§5τίνος οὖν ἀγαθοῦ ὠνῇ ταῦτα, εἰ μὴ καὶ τὰς ἀποθήκας αὐτὰς τῶν βιβλίων ἡγῇ πεπαιδεῦσθαι τοσαῦτα περιεχούσας παλαιῶν ἀνδρῶν συγγράμματα;
For what benefit, then, do you buy these books, unless you think that the library rooms themselves have been educated because they contain so many writings of ancient men?
καί μοι, εἰ δοκεῖ, ἀπόκριναι· μᾶλλον δέ, ἐπεὶ τοῦτό σοι ἀδύνατον, ἐπίνευσον γοῦν ἢ ἀνάνευσον πρὸς τὰ ἐρωτώμενα.
And answer me, if you please; or rather, since this is impossible for you, at least nod or shake your head to my questions.
εἴ τις αὐλεῖν μὴ ἐπιστάμενος κτήσαιτο τοὺς Τιμοθέου αὐλοὺς ἢ τοὺς Ἰσμηνίου, οὓς ἑπτὰ ταλάντων ὁ Ἰσμηνίας ἐν Κορίνθῳ ἐπρίατο, ἆρʼ ἂν διὰ τοῦτο καὶ αὐλεῖν δύναιτο, ἢ οὐδὲν ὄφελος αὐτῷ τοῦ κτήματος οὐκ ἐπισταμένῳ χρήσασθαι κατὰ τὴν τέχνην;
If someone who does not know how to play the flute should acquire the flutes of Timotheus or those of Ismenias, which Ismenias bought in Corinth for seven talents, would he be able to play the flute because of this, or would there be no benefit to him from the possession since he does not know how to use it according to the art?
εὖ γε ἀνένευσας· οὐδὲ γὰρ τοὺς Μαρσύου ἢ Ὀλύμπου κτησάμενος αὐλήσειεν ἂν μὴ μαθών.
You shook your head well; for indeed, even if one acquired the flutes of Marsyas or Olympus, he could not play them without learning.
τί δʼ εἴ τις τοῦ Ἡρακλέους τὰ τόξα κτήσαιτο μὴ Φιλοκτήτης ὢν ὡς δύνασθαι ἐντείνασθαί τε αὐτὰ καὶ ἐπίσκοπα τοξεῦσαι;
And what if someone should acquire the bow of Heracles, not being Philoctetes so as to be able to bend it and shoot on target?
τί σοι καὶ οὗτος δοκεῖ;
What does this man seem to you?
ἆρʼ ἂν ἐπιδείξασθαί τι ἔργον τοξότου ἄξιον;
Would he be able to display any deed worthy of an archer?
ἀνένευσας καὶ τοῦτο.
You shook your head to this too.
κατὰ ταὐτὰ δὴ καὶ ὁ κυβερνᾶν οὐκ εἰδὼς καὶ ἱππεύειν μὴ μεμελετηκὼς εἰ ὁ μὲν ναῦν καλλίστην παραλάβοι, τοῖς πᾶσι καὶ εἰς κάλλος καὶ εἰς ἀσφάλειαν κάλλιστα ἐξειργασμένην, ὁ δὲ ἵππον κτήσαιτο Μῆδον ἢ κενταυρίδην ἢ κοππαφόρον, ἐλέγχοιτο ἄν, οἶμαι, ἑκάτερος οὐκ εἰδὼς ὅ τι χρήσαιτο ἑκατέρῳ.
In the very same way, if one who does not know how to steer and has not practiced riding—if the former should receive a very beautiful ship, most beautifully finished in all aspects both for beauty and for safety, and the latter should acquire a Median, centaur-bred, or koppa-branded horse—each would, I think, be exposed as not knowing how to use each.
ἐπινεύεις καὶ τοῦτο;
Do you nod to this too?
πείθου δὴ καὶ τοῦτό μοι ἐπίνευσον· εἴ τις ὥσπερ σὺ ἀπαίδευτος ὢν ὠνοῖτο πολλὰ βιβλία, οὐ σκώμματα οὗτος εἰς ἀπαιδευσίαν καθʼ ἑαυτοῦ ἐκφέροι;
Be persuaded, then, and nod to this also for me: if someone, being uneducated like you, should buy many books, would he not bring down jests upon himself for his lack of education?
τί ὀκνεῖς καὶ τοῦτο ἐπινεύειν;
Why do you hesitate to nod to this too?
ἔλεγχος γάρ, οἶμαι, σαφὴς οὗτος, καὶ τῶν ὁρώντων ἕκαστος εὐθὺς τὸ προχειρότατον ἐκεῖνο ἐπιφθέγγεται,
τί κυνὶ καὶ βαλανείῳ; §6καὶ ἐγένετό τις οὐ πρὸ πολλοῦ ἐν Ἀσίᾳ πλούσιος ἀνὴρ ἐκ συμφορᾶς ἀποτμηθεὶς τοὺς πόδας ἀμφοτέρους, ἀπὸ κρύους, οἶμαι, ἀποσαπέντας ἐπειδή ποτε διὰ χιόνος ὁδοιπορῆσαι συνέβη αὐτῷ.
For this is, I think, a clear proof, and each of the onlookers immediately utters that most handy proverb, "What has a dog to do with a bath?" And not long ago there was in Asia a rich man who, by a misfortune, had both his feet cut off, which had rotted, I think, from frost when it happened that he once journeyed through snow.
οὗτος τοίνυν τοῦτο μὲν ἐλεεινὸν ἐπεπόνθει, καὶ θεραπεύων τὴν δυστυχίαν ξυλίνους πόδας πεποίητο, καὶ τούτους ὑποδούμενος ἐβάδιζεν ἐπιστηριζόμενος ἅμα τοῖς οἰκέταις.
This man, therefore, had suffered this pitiful thing, and treating his misfortune, he had wooden feet made, and wearing these he would walk, supported at the same time by his servants.
ἐκεῖνο δὲ γελοῖον ἐποίει, κρηπῖδας γὰρ καλλίστας ἐωνεῖτο νεοτμήτους ἀεί, καὶ τὴν πλείστην πραγματείαν περὶ ταύτας εἶχεν, ὡς καλλίστοις ὑποδήμασι κεκοσμημένα εἴη αὐτῷ τὰ ξύλα.
But he did a ridiculous thing; for he always bought the most beautiful, newly-cut sandals, and had the greatest concern about them, so that his wooden feet might be adorned with the most beautiful footwear.
οὐ ταὐτὰ οὖν καὶ σὺ ποιεῖς χωλὴν μὲν ἔχων καὶ συκίνην τὴν γνώμην, ὠνούμενος δὲ χρυσοῦς ἐμβάτας, οἷς μόλις ἄν τις καὶ ἀρτίπους ἐμπεριπατήσειεν;
Do you not do the same things, having a mind that is lame and made of fig-wood, yet buying golden boots in which even a sound-footed person could scarcely walk about?
§7ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐν τοῖς ἄλλοις καὶ τὸν Ὅμηρον ἐπρίω πολλάκις, ἀναγνώτω σοί τις αὐτοῦ λαβὼν τὴν δευτέραν τῆς Ἰλιάδος ῥαψῳδίαν, ἧς τὰ μὲν ἄλλα μὴ ἐξετάζειν· οὐδὲν γὰρ αὐτῶν πρὸς σέ· πεποίηται δέ τις αὐτῷ δημηγορῶν παγγέλοιος ἄνθρωπος, διάστροφος τὸ σῶμα καὶ λελωβημένος.
And since, among other books, you have also bought Homer many times, let someone take and read to you the second book of his Iliad, of which do not examine the rest; for none of them is of concern to you; but there is described by him a most ridiculous man making a speech, deformed in body and maimed.
ἐκεῖνος τοίνυν ὁ Θερσίτης ὁ τοιοῦτος εἰ λάβοι τὴν Ἀχιλλέως πανοπλίαν, οἴει ὅτι αὐτίκα διὰ τοῦτο καὶ καλὸς ἅμα καὶ ἰσχυρὸς ἂν γένοιτο, καὶ ὑπερπηδήσεται μὲν τὸν ποταμόν, ἐπιθολώσει δὲ αὐτοῦ τὸ ῥεῖθρον τῷ φόνῳ τῶν Φρυγῶν, ἀποκτενεῖ δὲ τὸν Ἕκτορα καὶ πρὸ αὐτοῦ τὸν Λυκάονα καὶ τὸν Ἀστεροπαῖον, μηδὲ φέρειν ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων τὴν μελίαν δυνάμενος;
That Thersites, then, being such a man, if he should receive the armor of Achilles, do you think that he would immediately because of this become both beautiful and strong, and will leap over the river, and muddy its stream with the slaughter of the Phrygians, and kill Hector and before him Lycaon and Asteropaeus, when he cannot even bear the ashen spear upon his shoulders?
οὐκ ἂν εἴποις· ἀλλὰ καὶ γέλωτα ἂν ὀφλισκάνοι χωλεύων ὑπὸ τῇ ἀσπίδι καὶ ἐπὶ στόμα καταπίπτων ὑπὸ τοῦ βάρους καὶ ὑπὸ τῷ κράνει ὁπότε ἀνανεύσειε δεικνὺς τοὺς παραβλῶπας ἐκείνους αὑτοῦ ὀφθαλμοὺς καὶ τὸν θώρακα ἐπαίρων τῷ τοῦ μεταφρένου κυρτώματι καὶ τὰς κνημῖδας ἐπισυρόμενος, καὶ ὅλως αἰσχύνων ἀμφοτέρους, καὶ τὸν δημιουργὸν αὐτῶν καὶ τὸν δεσπότην.
You would not say so; but he would also incur laughter, limping under the shield and falling on his face under the weight, and showing those squinting eyes of his when he looks up under the helmet, and raising his breastplate with the hump of his back, and dragging his greaves, and utterly shaming both their maker and their master.
τὸ αὐτὸ δὴ καὶ σὺ πάσχων οὐχ ὁρᾷς, ὁπόταν τὸ μὲν βιβλίον ἐν τῇ χειρὶ ἔχῃς πάγκαλον, πορφυρᾶν μὲν ἔχον τὴν διφθέραν, χρυσοῦν δὲ τὸν ὀμφαλόν, ἀναγιγνώσκῃς δὲ αὐτὸ βαρβαρίζων καὶ καταισχύνων καὶ διαστρέφων, ὑπὸ μὲν τῶν πεπαιδευμένων καταγελώμενος, ὑπὸ δὲ τῶν συνόντων σοι κολάκων ἐπαινούμενος, οἳ καὶ αὐτοὶ πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἐπιστρεφόμενοι γελῶσι τὰ πολλά;
Do you not see that you suffer the very same thing when you hold a most beautiful book in your hand, having a purple leather cover and a golden boss, but you read it barbarously, shaming and distorting it, being laughed at by the educated, but praised by the flatterers who are with you, who also, turning to one another, laugh for the most part?