§1ἃ μὲν γὰρ ἐν ταῖς θυσίαις οἱ μάταιοι πράττουσι καὶ ταῖς ἑορταῖς καὶ προσόδοις τῶν θεῶν καὶ ἃ αἰτοῦσι καὶ ἃ εὔχονται καὶ ἃ γιγνώσκουσι περὶ αὐτῶν, οὐκ οἶδα εἴ τις οὕτως κατηφής ἐστι καὶ λελυπημένος ὅστις οὐ γελάσεται τὴν ἀβελτερίαν ἐπιβλέψας τῶν δρωμένων.
For what foolish people do in sacrifices and feasts and processions of the gods, and what they ask, and what they pray for, and what they believe about them, I do not know if anyone is so gloomy and sorrowful that he will not laugh upon seeing the silliness of what is done.
καὶ πολύ γε, οἶμαι, πρότερον τοῦ γελᾶν πρὸς ἑαυτὸν ἐξετάσει πότερον εὐσεβεῖς αὐτοὺς χρὴ καλεῖν ἢ τοὐναντίον θεοῖς ἐχθροὺς καὶ κακοδαίμονας, οἵ γε οὕτω ταπεινὸν καὶ ἀγεννὲς τὸ θεῖον ὑπειλήφασιν ὥστε εἶναι ἀνθρώπων ἐνδεὲς καὶ κολακευόμενον ἥδεσθαι καὶ ἀγανακτεῖν ἀμελούμενον.
And long before laughing, I think, he will examine within himself whether he should call them pious, or on the contrary, enemies of the gods and wretched, since they have assumed the divine to be so low and ignoble as to be in need of men, and to be pleased when flattered, and to be annoyed when neglected.
τὰ γοὺν Αἰτωλικὰ πάθη καὶ τὰς τῶν Καλυδωνίων συμφορὰς καὶ τοὺς τοσούτους φόνους καὶ τὴν Μελεάγρου διάλυσιν, πάντα ταῦτα ἔργα φασὶν εἶναι τῆς Ἀρτέμιδος μεμψιμοιρούσης ὅτι μὴ παρελήφθη πρὸς τὴν θυσίαν ὑπὸ τοῦ Οἰνέως· οὕτως ἄρα βαθέως καθίκετο αὐτῆς ἡ τῶν ἱερείων διαφορά.
Indeed, the Aetolian sufferings and the misfortunes of the Calydonians, and so many slaughters, and the destruction of Meleager—all these they say are the deeds of Artemis, who was complaining because she was not included in the sacrifice by Oeneus; so deeply, it seems, did the difference of the victims affect her.
καί μοι δοκῶ ὁρᾶν αὐτὴν ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ τότε μόνην τῶν ἄλλων θεῶν εἰς Οἰνέως πεπορευμένων, δεινὰ ποιοῦσαν καὶ σχετλιάζουσαν οἵας ἑορτῆς ἀπολειφθήσεται.
And I think I can see her then in heaven, left alone while the other gods had gone to Oeneus' house, acting indignantly and lamenting what a feast she was going to be left out of.
§2τοὺς δʼ αὖ Αἰθίοπας καὶ μακαρίους καὶ τρισευδαίμονας εἴποι τις ἄν, εἴ γε ἀπομνημονεύει τὴν χάριν αὐτοῖς ὁ Ζεὺς ἣν πρὸς αὐτὸν ἐπεδείξαντο δώδεκα ἑξῆς ἡμέρας ἑστιάσαντες, καὶ ταῦτα ἐπαγόμενον καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους θεούς.
And again, one might call the Ethiopians blessed and thrice-happy, if Zeus indeed remembers the favor they showed him by entertaining him for twelve days in succession, and that too when he was bringing along the other gods as well.
οὕτως οὐδέν, ὡς ἔοικεν, ἀμισθὶ ποιοῦσιν ὧν ποιοῦσιν, ἀλλὰ πωλοῦσιν τοῖς ἀνθρώποις τἀγαθά, καὶ ἔνεστι πρίασθαι παρʼ αὐτῶν τὸ μὲν ὑγιαίνειν, εἰ τύχοι, βοϊδίου, τὸ δὲ πλουτεῖν βοῶν τεττάρων, τὸ δὲ βασιλεύειν ἑκατόμβης, τὸ δὲ σῶον ἐπανελθεῖν ἐξ Ἰλίου εἰς Πύλον ταύρων ἐννέα, καὶ τὸ ἐκ τῆς Αὐλίδος εἰς Ἴλιον διαπλεῦσαι παρθένου βασιλικῆς.
Thus, it seems, they do nothing of what they do for free, but they sell good things to men, and it is possible to buy from them good health, if it so happens, for a young ox, wealth for four oxen, kingship for a hecatomb, a safe return from Ilium to Pylos for nine bulls, and the passage from Aulis to Ilium for a royal virgin.
ἡ μὲν γὰρ Ἑκάβη τὸ μὴ ἁλῶναι τὴν πόλιν τότε ἐπρίατο παρὰ τῆς Ἀθηνᾶς βοῶν δώδεκα καὶ πέπλου.
For Hecuba attempted to buy from Athena at that time, with twelve oxen and a robe, that the city should not be taken.
εἰκάζειν δὲ χρὴ πολλὰ εἶναι ἀλεκτρυόνος καὶ στεφάνου καὶ λιβανωτοῦ μόνου παρʼ αὐτοῖς ὤνια.
And one must guess that many things are on sale among them for a rooster, or a wreath, or incense alone.
§3ταῦτά γε, οἶμαι, καὶ ὁ Χρύσης ἐπιστάμενος ἅτε ἱερεὺς ὢν καὶ γέρων καὶ τὰ θεῖα σοφός, ἐπειδὴ ἄπρακτος ἀπῄει παρὰ τοῦ Ἀγαμέμνονος, ὡς ἂν καὶ προδανείσας τῷ Ἀπόλλωνι τὴν χάριν δικαιολογεῖται καὶ ἀπαιτεῖ τὴν ἀμοιβὴν καὶ μόνον οὐκ ὀνειδίζει λέγων,
ὦ βέλτιστε Ἄπολλον, ἐγὼ μέν σου τὸν νεὼν τέως ἀστεφάνωτον ὄντα πολλάκις ἐστεφάνωσα, καὶ τοσαῦτά σοι μηρία ταύρων τε καὶ αἰγῶν ἔκαυσα ἐπὶ τῶν βωμῶν, σὺ δὲ ἀμελεῖς μου τοιαῦτα πεπονθότος καὶ παρʼ οὐδὲν τίθεσαι τὸν εὐεργέτην. τοιγαροῦν οὕτω κατεδυσώπησεν αὐτὸν ἐκ τῶν λόγων, ὥστε ἁρπασάμενος τὰ τόξα καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦ ναυστάθμου καθίσας ἑαυτὸν κατετόξευσε τῷ λοιμῷ τοὺς Ἀχαιοὺς αὐταῖς ἡμιόνοις καὶ κυσίν.
I think that Chryses also, knowing these things, since he was a priest, an old man, and wise in divine matters, when he went away from Agamemnon unsuccessful, pleaded his cause as if having already lent his favor to Apollo beforehand, demanded his return, and came short of nothing but reproaching him, saying, "O best Apollo, I often decorated your temple with wreaths when it was hitherto unwreathed, and I burned for you so many thigh-pieces of bulls and goats upon the altars; but you neglect me when I suffer such things, and you hold your benefactor of no account." Therefore, he so deeply embarrassed him with his words that Apollo, snatching up his bow and seating himself near the ships, shot down the Achaeans with the plague, mules and dogs alike.
§4ἐπεὶ δὲ ἅπαξ τοῦ Ἀπόλλωνος ἐμνήσθην, βούλομαι καὶ τὰ ἄλλα εἰπεῖν, ἃ περὶ αὐτοῦ οἱ σοφοὶ τῶν ἀνθρώπων λέγουσιν, οὐχ ὅσα περὶ τοὺς ἔρωτας ἐδυστύχησεν οὐδὲ τοῦ Ὑακίνθου τὸν φόνον οὐδὲ τῆς Δάφνης τὴν ὑπεροψίαν, ἀλλʼ ὅτι καὶ καταγνωσθεὶς ἐπὶ τῷ τῶν Κυκλώπων θανάτῳ καὶ ἐξοστρακισθεὶς διὰ τοῦτο ἐκ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, ἐπέμφθη εἰς τὴν γῆν ἀνθρωπίνῃ χρησόμενος τῇ τύχῃ· ὅτε δὴ καὶ ἐθήτευσεν ἐν Θετταλίᾳ παρὰ Ἀδμήτῳ καὶ ἐν Φρυγίᾳ παρὰ Λαομέδοντι, παρὰ τούτῳ μέν γε οὐ μόνος ἀλλὰ μετὰ τοῦ Ποσειδῶνος, ἀμφότεροι πλινθεύοντες ὑπʼ ἀπορίας καὶ ἐργαζόμενοι τὸ τεῖχος· καὶ οὐδὲ ἐντελῆ τὸν μισθὸν ἐκομίσαντο παρὰ τοῦ Φρυγός, ἀλλὰ προσώφειλεν αὐτοῖς πλέον ἢ τριάκοντα, φασί, δραχμὰς Τρωϊκάς.
And since I have once mentioned Apollo, I wish to tell also the other things that the wise among men say about him, not how many times he was unfortunate in love, nor the murder of Hyacinthus, nor the disdain of Daphne, but that having been condemned for the death of the Cyclopes and banished for this reason from heaven, he was sent to earth to experience human fortune; when indeed he also worked as a hireling in Thessaly under Admetus, and in Phrygia under Laomedon, and under the latter not alone but with Poseidon, both of them making bricks due to poverty and building the wall; and they did not even receive their full pay from the Phrygian, but he still owed them, they say, more than thirty Trojan drachmae.