§846ἐγὼ δʼ ἀποδώσω τήνδε τῇ βουλῇ τέως.
I will deliver this Theoria to the Senate for the time being.
§847πόθεν δʼ ἔλαβες ταύτας;
But where did you get these women?
§847bὁπόθεν;
Where?
ἐκ τοὐρανοῦ.
From heaven.
I wouldn't give even three obols for the gods anymore, if they keep brothels just like us mortals.
§850οὔκ, ἀλλὰ κἀκεῖ ζῶσιν ἀπὸ τούτων τινές.
No, but even there some of them live off these things.
§851ἄγε νυν ἴωμεν.
Come now, let us go.
§852bμηδέν· οὐ γὰρ ἐθελήσει θαγεῖν §853οὔτʼ ἄρτον οὔτε μᾶζαν, εἰωθυῖʼ ἀεὶ §854παρὰ τοῖς θεοῖσιν ἀμβροσίαν λείχειν ἄνω.
Nothing; for she will not wish to eat either bread or barley cake, being accustomed always to lick ambrosia up there with the gods.
§855λείχειν ἄρʼ αὐτῇ κἀνθάδε σκευαστέον.
Then we must prepare something for her to lick here too.
Truly the old man, prosperously, as far as one can see here, is managing his current affairs.
§859τί δῆτʼ ἐπειδὰν νυμφίον μʼ ὁρᾶτε λαμπρὸν ὄντα;
What indeed when you see me as a splendid bridegroom?
You will be envied, old man, being young again once more, and anointed with perfume.
§863οἶμαι.
I think so.
τί δῆθʼ ὅταν ξυνὼν τῶν τιτθίων ἔχωμαι;
What indeed when, being with her, I hold her breasts?
§864εὐδαιμονέστερος φανεῖ τῶν Καρκίνου στροβίλων.
You will appear happier than the spinning tops of Carcinus.
§865οὔκουν δικαίως;
And is it not justly?
ὅστις εἰς §865aὄχημα κανθάρου ʼπιβὰς §866ἔσωσα τοὺς Ἕλληνας, ὥστʼ §866aἐν τοῖς ἀγροῖσιν αὐτοὺς §867ἅπαντας ὄντας ἀσφαλῶς §867aβινεῖν τε καὶ καθεύδειν.
Since I, mounted on the chariot of a dung-beetle, saved the Greeks, so that they all in the countryside, being in safety, can make love and sleep.
The girl is washed and her buttocks are beautiful; the cake is baked, the sesame cake is kneaded.
§870καὶ τἄλλʼ ἁπαξάπαντα· τοῦ πέους δὲ δεῖ.
And all other things too; but we need the member.
Come then, let us deliver this Theoria as quickly as possible to the Senate.
§872bτίς αὑτηί;
Who is this?
§872cτί φῄς;
What do you say?
§873αὕτη Θεωρία ʼστίν.
This is Theoria.
Whom we once, when slightly drunk, used to take to Brauron?
§875σάφʼ ἴσθι, κἀλήφθη γε μόλις.
Know well, and she was caught with difficulty.
O master, what a grand quinquennial festival of a backside she has.
§877εἶεν, τίς ἐσθʼ ὑμῶν δίκαιος, τίς ποτε;
Well then, who among you is honest, who indeed?
§878τίς διαφυλάξει τήνδε τῇ βουλῇ λαβών;
Who will take this woman and guard her for the Senate?
§879οὗτος τί περιγράφεις;
You there, what are you drawing on the ground?
Nothing, I am occupying a tent for myself at the Isthmian games with my member.
§881οὔπω λέγεθʼ ὑμεῖς τίς ὁ φυλάξων.
You still do not say who will guard her.
δεῦρο σύ· §882καταθήσομαι γὰρ αὐτὸς ἐς μέσους ἄγων.
Come here; for I will bring her and deposit her in the midst myself.
§883ἐκεινοσὶ νεύει.
That man there is nodding.
§883bτίς;
Who?
§883cὅστις;
Who?
Ἀριφράδης, §884ἄγειν παρʼ αὑτὸν ἀντιβολῶν.
Ariphrades, entreating to bring her to his place.
But, my dear friend, he will fall upon her and lap up her juice.
§886ἄγε δὴ σὺ κατάθου πρῶτα τὰ σκεύη χαμαί.
Come now, you first lay down your gear on the ground.
§887βουλή, πρυτάνεις, ὁρᾶτε τὴν Θεωρίαν.
Senate, Prytaneis, behold Theoria.
§888σκέψασθʼ ὅσʼ ὑμῖν ἀγαθὰ παραδώσω φέρων, §889ὥστʼ εὐθέως ἄραντας ὑμᾶς τὼ σκέλει §890ταύτης μετέωρα καταγαγεῖν ἀνάρρυσιν.
See how many good things I bring and hand over to you, so that immediately lifting up your legs, you can perform her elevation.
§891τουτὶ δʼ ὁρᾶτʼ ὀπτάνιον ἡμῖν ὡς καλόν.
And see what a beautiful kitchen we have here.
For this reason indeed it is smoky; for here before the war, the Senate once had its gridiron.
§894ἔπειτʼ ἀγῶνά γʼ εὐθὺς ἐξέσται ποιεῖν §895ταύτην ἔχουσιν αὔριον καλὸν πάνυ, §896ἐπὶ γῆς παλαίειν, τετραποδηδὸν ἑστάναι, §897πλαγίαν καταβάλλειν, ἐς γόνατα κύβδʼ ἑστάναι, §898καὶ παγκράτιόν γʼ ὑπαλειψαμένοις νεανικῶς §899παίειν ὀρύττειν πὺξ ὁμοῦ καὶ τῷ πέει· §900τρίτῃ δὲ μετὰ ταῦθʼ ἱπποδρομίαν ἄξετε, §901ἵνα δὴ κέλης κέλητα παρακελητιεῖ, §902ἅρματα δʼ ἐπʼ ἀλλήλοισιν ἀνατετραμμένα §903φυσῶντα καὶ πνέοντα προσκινήσεται· §904ἕτεροι δὲ κείσονταί γʼ ἀπεψωλημένοι §905περὶ ταῖσι καμπαῖς ἡνίοχοι πεπτωκότες.
Then immediately it will be possible to hold games, having her tomorrow, a very fine one, to wrestle on the ground, to stand on all fours, to throw her on her side, to stand kneeling face down, and to play the pancratium, having anointed yourselves vigorously, to strike and gouge both with fists and with the member; and on the third day after this you will hold the horse-race, where indeed mount will ride upon mount, and chariots overturned upon one another, puffing and blowing, will clash together; and other charioteers will lie with members bared, having fallen around the turns.
§906ἀλλʼ ὦ πρυτάνεις δέχεσθε τὴν Θεωρίαν.
But, O Prytaneis, receive Theoria.
§907θέασʼ ὡς προθύμως ὁ πρύτανις παρεδέξατο.
See how eagerly the prytanis received her.
But you would not have done so if you had to bring some dowry, but I would have found you holding out your hand for the truce.
Truly he is a good citizen to everyone, whoever is such a man.
§912ὅταν τρυγᾶτʼ, εἴσεσθε πολλῷ μᾶλλον οἷός εἰμι.
When you harvest, you will know much better what sort of man I am.
Even now you are clear; for you have become a savior to all mankind.
§916φήσεις ἐπειδὰν ἐκπίῃς οἴνου νέου λεπαστήν.
You will say so when you drink a large cup of new wine.
§917καὶ πλήν γε τῶν θεῶν ἀεί σʼ ἡγησόμεσθα πρῶτον.
And except for the gods, we will always consider you first.
§918πολλῶν γὰρ ὑμῖν ἄξιος §919Τρυγαῖος ἁθμονεὺς ἐγώ, §920δεινῶν ἀπαλλάξας πόνων §920aτὸν δημότην ὅμιλον, §921καὶ τὸν γεωργικὸν λεὼν §921aὙπέρβολόν τε παύσας.
For indeed I, Trygaeus of Athmonon, am worth many things to you, having delivered the common people from terrible labors, and the agricultural folk, and having put an end to Hyperbolus.
§922ἄγε δὴ τί νῷν ἐντευθενὶ ποιητέον;
Come then, what must the two of us do next?
§923τί δʼ ἄλλο γʼ ἢ ταύτην χύτραις ἱδρυτέον;
What else indeed than to consecrate her with pots?
§924χύτραισιν, ὥσπερ μεμφόμενον Ἑρμῄδιον;
With pots, like a grumbling little statue of Hermes?
§925τί δαὶ δοκεῖ;
What then do you think?
βούλεσθε λαρινῷ βοΐ;
Would you like a fat ox?
§926βοΐ;
An ox?
μηδαμῶς, ἵνα μὴ βοηθεῖν ποι δέῃ.
By no means, lest we should have to render help somewhere.
§927ἀλλʼ ὑὶ παχείᾳ καὶ μεγάλῃ;
Then with a fat and large sow?
§927bμὴ μή.
No, no.
§927cτιή;
Why?
§928ἵνα μὴ γένηται Θεογένους ὑηνία.
Lest there be a swinishness of Theogenes.
§929τῷ δὴ δοκεῖ σοι δῆτα τῶν λοιπῶν;
With what indeed of the rest does it seem good to you?
§929bὀί.
With a sheep.
§930ὀί;
A sheep?
§930bναὶ μὰ Δίʼ.
Yes, by Zeus.