and all that you swear together with the Medes and the King, and these things that are being plotted together from Boeotia.
§480πῶς οὖν ὁ τυρὸς ἐν Βοιωτοῖς ὤνιος;
How then is cheese priced in Boeotia?
§481ἐγώ σε νὴ τὸν Ἡρακλέα παραστορῶ.
By Heracles, I will stretch you flat!
§482ἄγε δὴ σὺ τίνα νοῦν ἢ τίνα ψυχὴν ἔχεις;
Come now, what kind of mind or what kind of soul do you have?
§483νυνί γε δείξεις, εἴπερ ἀπεκρύψω τότε §484ἐς τὼ κοχώνα τὸ κρέας, ὡς αὐτὸς λέγεις· §485θεύσει γὰρ ᾄξας ἐς τὸ βουλευτήριον, §486ὡς οὗτος ἐσπεσὼν ἐκεῖσε διαβαλεῖ §487ἡμᾶς ἅπαντας καὶ κράγον κεκράξεται.
Now indeed you will show, if indeed you hid the meat between your thighs then, as you yourself say; for you must run, rushing to the Council-chamber, since this fellow, bursting in there, will slander us all and raise a screaming shout.
Well, I'm off; but first I will lay down my tripe and my knives here just as I am.
Here now, rub your neck with this, so that you can slip out of the slanders.
§492ἀλλʼ εὖ λέγεις καὶ παιδοτριβικῶς ταυταγί.
Well, you speak well, and this is in the manner of a gymnastic trainer.
§493ἔχε νυν, ἐπέγκαψον λαβὼν ταδί.
Here now, take these and swallow them down.
§493bτί δαί;
Why so?
§494ἵνʼ ἄμεινον ὦ τᾶν ἐσκοροδισμένος μάχῃ.
So that you, my friend, may fight better, primed with garlic.
§495καὶ σπεῦδε ταχέως.
And hurry quickly.
§495bταῦτα δρῶ.
I am doing so.
§495cμέμνησό νυν §496δάκνειν διαβάλλειν, τοὺς λόφους κατεσθίειν, §497χὤπως τὰ κάλλαἰ ἀποφαγὼν ἥξεις πάλιν.
Remember now to bite, to slander, to eat up their crests, and see to it that you return having eaten up their wattles.
§498ἄλλʼ ἴθι χαίρων, καὶ πράξειας §499κατὰ νοῦν τὸν ἐμόν, καί σε φυλάττοι §500Ζεὺς ἀγοραῖος· καὶ νικήσας §501αὖθις ἐκεῖθεν πάλιν ὡς ἡμᾶς §502ἔλθοις στεφάνοις κατάπαστος.
Go indeed with joy, and may you fare according to my mind, and may Agoraean Zeus guard you; and having conquered, may you come back to us from there again sprinkled with wreaths.
§503ὑμεῖς δʼ ἡμῖν προσέχετε τὸν νοῦν §504τοῖς ἀναπαίστοις, §505ὦ παντοίας ἤδη Μούσης §506πειραθέντες καθʼ ἑαυτούς.
And you, apply your mind to us in our anapests, O you who have already tried every kind of Muse by yourselves.
§507εἰ μέν τις ἀνὴρ τῶν ἀρχαίων κωμῳδοδιδάσκαλος ἡμᾶς §508ἠνάγκαζεν λέξοντας ἔπη πρὸς τὸ θέατρον παραβῆναι, §509οὐκ ἂν φαύλως ἔτυχεν τούτου· νῦν δʼ ἄξιός ἐσθʼ ὁ ποιητής, §510ὅτι τοὺς αὐτοὺς ἡμῖν μισεῖ τολμᾷ τε λέγειν τὰ δίκαια, §511καὶ γενναίως πρὸς τὸν τυφῶ χωρεῖ καὶ τὴν ἐριώλην.
If indeed any of the old comic poets had forced us to step forward to the theater to speak verses, he would not easily have obtained this; but now the poet is worthy, because he hates the same people as we do, and dares to speak what is just, and nobly goes against the typhoon and the hurricane.
§512ἃ δὲ θαυμάζειν ὑμῶν φησιν πολλοὺς αὐτῷ προσιόντας §513καὶ βασανίζειν ὡς οὐχὶ πάλαι χορὸν αἰτοίη καθʼ ἑαυτόν, §514ἡμᾶς ὑμῖν ἐκέλευε φράσαι περὶ τούτου. φησὶ γὰρ ἁνὴρ
And as for what he says many of you, coming to him, wonder at and question him about—namely, why he did not ask for a chorus for himself long ago— he ordered us to explain this to you.
§515οὐχ ὑπʼ ἀνοίας τοῦτο πεπονθὼς διατρίβειν, ἀλλὰ νομίζων §516κωμῳδοδιδασκαλίαν εἶναι χαλεπώτατον ἔργον ἁπάντων· §517πολλῶν γὰρ δὴ πειρασάντων αὐτὴν ὀλίγοις χαρίσασθαι· §518ὑμᾶς τε πάλαι διαγιγνώσκων ἐπετείους τὴν φύσιν ὄντας §519καὶ τοὺς προτέρους τῶν ποιητῶν ἅμα τῷ γήρᾳ προδιδόντας· §520τοῦτο μὲν εἰδὼς ἅπαθε Μάγνης ἅμα ταῖς πολιαῖς κατιούσαις, §521ὃς πλεῖστα χορῶν τῶν ἀντιπάλων νίκης ἔστησε τροπαῖα· §522πάσας δʼ ὑμῖν φωνὰς ἱεὶς καὶ ψάλλων καὶ πτερυγίζων §523καὶ λυδίζων καὶ ψηνίζων καὶ βαπτόμενος βατραχείοις §524οὐκ ἐξήρκεσεν, ἀλλὰ τελευτῶν ἐπὶ γήρως, οὐ γὰρ ἐφʼ ἥβης, §525ἐξεβλήθη πρεσβύτης ὤν, ὅτι τοῦ σκώπτειν ἀπελείφθη·
For the man says he does not spend time delaying because of foolishness, but because he thinks that comedy-directing is the most difficult work of all; for though many indeed have tried it, it has granted favor to few; and because he has long known that you are by nature ephemeral, and that you betray the former poets when they grow old; knowing this, what Magnes suffered as soon as his grey hairs came down, who set up the most trophies of victory over rival choruses; yet, though uttering all voices for you, and harping, and winging, and Lydianizing, and gall-fly-ing, and dyeing himself frog-green, it did not suffice, but in the end, in old age, and not in youth, he was cast out, being an old man, because he fell short of joking.
§526εἶτα Κρατίνου μεμνημένος, ὃς πολλῷ ῥεύσας ποτʼ ἐπαίνῳ §527διὰ τῶν ἀφελῶν πεδίων ἔρρει, καὶ τῆς στάσεως παρασύρων §528ἐφόρει τὰς δρῦς καὶ τὰς πλατάνους καὶ τοὺς ἐχθροὺς προθελύμνους· §529ᾆσαι δʼ οὐκ ἦν ἐν ξυμποσίῳ πλὴν
Δωροῖ συκοπέδιλε, §530καὶ
τέκτονες εὐπαλάμων ὕμνων· οὕτως ἤνθησεν ἐκεῖνος.
Then remembering Cratinus, who once flowing with much praise flowed through the smooth plains, and sweeping from their position carried off the oaks and the plane trees and his enemies root and branch; and it was not possible to sing at a banquet except "Doro of the fig-sandals" and "builders of clever hymns"; so did that man flourish.
§531νυνὶ δʼ ὑμεῖς αὐτὸν ὁρῶντες παραληροῦντʼ οὐκ ἐλεεῖτε, §532ἐκπιπτουσῶν τῶν ἠλέκτρων καὶ τοῦ τόνου οὐκέτʼ ἐνόντος §533τῶν θʼ ἁρμονιῶν διαχασκουσῶν· ἀλλὰ γέρων ὢν περιέρρει, §534ὥσπερ Κοννᾶς, στέφανον μὲν ἔχων αὖον δίψῃ δʼ ἀπολωλώς, §535ὃν χρῆν διὰ τὰς προτέρας νίκας πίνειν ἐν τῷ πρυτανείῳ, §536καὶ μὴ ληρεῖν ἀλλὰ θεᾶσθαι λιπαρὸν παρὰ τῷ Διονύσῳ.
But now you, seeing him talking drivel, do not pity him, when his amber decorations are falling out and his tension is no longer in him, and his harmonies are gaping wide; but being an old man he wanders around like Connas, having a withered wreath and dying of thirst, who ought, on account of his former victories, to drink in the Prytaneum, and not talk drivel but watch, sleek and shining, beside Dionysus.
§537οἵας δὲ Κράτης ὀργὰς ὑμῶν ἠνέσχετο καὶ στυφελιγμούς, §538ὃς ἀπὸ σμικρᾶς δαπάνης ὑμᾶς ἀριστίζων ἀπέπεμπεν, §539ἀπὸ κραμβοτάτου στόματος μάττων ἀστειοτάτας ἐπινοίας· §540χοὖτος μέντοι μόνος ἀντήρκει, τοτὲ μὲν πίπτων τοτὲ δʼ οὐχί.
And what angers and rebuffs of yours Crates endured, who from a small expense sent you away fed, kneading the most refined ideas from a very cheap mouth; and he indeed alone held out, sometimes falling and sometimes not.
§541ταῦτʼ ὀρρωδῶν διέτριβεν ἀεί, καὶ πρὸς τούτοισιν ἔφασκεν §542ἐρέτην χρῆναι πρῶτα γενέσθαι πρὶν πηδαλίοις ἐπιχειρεῖν, §543κᾆτʼ ἐντεῦθεν πρῳρατεῦσαι καὶ τοὺς ἀνέμους διαθρῆσαι, §544κᾆτα κυβερνᾶν αὐτὸν ἑαυτῷ.
Dreading these things, he always delayed, and in addition to this he said that one must first become a rower before laying hand on the rudders, and then from there act as a lookout at the bow and observe the winds, and only then steer for oneself.
τούτων οὖν οὕνεκα πάντων, §545ὅτι σωφρονικῶς κοὐκ ἀνοήτως ἐσπηδήσας ἐφλυάρει, §546αἴρεσθʼ αὐτῷ πολὺ τὸ ῥόθιον, παραπέμψατʼ ἐφʼ ἕνδεκα κώπαις
For all these reasons, because he leaped in and talked nonsense not foolishly but prudently, raise for him a great roar of applause, send him off with eleven oars...