§20Ἑρμῆς
προΐωμεν, ὦ Πλοῦτε.
Hermes: Let us go on, Plutus.
τί τοῦτο;
What is this?
ὑποσκάζεις;
Are you limping?
ἐλελήθεις με, ὦ γεννάδα, οὐ τυφλὸς μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ χωλὸς ὤν.
I had not noticed, my noble friend, that you are not only blind but also lame.
Πλοῦτος
οὐκ ἀεὶ τοῦτο, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, ἀλλʼ ὁπόταν μὲν ἀπίω παρά τινα πεμφθεὶς ὑπὸ τοῦ Διός, οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως βραδύς εἰμι καὶ χωλὸς ἀμφοτέροις, ὡς μόγις τελεῖν ἐπὶ τὸ τέρμα, προγηράσαντος ἐνίοτε τοῦ περιμένοντος, ὁπόταν δὲ ἀπαλλάττεσθαι δέῃ, πτηνὸν ὄψει, πολὺ τῶν ὀνείρων ὠκύτερον·
Plutus: This is not always the case, Hermes. But whenever I go, sent by Zeus to someone, I do not know how I am slow and lame in both feet, so that I scarcely reach the goal, while the one waiting sometimes grows old beforehand; but when it is necessary to depart, you will see me winged, much swifter than dreams.
ἅμα γοῦν ἔπεσεν ἡ ὕσπληγξ, κἀγὼ ἤδη ἀνακηρύττομαι νενικηκώς, ὑπερπηδήσας τὸ στάδιον οὐδὲ ἰδόντων ἐνίοτε τῶν θεατῶν.
Indeed, as soon as the starting bar falls, I am already proclaimed victor, having leaped over the course while the spectators sometimes have not even seen me.
Ἑρμῆς
οὐκ ἀληθῆ ταῦτα φής·
Hermes: What you say is not true.
ἐγώ γέ τοι πολλοὺς ἂν εἰπεῖν ἔχοιμί σοι χθὲς μὲν οὐδὲ ὀβολὸν ὥστε πρίασθαι βρόχον ἐσχηκότας, ἄφνω δὲ τήμερον πλουσίους καὶ πολυτελεῖς ἐπὶ λευκοῦ ζεύγους ἐξελαύνοντας, οἷς οὐδὲ κἂν ὄνος ὑπῆρξε πώποτε.
I could certainly name many to you who yesterday did not even have an obol to buy a rope to hang themselves, but today have suddenly become rich and luxurious, driving out in a pair of white horses, though they never even possessed an ass before.
καὶ ὅμως πορφυροῖ καὶ χρυσόχειρες περιέρχονται οὐδʼ αὐτοὶ πιστεύοντες οἶμαι ὅτι μὴ ὄναρ πλουτοῦσιν.
And yet they go about in purple and with gold rings on their fingers, not even themselves believing, I suppose, that they are not rich in a dream.
§21Πλοῦτος
ἑτεροῖον τοῦτʼ ἐστίν, ὦ Ἑρμῆ, καὶ οὐχὶ τοῖς ἐμαυτοῦ ποσὶ βαδίζω τότε, οὐδὲ ὁ Ζεύς, ἀλλʼ ὁ Πλούτων ἀποστέλλει με παρʼ αὐτοὺς ἅτε πλουτοδότης καὶ μεγαλόδωρος καὶ αὐτὸς ὤν· δηλοῖ γοῦν καὶ τῷ ὀνόματι.
Plutus: That is a different case, Hermes, and I do not walk on my own feet then, nor does Zeus send me, but Pluton sends me to them, since he too is a giver of wealth and magnificent in his gifts; indeed, he shows this by his name.
ἐπειδὰν τοίνυν μετοικισθῆναι δέῃ με παρʼ ἑτέρου πρὸς ἕτερον, ἐς δέλτον ἐμβαλόντες με καὶ κατασημηνάμενοι ἐπιμελῶς φορηδὸν ἀράμενοι μετακομίζουσιν·
When, therefore, I must be transferred from one person to another, they put me in a tablet and carefully seal me up, and lifting me like a load, they carry me away.
καὶ ὁ μὲν νεκρὸς ἐν σκοτεινῷ που τῆς οἰκίας πρόκειται ὑπὲρ τὰ γόνατα παλαιᾷ τῇ ὀθόνῃ σκεπόμενος, περιμάχητος ταῖς γαλαῖς, ἐμὲ δὲ οἱ ἐπελπίσαντες ἐν τῇ ἀγορᾷ περιμένουσι κεχηνότες ὥσπερ τὴν χελιδόνα προσπετομένην τετριγότες οἱ νεοττοί.
And the dead man lies in state somewhere in a dark corner of the house, covered with an old sheet up to his knees, fought over by the weasels, while those who have set their hopes on me wait in the marketplace, gaping and chirping like young birds waiting for a swallow flying to them.
§22Πλοῦτος
ἐπειδὰν δὲ τὸ σημεῖον ἀφαιρεθῇ καὶ τὸ λίνον ἐντμηθῇ καὶ ἡ δέλτος ἀνοιχθῇ καὶ ἀνακηρυχθῇ μου ὁ καινὸς δεσπότης ἤτοι συγγενής τις ἢ κόλαξ ἢ καταπύγων οἰκέτης ἐκ παιδικῶν τίμιος, ὑπεξυρημένος ἔτι τὴν γνάθον, ἀντὶ ποικίλων καὶ παντοδαπῶν ἡδονῶν ἃς ἤδη ἔξωρος ὢν ὑπηρέτησεν αὐτῷ μέγα τὸ μίσθωμα ὁ γενναῖος ἀπολαβών, ἐκεῖνος μέν, ὅστις ἂν ᾖ ποτε, ἁρπασάμενός με αὐτῇ δέλτῳ θεῖ φέρων ἀντὶ τοῦ τέως Πυρρίου ἢ Δρόμωνος ἢ Τιβείου Μεγακλῆς ἢ Μεγάβυζος ἢ Πρώταρχος μετονομασθείς, τοὺς μάτην κεχηνότας ἐκείνους ἐς ἀλλήλους ἀποβλέποντας καταλιπὼν ἀληθὲς ἄγοντας τὸ πένθος, οἷος αὐτοὺς ὁ θύννος ἐκ μυχοῦ τῆς σαγήνης διέφυγεν οὐκ ὀλίγον τὸ δέλεαρ καταπιών.
Plutus: But when the seal is removed, the string cut, the tablet opened, and my new master is proclaimed—either some kinsman or a flatterer or a debauched slave honored because of boyish favors, still with his chin close-shaved, receiving a great reward, the noble fellow, in return for the various and manifold pleasures he served him when he was already past his prime—that man, whoever he may be, snatches me up together with the tablet and runs off, renamed Megacles or Megabyzus or Protarchus instead of Pyrrhias or Dromon or Tibeios as he was before, leaving those who had gaped in vain looking at one another, mourning in real earnest, seeing how the tuna-fish has escaped them from the very bottom of the dragnet after swallowing no small bait.
§23Πλοῦτος
ὁ δὲ ἐμπεσὼν ἀθρόος εἰς ἐμὲ ἀπειρόκαλος καὶ παχύδερμος ἄνθρωπος, ἔτι τὴν πέδην πεφρικὼς καὶ εἰ παριὼν ἄλλως μαστίξειέ τις ὄρθιον ἐφιστὰς τὸ οὖς καὶ τὸν μυλῶνα ὥσπερ τὸ Ἀνάκτορον προσκυνῶν, οὐκέτι φορητός ἐστι τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσιν, ἀλλὰ τούς τε ἐλευθέρους ὑβρίζει καὶ τοὺς ὁμοδούλους μαστιγοῖ ἀποπειρώμενος εἰ καὶ αὐτῷ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἔξεστιν, ἄχρι ἂν ἢ ἐς πορνίδιόν τι ἐμπεσὼν ἢ ἱπποτροφίας ἐπιθυμήσας ἢ κόλαξι παραδοὺς ἑαυτὸν ὀμνύουσιν, ἦ μὴν εὐμορφότερον μὲν Νιρέως εἶναι αὐτόν, εὐγενέστερον δὲ τοῦ Κέκροπος ἢ Κόδρου, συνετώτερον δὲ τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως, πλουσιώτερον δὲ συνάμα Κροίσων ἑκκαίδεκα, ἐν ἀκαρεῖ τοῦ χρόνου ἄθλιος ἐκχέῃ τὰ κατʼ ὀλίγον ἐκ πολλῶν ἐπιορκιῶν καὶ ἁρπαγῶν καὶ πανουργιῶν συνειλεγμένα.
Plutus: But he, falling all at once upon me, an ill-bred and thick-skinned man, still trembling at the fetter, and if anyone passing by should crack a whip for no reason, pricking up his ears and reverencing the mill-house as if it were the Palace, is no longer tolerable to those who meet him, but insults free men and whips his fellow-slaves, trying if such things are permitted to him too, until either falling into the hands of some little harlot or desiring to breed horses or giving himself up to flatterers who swear that he is more beautiful than Nireus, more noble than Cecrops or Codrus, wiser than Odysseus, and at the same time richer than sixteen Croesuses, in a moment of time the wretch pours out what was gathered bit by bit from many perjuries, robberies, and villainies.
§24Ἑρμῆς
αὐτά που σχεδὸν φὴς τὰ γινόμενα·
Hermes: You say almost what actually happens.
ὁπόταν δʼ οὖν αὐτόπους βαδίζῃς, πῶς οὕτω τυφλὸς ὢν εὑρίσκεις τὴν ὁδόν;
But whenever you go on your own feet, how do you find the way, being so blind?
ἢ πῶς διαγινώσκεις ἐφʼ οὓς ἄν σε ὁ Ζεὺς ἀποστείλῃ κρίνας εἶναι τοῦ πλουτεῖν ἀξίους;
Or how do you distinguish those to whom Zeus sends you, judging them worthy of being rich?
Πλοῦτος
οἴει γὰρ εὑρίσκειν με οἵτινές εἰσι;
Plutus: Do you think I find out who they are?
μὰ τὸν Δία οὐ πάνυ· οὐ γὰρ ἂν Ἀριστείδην καταλιπὼν Ἱππονίκῳ καὶ Καλλίᾳ προσῄειν καὶ πολλοῖς ἄλλοις Ἀθηναίων οὐδὲ ὀβολοῦ ἀξίοις.
By Zeus, not at all; for otherwise I would not have left Aristides to go to Hipponicus and Callias and many other Athenians not worth a single obol.
Ἑρμῆς
πλὴν ἀλλὰ τί πράττεις καταπεμφθείς;
Hermes: But still, what do you do when you are sent down?
Πλοῦτος
ἄνω καὶ κάτω πλανῶμαι, περινοστῶν ἄχρι ἂν λάθω τινὶ ἐμπεσών·
Plutus: I wander up and down, roaming about until I accidentally fall upon someone without being noticed.
ὁ δέ, ὅστις ἂν πρῶτός μοι περιτύχῃ, ἀπαγαγὼν παρʼ αὑτὸν ἔχει, σὲ τὸν Ἑρμῆν ἐπὶ τῷ παραλόγῳ τοῦ κέρδους προσκυνῶν.
And whoever meets me first takes me away and keeps me in his house, worshipping you, Hermes, for the unexpectedness of the gain.