X: Shall I say one of the usual jokes, master, at which the spectators always laugh?
D: By Zeus, whatever you like, except "I'm pressed"; beware of that one, for it's already completely annoying.
§5μηδʼ ἕτερον ἀστεῖόν τι;
X: Not even some other witty thing?
τὸ πάνυ γέλοιον εἴπω;
Shall I say the very funny one?
D: Yes, by Zeus, with confidence; only beware that you do not say that other thing— X: What's that?
§8μεταβαλλόμενος τἀνάφορον ὅτι
χεζητιᾷς.
D: Shifting your shoulder-strap, that you want to take a dump.
X: Not even that, carrying such a heavy load myself, if someone doesn't take it off, I will fart?
§11μὴ δῆθʼ, ἱκετεύω, πλήν γʼ ὅταν μέλλω ʼξεμεῖν.
D: Please don't, I beg you, except when I'm about to vomit.
§12τί δῆτʼ ἔδει με ταῦτα τὰ σκεύη φέρειν, §13εἴπερ ποιήσω μηδὲν ὧνπερ Φρύνιχος §14εἴωθε ποιεῖν καὶ Λύκις κἀμειψίας;
X: Why on earth then did I have to carry these goods, if I am to do nothing of what Phrynichus is accustomed to do, and Lycis and Ameipsias?
§16μή νυν ποιήσῃς· ὡς ἐγὼ θεώμενος, §17ὅταν τι τούτων τῶν σοφισμάτων ἴδω, §18πλεῖν ἢ ʼνιαυτῷ πρεσβύτερος ἀπέρχομαι.
D: Do not do them now; for as a spectator, whenever I see any of these vulgar tricks, I go away older by more than a year.
X: Oh, thrice-unhappy neck of mine here, because it is squeezed, but it won't say the funny thing.
§21εἶτʼ οὐχ ὕβρις ταῦτʼ ἐστὶ καὶ πολλὴ τρυφή, §22ὅτʼ ἐγὼ μὲν ὢν Διόνυσος υἱὸς Σταμνίου §23αὐτὸς βαδίζω καὶ πονῶ, τοῦτον δʼ ὀχῶ, §24ἵνα μὴ ταλαιπωροῖτο μηδʼ ἄχθος φέροι;
D: Then is this not insolence and great luxury, when I, Dionysus, son of Stamnios, am walking myself and toiling, while I let this fellow ride, so that he might not suffer nor carry a load?
§25οὐ γὰρ φέρω ʼγώ;
X: For am I not carrying?
§25bπῶς φέρεις γὰρ ὅς γʼ ὀχεῖ;
D: How can you carry, when you are riding?
§26φέρων γε ταυτί.
X: By carrying these things.
§26bτίνα τρόπον;
D: In what way?
§26cΒαρέως πάνυ.
X: Very heavily.
§27οὔκουν τὸ Βάρος τοῦθʼ ὃ σὺ φέρεις ὄνος φέρει;
D: Does not the donkey carry this weight that you are carrying?
§28οὐ δῆθʼ ὅ γʼ ἔχω ʼγὼ καὶ φέρω μὰ τὸν Δίʼ οὔ.
X: Certainly not what I have and carry, by Zeus, no.
§29πῶς γὰρ φέρεις, ὅς γʼ αὐτὸς ὑφʼ ἑτέρου φέρει;
D: How can you carry, when you yourself are carried by another?
§30οὐκ οἶδʼ· ὁ δʼ ὦμος οὑτοσὶ πιέζεται.
X: I don't know; but this shoulder here is pressed.
D: Since you say the donkey doesn't help you, in your turn, lift up the donkey and carry him.
§33οἴμοι κακοδαίμων·
X: Oh wretched me!
τί γὰρ ἐγὼ οὐκ ἐναυμάχουν;
Why did I not fight in the sea-battle?
§34ἦ τἄν σε κωκύειν ἂν ἐκέλευον μακρά.
Truly I would have bid you weep loudly.
§35κατάβα πανοῦργε.
D: Get down, you rogue.
For indeed I am already walking near this door, where I first had to turn.
παιδίον, παῖ, ἠμί, παῖ.
Boy! Boy! I say, boy!
§38τίς τὴν θύραν ἐπάταξεν;
H: Who knocked at the door?
ὡς κενταυρικῶς §39ἐνήλαθʼ ὅστις·
How like a Centaur he leaped at it, whoever he was.
εἰπέ μοι τουτὶ τί ἦν;
Tell me, what was this?
§40ὁ παῖς.
D: Boy.
§40bτί ἔστιν;
X: What is it?
§40cοὐκ ἐνεθυμήθης;
D: Didn't you notice?
§40dτὸ τί;
X: What?
§41ὡς σφόδρα μʼ ἔδεισε.
D: How terribly he feared me.
§41bνὴ Δία μὴ μαίνοιό γε.
X: By Zeus, feared lest you be mad.
H: By Demeter, I cannot keep from laughing; although I bite my lip, still I laugh.
§44ὦ δαιμόνιε πρόσελθε· δέομαι γάρ τί σου.
D: Oh divine sir, come near; for I have need of you.
H: But I am not able to scare away my laughter, seeing a lion's skin lying over a yellow robe.
§47τίς ὁ νοῦς;
What's the idea?
τί κόθορνος καὶ ῥόπαλον ξυνηλθέτην;
Why did a buskin and a club come together?
§48ποῖ γῆς ἀπεδήμεις;
Where on earth were you traveling?
D: I was serving on board with Cleisthenes— H: And did you fight a sea-battle?
D: And indeed we sank ships of the enemy, twelve or thirteen.
§51σφώ;
H: You two?
§51bνὴ τὸν Ἀπόλλω.
D: Yes, by Apollo.
§51cκᾆτʼ ἔγωγʼ ἐξηγρόμην.
X: And then I woke up.
§52καὶ δῆτʼ ἐπὶ τῆς νεὼς ἀναγιγνώσκοντί μοι §53τὴν Ἀνδρομέδαν πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν ἐξαίφνης πόθος §54τὴν καρδίαν ἐπάταξε πῶς οἴει σφόδρα.
D: And indeed, while I was reading Andromeda to myself on the ship, suddenly a desire struck my heart, how strongly you can imagine.
§55πόθος;
H: A desire?
πόσος τις;
How big?
§55bμικρὸς ἡλίκος Μόλων.
D: Small, like Molon.
§56γυναικός;
H: For a woman?
§56bοὐ δῆτʼ.
D: Certainly not.
§56cἀλλὰ παιδός;
H: For a boy then?
§56dοὐδαμῶς.
D: By no means.
§57ἀλλʼ ἀνδρός;
H: For a man?
§57bἀπαπαί.
D: Oh dear no!
§57cξυνεγένου τῷ Κλεισθένει;
H: Did you get together with Cleisthenes?
D: Do not mock me, brother; for I am in a bad way; such a longing utterly ruins me.
§60ποῖός τις ὦδελφίδιον;
H: What kind, little brother?
§60bοὐκ ἔχω φράσαι.
D: I cannot tell.
§61ὅμως γε μέντοι σοι διʼ αἰνιγμῶν ἐρῶ.
However, I will tell you in riddles.
§62ἤδη ποτʼ ἐπεθύμησας ἐξαίφνης ἔτνους;
Have you ever suddenly desired pea-soup?
§63ἔτνους;
H: Pea-soup?
βαβαιάξ, μυριάκις γʼ ἐν τῷ βίῳ.
Heavens, ten thousand times in my life!
§64ἆρʼ ἐκδιδάσκω τὸ σαφὲς ἢ ʼτέρᾳ φράσω;
D: Do I teach you clearly, or shall I explain in another way?
§65μὴ δῆτα περὶ ἔτνους γε· πάνυ γὰρ μανθάνω.
H: Not about pea-soup, by no means; for I understand completely.
D: Such a longing then devours me for Euripides.
§67bκαὶ ταῦτα τοῦ τεθνηκότος;
H: And that too for one who is dead?
D: And no man could persuade me not to go to him.
§69bπότερον εἰς Ἅιδου κάτω;
H: Down to Hades below?
§70καὶ νὴ Δίʼ εἴ τί γʼ ἔστιν ἔτι κατωτέρω.
D: And by Zeus, if there is anything even lower.
§71τί βουλόμενος;
H: For what purpose?
D: I need a clever poet; for some are no longer alive, and those who are, are bad.
§73τί δʼ;
H: What?
οὐκ Ἰοφῶν ζῇ;
Is not Iophon alive?
§73bτοῦτο γάρ τοι καὶ μόνον
D: Indeed, this is the only good thing...