οὔτι που §330Κινησίας σου κατατετίληκέν ποθεν; §331οὔκ, ἀλλὰ τῆς γυναικὸς ἐξελήλυθα §332τὸ κροκωτίδιον ἀμπισχόμενος οὑνδύεται. §333τὸ δʼ ἱμάτιόν σου ποῦ ʼστιν; §333bοὐκ ἔχω φράσαι.
Surely it cannot be that Cinesias has shat on you from somewhere?" "No, but I have come out wearing my wife's saffron-colored little robe, which she usually puts on." "But where is your cloak?" "I cannot say.
§334ζητῶν γὰρ αὔτʼ οὐχ ηὗρον ἐν τοῖς στρώμασιν. §335εἶτʼ οὐδὲ τὴν γυναῖκʼ ἐκέλευσάς σοι φράσαι; §336μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὐ γὰρ ἔνδον οὖσα τυγχάνει, §337ἀλλʼ ἐκτετρύπηκεν λαθοῦσά μʼ ἔνδοθεν· §338ὃ καὶ δέδοικα μή τι δρᾷ νεώτερον. §339νὴ τὸν Ποσειδῶ ταὐτὰ τοίνυν ἄντικρυς §340ἐμοὶ πέπονθας.
For though I searched for it, I did not find it in the bedclothes." "Then didn't you even bid your wife to tell you?" "No, by Zeus, for she did not happen to be inside, but she has slipped out from the house without my noticing; which is why I fear she may be doing some mischief." "By Poseidon, then you have suffered exactly the same thing as I have.
καὶ γὰρ ᾗ ξύνειμʼ ἐγὼ §341φρούδη ʼστʼ ἔχουσα θοἰμάτιον οὑγὼ ʼφόρουν.
For she whom I live with is gone, taking the cloak that I used to wear.
§342κοὐ τοῦτο λυπεῖ μʼ, ἀλλὰ καὶ τὰς ἐμβάδας.
And it's not only this that grieves me, but also my shoes.
§343οὔκουν λαβεῖν γʼ αὐτὰς ἐδυνάμην οὐδαμοῦ. §344μὰ τὸν Διόνυσον οὐδʼ ἐγὼ γὰρ τὰς ἐμὰς §345Λακωνικάς, ἀλλʼ ὡς ἔτυχον χεζητιῶν, §346ἐς τὼ κοθόρνω τὼ πόδʼ ἐνθεὶς ἵεμαι, §347ἵνα μὴ ʼγχέσαιμʼ ἐς τὴν σισύραν· φανὴ γὰρ ἦν.
At any rate, I could not find them anywhere." "By Dionysus, nor indeed could I find my own Laconian shoes; but as it happened I was dying to shit, so putting my feet into her buskins, I rushed out, lest I should shit into the sheepskin blanket; for it was clean." "What on earth could it be?
§348τί δῆτʼ ἂν εἴη; μῶν ἐπʼ ἄριστον γυνὴ §349κέκληκεν αὐτὴν τῶν φίλων; §349bγνώμην γʼ ἐμήν. §350οὔκουν πονηρά γʼ ἐστὶν ὅ τι κἄμʼ εἰδέναι.
Surely some female friend has invited her to breakfast?" "In my opinion, yes." "At least she is not a bad person, as far as I know.
§351ἀλλὰ σὺ μὲν ἱμονιάν τινʼ ἀποπατεῖς, ἐμοὶ δʼ §352ὥρα βαδίζειν ἐστὶν εἰς ἐκκλησίαν, §353ἤνπερ λάβω θοἰμάτιον, ὅπερ ἦν μοι μόνον. §354κἄγωγʼ, ἐπειδὰν ἀποπατήσω· νῦν δέ μου §355ἀχράς τις ἐγκλῄσασʼ ἔχει τὰ σιτία. §356μῶν ἣν Θρασύβουλος εἶπε τοῖς Λακωνικοῖς; §357νὴ τὸν Διόνυσον ἐνέχεται γοῦν μοι σφόδρα.
But while you are shitting a whole well-rope, for me it is time to walk to the assembly, if only I can get my cloak, which was the only one I had." "I will too, when I have finished shitting; but now some wild-pear has locked up my food." "Surely not the one Thrasybulus spoke of to the Laconians?" "By Dionysus, it is certainly holding me very tight.
§358ἀτὰρ τί δράσω;
But what shall I do?
καὶ γὰρ οὐδὲ τοῦτό με §359μόνον τὸ λυποῦν ἐστιν, ἀλλʼ ὅταν φάγω, §360ὅποι βαδιεῖταί μοι τὸ λοιπὸν ἡ κόπρος.
For indeed this is not the only thing that pains me, but, when I eat, where on earth my shit will go hereafter.
For now, this man has bolted the door, whoever on earth this wild-pear-man is.
§363τίς ἂν οὖν ἰατρόν μοι μετέλθοι καὶ τίνα; §364τίς τῶν κατὰ πρωκτὸν δεινός ἐστι τὴν τέχνην; §365ἀλλʼ οἶδʼ, Ἀμύνων.
Who then would fetch a doctor for me, and which one?" "Who among them is skilled in the art of the anus?" "Ah, I know, Amynon.
ἀλλʼ ἴσως ἀρνήσεται.
But perhaps he will refuse.
§366Ἀντισθένη τις καλεσάτω πάσῃ τέχνῃ.
Let someone call Antisthenes by all means.
For that man, as far as groaning is concerned, knows what a shit-craving anus wants.
§369ὦ πότνιʼ Εἰλείθυια μή με περιίδῃς §370διαρραγέντα μηδὲ βεβαλανωμένον, §371ἵνα μὴ γένωμαι σκωραμὶς κωμῳδική. §372οὗτος τί ποιεῖς;
O Lady Eileithyia, do not look on while I am burst asunder or bolted up, lest I become a comic chamber-pot." "Hey you, what are you doing?
οὔτι που χέζεις;
Surely you aren't still shitting?" "Me?
§372bἐγώ; §373οὐ δῆτʼ ἔτι γε μὰ τὸν Δίʼ, ἀλλʼ ἀνίσταμαι. §374τὸ τῆς γυναικὸς δʼ ἀμπέχει χιτώνιον; §375ἐν τῷ σκότῳ γὰρ τοῦτʼ ἔτυχον ἔνδον λαβών. §376ἀτὰρ πόθεν ἥκεις ἐτεόν; §376bἐξ ἐκκλησίας. §377ἤδη λέλυται γάρ; §377bνὴ Δίʼ ὄρθριον μὲν οὖν.
No indeed, not anymore, by Zeus, but I am getting up." "And you are wearing your wife's little tunic?" "Yes, for in the dark I happened to grab this inside." "But tell me, where on earth have you come from?" "From the assembly." "What, is it already dismissed?" "Yes, by Zeus, indeed at dawn.
§378καὶ δῆτα πολὺν ἡ μίλτος ὦ Ζεῦ φίλτατε §379γέλων παρέσχεν, ἣν προσέρραινον κύκλῳ. §380τὸ τριώβολον δῆτʼ ἔλαβες; §380bεἰ γὰρ ὤφελον.
And indeed, the red chalk, O dear Zeus, caused great laughter, which they were sprinkling around in a circle." "So did you get the three obols?" "I wish I had!
§381ἀλλʼ ὕστερος νῦν ἦλθον, ὥστʼ αἰσχύνομαι §382μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὐδένʼ ἄλλον ἢ τὸν θύλακον. §383τὸ δʼ αἴτιον τί; §383bπλεῖστος ἀνθρώπων ὄχλος, §384ὅσος οὐδεπώποτʼ ἦλθʼ ἁθρόος ἐς τὴν πύκνα.
But I arrived too late this time, so that, by Zeus, I am ashamed of nothing other than my empty pouch." "And what was the cause?" "A huge crowd of people, such as had never before come all together to the Pnyx.
And indeed, we were comparing them all to shoemakers when looking at them.
οὐ γὰρ ἀλλʼ ὑπερφυῶς §387ὡς λευκοπληθὴς ἦν ἰδεῖν ἡκκλησία· §388ὥστʼ οὐκ ἔλαβον οὔτʼ αὐτὸς οὔτʼ ἄλλοι συχνοί. §389οὐδʼ ἄρʼ ἂν ἐγὼ λάβοιμι νῦν ἐλθών; §389bπόθεν;
For indeed, the assembly was wonderfully full of white faces to look at; so that neither I myself nor many others received it." "Then wouldn't I get it either if I went now?" "How could you?
Not even if, by Zeus, you had gone when for the second time the cock crowed." "Ah, wretched me!
§391bοἴμοι δείλαιος. §392Ἀντίλοχʼ ἀποίμωξόν με τοῦ τριωβόλου §393τὸν ζῶντα μᾶλλον. τἀμὰ γὰρ διοίχεται.
Antilochus, bewail me rather than the three obols— me, who am still alive.
§394ἀτὰρ τί τὸ πρᾶγμʼ ἦν, ὅτι τοσοῦτον χρῆμʼ ὄχλου §395οὕτως ἐν ὥρᾳ ξυνελέγη; §395bτί δʼ ἄλλο γʼ ἢ §396ἔδοξε τοῖς πρυτάνεσι περὶ σωτηρίας §397γνώμας καθεῖναι τῆς πόλεως;
For my affairs are ruined." "But what was the matter, that so great a mass of crowd was gathered so early?" "What else indeed but that it seemed good to the prytaneis to propose for debate proposals concerning the safety of the city?
κᾆτʼ εὐθέως §398πρῶτος Νεοκλείδης ὁ γλάμων παρείρπυσεν.
And then immediately, first of all, that blear-eyed Neocleides crept forward.
§399κἄπειθʼ ὁ δῆμος ἀναβοᾷ πόσον δοκεῖς, §400οὐ δεινὰ τολμᾶν τουτονὶ δημηγορεῖν, §401καὶ ταῦτα περὶ σωτηρίας προκειμένου, §402ὃς αὐτὸς αὑτῷ βλεφαρίδʼ οὐκ ἐσώσατο; §403ὁ δʼ ἀναβοήσας καὶ περιβλέψας ἔφη, §404τί δαί με χρῆν δρᾶν; §404bσκόροδʼ ὁμοῦ τρίψαντʼ ὀπῷ §405τιθύμαλλον ἐμβαλόντα τοῦ Λακωνικοῦ §406σαυτοῦ παραλείφειν τὰ βλέφαρα τῆς ἑσπέρας,
And then the people shouted out—how much do you think?— 'Is it not dreadful that this fellow dares to speak in public, and that too when the question of safety is proposed, who has not even saved his own eyelids?' But he, shouting out and looking around, said: 'What then ought I to have done?' 'To have rubbed garlic together with juice, and throwing in some Laconian spurge, to smear your eyelids with it in the evening!'"