§30Μένιππος
τοιοῦτοι δὲ ὄντες ἀνθρώπων μὲν ἁπάντων καταφρονοῦσι, περὶ θεῶν δὲ ἀλλόκοτα διεξέρχονται· καὶ συνάγοντες εὐεξαπάτητα μειράκια τήν τε πολυθρύλητον ἀρετὴν τραγῳδοῦσι καὶ τὰς τῶν λόγων ἀπορίας ἐκδιδάσκουσι, καὶ πρὸς μὲν τοὺς μαθητὰς καρτερίαν ἀεὶ καὶ σωφροσύνην καὶ τὸ αὐταρκὲς ἐπαινοῦσι καὶ πλούτου καὶ ἡδονῆς καταπτύουσι, μόνοι δὲ καὶ καθʼ ἑαυτοὺς γενόμενοι τί ἂν λέγοι τις ὅσα μὲν ἐσθίουσιν, ὅσα δὲ ἀφροδισιάζουσιν, ὅπως δὲ περιλείχουσι τῶν ὀβολῶν τὸν ῥύπον;
Menippus Being such as they are, they despise all men, and talk bizarrely about the gods; and gathering easily deceived youths, they tragically declaim that much-talked-of virtue and teach them the difficulties of arguments, and while to their disciples they always praise endurance, temperance, and self-sufficiency, and spit upon wealth and pleasure, when they are alone by themselves, who could describe how much they eat, how much they indulge in lust, and how they lick the filth of obols?
τὸ δὲ πάντων δεινότατον, ὅτι μηδὲν αὐτοὶ μήτε κοινὸν μήτε ἴδιον ἐπιτελοῦντες, ἀλλʼ ἀχρεῖοι καὶ περιττοὶ καθεστῶτες
"οὔτε ποτʼ ἐν πολέμῳ ἐναρίθμιοι οὔτʼ ἐνὶ βουλῇ,"
ὅμως τῶν ἄλλων κατηγοροῦσι καὶ λόγους τινὰς πικροὺς συμφορήσαντες καὶ λοιδορίας καινὰς ἐκμεμελετηκότες ἐπιτιμῶσι καὶ ὀνειδίζουσι τοῖς πλησίον, καὶ οὗτος αὐτῶν τὰ πρῶτα φέρεσθαι δοκεῖ ὃς ἂν μεγαλοφωνότατός τε ᾖ καὶ ἰταμώτατος καὶ πρὸς τὰς βλασφημίας θρασύτατος.
And the most terrible thing of all is that, although they themselves accomplish nothing either public or private, but stand useless and superfluous, "never of account in war nor in council," yet they accuse others, and having scraped together some bitter words and thoroughly practiced new insults, they censure and reproach their neighbors; and he among them seems to carry off the first prize who is the loudest-voiced, the most impudent, and the boldest in slanders.
§31Μένιππος
καίτοι τὸν διατεινόμενον αὐτὸν καὶ βοῶντα καὶ κατηγοροῦντα τῶν ἄλλων ἢν ἔρῃ,
σὺ δὲ δὴ τί πράττων τυγχάνεις ἢ τί φῶμεν πρὸς θεῶν σε πρὸς τὸν βίον συντελεῖν; φαίη ἄν, εἰ τὰ δίκαια καὶ ἀληθῆ θέλοι λέγειν, ὅτι
πλεῖν μὲν ἢ γεωργεῖν ἢ στρατεύεσθαι ἤ τινα τέχνην μετιέναι περιττὸν εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ, κέκραγα δὲ καὶ αὐχμῶ καὶ ψυχρολουτῶ καὶ ἀνυπόδητος τοῦ χειμῶνος περιέρχομαι καὶ τρίβωνα ῥυπαρὸν περιβέβλημαι καὶ ὥσπερ ὁ Μῶμος τὰ ὑπὸ τῶν ἄλλων γιγνόμενα συκοφαντῶ, καὶ εἰ μέν τις ὠψώνηκε τῶν πλουσίων πολυτελῶς ἢ ἑταίραν ἔχει, τοῦτο πολυπραγμονῶ καὶ ἀγανακτῶ, εἰ δὲ τῶν φίλων τις ἢ ἑταίρων κατάκειται νοσῶν ἐπικουρίας τε καὶ θεραπείας δεόμενος, ἀγνοῶ. Τοιαῦτα μέν ἐστιν ὑμῖν, ὦ θεοί, ταῦτα τὰ θρέμματα.
Menippus And yet, if you should ask the very man who exerts himself and shouts and accuses others: "But you, what do you happen to be doing, or by the gods, what should we say you contribute to life?" he would say, if he wished to speak what is just and true: "To sail or to farm or to serve in the army or to pursue any trade seems to me to be superfluous; but I cry out, go dirty, take cold baths, go about barefoot in winter, wear a filthy cloak, and, like Momus, slander the actions of others; and if any of the rich has bought expensive food or keeps a mistress, I busy myself with this and get indignant, but if any of my friends or companions lies sick, needing help and care, I ignore it." Such, O gods, are these creatures of yours.
§32Μένιππος
οἱ δὲ δὴ Ἐπικούρειοι αὐτῶν λεγόμενοι μάλα δὴ καὶ ὑβρισταί εἰσι καὶ οὐ μετρίως ἡμῶν καθάπτονται μήτε ἐπιμελεῖσθαι τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων λέγοντες τοὺς θεοὺς μήτε ὅλως τὰ γιγνόμενα ἐπισκοπεῖν· ὥστε ὥρα ὑμῖν λογίζεσθαι διότι ἢν ἅπαξ οὗτοι πεῖσαι τὸν βίον δυνηθῶσιν, οὐ μετρίως πεινήσετε.
Menippus And those of them called Epicureans are indeed very insolent, and they attack us in no moderate degree, saying that the gods neither care for human affairs nor inspect what happens at all; so that it is time for you to reckon that if once they are able to persuade the world, you will starve in no moderate degree.
τίς γὰρ ἂν ἔτι θύσειεν ὑμῖν πλέον οὐδὲν ἕξειν προσδοκῶν;
For who would still sacrifice to you when he expects to gain nothing more?
ἃ μὲν γὰρ ἡ Σελήνη αἰτιᾶται, πάντες ἠκούσατε τοῦ ξένου χθὲς διηγουμένου.
For as to the things the Moon complains of, you all heard the guest relating them yesterday.
πρὸς ταῦτα βουλεύεσθε ἃ καὶ τοῖς ἀνθρώποις γένοιτʼ ἂν ὠφελιμώτατα καὶ ἡμῖν ἀσφαλέστατα.
Deliberate on these matters, which would be both most beneficial to men and safest for us.
§33Μένιππος
εἰπόντος ταῦτα τοῦ Διὸς ἡ ἐκκλησία διετεθορύβητο, καὶ εὐθὺς ἐβόων ἅπαντες,
κεραύνωσον,
κατάφλεξον
ἐπίτριψον,
ἐς τὸ βάραθρον,
ἐς τὸν Τάρταρον,
ὡς τοὺς Γίγαντας. ἡσυχίαν δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς αὖθις παραγγείλας,
ἔσται ταῦτα ὡς βούλεσθε,
ἔφη,
καὶ πάντες ἐπιτρίψονται αὐτῇ διαλεκτικῇ, πλὴν τό γε νῦν εἶναι οὐ θέμις κολασθῆναί τινα·
Menippus When Zeus had said this, the assembly was in an uproar, and immediately all kept shouting: "Thunderbolt them!" "Burn them up!" "Destroy them!" "Into the pit!" "Into Tartarus!" "Like the Giants!" And Zeus, having commanded silence again, said: "These things shall be as you wish, and they shall all be destroyed together with their dialectic.
ἱερομηνία γάρ ἐστιν, ὡς ἴστε, μηνῶν τούτων τεττάρων, καὶ ἤδη τὴν ἐκεχειρίαν περιηγγειλάμην.
However, for the present, it is not lawful for anyone to be punished; for it is a holy season, as you know, of these four months, and I have already proclaimed the truce.
ἐς νέωτα οὖν ἀρχομένου ἦρος κακοὶ κακῶς ἀπολοῦνται τῷ σμερδαλέῳ κεραυνῷ. "ἦ καὶ κυανέῃσιν ἐπʼ ὀφρύσι νεῦσε Κρονίων. " §34Μένιππος
περὶ δὲ τουτουὶ Μενίππου ταῦτα,
ἔφη,
μοι δοκεῖ· περιαιρεθέντα αὐτὸν τὰ πτερά, ἵνα μὴ καὶ αὖθις ἔλθῃ ποτέ, ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ ἐς τὴν γῆν κατενεχθῆναι τήμερον
καὶ ὁ μὲν ταῦτα εἰπὼν διέλυσε τὸν σύλλογον, ἐμὲ δὲ ὁ Κυλλήνιος τοῦ δεξιοῦ ὠτὸς ἀποκρεμάσας περὶ ἑσπέραν χθὲς κατέθηκε φέρων ἐς τὸν Κεραμεικόν.
Next year, therefore, at the beginning of spring, the wicked shall perish miserably by the terrible thunderbolt." "He spoke, and the son of Cronos nodded with his dark brows." Menippus "Concerning this Menippus here," he said, "it seems to me: having his wings stripped off, so that he may never come again, let him be carried down to the earth today by Hermes." And having said this, he dissolved the assembly, and the Cyllenian, hanging me by my right ear, carried me down and set me in the Ceramicus yesterday toward evening.
Ἅπαντα ἀκήκοας, ἅπαντα, ὦ ἑταῖρε, τἀξ οὐρανοῦ·
You have heard everything, everything, my friend, from heaven.
ἄπειμι τοίνυν καὶ τοῖς ἐν τῇ Ποικίλῃ περιπατοῦσι τῶν φιλοσόφων αὐτὰ ταῦτα εὐαγγελιούμενος.
I am going, then, to announce these very tidings to those of the philosophers walking in the Poikile.