§4Μένιππος
ἄκουε τοίνυν· οὐ γὰρ ἀστεῖόν γε τὸ θέαμα κεχηνότα φίλον ἐγκαταλιπεῖν, καὶ ταῦτα ὡς σὺ φὴς ἐκ τῶν ὤτων ἀπηρτημένον.
Menippus: Listen, then; for it is not at all polite to abandon a gaping friend, and that too, as you say, suspended by his ears.
ἐγὼ γὰρ ἐπειδὴ τάχιστα ἐξετάζων τὰ κατὰ τὸν βίον γελοῖα καὶ ταπεινὰ καὶ ἀβέβαια τὰ ἀνθρώπινα πάντα εὕρισκον, πλούτους λέγω καὶ ἀρχὰς καὶ δυναστείας, καταφρονήσας αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν περὶ ταῦτα σπουδὴν ἀσχολίαν τῶν ἀληθῶς σπουδαίων ὑπολαβὼν ἀνακύπτειν τε καὶ πρὸς τὸ πᾶν ἀποβλέπειν ἐπειρώμην·
For when I, as soon as I began examining the affairs of life, found all human things to be ridiculous, petty, and unstable—I mean riches, offices, and powers—having despised them, and having considered the pursuit of these things to be a distraction from truly serious matters, I attempted to look up and gaze at the universe.
καί μοι ἐνταῦθα πολλήν τινα παρεῖχε τὴν ἀπορίαν πρῶτον μὲν αὐτὸς οὗτος ὁ ὑπὸ τῶν σοφῶν καλούμενος κόσμος· οὐ γὰρ εἶχον εὑρεῖν οὔθʼ ὅπως ἐγένετο οὔτε τὸν δημιουργὸν οὔτε ἀρχὴν οὔθʼ ὅ τι τὸ τέλος ἐστὶν αὐτοῦ.
And there, a certain great difficulty was presented to me, first of all by this very world, as it is called by the wise; for I was not able to find either how it came into being, or who its creator was, or what its beginning was, or what its end is.
ἔπειτα δὲ κατὰ μέρος ἐπισκοπῶν πολὺ μᾶλλον ἀπορεῖν ἠναγκαζόμην· τούς τε γὰρ ἀστέρας ἑώρων ὡς ἔτυχε τοῦ οὐρανοῦ διερριμμένους καὶ τὸν ἥλιον αὐτὸν τί ποτε ἦν ἄρα ἐπόθουν εἰδέναι·
Next, examining it in detail, I was forced to be much more perplexed; for I saw the stars scattered at random through the heaven, and I longed to know what on earth the sun itself was.
μάλιστα δὲ τὰ κατὰ τὴν σελήνην ἄτοπά μοι καὶ παντελῶς παράδοξα κατεφαίνετο, καὶ τὸ πολυειδὲς αὐτῆς τῶν σχημάτων ἀπόρρητόν τινα τὴν αἰτίαν ἔχειν ἐδοκίμαζον.
But especially the phenomena concerning the moon appeared to me strange and completely paradoxical, and I judged that the variety of its shapes had some secret cause.
οὐ μὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ ἀστραπὴ διαΐξασα καὶ βροντὴ καταρραγεῖσα καὶ ὑετὸς ἢ χιὼν ἢ χάλαζα κατενεχθεῖσα καὶ ταῦτα δυσείκαστα πάντα καὶ ἀτέκμαρτα ἦν.
Moreover, even the lightning flashing through, the thunder crashing, and the rain, snow, or hail falling down—all these things were also difficult to conjecture and inexplicable.
§5Μένιππος
οὐκοῦν ἐπειδήπερ οὕτω διεκείμην, ἄριστον εἶναι ὑπελάμβανον παρὰ τῶν φιλοσόφων τούτων ταῦτα ἕκαστα ἐκμαθεῖν· ᾤμην γὰρ ἐκείνους γε πᾶσαν ἔχειν ἂν εἰπεῖν τὴν ἀλήθειαν.
Menippus: Therefore, since I was in such a state, I supposed it to be best to learn each of these things from these philosophers; for I thought that they at least would be able to tell the whole truth.
οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἀρίστους ἐπιλεξάμενος αὐτῶν, ὡς ἐνῆν τεκμήρασθαι προσώπου τε σκυθρωπότητι καὶ χρόας ὠχρότητι καὶ γενείου βαθύτητι — μάλα γὰρ ὑψαγόραι τινὲς καὶ οὐρανογνώμονες οἱ ἄνδρες αὐτίκα μοι κατεφάνησαν—τούτοις ἐγχειρίσας ἐμαυτὸν καὶ συχνὸν ἀργύριον τὸ μὲν αὐτόθεν ἤδη καταβαλών, τὸ δὲ εἰσαῦθις ἀποδώσειν ἐπὶ κεφαλαίῳ τῆς σοφίας διομολογησάμενος, ἠξίουν μετεωρολέσχης τε διδάσκεσθαι καὶ τὴν τῶν ὅλων διακόσμησιν καταμαθεῖν.
Thus, having selected the best of them, as far as could be conjectured by the gloominess of their countenances, the paleness of their complexions, and the depth of their beards—for the men appeared to me at once to be highly eloquent and stargazers—having entrusted myself to them, and having paid down some considerable money immediately, and having agreed to pay more later upon the completion of their wisdom, I demanded to be taught celestial lore and to learn the arrangement of the universe.
οἱ δὲ τοσοῦτον ἄρα ἐδέησάν με τῆς παλαιᾶς ἐκείνης ἀγνοίας ἀπαλλάξαι, ὥστε καὶ εἰς μείζους ἀπορίας φέροντες ἐνέβαλον, ἀρχάς τινας καὶ τέλη καὶ ἀτόμους καὶ κενὰ καὶ ὕλας καὶ ἰδέας καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ὁσημέραι μου καταχέοντες.
But they, far from freeing me from that old ignorance, threw me by bringing me into even greater difficulties, pouring over me every day certain principles, ends, atoms, voids, matters, ideas, and such things.
ὃ δὲ πάντων ἐμοὶ γοῦν ἐδόκει χαλεπώτατον, ὅτι μηδὲν ἅτερος θατέρῳ λέγοντες ἀκόλουθον ἀλλὰ μαχόμενα πάντα καὶ ὑπεναντία, ὅμως πείθεσθαί τέ με ἠξίουν καὶ πρὸς τὸν αὑτοῦ λόγον ἕκαστος ὑπάγειν ἐπειρῶντο.
And what seemed to me at least the hardest of all was that, although they said nothing consistent with one another, but everything was conflicting and contradictory, they nevertheless demanded that I believe them, and each tried to bring me over to his own argument.
Ἕταιρος
ἄτοπον λέγεις, εἰ σοφοὶ ὄντες οἱ ἄνδρες ἐστασίαζον πρὸς αὑτοὺς περὶ τῶν λόγων καὶ οὐ τὰ αὐτὰ περὶ τῶν αὐτῶν ἐδόξαζον.
Companion: You speak of an absurd thing, if these men, being wise, quarreled among themselves about their arguments and did not hold the same opinions about the same things.
§6Μένιππος
καὶ μήν, ὦ ἑταῖρε, γελάσῃ ἀκούσας τήν τε ἀλαζονείαν αὐτῶν καὶ τὴν ἐν τοῖς λόγοις τερατουργίαν, οἵ γε πρῶτα μὲν ἐπὶ γῆς βεβηκότες καὶ μηδὲν τῶν χαμαὶ ἐρχομένων ἡμῶν ὑπερέχοντες, ἀλλʼ οὐδὲ ὀξύτερον τοῦ πλησίον δεδορκότες, ἔνιοι δὲ καὶ ὑπὸ γήρως ἢ ἀργίας ἀμβλυώττοντες, ὅμως οὐρανοῦ τε πέρατα διορᾶν ἔφασκον καὶ τὸν ἥλιον περιεμέτρουν καὶ τοῖς ὑπὲρ τὴν σελήνην ἐπεβάτευον καὶ ὥσπερ ἐκ τῶν ἀστέρων καταπεσόντες μεγέθη τε αὐτῶν διεξῄεσαν, καὶ πολλάκις, εἰ τύχοι, μηδὲ ὁπόσοι στάδιοι Μεγαρόθεν Ἀθήναζέ εἰσιν ἀκριβῶς ἐπιστάμενοι τὸ μεταξὺ τῆς σελήνης καὶ τοῦ ἡλίου χωρίον ὁπόσων εἴη πηχῶν τὸ μέγεθος ἐτόλμων λέγειν, ἀέρος τε ὕψη καὶ θαλάττης βάθη καὶ γῆς περιόδους ἀναμετροῦντες, ἔτι δὲ κύκλους καταγράφοντες καὶ τρίγωνα ἐπὶ τετραγώνοις διασχηματίζοντες καὶ σφαίρας τινὰς ποικίλας τὸν οὐρανὸν δῆθεν αὐτὸν ἐπιμετροῦντες.
Menippus: And indeed, my friend, you will laugh when you hear their boastfulness and the wonder-working in their words; they who, first of all, walking upon the earth and being in no way superior to us who walk on the ground, nor even seeing more sharply than their neighbors—some of them even being dim-sighted from old age or laziness—nevertheless claimed to see the limits of heaven, and measured the sun and trod upon the regions above the moon, and, as if they had fallen down from the stars, went through their sizes; and often, if it so happened, not even knowing accurately how many stades it is from Megara to Athens, they dared to say how many cubits in size the space between the moon and the sun was, measuring the heights of the air, the depths of the sea, and the circuits of the earth, and furthermore drawing circles, shaping triangles upon squares, and measuring with multi-colored spheres the heaven itself, forsooth.
§7Μένιππος
ἔπειτα δὲ κἀκεῖνο πῶς οὐκ ἄγνωμον αὐτῶν καὶ παντελῶς τετυφωμένον τὸ περὶ τῶν οὕτως ἀδήλων λέγοντας μηδὲν ὡς εἰκάζοντας ἀποφαίνεσθαι, ἀλλʼ ὑπερδιατείνεσθαί τε καὶ μηδεμίαν τοῖς ἄλλοις ὑπερβολὴν ἀπολιμπάνειν, μονονουχὶ διομνυμένους μύδρον μὲν εἶναι τὸν ἥλιον, κατοικεῖσθαι δὲ τὴν σελήνην, ὑδατοποτεῖν δὲ τοὺς ἀστέρας τοῦ ἡλίου καθάπερ ἱμονιᾷ τινι τὴν ἰκμάδα ἐκ τῆς θαλάττης ἀνασπῶντος καὶ ἅπασιν αὐτοῖς τὸ ποτὸν ἑξῆς διανέμοντος.
Menippus: And then, how is that not also unreasonable and completely puffed up of them, that when speaking of such unclear things they declare nothing as conjecturing, but over-exert themselves and leave no room for superiority to others, all but swearing that the sun is a red-hot mass, that the moon is inhabited, and that the stars drink water, the sun drawing up the moisture from the sea as if with some well-bucket and distributing the drink to all of them in turn.