held in some honor and care; but when he has been trodden on many times and coated with mud, he will be thrown wretchedly under the bed, full of bugs just like us.' They, then, revolve many such thoughts about you, and perhaps already some of them are even preparing slanders.
§18τὸ δʼ οὖν συμπόσιον ὅλον ἐκεῖνο σόν ἐστιν καὶ περὶ σοῦ οἱ πλεῖστοι τῶν λόγων.
At all events, that whole banquet is yours, and most of the talk is about you.
σὺ δʼ ὑπʼ ἀηθείας πλέον τοῦ ἱκανοῦ ἐμπιὼν οἴνου λεπτοῦ καὶ δριμέος, πάλαι τῆς γαστρὸς ἐπειγούσης, πονηρῶς ἔχεις, καὶ οὔτε προεξαναστῆναί σοι καλὸν οὔτε μένειν ἀσφαλές.
But you, through lack of habit, having drunk more than enough of thin, sharp wine, while your stomach has long been pressing, find yourself in a bad way, and it is neither decent for you to rise and leave early, nor safe to remain.
ἀποτεινομένου τοίνυν τοῦ πότου καὶ λόγων ἐπὶ λόγοις γιγνομένων καὶ θεαμάτων ἐπὶ θεάμασι παριόντων — ἅπαντα γὰρ ἐπιδείξασθαί σοι τὰ αὑτοῦ βούλεται — κόλασιν οὐ μικρὰν ὑπομένεις μήτε ὁρῶν τὰ γιγνόμενα μήτε ἀκούων εἴ τις ᾄδει ἢ κιθαρίζει πάνυ τιμώμενος μειρακίσκος, ἀλλʼ ἐπαινεῖς μὲν ὑπʼ ἀνάγκης, εὔχῃ δὲ ἢ σεισμῷ συμπεσεῖν ἐκεῖνα πάντα ἢ πυρκαϊάν τινα προσαγγελθῆναι, ἵνα ποτὲ καὶ διαλυθῇ τὸ συμπόσιον.
Therefore, as the drinking is prolonged, and talk follows talk, and spectacle after spectacle is introduced—for he wishes to display all his possessions to you—you endure no small torture, neither seeing what is going on nor hearing if some highly favored youth sings or plays the cithara, but you praise them of necessity, while praying either that everything may collapse in an earthquake or that some fire may be reported, so that the banquet may finally break up.