§28Λυκῖνος
τούτων, ὦ ἑταῖρε, ἀναγινωσκομένων μεταξὺ ἱδρώς τέ μοι περιεχεῖτο ὑπʼ αἰδοῦς, καὶ τοῦτο δὴ τὸ τοῦ λόγου, χανεῖν μοι τὴν γῆν ηὐχόμην ὁρῶν τοὺς παρόντας γελῶντας ἐφʼ ἑκάστῳ καὶ μάλιστα ὅσοι ᾔδεσαν τὸν Ἑτοιμοκλέα, πολιὸν ἄνθρωπον καὶ σεμνὸν εἶναι δοκοῦντα.
Lycinus While these things, my friend, were being read, sweat poured all over me out of shame, and, as the saying goes, I wished that the earth would gape open for me, seeing those present laughing at each point, and especially those who knew Hetoimocles, who seemed to be a gray-haired and venerable man.
ἐθαύμαζον οὖν οἷος ὢν διαλάθοι αὐτοὺς ἐξαπατωμένους τῷ πώγωνι καὶ τῇ τοῦ προσώπου ἐντάσει.
I wondered, then, how such a man as he was could have escaped their notice, they being deceived by his beard and the tension of his expression.
ὁ γὰρ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐδόκει μοι οὐκ ἀμελείᾳ παριδεῖν αὐτόν, ἀλλʼ οὔποτʼ ἂν ἐλπίσας κληθέντα ἐπινεῦσαι οὐδ’ ἂν ἐμπαρασχεῖν ἑαυτὸν τοιούτῳ τινί· ὥστε οὐδὲ τὴν ἀρχὴν πειρᾶσθαι ἠξίου.
For Aristaenetus seemed to me to have passed him over not through negligence, but because he would never have expected him, if invited, to assent or to show himself at such an affair; and so he did not even think it worth while to try in the first place.
§29Λυκῖνος
ἐπεὶ δʼ οὖν ἐπαύσατό ποτε ὁ οἰκέτης ἀναγινώσκων, τὸ μὲν συμπόσιον ἅπαν εἰς τοὺς ἀμφὶ τὸν Ζήνωνα καὶ Δίφιλον ἀπέβλεπε δεδοικότας καὶ ὠχριῶντας καὶ τῇ ἀπορίᾳ τῶν προσώπων ἐπαληθεύοντας τὰ ὑπὸ τοῦ Ἑτοιμοκλέους κατηγορηθέντα·
Lycinus But when at last the servant stopped reading, the whole banquet looked towards Zenon and Diphilus and their companions, who were terrified and pale, and by the confusion of their faces were proving true the accusations made by Hetoimocles.
ὁ Ἀρισταίνετος δὲ ἐτετάρακτο καὶ θορύβου μεστὸς ἦν, ἐκέλευε δʼ ὅμως πίνειν ἡμᾶς καὶ ἐπειρᾶτο εὖ διατίθεσθαι τὸ γεγονὸς ὑπομειδιῶν ἅμα, καὶ τὸν οἰκέτην ἀπέπεμψεν εἰπὼν ὅτι ἐπιμελήσεται τούτων.
Aristaenetus, however, was disturbed and full of confusion, yet he nevertheless bade us drink and tried to put a good face on what had happened, smiling at the same time, and he sent the servant away, saying that he would attend to these matters.
μετʼ ὀλίγον δὲ καὶ ὁ Ζήνων ὑπεξανέστη ἀφανῶς, τοῦ παιδαγωγοῦ νεύσαντος ἀπαλλάττεσθαι ὡς κελεύσαντος τοῦ πατρός.
And shortly after, Zenon too got up quietly and stole away, because his tutor had signed to him to leave as if his father had ordered it.
§30Λυκῖνος
ὁ Κλεόδημος δὲ καὶ πάλαι τινὸς ἀφορμῆς δεόμενος — ἐβούλετο γὰρ συμπλακῆναι τοῖς Στωικοῖς καὶ διερρήγνυτο οὐκ ἔχων ἀρχὴν εὔλογον — τότε οὖν τὸ ἐνδόσιμον παρασχούσης τῆς ἐπιστολῆς,
τοιαῦτα,
ἔφη,
ἐξεργάζεται ὁ καλὸς Χρύσιππος καὶ Ζήνων ὁ θαυμαστὸς καὶ Κλεάνθης, ῥημάτια δύστηνα καὶ ἐρωτήσεις μόνον καὶ σχήματα φιλοσόφων, τὰ δʼ ἄλλα Ἑτοιμοκλεῖς οἱ πλεῖστοι·
Lycinus And Cleodemus, who had long been wanting some pretext—for he wished to clash with the Stoics and was bursting because he had no plausible starting point—then, therefore, since the letter had provided the starting-signal, said: "Such are the products of the noble Chrysippus and the wonderful Zeno and Cleanthes: miserable little words and questions only, and the outward poses of philosophers; but for the rest, they are mostly Hetoimocleses.
καὶ αἱ ἐπιστολαὶ ὁρᾶτε ὅπως πρεσβυτικαί, καὶ τὸ τελευταῖον Οἰνεὺς μὲν Ἀρισταίνετος, Ἑτοιμοκλῆς δὲ Ἄρτεμις.
And you see how elder-like their letters are, and finally, Aristaenetus is Oeneus, and Hetoimocles is Artemis.
Ἡράκλεις, εὔφημα πάντα καὶ ἑορτῇ πρέποντα. §31Λυκῖνος
νὴ Δίʼ,
εἶπεν ὁ Ἕρμων ὑπερκατακείμενος· ἠκηκόει γάρ, οἶμαι, ὗν τινα ἐσκευάσθαι Ἀρισταινέτῳ ἐς τὸ δεῖπνον, ὥστε οὐκ ἄκαιρον ἐδόκει μεμνῆσθαι τοῦ Καλυδωνίου.
By Heracles, all very auspicious and fitting for a festival!" Lycinus "Indeed, by Zeus!" said Hermon, who was reclining just above him; for he had heard, I suppose, that a certain wild boar had been prepared by Aristaenetus for the dinner, so that it seemed not inopportune to mention the Calydonian boar.
ἀλλὰ πρὸς τῆς Ἑστίας, ὦ Ἀρισταίνετε, πέμπε ὡς τάχιστα τῶν ἀπαρχῶν, μὴ καὶ φθάσῃ ὁ πρεσβύτης ὑπὸ λιμοῦ ὥσπερ ὁ Μελέαγρος ἀπομαρανθείς.
"But by Hestia, Aristaenetus, send him the first fruits as quickly as possible, lest the old man be beforehand in wasting away from hunger like Meleager.
καίτοι οὐδὲν ἂν πάθοι δεινόν· ἀδιάφορα γὰρ ὁ Χρύσιππος τὰ τοιαῦτα ἡγεῖτο. §32Λυκῖνος
Χρυσίππου γὰρ μέμνησθε ὑμεῖς,
ἔφη ὁ Ζηνόθεμις ἐπεγείρας ἑαυτὸν καὶ φθεγξάμενος παμμέγεθες,
ἢ ἀφʼ ἑνὸς ἀνδρὸς οὐκ ἐννόμως φιλοσοφοῦντος Ἑτοιμοκλέους τοῦ γόητος μετρεῖτε τὸν Κλεάνθην καὶ Ζήνωνα σοφοὺς ἄνδρας;
And yet, he would suffer nothing terrible; for Chrysippus considered such things to be indifferents." Lycinus "Is it of Chrysippus that you speak?" said Zenothemis, raising himself up and shouting at the top of his voice. "Or do you measure wise men like Cleanthes and Zeno by one man who does not practice philosophy lawfully, that charlatan Hetoimocles?
τίνες δὲ καὶ ὄντες ὑμεῖς ἐρεῖτε ταῦτα;
And who indeed are you to say such things?
οὐ σὺ μὲν τῶν Διοσκούρων ἤδη, ὦ Ἕρμων, τοὺς πλοκάμους περικέκαρκας χρυσοῦς ὄντας;
Have you not already, Hermon, clipped off the golden curls of the Dioscuri?
καὶ δώσεις δίκην παραδοθεὶς τῷ δημίῳ.
And you will pay the penalty when you are handed over to the executioner.
σὺ δὲ τὴν Σωστράτου γυναῖκα τοῦ μαθητοῦ ἐμοίχευες, ὦ Κλεόδημε, καὶ καταληφθεὶς τὰ αἴσχιστα ἔπαθες.
And you, Cleodemus, were committing adultery with the wife of your pupil Sostratus, and when caught you suffered the most shameful treatment.
οὐ σιωπήσεσθε οὖν τοιαῦτα συνεπιστάμενοι ἑαυτοῖς; ἀλλʼ οὐ μαστροπὸς ἐγὼ τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ γυναικός,
ἦ δʼ ὃς ὁ Κλεόδημος,
ὥσπερ σύ, οὐδὲ τοῦ ξένου μαθητοῦ λαβὼν τοὐφόδιον παρακαταθήκας ἔπειτα ὤμοσα κατὰ τῆς Πολιάδος μὴ εἰληφέναι, οὐδʼ ἐπὶ τέτταρσι δραχμαῖς δανείζω, οὐδὲ ἄγχω τοὺς μαθητάς, ἢν μὴ κατὰ καιρὸν ἀποδῶσι τοὺς μισθούς. ἀλλʼ ἐκεῖνο,
ἔφη ὁ Ζηνόθεμις,
οὐκ ἂν ἔξαρνος γένοιο μὴ οὐχὶ φάρμακον ἀποδόσθαι Κρίτωνι ἐπὶ τὸν πατέρα.
Will you not be silent, then, knowing such things about yourselves?" "But I am not the pimp of my own wife," said Cleodemus, "as you are, nor did I receive a traveling-allowance from a foreign pupil as a deposit and then swear by Athena Polias that I had not received it, nor do I lend money at four drachmas interest, nor do I choke my pupils if they do not pay their fees on time." "But that," said Zenothemis, "you would not be able to deny: that you sold poison to Criton for his father!" Lycinus And at the same time, for he happened to be drinking, he splashed over them both whatever was still left in his cup—almost half of it.
§33Λυκῖνος
καὶ ἅμα, ἔτυχε γὰρ πίνων, ὁπόσον ἔτι λοιπὸν ἐν τῇ κύλικι, περὶ ἥμισυ σχεδόν, κατεσκέδασεν αὐτοῖν. ἀπέλαυσε δὲ καὶ ὁ Ἴων τῆς γειτονήσεως, οὐκ ἀνάξιος ὤν.
And Ion also enjoyed the neighborliness, not being undeserving.
ὁ μὲν οὖν Ἕρμων ἀπεξύετο ἐκ τῆς κεφαλῆς τὸν ἄκρατον προνενευκὼς καὶ τοὺς παρόντας ἐμαρτύρετο, οἷα ἐπεπόνθει.
So Hermon, leaning forward, scraped off the unmixed wine from his head and called those present to witness what he had suffered.
ὁ Κλεόδημος δέ — οὐ γὰρ εἶχε κύλικα — ἐπιστραφεὶς προσέπτυσέ τε τὸν Ζηνόθεμιν καὶ τῇ ἀριστερᾷ τοῦ πώγωνος λαβόμενος ἔμελλε παίσειν κατὰ κόρρης, καὶ ἀπέκτεινεν ἂν τὸν γέροντα, εἰ μὴ Ἀρισταίνετος ἐπέσχε τὴν χεῖρα καὶ ὑπερβὰς τὸν Ζηνόθεμιν ἐς τὸ μέσον αὐτοῖν κατεκλίθη, ὡς διασταῖεν ὑπὸ διατειχίσματι αὐτῷ εἰρήνην ἄγοντες.
But Cleodemus—since he did not have a cup—turned around and spat on Zenothemis, and taking hold of his beard with his left hand, was about to strike him on the temple. And he would have killed the old man, if Aristaenetus had not held back his hand and, stepping over Zenothemis, reclined in the midst between them, so that they might be separated, keeping peace with him as a partition-wall.