§16Λυκῖνος
ὁ Κυνικὸς δὲ Ἀλκιδάμας, ἐπεπώκει γὰρ ἤδη, πυθόμενος ἥτις ἡ γαμουμένη παῖς καλοῖτο, σιωπὴν παραγγείλας μεγάλῃ τῇ φωνῇ ἀποβλέψας ἐς τὰς γυναῖκας,
Προπίνω σοι,
ἔφη,
ὦ Κλεανθί, Ἡρακλέους ἀρχηγέτου. ὡς δʼ ἐγέλασαν ἐπὶ τούτῳ ἅπαντες,
ἐγελάσατε,
εἶπεν,
ὦ καθάρματα, εἰ τῇ νύμφῃ προὔπιον ἐπὶ τοῦ ἡμετέρου· θεοῦ τοῦ Ἡρακλέους;
Lycinus But the Cynic Alcidamas, for he had already drunk deep, having inquired what the bride was called, and having commanded silence, looked towards the women and said with a loud voice, 'I drink to you, Cleantis, in the name of Heracles the Founder!' When everyone laughed at this, he said, 'You sweepings, do you laugh because I toasted the bride in the name of our god Heracles?
καὶ μὴν εὖ εἰδέναι χρὴ ὡς ἢν μὴ λάβῃ παρʼ ἐμοῦ τὸν σκύφον, οὔποτε τοιοῦτος ἂν υἱὸς αὐτῇ γένοιτο οἷος ἐγώ, ἄτρεπτος μὲν ἀλκήν, ἐλεύθερος δὲ τὴν γνώμην, τὸ σῶμα δὲ οὕτω καρτερός· καὶ ἅμα παρεγύμνου ἑαυτὸν μᾶλλον ἄχρι πρὸς τὸ αἴσχιστον.
And indeed, you must know well that unless she receives the cup from me, there will never be born to her such a son as I, unyielding in courage, free in mind, and so robust in body!' And at the same time, he exposed himself even further, almost to the most shameful part.
αὖθις ἐπὶ τούτοις ἐγέλασαν οἱ συμπόται, καὶ ὃς ἀγανακτήσας ἐπανίστατο δριμὺ καὶ παράφορον βλέπων καὶ δῆλος ἦν οὐκέτι εἰρήνην ἄξων.
At this, the banqueters laughed again, and he, growing indignant, stood up, looking sharp and wild, and it was clear that he would no longer keep the peace.
τάχα δʼ ἄν τινος καθίκετο τῇ βακτηρίᾳ, εἰ μὴ κατὰ καιρὸν εἰσεκεκόμιστο πλακοῦς εὐμεγέθης, πρὸς ὃν ἀποβλέψας ἡμερώτερος ἐγένετο καὶ ἔληξε τοῦ θυμοῦ καὶ ἐνεφορεῖτο συμπεριιών.
And he would soon have struck someone with his staff, had not a huge cake been brought in just in time, looking at which he became gentler, ceased from his anger, and began to gorge himself as he walked around.
§17Λυκῖνος
καὶ οἱ πλεῖστοι ἐμέθυον ἤδη καὶ βοῆς μεστὸν ἦν τὸ συμπόσιον· ὁ μὲν γὰρ Διονυσόδωρος ὁ ῥήτωρ ἀντιρρήσεις τινὰς ἐν μέρει διεξῄει καὶ ἐπῃνεῖτο ὑπὸ τῶν κατόπιν ἐφεστώτων οἰκετῶν, ὁ δὲ Ἱστιαῖος ὁ γραμματικὸς ἐρραψῴδει ὕστερος κατακείμενος καὶ συνέφερεν ἐς τὸ αὐτὸ τὰ Πινδάρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου καὶ Ἀνακρέοντος, ὡς ἐξ ἁπάντων μίαν ᾠδὴν παγγέλοιον ἀποτελεῖσθαι, μάλιστα δʼ ἐκεῖνα ὥσπερ προμαντευόμενος τὰ μέλλοντα,
"σὺν δʼ ἔβαλον ῥινούς· "
καὶ
"ἔνθα δʼ ἄρʼ οἰμωγή τε καὶ εὐχωλὴ πέλεν ἀνδρῶν. "
ὁ Ζηνόθεμις δʼ ἀνεγίνωσκε παρὰ τοῦ παιδὸς λαβὼν λεπτόγραφόν τι βιβλίον.
Lycinus And most of them were by now drunk, and the banquet was full of shouting; for Dionysodorus the rhetorician was delivering certain refutations in turn and was being praised by the servants standing behind, while Histiaeus the grammarian was reciting poetry, reclining at the very end, and was bringing together the verses of Pindar, Hesiod, and Anacreon, so that out of them all one utterly ridiculous song was made, especially those lines, as if prophesying what was to come, 'And they dashed together their shields of bull's hide;' and 'There arose at once the groans and the triumphs of men.' Meanwhile, Zenothemis was reading, having received a finely written book from his servant.
§18Λυκῖνος
διαλιπόντων δὲ ὀλίγον, ὥσπερ εἰώθασι, τῶν παρακομιζόντων τὰ ὄψα μηχανώμενος Ἀρισταίνετος μηδʼ ἐκεῖνον ἀτερπῆ τὸν καιρὸν εἶναι μηδὲ κενὸν ἐκέλευσε τὸν γελωτοποιὸν εἰσελθόντα εἰπεῖν τι ἢ πρᾶξαι γελοῖον, ὡς ἔτι μᾶλλον οἱ συμπόται διαχυθεῖεν.
Lycinus When those carrying in the dishes paused for a little while, as is usual, Aristaenetus, planning that not even that interval should be joyless or empty, ordered the jester to come in and say or do something laughable, so that the guests might be cheered even more.
καὶ παρῆλθεν ἄμορφός τις ἐξυρημένος τὴν κεφαλήν, ὀλίγας ἐπὶ τῇ κορυφῇ τρίχας ὀρθὰς ἔχων· οὗτος ὠρχήσατό τε κατακλῶν ἑαυτὸν καὶ διαστρέφων, ὡς γελοιότερος φανείη, καὶ ἀνάπαιστα συγκροτῶν διεξῆλθεν αἰγυπτιάζων τῇ φωνῇ, καὶ τέλος ἐπέσκωπτεν ἐς τοὺς παρόντας.
And there entered an ugly fellow with his head shaved close, having a few hairs standing upright on his crown; he danced, bending and twisting himself about to appear more laughable, and rattled off anapests, speaking with an Egyptian accent, and finally began to mock those present.
§19Λυκῖνος
οἱ μὲν οὖν ἄλλοι ἐγέλων ὁπότε σκωφθεῖεν, ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ εἰς τὸν Ἀλκιδάμαντα ὅμοιόν τι ἀπέρριψε Μελιταῖον κυνίδιον προσειπὼν αὐτόν, ἀγανακτήσας ἐκεῖνος — καὶ πάλαι δὲ δῆλος ἦν φθονῶν αὐτῷ εὐδοκιμοῦντι καὶ κατέχοντι τὸ συμπόσιον — ἀπορρίψας τὸν τρίβωνα προὐκαλεῖτό οἱ παγκρατιάζειν, εἰ δὲ μή, κατοίσειν αὐτοῦ ἔφη τὴν βακτηρίαν.
Lycinus Now the others laughed whenever they were mocked, but when he threw some such jest even at Alcidamas, calling him a 'Melitean lapdog,' the latter grew furious—and indeed he had long been clearly envious of him for being well received and holding the attention of the banquet—and tossing off his cloak, he challenged him to a pankration contest, or else, he said, he would bring down his staff upon him.
οὕτω δὴ ὁ κακοδαίμων Σατυρίων — τοῦτο γὰρ ὁ γελωτοποιὸς ἐκαλεῖτο — συστὰς ἐπαγκρατίαζε.
So the hapless Satyrion—for this was the jester's name—closed with him and began to fight.
καὶ τὸ πρᾶγμα ὑπερήδιστον ἦν, φιλόσοφος ἀνὴρ γελωτοποιῷ ἀνταιρόμενος καὶ παίων καὶ παιόμενος ἐν τῷ μέρει.
And the sight was most delightful: a philosopher contending with a jester, striking and being struck in turn.
οἱ παρόντες δὲ οἱ μὲν ᾐδοῦντο, οἱ δὲ ἐγέλων, ἄχρι ἀπηγόρευσε παιόμενος ὁ Ἀλκιδάμας ὑπὸ συγκεκροτημένου ἀνθρωπίσκου καταγωνισθείς.
Of those present, some felt ashamed, others laughed, until Alcidamas gave up, being beaten and overcome by the well-knit little fellow.
γέλως οὖν πολὺς ἐξεχύθη ἐπʼ αὐτοῖς.
Thus a great laugh was poured out upon them.
§20Λυκῖνος
ἐνταῦθα Διόνικος ἐπεισῆλθεν ὁ ἰατρὸς οὐ πολὺ κατόπιν τοῦ ἀγῶνος· ἐβεβραδύκει δέ, ὡς ἔφασκε, φρενίτιδι ἑαλωκότα θεραπεύων Πολυπρέποντα τὸν αὐλητήν.
Lycinus Then Dionicus the physician entered, not long after the contest; he had been delayed, as he said, treating Polyprepon the flute-player, who was seized with frenzy.
καί τι καὶ γελοῖον διηγήσατο· ἔφη μὲν γὰρ εἰσελθεῖν παρʼ αὐτὸν οὐκ εἰδὼς ἐχόμενον ἤδη τῷ πάθει, τὸν δὲ ταχέως ἀναστάντα ἐπικλεῖσαί τε τὴν θύραν καὶ ξιφίδιον σπασάμενον ἀναδόντα αὐτῷ τοὺς αὐλοὺς κελεύειν αὐλεῖν· εἶτα ἐπεὶ μὴ δύναιτο, παίειν σκῦτος ἔχοντα ἐς ὑπτίας τὰς χεῖρας.
And he related a certain laughable story: for he said that he had gone in to see him, not knowing that he was already possessed by the disease, and that the man had quickly arisen, locked the door, and drawing a small dagger, handed him the flutes and ordered him to play; then, when he was unable to do so, the man beat him on the palms of his hands with a leather strap.
τέλος οὖν ἐν τοσούτῳ κινδύνῳ ἐπινοῆσαι τοιόνδε· ἐς ἀγῶνα γὰρ προκαλέσασθαι αὐτὸν ἐπὶ ῥητῷ πληγῶν ἀριθμῷ, καὶ πρῶτον μὲν αὐτὸς αὐλῆσαι πονήρως, μετὰ δὲ παραδοὺς τοὺς αὐλοὺς ἐκείνῳ δέξασθαι παρʼ αὐτοῦ τὸ σκῦτος καὶ τὸ ξιφίδιον καὶ ἀπορρῖψαι τάχιστα διὰ τῆς φωταγωγοῦ ἐς τὸ ὕπαιθρον τῆς αὐλῆς, καὶ τὸ ἀπὸ τούτου ἀσφαλέστερος ἤδη προσπαλαίων αὐτῷ ἐπικαλεῖσθαι τοὺς γειτνιῶντας, ὑφʼ ὧν ἀνασπασάντων τὸ θύριον σωθῆναι αὐτός.
Finally, in such great danger, he devised the following plan: he challenged him to a contest on a fixed number of blows, and first he himself played poorly, but then, handing over the flutes to the other, he received from him the strap and the dagger and threw them as quickly as possible through the skylight into the open air of the courtyard; and from then on, being safer, he wrestled with him and called upon the neighbors, by whom the door was broken open and he himself was saved.
ἐδείκνυ δὲ καὶ σημεῖα τῶν πληγῶν καὶ ἀμυχάς τινας ἐπὶ τοῦ προσώπου.
And he also showed the marks of the blows and some scratches on his face.
καὶ ὁ μὲν Διόνικος οὐ μεῖον εὐδοκιμήσας τοῦ γελωτοποιοῦ ἐπὶ τῇ διηγήσει πλησίον τοῦ Ἱστιαίου παραβύσας ἑαυτὸν ἐδείπνει ὅσα λοιπά, οὐκ ἄνευ θεοῦ τινος ἡμῖν ἐπιπαρών, ἀλλὰ καὶ πάνυ χρήσιμος τοῖς μετὰ ταῦτα γεγενημένος.
And so Dionicus, having won no less approval than the jester for his narrative, squeezed himself in next to Histiaeus and dined on what was left, being present with us not without some divine guidance, but proving indeed very useful for the events that followed.